Restoring Us

by Fabiola Francisco

  “But you will eat me out?” She begins to take off her heels to put her leggings back on.

  “Yes, I wanted to taste you. Now let’s go.” I hold out my hand for her to take, and we walk out of the photo booth. I grab the photos that printed of us and walk towards the center of the patio.

  Most people have left the party by now, and I see Dan and Jess dancing along with Stacy and a few others.

  “Ready to go?” I ask her.

  “Yes,” she responds sleepily. I guess I’ve worn her out.

  We say a quick goodbye to the people still at the party. While Ava is talking to Susan about cleaning everything up when people leave, I sneak inside to wash my hands and face. As I’m walking out of the bathroom back outside, I see Elise in the kitchen. I thank her for requesting “My Best Friend” earlier while Ava and I were dancing.

  “My pleasure. Take care of my baby girl.” I assure her I will.

  Ava meets us in the kitchen. She kisses Ava goodbye and walks us to the door. We make our way back to her apartment in comfortable silence, my free hand caressing hers. Before pulling up to her house, Ava looks over at me nervously.

  “What’s going on up there?” I try to ease the tension I feel building.

  “Will you stay with me tonight?” She surprises me. The farthest thing I thought she’d ask was that. I had planned on asking her out and going home.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I just want to sleep with you. It’s been so long since I’ve been home.” She smiles shyly.

  “Of course.” I park the car and kiss her chastely before getting out and opening her door. I know exactly what she means. “Welcome home,” I whisper in her ear ready to be home with her.

  Chapter 22

  Ava

  Hmmm…I haven’t had such a good night’s sleep in a long time. I stretch my arms over my head and point my toes stretching my extremities in opposite directions, keeping my eyes closed. Oh, my legs are sore, reminding me of the delicious attack Ethan’s mouth had on my body the night before.

  I feel his arm tighten around me, and I smile in my drowsy state. Turning over to see the gorgeous man sleeping beside me, I curl my arms into my chest, and open one eye to peek up at him. He looks so peaceful in his sleep. His breathing is soft, and he’s wearing a half smile as he rests. His arm holds me captive as if I were to disappear from him. His eyebrows furrow then relax just as quickly.

  Oh, hello there. He may still be sleeping, but his buddy down south just woke up. I feel his hardness pressed into me, awakening my slumbering desire. Last night was unbelievable—the kisses, the dancing, the photo booth. The photo booth was intense, good intense, hot intense, perfect.

  His gift. I’m not even sure how to describe the emotions that went through me. I don’t think there are words for it. To anyone else it may seem like a simple Tiffany’s necklace, but to me, it’s the symbol of our relationship, the memory of the first time he told me he loved me, the depth of his love. Infinity. Forever and longer.

  I still worry that he enjoyed his liberty too much to let it go, but that’s not the Ethan I knew. That’s not the Ethan I saw last night, or after the gala when he apologized. I saw him. The boy I loved as a child, and the man I couldn’t live without. The man who left me when I was at my weakest, but who I couldn’t escape no matter how far I traveled. Maybe in our case, love is enough.

  Am I scared? A little bit. I worry that if I were to get sick again, he’d leave me. But if there’s anyone I know more than I know myself, it’s Ethan. If there’s anyone my heart wants more than anything or anyone, it’s Ethan. He is it. This is it.

  I tried. I tried to tell my heart not to love him, to tell my mind to forget about him, but all those times I would envision him walking down the streets of Paris, swimming in the warm waters of the Mediterranean, or admiring a beautiful painting in El Prado in Madrid, I would remember his love and warmth. My subconscious mind was whispering to not let go, to not forget, to continue to love, to heal.

  Ethan stirs in the bed and slowly blinks his eyes open, emerald spheres staring into me. A lazy smile creeping across his lips, I see the faint valleys of his dimples, and I begin to melt.

  “Good morning, beautiful.” His smile deepens before tipping his head down to kiss me gently.

  “Good morning.” I smile back. It’s unbelievable that I’m waking up next to him. This isn’t a dream. This isn’t a memory. This is real.

  We still have some things to talk about and work through, but Ethan is here with me. I’m still cuddled into him, his draping arm keeping me tucked into his body perfectly, fitting together like my missing puzzle piece.

  He nervously brushes his hair to the side with the arm that was keeping me warm, and I see it. I see the marks I saw weeks ago when he came by the apartment. It is a tattoo. I knew it! But when? How? I was so distracted yesterday, I hadn’t remembered about it.

  Before he can lower his arm, I grab it in my hands and turn his arm out as I sit on the bed to examine it. On the inside of his bicep, he has coordinates imprinted on his skin. His eyes widen with uncertainty. I read the coordinates 42° 13' 00" North, 8° 25' 00" West, written out in two lines, one above the other.

  He pulls his arm away, looking embarrassed. “When did you get that?”

  “A while ago.” His answer is short and clipped. He can’t be mad. If he didn’t want anyone to see it, he shouldn’t have gotten it.

  “What does it mean?”

  “They’re coordinates.” No shit, Sherlock. I thought they were math problems. I take a deep, calming breath and look him straight in the eyes.

  “I know what they are. Why did you get it? What are they the coordinates of?” I feel like I’m talking to a small child.

  “I got it the day you left.” He makes to move out of bed. No, he’s not getting away with this.

  “Why?” He sighs out in annoyance. Why won’t he just tell me? It’s a damn tattoo, not some horrid secret.

  “To always have you near me. They’re the coordinates of the abandoned building where I first told you I loved you.” He gets out of bed, sadness washing his face, and walks into my bathroom. I just sit there, shocked. How the hell did he even figure out the coordinates of that place? Or remember where it’s located years later.

  Part of me is giddy that he actually got a tattoo for me, but the other part is getting upset that he’s annoyed at my questions. He walks back out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs and captivatingly gorgeous, and I have to shake it off before I forget what I want to tell him.

  “You don’t get to be upset and walk away, even if it was just to the bathroom. I’m curious. Deal with it. I’ve had to deal with enough bull shit, be man enough to answer some questions instead of running from them. Again.” He flinches. That was mean. I know that, but I’ll be damned if he won’t talk to me.

  “I’m not running. I just don’t like to think about it. You aren’t the only one who was hurting. I was miserable. Fuck, the best I felt was when Aiden beat the crap out of me for leaving you. We caused a scene, but I felt like I was getting the punishment I deserved. Ava, I wasn’t freed by leaving you. I was imprisoned, locked up in darkness. I spent my days drowning in work to not think about it, and my evenings in whiskey trying to escape my guilt and hurt.

  “I love you. That’s never changed, and it never will. I don’t want you to think that I didn’t care and felt relieved to leave you. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I was scared. There’s no other reason but that one. It may not be enough for you to understand, but that’s the truth. I saw you dying and wasn’t strong enough to face death.”

  He reaches out, wiping away a tear I hadn’t realized had escaped my eyes, and sits next to me on my bed, placing his elbows on his knees and letting his head fall into his hands. After a few minutes, he looks up at me, his green eyes shining with unshed tears, and pulls me into a hug.

  I instinctively wrap my arms around his middle, snuggling my face in
to his chest, and breathe him in. His unique scent envelops me in a comforting cocoon.

  “When I saw you sitting with Katie at Miss Annie’s Diner, I froze. I heard you were coming back, but I didn’t believe it. Not until I saw you with my own eyes, and when I did, I slowly felt the light begin to shine again through the prison I had locked myself up in. You looked so happy talking with Katie, so perfect. I know I have a lot of making up to do. I know I’ve screwed up royally by acting the way I did to try to forget you, but please don’t doubt what I feel about you. Don’t doubt how much I love you.”

  “You saw me?” I look up at him, his arms still holding me close to him.

  “Yes. You looked so beautiful, the same and different at the same time. My Ava, yet you weren’t. Europe changed you for the good.”

  “Europe didn’t change me, Ethan, the cancer did… and losing you,” I choke on the last words.

  He quiets me, whispering calming words in my ear, and continues to hold me.

  “I know everything isn’t going to go back to how it was, but please give me this second chance,” he whispers in my ear. “I love you, I really do.”

  “You know I love you, too, but you’re right, it isn’t going to be easy. We have things to work through.”

  When he doesn’t respond, I look up again to meet his eyes and see his smile plastered on his face. Before I can ask anything, his lips crush into mine, his body pinning me down on the bed, and he’s kissing me with need. I feel his cock harden and push against me. I moan into his mouth, and begin to rub my body against his, only the thin, white, lacy material of my underwear and his boxer briefs separating us, my wetness spreading.

  He growls and breaks away. “Fuck, if you keep that up, we’ll never leave this room.”

  “And the problem with that is?” I raise my eyebrows and look at him expectantly. What excuse is he going to give me?

  “No, I’m doing things right. Let me take you out tonight. I’ll pick you up at five.” His gorgeous, dimpled smile returns as he sits up, leaving me breathless from his attack. “Say it again.” He commands. My eyebrows furrow in confusion.

  “Tell me you love me again,” he clarifies. I roll my eyes. “Please. I haven’t heard you say those words in years.” His pleading eyes draw me in.

  “You know how I feel about you.”

  “You still love me?” His smile widens even more, if that’s possible, and I shake my head, biting down my lip to not give away the smile slowly spreading on my face.

  “I don’t know why I do,” I tease and immediately regret it. His smile falls upside down into a frown, his dimples disappearing, and his eyes saddening with the guilt he feels.

  “I’m sorry. I—”

  “Oh, shut up! I’m teasing. Yes, Ethan, if you must hear it, I love you.”

  “Last time I told you to shut up we ended up in quite a heated situation. It’s even hotter hearing you say it.”

  “Well, I’d welcome it gladly. Maybe you can help ease the horniness that you caused.”

  “Sorry, babe, I’m saving it for later.” He winks, but I hear the promise. He wants the perfect moment and setting, just like he did the first time we made love, but it ended up being perfect, unplanned, how it was. “By the way, I love you, too,” he says proudly.

  I reach over to him, and he scoots away quickly, knowing what I’m trying to do. “So impatient.” He gives me a chaste kiss, and stands to get dressed. “Need to hide the temptation if you aren’t going to behave.”

  “Ugh!” I let out in frustration, falling back on the bed. It’s been too long. “Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve had sex, so yes, I’m impatient.” I turn my head to the side trying to catch another glimpse of his body.

  That catches his attention, and he turns slowly to look at me, adjusting himself in his boxer briefs before attempting to put on his pilot suit. He can try to hide himself, but that suit doesn’t do anything to quiet the fire burning inside me.

  “How long?” Seriously?

  “Long.” I raise an eyebrow, emphasizing the word so he understands, resting up on my elbows.

  “Ava…”

  “Ethan…”

  “Don’t mess with me. No one else?” He asks, hinting at the fact that he’s the only one I’ve ever been with, despite the length of time we’ve been separated.

  Sitting back up on the bed, I shake my head and look down at my hands, slightly embarrassed to admit the spell he has on me. No one ever came close to him, not a French gentleman, an Italian hunk, or a Brit with that sexy ass accent. No one has ever sparked in me what Ethan has.

  He releases tension I hadn’t even realized he was holding as his shoulders lower and walks to where I’m sitting on the bed. “I’ve been driving myself crazy with the idea of you with someone else.” He kisses me again.

  Anger fills me. What the hell?! He’s the one whoring himself out. He has no right. I break the kiss and glare at him.

  “But you can fuck anything that comes across your path? Hell no!” I can’t even think clearly. Angry tears threaten to spill, and I refuse for them to escape their fountain.

  “No… That’s not what I meant… You know that. I never said I could and you couldn’t.” His eyes are desperately seeking mine. He’s searching for the right words, and I notice him failing. He’s so used to being prepared to defend his point.

  We never fought before. Not like this. Sure we disagreed, but we never truly argued. This is full blown anger within me, and I will not let him get away with it.

  “You can’t feel relieved I didn’t have sex with anyone while I was away, if you were fucking all of Chicago. And Kasey! God, Ethan. Her of all people?” I wait and wait for a response, for some kind of excuse, but he’s silent, frantically passing his hand through his unkempt hair.

  “I used them! I used them to release anger, to let go of the pain. It didn’t work, but it was like a temporary drug,” he shouts.

  “I know I fucked up. I know I left you. I know I was a jackass. But this jackass went crazy day in and day out thinking about you. I had never lost someone I loved, metaphorically speaking, so I didn’t know how to deal with the pain. I didn’t jump into bed with the first person that offered. It took months.” He’s frantic. I see the pain, but I suffered, too. I didn’t run off with different men.

  “I got wasted one night. Dan left, and I stayed at the bar not ready to face the emptiness of my apartment. Kasey was there. One thing led to another, and we had sex. For that short time, I was focused on something else that wasn’t you. I was able to escape you for a little bit.”

  “I don’t want to hear this! I don’t want to hear how you fucked someone else.” The tears don’t stop this time, and they’re flowing down my face cooling the heat on my cheeks.

  How did we go from carefree fun to this in a matter of minutes? I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I needed to say what I felt about what he did. He closes the gap between us, but I stop him. I don’t want him to touch me right now. I just let the tears fall, cleansing me of all the emotions I’ve held.

  “Never once would I have considered being with anyone else the way I was with you. Never. No one would’ve replaced you, or come close to it. You’re it, Ava. You’re my forever. You always have been. Don’t you get it?” And I do. In a way, I do understand what he means because no one ever came close to him, but I didn’t just fuck whoever crossed my path to forget about him.

  Taking a few more tentative steps towards me, he squats down, reaching his hand out to move the lose strands of my tangled hair from my face, and pulls me onto him until I’m cradled in his arms.

  This time, I let him console me, whispering beautiful things in my ear. This isn’t going to be easy, I'm sure we’re going to argue more, but I love the stupid boy who’s mumbling how much he loves me. How we’ll get through this, his words weaving their way into my soul as stubborn tears continue to fall.

  I hate having to think of him with someone else, and Kasey is just a bitch who never go
es away apparently. I also don’t know who else I’ll come across that he’s screwed. I never had to worry about that before. Before, Ethan was always mine, no one else’s. Now, other women have gotten a taste of him, and that isn’t a welcomed feeling residing in me.

  After some time, I move away from his comforting hold. At some point, he sat back on the floor while still holding me. I stand and look at him, his expression matching the way I feel inside. I offer a small smile and reach out my hand to help him stand.

  We stare at each other, unmoving, speaking volumes with just our eyes. It’s something we’ve always done. We have the ability to communicate without words, letting the other know exactly what we’re feeling through our eyes.

  “It’s going to take me some time to get over the fact that you’ve had sex with a lot of women. When we come across a woman sizing you up, I’m going to wonder if she’s another notch in your bedpost.”

  “I don’t have notches to keep track of who I’ve fucked. All I have is a space in my bed for you.” He caresses my face with his strong hand, stroking my smooth skin with his thumb.

  “I’ll pick you up at five. Let’s go out and have a proper date.” I nod, reaching up on my tiptoes to peck him on the lips. It’s hard thinking of him with someone else, but I can’t focus on that if I actually want us to work. I know Ethan loves me, but he’s got some major making up to do. “Dress comfortably.” He leans his forehead against mine with his eyes closed.

  After a beat, we separate, and he continues to dress. I put on a pair of cotton shorts suddenly aware that we are both practically naked, and it’s been confirmed we’re not having sex.

  “I’ll be back to pick you up. Take a shower, talk to Katie, whatever you need to do, because this evening, you’re all mine.” A shiver runs down my spine with the innuendo of where the night can go.

  I walk him to the door in silence, smiling inwardly at the excitement of going out with him tonight. He turns, kisses me on the cheek, and disappears into the parking lot, the morning sun blinding my sight of him.