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Finding Me

Page 10

by Dawn Brazil


  “Are we still on Earth?” I asked. “Yes, we are. It’s beautiful, right? Like you,” he whispered into my ear. My heart leapt forward like it wanted to meld with his. “I knew I would find you. No matter where you are or what you do. My love will always find you. But this time is different for us. I need you to try…try really hard to remember. We’ve had our future stolen from us five times. Five times, we’ve died and haven’t had the opportunity to grow. I can’t lose you again. You told me when we were on Planet Tierra you saw a long future for us here on Earth. You said you saw us married, with grandchildren. I’ve waited many years to make you my wife. Please help me to make that vision a reality.”

  I smiled up at him unable to utter a syllable. His words moved me, but also frightened me. I was only in high school. His idea of love and devotion was beyond my comprehension.

  But the pain in his eyes resonated with me. I understood pain. I wanted to become the person he wanted and needed. But I had doubts and I couldn’t remember anything of this past life. Why couldn’t I just be Chloe and have these powers and he want her. Me. Though Chloe was flawed, she was all I had to offer.

  With my eyes shut, I concentrated. Possibly, if I thought of the two of us together, I could conjure something. So I tried, hard. But nothing registered. Only the memories from the last couple days. “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  He drew my chin up to meet his darkened eyes. “Don’t worry. We have time.” He stroked the side of my face gently, and then traced his finger across my bottom lip. My mouth parted in anticipation. My heart raced and my knees buckled pushing me further into his arms. He bent closer. His eyes never strayed from mine. His lips lingered by mine as we stared into each other. His eyes glossed to a warm caramel. He bent his head and closed the gap. A shiver of delight fluttered through my abdomen. Our lips moved in harmony, the electric current pressing in on us again. It radiated from every crevice of my body.

  “I love you,” he whispered. He continued to trace kisses along my neck then across my chin.

  I wanted to say I love you, too. But my heart wouldn’t allow me to tell that lie. However, I could be. Soon. If I could remember.

  Maybe there’s nothing to remember. I slapped back this thought and continued to kiss my newfound soul mate. But with my eyes wide open.

  Chapter 12

  I’d told Chris, after my coming out party in my bedroom nearly three weeks ago, that my inability to recall anything might be a defense mechanism. “Maybe Amanda purposely planned this,” I explained while at school in front of the ‘normals’– the name Chris and the others called everyone not like them. “We should pretend to only be friends. We should keep up the illusion that I have no knowledge of my past lives.” Because I have no actual knowledge – just what you tell me.

  Of course he objected. “Chloe, I can’t do that. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was not to grab you and kiss you the first day I saw you in the principal’s office. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” He twisted his usually smiling lips into a disapproving glower.

  “Chris, seriously, after a couple of weeks?” Two weeks, 4 days, 7 hours and twenty-six seconds of bliss. I cocked my head to the side and gave him a look of defiance. “I think I might be right, please trust me on this.” What would my parents or friends think if I told them I had a new boyfriend? Would they even like Chris? And why do I feel like I’m betraying Zack? I slammed my locker shut and hopefully ended the conversation. There was no way I would parade around with a new boyfriend already. None. I ignored Chris’s sulking and turned to walk to my first period class.

  He grabbed me from behind, by the loop of my jeans and pulled me back to him. I turned and scowled, once again trying to stand my ground. Though I knew if I stared too long into those caramel eyes, I’d lose myself – it was an easy thing to do. There could be an entire volume of encyclopedias written to describe his eyes alone. “If I even see another guy look at you the wrong way or touch you or–”

  “Are you jealous?” I backed away to see his face. It held the same sentiment as his words – he was jealous, extremely. I frowned at how ridiculous that was.

  “You – you’re jealous. You could rip any guy’s face off at this school. And speaking of faces, you have the face of…an Archangel. Every girl here, including my best friends, are drooling over you. I get thousands of questions about you every day from eager girls ready to pounce. And you’re jealous.” I laughed at the stupidity of him ever being jealous of anyone else. “You’re like a God and I’m like the president of the normals...let’s be serious here.”

  I knew I looked good but there were no words to describe him. He outweighed any possible competition by such a large margin it was comical. It was like comparing chocolate velvet cake to a piece of day-old, unbuttered toast. Seriously.

  He stepped closer and lowered his head to mine. So close, his chocolate and mint breath caressed my neck and sent vibrations of pleasure up my spine as he spoke. “Regardless, it’s not the same. You have my heart, you always will. I’m trying to win yours back. Something I haven’t had to do in centuries.” He looked at me with longing that made my heart ache. I swallowed hard and strained to speak but couldn’t. Heat coursed through my body as his eyes burned into mine.

  How could I keep up this cool exterior when I was melting all over inside? How can you be who or what he wants and still be you? You’ll have to either be Amanda or Chloe. And you know who he wants. I bit my bottom lip, not ready to deal with those truths just yet.

  He smiled then, a hint of seduction in his grin, “But okay. I’ll play your game. Be alert today. I might give a pop quiz on the powers we’ve been working on developing. I’ll see you around, buddy.” He laughed his normal throaty laugh, slapped me on the butt, and strolled off to his first period class.

  Unable to move for the moment, I held my hand to my throat and finally announced to no one, “But I’m trying to love you, too. I just don’t know how.”

  “You love who?”

  Startled, I jumped. I whirled on my heels to glare at Casey for interrupting my private moment.

  “Are you going crazy, Chloe Carmichael?” She raised her left brow and flattened her shiny lips into a tight line. Evil personified.

  Casey had been exceptionally cruel the past week. She bumped me in the halls, embarrassed me when others were around, and “accidently” spilled her grape soda over my favorite cream-colored argon sweater. Hate was a strong word, but I was getting there.

  I wasn’t a retaliatory person but I decided to have some fun with a new power Chris had been working on with me this past week. Either that or try to remain placid, and that hadn’t been working too well. It would be worth the laugh if I could do it, and since she was here with no one else around, it wouldn’t hurt to try. I could have Chris make her forget if I goofed. I stared up at her 5’9 figure – two inches taller than me – with determined eyes.

  “Casey.” I increased my breathing, and pointed with a disgusted expression to her face. I bit the inside of my lip and ignored the roll of her eyes. “There’s something on your face. A rash or something. Are you allergic to anything? What did you eat today?” My voice raised an octave with mock concern.

  “No, I’m not allergic to anything,” she spat. “I am also fairly certain there is nothing on my face. That, Chloe Carmichael, is such an outdated joke. I thought you might be cleverer than that. How wrong was I? Must you always be such a loser?” She lifted her brows and shook her head. “You are so amateurist!”

  Amateurist wasn’t a word, but I made no effort to enlighten her. Casey, a few sandwiches short in her picnic basket, wouldn’t want me to correct her anyway. “Um, Casey, it looks really bad. Like it might burn.” I grabbed my bag from my shoulder and dug around for my compact.

  As I rooted through the bag, Casey drew in a loud sharp breath. “Oh my God. It does burn,” she said. In her voice, I heard the onset of a full-fledged panic attack in the works.

  My head popped up. “It really doe
s look bad. And it’s starting to ooze. Ewww!” I found the mirror and handed it to her along with a tissue from my small Kleenex packet. I turned my nose up and scrunched my face in disgust. I was becoming an Oscar-worthy actress.

  “Oh my God! CC, what’s happening to me?”

  My fist balled at my side, ready to pop her for calling me CC. I quickly unclenched them. What’s wrong with me? That wasn’t like me. She hadn’t noticed my reaction as she was in all-out hyper mode. She heaved her body forward to lean on me for support. Tears streamed down her cheeks in long dollops as she fanned her face.

  “I really don’t know,” I said. I bit my lip again to stifle a giggle. “You might want to go to the nurse’s office. I’m sure Ms. Graves can clear this right up for you.” I covered my mouth and laughed as quietly as I could manage.

  “Are you certain, Ms. Carmichael?” someone behind me asked. Uh oh, I recognized that voice. Dang it! I tensed. What could I say to her? How could I explain why I told Casey this bold-faced lie? Did she hear all of that?

  “Nothing’s on your face, Casey,” Ms. Graves said. “It’s okay, go on to class.” She stared at me as she spoke the words. I couldn’t make out her expression, though. I swallowed hard and looked away.

  “But, Ms. Graves,” Casey whaled, “I have crap coming out of my face.” She held up the tissue that had nothing on it for her to see.

  I took a step back.

  “Chloe,” said Ms. Graves. My attempt to make off in the opposite direction had been thwarted. “Fix it.” She motioned with her head to Casey, her eyes hard now with disapproval.

  “She can’t do anything to help me,” said Casey. She jerked away from Ms. Graves as she held her by the elbow. “I need a doctor, not a high school loser like her.”

  “No, you don’t Casey.” I exhaled deeply. “There’s nothing on your face. Absolutely nothing.” I should have let her continue to think it. She stared at me in disbelief. “Look in the mirror.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disgust. Always a drama queen. She made even the simplest situations so cumbersome.

  She snatched the mirror from my hand and peered in it. Her hand repeatedly traced the spot on her face where she had dabbed the tissue. “I saw it… I saw it. You saw it, too, Chloe. Right?” She motioned with her hands, pulling me closer to her side.

  “Uh, no…not really. You came to me and said your face burned. I tried to tell you there was nothing on your face. But you insisted. So I went along with it. Sorry. I should’ve told you the truth.” I smiled internally at how easily I’d come up with that lie.

  “Oh,” said Casey. She lowered her head and scrunched her brows. Deep in thought, it appeared. She looked up and glanced from me to Ms. Graves. “I don’t know why I did that.” She rubbed her hand across her face one last time. She shoved the mirror at me, rolled her eyes, then walked off down the hall, dabbing at her tears.

  I turned to Ms. Graves. She didn’t speak. But I saw the reprehension in her as she raised her brow at me. “You must be responsible with your gifts, Chloe. I do not want to see you do that again.” With that, she turned and started toward her office.

  “Wait. Ms. Graves. I–I…uh… What are you referring to?” How could she recognize what I did? My stomach tightened into knots all at once.

  She turned and stared at me for a long moment. Again, I was unable to read her expression. She took a step toward me, leaned into me, and whispered, “You must be responsible when using your gifts on the normals.”

  My mouth fell open and I took a shocked step away from her. The “normals”. Only the eight of us used that term. How could she know this word? She smiled knowingly at me, turned, and strolled off toward her office.

  I stood in the empty hallway unable to move or think. Should I go get Chris? No, not in school. But what to do? We had to address this. Chris had insisted I not divulge to anyone the powers we possessed. What would he think of what Ms. Graves knew?

  I didn’t know if it would work, but I needed to send Chris a message through my mind. It was one of the abilities we’d been working on developing. I’d managed to send him broken-up pieces of information. But nothing coherent and I couldn’t hear him.

  I ducked into the girls’ lavatory. I bent and checked the stalls to ensure they were empty. I’d be too embarrassed if I were caught talking to myself in here. After my inspection, I closed my eyes and spoke the message I wanted Chris to receive.

  “I think Ms. Graves knows our secret. She used our word, ‘normals’. What should I do?”

  I didn’t hear back. By the end of fourth period, I still hadn’t even seen Chris. I went to my locker, something I rarely did this period, just to see if I could catch him by his locker. He was leaning on it and talking animatedly to Jennifer. She hit his arm and bellowed out roaring cackles in his direction. Her hand lingering on his muscular biceps as she braced herself on him. She leaned on his locker and bent her head to his, hanging on his every word. She appeared in a trance. I wanted to slap her silly, but I couldn’t. It had been my idea to keep our relationship a secret. So I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much this bothered me. The problem: I didn’t understand myself. How had I gotten to the jealous girlfriend stage so quickly?

  I pranced to my locker, not meeting anyone’s gaze. My mouth went dry but my hands felt moist at my side. Pretending I wasn’t immersed in their conversation proved difficult. I hung on every word, though I could barely make out what they were saying. I opened my locker and rummaged for nothing. I didn’t need anything.

  Jealousy had suddenly developed a strong pull on me. I’d fallen victim to it easily, even as I tried not to. I shut my locker loud. Jennifer looked up at me from her awe-induced stupor.

  “Oh, Chloe,” she said. She sounded like she might break into a song and dance. Chris could have that effect on a girl. How could I be upset at her? “I was so wrong about Chris. He’s totally amazing. He told me the sickest story.” She spun around to stare back up at him. “He’s so handsome, too. Let’s go out somewhere this weekend. Just the two of us.”

  “Sorry, Jen, my heart belongs to someone else,” he said. He ran his hand across her jaw. “But if that doesn’t work out, I’ll make sure to look you up.” He grinned mischievously.

  “Well,” said Jennifer, “if she doesn’t go here what’s stopping us? I won’t tell if you don’t.” She poked him in the side. I wanted to rip her fingers off and shove them down her throat so she couldn’t poke anyone else ever again.

  “Sorry, love. I’m a one woman man.” Chris beamed his devilish smirk at me. I turned and shook my head. His level of adorableness seemed criminal. Then he opened his mouth and said, “Blah,” and Jennifer doubled over with laughter.

  Did he say “blah”? I tilted my head to the side and snickered. Was this the “sickest story ever”? My interest piqued. I turned back around to face them.

  “Blah, blah, blah,” Chris said, more enthusiastically for my obvious amusement. “Do you like my story too, beautiful?” He smiled at me. And my heart hammered away at my chest. I shook my head, dumbfounded.

  I hadn’t noticed Melissa, Emily, Casey, and Ryan Phillips walk up until their laughter echoed behind me. I looked up in shock. How could he use his power to persuade so many at the same time? Everyone marched off then, including Jennifer who had a ridiculous grin that stretched the length of her face. Yeah, she had it bad. I shook my head again at the preposterous situation I found myself.

  Chris strolled over to me. “Jealous much, baby?” I rolled my eyes at him. He gathered a handful of my midnight black hair in his hand and inhaled deeply. He closed his eyes. When he opened them, he tugged gently to pull me closer. “You smell divine. You know…I could feel your wrath across the room. Two good things came from my experiment, though.” I rolled my eyes at him again. And my heart leapt into my throat. He wasn’t even touching me and I was burning up. How could he make me feel like this?

  He continued, “I’m getting better at persuading. Almost as good as
you were. And I can tell you don’t like the competition. Though, I must be truthful and say you don’t have any.” He grabbed my face between his warm hands and pulled it up to his. “If I could only persuade you to be as crazy about me as I am about you.”

  My breathing quickened to the point I was certain I’d keel over. What? He didn’t have to make me want him. I couldn’t even breathe right around him.

  He leaned his face close to mine. My heart fell out of my chest and toppled through the bottom of my boots. But I didn’t pull away. Despite my earlier words, I wanted him badly. The reward of his lips to mine outweighed the threat of someone seeing us. My lips parted. Hungry.

  He didn’t kiss me, though. Instead, he whispered, “We need to talk. I’ll come by later,” then off he went. I watched until he rounded the corner, headed to his fourth period class. I released a slow breath and tried to calm my racing heart.

  We didn’t have any classes together. Either I’d have to wait to see him at the locker later or this evening when he arrived in my room. The in-between time would kill me. Waiting was an overrated activity. I wanted what I wanted now. And I wanted him.

  After the last class, Chris didn’t show at his locker. So I didn’t stop at mine. As I made my way to the exit, Melissa and Emily stormed toward me. The expression on their faces let me know I’d messed up – yet again. I steeled myself for what I believed would be a severe reprimand for talking too much with Chris. They loved the idea of Zack and me in a relationship as much as our mothers had. The fact that he had died hadn’t sunk in with them yet. I braced for the verbal onslaught.

  “Chloe Renee Carmichael. What’s the deal?” Emily asked. Always overly emotional. She twisted her head and arched her thin brows at me.

 

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