Finding Me

by Dawn Brazil

  “Seeing that I’m cowering away from you, I’d say yes. I haven’t had anyone mysteriously appear in my room since, um…never,” I shouted. I promptly regretted my outburst. He could rip my head off, and then disappear. And no one would be the wiser. Kindness was the only advantage I had in this situation. I swallowed my fear and my pride, bit the side of my lip, and tried to stay the scream ready to explode from my lips.

  “I’m sorry. Usually I can regenerate much quicker, but you were blocking me.” He bent in front of me with the corner of his mouth turned up, amused. He extended his hand for me to take.

  “What are you talking about?” I stumbled to my feet, rolling my eyes at his outstretched hand. My fear replaced by anger. If he were going to kill me, I guess he would’ve done it by now.

  He laughed, “Your special, Chloe Carmichael.” He approached with an alluring tilt of his head and a gaze in his eyes that left me speechless. My mouth went completely dry and a swarm of butterflies attacked my abdomen. Something inside me is breaking and bending – to him. He lifted his hand, prepared to touch me, then he vanished. He was gone. I couldn’t move; I was in shock. I peered around the room from where I stood. Come out, come out, wherever you are…

  “I’m here,” he said, from somewhere around me. I blinked absently. I scanned to the right then to the left of the room in search of him. My breath quickened. He was nowhere in sight. “Calm down,” he ordered me. “Act like a normal.”

  What? I thought, about to voice my opinion on what normal was and his apparent misuse of the word.

  At that moment, my door swung open and my mother walked in. “Chloe, I could have sworn I heard you talking to someone.”

  I looked at her with wide eyes.

  “Speak, Chloe,” Chris ordered me in a soft voice near my left ear.

  “No, I was just...singing.” I swallowed hard then smiled stupidly at her.

  “You’re a terrible liar. Undercover for the FBI, I don’t think so. You’d blow your cover every time,” Chris whispered in my ear. I bit my lip to stifle a giggle at his words. Mother looked around the room to validate my story. I watched, anger burgeoning.

  I glared at her. For once she could listen, believe me when I said something. I tried to contain it, to push it down. My body shook from it and no matter how I tried to swallow my anger, I couldn’t. I clenched then unclenched my hands repeatedly. Pushing it back.

  Just when I was ready to explode, a hand caressed the back of my neck and gripped my waist. I stopped breathing. My heart beat so loud in my chest I thought it would explode. The contact sent me reeling. Chris? This is so insane. An intense heat coursed through me. I had to remain composed. My mother studied me closely. I was as frightened as I’d ever been, but something else existed in that – excitement, desire.

  He whispered in my ear, so low only the two of us could hear, “Don’t tell her anything.” Was he serious? Nothing I could say would appropriately describe what was happening right now. How could I formulate an explanation for this? Um, an invisible guy’s standing here groping me. I don’t think so.

  This feeling…the exquisite feel of him was enough to make me dive head first into the unknown. Enough to make me submerge myself in him. He laughed softly in my ear as he held me close. “You have no idea what she’s saying do you?” he said. Suddenly I realized that while he was doing all this, my mother had been lecturing me. I had no idea what she’d said because I was focused fully on Chris and this sudden touch from him. What would he do next? I made a speedy assumption that this unexpected touch meant he wanted more than friendship.

  But after what I’d just witnessed, did I want more?

  It didn’t seem taboo for him to touch me. But it should. We barely knew one another and only moments ago, he’d spontaneously materialized in my room. For reasons I couldn’t wrap my head around, I wasn’t frightened of him anymore. Although every instinct imaginable screamed I should be cowering away from him. I sucked in a deep breath and lingered in his touch.

  “Chloe? Chloe, are you listening to me?” Mother asked. She shook her head. Exhausted with me. I must have looked spaced out.

  “Of course I am.” I pretended to be hurt by the accusation in her tone. I sighed softly.

  “You’re acting…” She shook her head. I knew I was acting awful loopy to her. I’d better straighten up before she brought a cup for me to pee in.

  Chris ran his nose along the base of my neck up to my ear. I bit down on my lip. I stumbled as he wrapped me deeper in his embrace. I grinned mischievously at Mother. My knees lost strength and if Chris weren’t holding me, I’d have fallen on my face. His touch was heaven. I wanted to cry as if I’d been waiting my entire life for this. I really should get my head examined.

  “I scheduled you with Bertha Wright, a psychiatrist I employed once to assist with a client of mine.” Oh, what joy! Chris traced kisses up the side of my neck. I could have shattered right here in front of her. “She is coming Saturday to speak with you.” I exhaled deeply.

  Chris whispered in my ear, “You taste good. Fruity.” He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear. I could barely contain my racing heart.

  “So please be available when she arrives promptly at two o’clock.” With her last statement, she turned and walked out the room. I released a deep breath and my body slumped forward. I licked my lips. Nervous but wanting more. Mother gently closed the door behind her when she left. The miracles just kept pouring in.

  I breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Chris, what are you doing?”

  His hands no longer caressed me. He was nowhere in sight. So it appeared as if I were talking to the open air. “Are you still here?” I peered to the left, then the right but didn’t see or hear anything.

  A light wind blew across my face, and then whipped around my waist. I was tossed into the air. My legs and arms flailed wildly from side to side as I tried to fathom what was happening. Fear and shock vied for attention. I landed on my bed, slouched against my pillows. I didn’t move a muscle. My eyes, however, darted about the room. I sat suspended in time, nervously awaiting another touch from him. I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t just pop out.

  “Stop that,” his voice hissed from somewhere over me. I sighed loudly.

  “Stop what?” I said, searching the open air.

  “Blocking me.” He sounded perplexed.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Blocking him would mean I didn’t want him here. And I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. I felt his gentle caress in places his hands and lips never touched. What was wrong with me? I should be freaking out. Instead, I wanted to make out. I probably need therapy more than I know.

  “You must know. You do it so well,” he whispered into my ear. My heart leapt out of my chest and into my throat.

  As I turned my head to the sound of his voice, he was there, fully there, right beside me on the bed, staring at me with captivating eyes. I didn’t flinch away when our eyes met. I held my position. His mouth twisted up into an enchanting grin.

  I backed away from his gaze; I didn’t trust myself with him. He was so handsome it seemed criminal. Like God accidently sent him to Earth, but he was really meant to be an angel in heaven. I grabbed a large red pillow from the bed and propped it in front of me as a barrier between the two of us. He laughed and leaned back on his elbows, eyeing me the entire time. I swallowed hard then sat up straighter.

  “I need answers, Chris.” I tried to use an authoritative voice to make it clear that I meant what I said. But I’m sure I sounded weak. It took every ounce of strength I possessed not to jump across my makeshift barrier and collapse into his arms.

  “Not before I ask a couple of my own.” He sat up and stared at me as if he were trying to extract something from my head. His face appeared serious, more serious than I was accustomed to seeing him. His brow creased and his mouth turned upside down.

  “No can do,” I said, hoping it was wise to press my point. “I witnessed the d
eath of one of my best friends – before it happened. And I’m still uncertain about that because I could’ve sworn a vision was like a daydream. But I felt like I was…um, really there.”

  “You were. There, I mean. It’s called jumping time. You were in the school then on the field where they found Zack’s body at the same time. Basically, it’s like you traveled in time. You got angry. Anger forces things to the surface. Most emotions have this power but especially anger.” I scrunched my nose up at this information. His explanation did make sense in a hallucinatory way. The fact that he knew about my vision was something else altogether.

  “Okay. Well…um, I’ve also moved objects with my mind, heard people that aren’t there, and had nightmares about a giant manbeast trying to kill you and me. Now you’ve just materialized and vanished in my room. I think I deserve answers first. I’ve earned them.” I shook my index finger at him in anger. His body rose from the bed then flew into the air. He hit the wall next to the window and then crumpled to the floor. Hard.

  “Ouch,” he said. He lifted himself from the floor and eyed me with a mock shocked expression. With great theatrics, he wiped at his clothes and looked at the wall with a smirk.

  “I’m so sorry. Did I do that?” I asked with concern clear in my voice. I was a little embarrassed and amazed at the same time. I could kick booty with my little finger.

  “Yes, you did. Please watch where you point that thing until you learn how to use it.” He pointed to my hand with a devilish grin.

  “Yes, sir.” I gave a silly salute. “Are you going to teach me?” I tried to sound flirtatious, but I was sure I didn’t. I had too many emotions fighting to rise to the surface for flirting to win that battle.

  He ignored my attempt at humor and paced the floor in front of my bed. “Do you mind company?”

  “Uh, I don’t know how to answer that,” I said, confused for the hundredth time today.

  “Relax. No one’s going to hurt you…not even you.” He closed his eyes, and so softly I could barely make out what he said, he whispered what sounded like, “Gather.”

  I sat rooted to the bed and watched with my mouth wide open as six teenagers materialized in front of me. But they appeared much faster than Chris had. When they were all present, they looked at each other, puzzled, then at Chris. Their attention had not focused on me yet.

  I was relieved.

  “What’s the deal? I was in the middle of something,” a tall, handsome guy with brownish-red hair, giant biceps, and large hazel eyes said. “Where are we?”

  I looked from one face to the other with rapt attention, in complete and utter awe. They looked as if they were posing for the cover of Glamour magazine. They were the most beautiful people I’d ever seen. They had flawless complexions, perfect hair, pure features. They exuded angelic perfection, and of course, Chris knew them.

  Chris immediately pointed to me, sitting motionless and stupefied on the bed. Everyone turned and looked at me in surprise, as if I were invading their privacy. A petite girl about my age with long jet-black hair, a kind face, and beautifully large midnight-colored eyes, bounced on the bed and threw her arms around my neck. She squealed with obvious delight. I, out of impulse, recoiled from her touch.

  “Amanda –” she started, Chris promptly cut her off.

  “She calls herself Chloe.” He gave me a reassuring grin. My mouth twisted up at one side and my brows creased together. It was my version of a smile under the present circumstances.

  I moved to stand beside Chris. Actually, behind him, so he separated me from the others. I didn’t want to take any chances. He reached back and put his hand around my waist, caused a current of pleasure to rip through me. Waves of delight flooded my body where his hand caressed my side. I lingered in that touch for an immeasurable amount of time. However, Chris’s next words drew me from my trance.

  “Everybody, this is Chloe. She doesn’t remember anything. Sorry, Sam.” He motioned to the pixie girl seated on my bed. Her face twisted, lips pursed, saddened. A pang of guilt tugged at me for reacting as I had. But I didn’t know her or any of the others. From Chris’s statement and their looks of what I could only interpret as disappointment, it appeared as if I should.

  “Chloe,” he said. He turned to face me and locked the fingers of my hand with his own. “This is everyone. This is Sam, the sad-faced girl sitting on your bed.” He pointed to the girl who’d thrown her arms around me. She waved hello, scooted off the bed, and then stood back with the others. A tear appeared under her large eyes as she moved.

  “This is Joseph.” He pointed to the big guy that had spoken upon their entry. He had his arms wrapped tight around Sam as if they were a couple. She leaned back on him with her eyes cast down.

  “This is Scott and Jill.” He motioned to the couple standing closest to him. Both Scott and Jill favored one another as if they were twins. She had the reddest hair I’d ever seen falling in long ringlets down her back. They were dressed formally, not like normal high school students. He wore a black tuxedo, and she a full-length red gown that had a long split that ran up the length of her right thigh and a train that she had draped over her left arm. I could tell she was badass. Through her gown I could see she had an athletic build and seemed to case my bedroom as they were introduced. She continually pivoted and allowed her eyes to encompass the room a few times before she seemed to relax. I assumed she did this to make sure no one crept up on us. Why someone would creep up on us, at least in my bedroom, was beyond my comprehension. But so were people appearing out of thin air, yet here they stood.

  “This is Phillip and Raja,” he said. He gestured toward the final couple and I immediately recognized the girl he called Raja. She was the girl in the red tee from the memorial service. I smiled: she was real. So that meant I wasn’t crazy.

  No. You aren’t crazy. The girl who disappeared at school the other day has now materialized in front of your eyes. In your bedroom nonetheless. And she doesn’t appear thrilled to see you at all. Her lips were pulled in a tight line and her dark, already slanted eyes were narrowed and glaring at Chris and me.

  “All right, Raja,” Chris said. “I have a theory about that.” I looked at Raja. She hadn’t spoken a single word. I looked up at Chris bewildered. Why had he said that?

  “I know,” Raja answered back, nostrils flaring, at Sam who obviously asked some unspoken question also. “That does sound like a possibility given the circumstances.”

  Now they could read each other’s minds. How the hell was I going to keep up with them? Do I even want to? I was thoroughly confused. Though I tried to contain my emotions, I could barely keep a frown from clouding my face. What are they talking about? I wanted to scream. I need answers and someone had better start supplying them before I totally lose it.

  Chris turned and looked at me with a grin, “I’m sorry. You’re right we’re going to explain this to you. I promise.”

  “No fair. You can hear her,” Sam said. She folded her arms over her chest and pouted. Joseph, who must have been her boyfriend, pulled her closer, grabbed her hand, and cradled her in his arms.

  “She belongs with me, Sam. She’s my soul mate. You heard Joseph’s voice first, remember?” he said. He sounded sympathetic to the pretty pixie girl’s plight. Something I didn’t understand again.

  “I know. I just...miss her is all,” she said. She looked at her small hand, engulfed in Joseph’s massive hand and the tears she held in spilled down her slender face. Joseph rubbed her cheeks, gently wiping away the tears. She looked up at him with large hazel eyes and a slight smile.

  It was weird for her to say she missed me. I had no idea who she was. If I’d seen her on the street, I would’ve walked right by her.

  “If it’s any consolation she continually blocks me. I can only hear her sometimes, and it’s usually fragments, not complete sentences,” Chris said. “Maybe if we all work together we can get through to her.”

  Chris turned and looked at me without speaking. They all fa
ced me. Without warning, a low hum echoed from every corner of the room. I couldn’t detect initially where it came from, but after a couple seconds it was clear that they were making the noise. I didn’t know what to do. I shrank from their stares. I wanted to run out of the room, but Chris’s eyes stopped me. He held me spellbound with his sultry stare. But God, this is so weird.

  “It’s no use, Chris. She’s fighting us too hard. We can’t get through to her. Either she’s extremely powerful or she’s not who we think she is,” said Scott. He pulled on the black bowtie he wore until the fabric collapsed and the material hung loosely from his neck.

  “She is. I can feel her,” Chris said. His eyes narrowed and his face serious, he stared with an intensity that left me breathless. “And she can feel me. But you’re right, she’s fighting it...us. There are long periods that I simply lose her. Like she’s vanished from Earth. Terrifies the hell out of me.”

  “I’m. Right. Here,” I said, waving my hands. “What am I fighting? Who is Amanda? For God’s sake tell me what’s going on!” I exhaled a deep breath and clenched my jaw. I was on the verge of tears and knew if they began, I couldn’t stop them.

  “You’re fighting who you are,” said Raja. She held her lips in a tight line and crossed her arms over her chest. How could she be irritated with me for apparently no reason?

  “What we all are,” said Sam.

  “Who we need you to be,” said Chris. He gazed at me and stroked the side of my face. It caused havoc to my respiratory system.

  “Who or what is that,” I asked. Trepidation built a mile high now. Did I want to know?

  “A superhero,” Sam said with a sideways grin.

  “What?” was all I could get out as my brain shut down and I stared at Chris in disbelief.

  Chapter 11