Restoring Us

by Fabiola Francisco

  “Whatever makes you sleep at night.”

  Fuck! If I wasn’t stressing before about Matt, Aiden had to rub it in my face that I have someone to “compete” against. For me, this isn’t a game. This is Ava. She was always what I wanted, what I loved in a person–compassionate, kindhearted, lively, passionate, loving. The list goes on and on. She’s perfect. She’s my perfection, and I need to find a way to fix us.

  Aiden looks down at his phone as it beeps and then says, “They’re going to Lights Out. I’m heading over there now. I came out tonight to celebrate with my sister and that’s what I’m going to do. If you want to go, that’s your call, but don’t tell her you heard it from me. And don’t ruin her night.”

  “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

  “Don’t mention it. You can buy me a drink when you get there,” Aiden says turning to leave.

  I walk over to Dan and Jess to tell them where I’m going. They’re more than welcome to come, but if they don’t want to that’s not going to stop me from going.

  “Hey, I’m going to Lights Out. You guys want to come?” I ask them.

  “Sure,” Jess answers quickly. “Is that where Ava went?” I swear sometimes she reads me too well. It’s kind of creepy. I’ve never had a girl best friend besides Ava, and that was always different, but Jess is like the sister I never had. She can read me like the back of her hand.

  “Yeah. Aiden told me where they were going. You want to come or not?” I am impatient to meet up with them.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Jess asks. I stare at her confused, and she continues to speak. “I saw how Ava reacted to seeing you. She seemed uncomfortable. And that guy she was on a date with is with her again. Matt, right? I just don’t want any problems. If you’re serious about winning her back, you need to be understanding. I want you to be happy, too. I’ve heard so much about Ava, I feel like I know her already and I’ve just met her. From what I’ve heard and seen myself, she’s a sweet girl, but you can see the sadness in her eyes. Just be careful with her,” Jess tells me softly.

  “Jess, you know me. She is it for me. She’s always been my future. I just thought I’d never get another chance, so it was easier to fuck around. I know you never saw Ava and I in a relationship, but we were perfect. I swear. Look at you and Dan and multiply that by ten. That’s how perfect we were together.”

  “Fuck you, man. Jess and I are perfect together,” Dan says, insulted.

  “You know what I mean. I’m trying to make a point, asshole. You know Ava and I are meant to be together.”

  “Yeah, you’re like Sonny and Cher,” he pipes in.

  “Fuck you. I’m going to Lights Out, you coming or not?”

  “Hell yeah! I’m not missing this!” Dan says excitedly. I roll my eyes and walk out of the bar. I swear sometimes I wonder why he’s my best friend.

  ∞

  We walk into Lights Out after paying the bouncer a nice big tip to let us in. The place is more packed inside than it was outside, if that is even possible. People were streaming by the door and flowing out to the sidewalk, trying to get in, dropping names of contacts like that would help. I have no idea how I’m going to spot Ava in this massive crowd, but I’m not leaving until I see her. To top it off, the phone service in here is nonexistent so I can’t text Aiden asking him where they are.

  We weave our way to the bar and by some miracle catch the bartender’s attention after a few minutes. She smiles slyly and winks at me before she takes our orders. I nod politely, not encouraging her any further. Jess doesn’t miss the bartender’s attempt at flirting with me and gives me a warning look. I nod reassuringly. It’s not like I reciprocated the sentiment.

  “Where do you think they could be?” I shout over the music to Dan, scanning my surroundings. It seems impossible to find her in this sea of people dancing, grinding, and flirting seductively. He shrugs, bouncing to the beat of the music with his gin and tonic, a wedge of lime on the rim of the glass, in hand. Jess has her free hand wrapped around his waist, swaying with him. Her other hand is holding a whiskey sour.

  “I’m going to walk around and see if I find Ava.” I leave them behind me so they can be alone. I’m holding my drink above my head, my hand over the opening. I try to maneuver my way around the club, squeezing myself between the masses and the couples dancing, some grinding on each other with no shame. I think back to Ava and my quest to find her, to dance with her, to get my hands on her, to get her out of here, alone.

  I stop at a corner to finish off my scotch feeling discouraged. This is one of the bigger clubs in Chicago, and it’s packed. I check my phone again, nothing. I have no service to call Aiden. For all I know they left. I doubt it, though. Katie seemed hell-bent on going out tonight and partying. When she has something on her mind, she does it without a care in the world. I leave my empty glass on a small table and get ready to head back into the crowd. The music is thumping a provocative techno beat, intoxicating its captives with the sounds and movements coming from their bodies.

  I decide to look around one more time and then head back to the bar where I left Dan and Jess dancing. I head in the opposite direction of where I was coming from in hope of seeing them on that side.

  When I am about to give up, I spot a tall guy with his blonde hair buzzed short. Fucking Matt. I see him dancing with someone and pray to God it’s Katie or I’m going to lose my sanity and self-control. I look more closely and see he is dancing with Ava. I suddenly feel my blood boil.

  His hands are wrapped loosely around her waist, and his body is touching hers. Her hands are placed on his shoulders and she’s smiling. My hands are shaking at my side and my heart is sprinting out of my body. My breathing is coming in and out in rapid bursts. I’m seeing red. Fuck! Is this it? Is she really that into him? I want to grab him and throw him across the club, break those hands that are holding my girl and slap that damn smile off his face.

  I rub my face with my hands a few times and take deep breaths. I need to break them apart. I need to show her what it’s like to be with me again, remind her. Then, if she doesn’t love me anymore, wants to be with someone else, I will let her go. But I need a second chance to show her.

  She looks a little drunk, too. Damn! How many Cosmos did she drink? That will only make her less aware of what she’s doing. She doesn’t exactly have a high tolerance.

  I make my way over, calming myself, careful not to tick her off. It hurts to see her in someone else’s arms. It hurts even more that I made it possible for her to be in someone else’s arms.

  “Mind if I cut in?” I ask her as I approach them.

  “Yeah, I do,” Matt says, his jaw tight. Well tough shit for him. I was asking Ava. I’ll play along, though.

  “Oh, come on, Matt. You’re not going to be that kind of guy that won’t allow a girl the freedom to do what she likes, right?” I ask him with a smug grin. I know Ava loves to speak for herself and won’t take shit from any guy making decisions for her.

  Matt looks back at me with a threatening stare. I dare him to start something with me. More points on my side if he does.

  “It’s not his choice who I can or cannot dance with. It’s mine, and I don’t want to dance with you,” Ava interrupts my thoughts. I look at her with pleading eyes.

  “For old time’s sake?” I look deep into her hazel eyes, begging that she says yes, hoping she still sees me after all these years. Communicating without words.

  “One song, and if you try to put your hands anywhere inappropriate, I’ll hit you.” I see Matt grind his teeth but give me space to dance with her in defeat.

  “I’ll be at the bar,” he says and walks away from us.

  “Thank you,” I tell her and begin moving us to the beat of the music. I wrap my arms around her and bring her close to me. I smell her unique scent on her skin and instantly become drunk on her. She’s better than the finest scotch anyone can serve me, even if a king himself was serving it.

  I pull her in even closer
to me, causing her to wrap her arms around my neck, and close my eyes taking in all the sensations I am feeling. She’s quiet but isn’t pulling away either.

  “God… you’re beautiful.” I whisper into her. I hear her sigh deeply but nothing else. We just continue to dance together perfectly. Of course, my cock reacted to her as soon as I wrapped my body around her and relaxed from seeing her with Matt. I hope she doesn’t feel it, but we’re so close I wouldn’t be so sure.

  Just at that moment she looks up at me and says, “Really?” slightly blushing. God, I love her.

  “Hey, I can’t control him.” I defend myself and laugh at her expression. Despite her words, I feel her heart rate pick up. This is affecting her, too. I know she can’t just not love me anymore.

  “Apparently not,” she strikes back with bitterness in her tone.

  I hug her tightly to me, slowing our movements so we’re swaying softly to the music. “You’re the only one that I want, that I’ve ever wanted. I just didn’t know how to deal.”

  She sighs deeply, her heart still racing, and looks straight at my chest.

  Chapter 11

  Ava

  I sigh into Ethan as he continues to hold me closely. I’m not sure what he meant by not knowing how to deal. What I do know is this feels too familiar and comfortable. I can’t help but feel the stir of emotions he resurfaces in me. I feel the passion, desire, deep down in my core. Just feeling the reaction he got from being close to me and his hardness pressed against me made me weak. God damnit, why does he still affect me?

  The song finishes, and I try to break the contact between us. I need another drink.

  “One more, please,” Ethan pleads. I can see it in his eyes that he’s begging for me to stay longer. I can’t. He hurt me so much. He left me at my weakest. “I’m going to fight for us. I’m going to prove to you what you mean to me.” He gives me a kiss on the forehead and releases me from his grip, leaving me feeling empty afterwards.

  Dancing with Ethan took me back to our high school prom.

  We were crowned King and Queen. I always thought that was such a cheesy tradition. I’m not sure who nominated us; neither one of us did. But I remember dancing with him in front of all our classmates. He held me close to him, protecting me and adoring me at the same time. At that moment, I was grateful to whoever voted for us, however stupid it seemed, because I was in his arms. Even then I loved him, I was just afraid of ruining a perfect friendship, afraid of losing my best friend, if we couldn’t make it work.

  That day he promised me the same thing. “You’ll see how great we will be together. I’m going to prove to you that we belong together,” he whispered into my ear as we danced our way around the dance floor.

  I was stunned at his honesty. Ethan always made it clear he wanted us to be together, but that night, he was so much more open about it. I believed him, but it was more complicated. What if once we got in a relationship, things changed or one of us didn’t feel anything more than friendship and the other would be resentful.

  Whatever excuse I kept making at that moment dissolved. I knew we would be great together.

  I feel an arm drape around my shoulders and pull me in. I stiffen unsure of who it could be.

  “He sure is hot. Are you okay?” I’m grateful to have Katie here tonight.

  I nod back at her.

  “You’re not into Matt at all, are you?”

  I shake my head, speechless.

  “Are you still in love with Ethan?” She asks, and I shrug. “Are you going to say anything at all?”

  “I need a drink,” I deadpan.

  “Fabulous! Let’s get shitfaced and dance the rest of the night away together. Tonight we’re celebrating you. Tomorrow we can discuss stupid boys.”

  “Perfect. This round’s on me.” We head to the bar and buy another round of drinks. I probably shouldn’t have anymore considering I’m a lightweight drinker, but these Cosmos are delicious, and I need more to cover up the emotions I just felt with Ethan and to cool me down. I’m going to have to let Matt down. It’s not fair to let him think there could be something between us when I only see him as a friend.

  I don’t see Ethan the rest of the night. He’s probably dancing away with different girls or worse, took one home. I don’t want to think about that, though. I want to believe what he said, but would he really stop fucking girls just because I’m back. It’s not like I’ve given him reason to believe we have another chance.

  I do keep my distance from Matt for the rest of the night, being nice but not overly friendly. I’m sure he thinks he’s lost me to Ethan. This isn’t a competition where I’m the prize, but I just don’t feel that spark with Matt.

  ∞

  I wake up more than hung-over. My head is hurting like crazy and my body is shaking. Nausea washes over me, and I feel like I’m going to puke. Ugh! Why did I drink so much?

  I lift my head off the pillow and lower it again staring at the ceiling in my room. I swear I’m lying on a merry-go-round, and someone spun it around at full speed. I’m going to be sick. My stomach rumbles once…twice…

  Oh shit! I sprint out of bed and into the bathroom, making it right on time to let go of everything I drank last night into the toilet. Gross! Hopefully, it makes me feel better. I brush my teeth and jump in the shower. I can’t help but think back to last night and dancing with Ethan. He’s so… frustrating! And heartbreakingly perfect.

  I need a girl’s day. I wonder if Katie is awake already. She’s probably still sleeping considering the amount she drank.

  I get out of the shower and dry off, donning a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. I go into Katie’s room ready to wake her up but find her bed empty. Where the hell is she? I look around the apartment and can’t find her. I grab my phone to text her.

  Where did you run off to? You did come home last night, right?

  Very funny! Yes, I’m out by the pool.

  The pool? It’s March in Chicago. Definitely not pool weather. I grab my keys, lock the door, and walk out to the pool area. I find Katie reading a book, laying out in a lawn chair with jeans and a cashmere sweater. Her hair is done, which means she showered and dried it this morning. How the hell is she not hung-over? And why the hell is she out here?

  “What are you doing here? Are you seriously reading out by the pool in March? And since when do you read?” I bombard Katie, confused by her choice of destination to hang out in.

  “I read! You just need to find the perfect kinds of books to intrigue you. You should read some of these romance novels I have. They’re hot! They’ll give you some interesting ideas to use with Ethan. I know I’ve learned a thing or two,” she winks.

  I roll my eyes at her. “I’m not trying anything from your ‘romance’ novels with Ethan, or anyone!” I say pressing my lips together. When did she decide to cheer on Ethan from the sidelines?

  “Come on, you’re no prude. You’ll love them.”

  “Why are you out here?” I ask, giving up on arguing with her about romance novels, or word porn, as I like to call them.

  “Shh! Don’t talk so loud.” She bows her head in hiding, and I look around noticing we’re alone.

  “Why not? No one’s here,” I say, and she gestures to a guy on the other end of the pool. I stare back at her, my eyebrows furrowed.

  “Okay, fine. That’s the pool guy. He comes by once a week to check up on it and clean it out, whatever his job is. I don’t know exactly what he does, but look at that ass.” She confides. He looks our way and smiles politely.

  “I knew you had to be out here for a reason! He does have a nice ass. Reading the romance novels because you’re frustrated you can’t get your hands on the pool boy?” I try to stifle my laugh.

  “How do you know I haven’t gotten my hands on him?” She crosses her arms.

  “Because if you had, you wouldn’t be out here trying to catch his eye. He’s younger than your usuals. He’s actually in his twenties.”

  “Shh! Damn, Ava.
Keep it down. I know he is, but he’s hot and a challenge,” she confesses. Typical Katie, she wants what she can’t have. I think that’s why she secretly likes older men. They’re more difficult to hook.

  “Oh, Katie. I love you. Keep reading. I’m going back in. I feel like shit. You aren’t hung-over?” I crinkle my nose at the thought of everything I drank yesterday.

  “Yes, but he only comes by once a week. I couldn’t miss my chance to stare at that ass and strong arms cleaning out the pool. Oh, the things I could do to that boy…” She drifts off into thought.

  “Okay, well, I’ll leave you to your fantasies. Can we just hang out tonight? Order Chinese and relax?”

  “Sounds like the perfect remedy after a night of drinking. You need to get your mind off Ethan?” She asks, cocking an eyebrow.

  “Awesome. I need to recuperate before work on Monday. And yes, not think about him.”

  “You have two days to do so. You’re not 80.” She rolls her eyes at me.

  “Bye Katie. Have fun staring at the pool boy’s ass,” I say louder than necessary to mess with her.

  “Fuck you, Ava,” she hisses as I head back to the apartment.

  I walk into my apartment and take a deep breath. I look around my first home as an independent adult. I notice Katie didn’t change much while I was away. It’s a spacious, two bedroom and two and a half bathroom apartment. Our parents made sure to find the perfect home and neighborhood for us to start off in. The walls are a soothing, creamy ivory and dark hardwood floors run throughout the space.

  The entrance is a small foyer with a chandelier hanging in the entrance. It’s a smaller version of my parents’ chandelier. The foyer opens into the living room, which showcases a sleek gray sofa and a gray and white chevron accent chair adjacent to the sofa both with gold sequins, light pink, and bright floral print pillows.

  The wall above the sofa has a collage of black frames with pictures of Katie and I, our friends, family, and even a few with Ethan. My heart feels heavy seeing them now. When I moved out of here, we were still together. I guess Katie didn’t think of getting rid of them. Maybe she thought I would want them.