Finding Me

by Dawn Brazil

  ~ ~ ~

  When we were on our way out of school at the end of the day, Chris said, “I need you to step up your practice. Sam saw the ENO–”

  I stopped walking and spun to face him. “Sam saw the ENO…the real ENO!” My voice screeched loudly.

  “Not the way you think.” Chris said, shaking his head. “She had a vision. She couldn’t see him clearly, but he was in plain sight, from what she said. He was there among us, but we couldn’t see him. He could be anybody. We need you at full capacity. Everyone needs to be careful. He must be getting desperate to leave himself exposed like this.”

  I told him about the incident at the party with Marcus. “I don’t think that was the ENO, though. I can’t see him exposing himself with three of us there like that.”

  “I agree. Marcus was just a tool,” he said. “A real tool.”

  “Get over yourself,” I said, laughing.

  “What?” He smiled his crooked smile down at me. Then his face became serious. “I need you using all your abilities. We don’t know who else he has working with him.”

  “I promise…I’ll do everything I can to bring the ENO down.”

  “I know you will, but I can’t help. The others are going to train you themselves without Sam or me helping.”

  “What? That’s ridiculous. Why?” I was positive Raja had something to do with that request.

  “Because we’re too emotionally attached to you – we’re too much of a distraction. We want your full concentration to be on practicing. That’s it. We can’t afford any more mistakes. They could cost us our lives.”

  “I understand, I guess.” I rolled my eyes, disappointed, but I tried to put on a brave face. “Does that request also mean I’m not allowed to see you or Sam after practice?” My bottom lip poked out even before I heard the answer. Love was turning me into a spoiled rotten pre-adult.

  He pulled me into his arms and held me close. He whispered in my ear, “Only death could keep me away from you, baby. My life isn’t complete without you.” His lips pressed gently to mine, and everything else was lost.

  When I arrived home, the house was quiet. I was thrilled. Maybe I could get a couple hours of Gossip Girl in before Phillip arrived to practice. However, as soon as I entered my room, Phillip was already there, sitting on my bed. Great! Raja had come too… Shit!

  They both had on black sweats and blue tees. “Can I at least change into something comfortable?” I asked with a forced smile.

  ~ ~ ~

  “Stop doing that and concentrate,” Phillip ordered me. Phillip was in my room helping me with my power – again. It was close to midnight.

  Raja continually threw darts that I was supposed to thwart by creating a shield of protection around both Phillip and me. I tried for hours but I hadn’t been able to place the shield. Either I put the shield around Phillip only or me only. It was never around both of us.

  “I’m tired, Phillip. We’ve been working at this for hours and I haven’t manifested this power. Maybe I don’t have it,” I said.

  “You have the power,” said Raja. She rolled her eyes at me. “You had this power on all the other universes. Every power we have, you have.”

  “Well, Raja, maybe this time it’s different. I’ve been practicing for two weeks now. Maybe this power isn’t meant for me,” I said through clenched teeth, equally annoyed.

  “It is not different. You are not trying hard enough. Don’t you love Chris and want to be with him forever? Don’t you want to live past your eighteenth birthday?”

  “Yes. I love him, but that has nothing to do with this. If Phillip can exhibit this power, then why is it necessary for me to have it also? We are a team and one person does not make up a team. Our powers should be used collectively to defeat the ENO.”

  “Because you started this, you are our leader. Without you at full capacity, there is no way that we can defeat the ENO,” said Raja. She paced the room, rubbing her fingers over her temples in frustration.

  The ENO’s words chose now to resurface, “they call you their leader.” “No. I’m not a leader.” I said with a swift shake of my head. How could they see this greatness in me? I was Chloe Carmichael, chicken heart, fashionista, and sometimes nerd, not brave warrior.

  “Chloe, you are. I know it’s hard to believe, but you possess great power, great strength,” Phillip chimed in. “We wouldn’t push you this hard if we didn’t think you could do it. You can. I know it’s a lot of pressure, but we believe in you. Could we defeat the ENO without you at full capacity? Possibly. But why take that chance? Too many lives are at risk. Let’s try one more time, then we can reconvene tomorrow. Once more.” He peered at me from under his lashes. It was adorable. I rolled my eyes, surrendering.

  “Okay…I’ll try. I promise.” I whipped my head around and looked at Raja with more determination. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate all my effort on blocking the darts she would throw. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and waited for Raja’s super quick hand to rise and throw the darts.

  I watched her. Without blinking. When she flinched the tiniest fraction, with a blistering speed I didn’t know I possessed, I raised both my hands and spread them out in a protective position in front of Phillip and me.

  “Argh!” My hands collapsed at my side. Defeated. The darts once again pierced the padded body suit I wore for protection. “I’m sorry. I’ll get this, I promise, but I’m exhausted.”

  “Okay, Chloe, get some sleep. We’ll be here tomorrow about five o’clock,” Phillip said. Raja didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. She wore her emotions on her face rather well. She was exhausted with me, and trying to teach me seemed to only further her aggravation.

  “Good night,” I whispered.

  I flung the padded suit to the floor, then flicked the light off. Fatigued, mentally and physically, I crossed the room and threw myself onto bed. I sighed softly. All I could think of with any clarity the past hour was sleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow, however, I felt Chris’s arms wrap around me. “I guess you heard,” I said, not speaking aloud.

  “It’s not so bad. Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t let Raja get to you. She learned her toughness from you, after all. Of course, that was in previous lives, but you still possess that power, the same strength.” His whispered confidence in me melted my heart. And quickened my breath.

  I rolled onto my back. His alluring gaze captured me immediately. He is so beautiful. “How did God make you so perfect? You always say the right thing. The very thing I need to hear.”

  “I am kinda perfect, huh? You’re one lucky girl.”

  I laughed softly at his playfulness. I had been falling asleep, but I didn’t want to anymore. Although he came to my room every night, I wasn’t accustomed to it yet.

  Every night I fought sleep, trying desperately to suck one more minute out of the day. Now that I’d confessed my love for him, I dreaded every minute we were apart. I knew, even if the others didn’t, that I was no fighter. I wanted all the time I could get with him because I knew we were all going to die.

  He ran his lips across my shoulder, up to my neck, then whispered about the things we would do once we were older. He pulled me so that his front was to my back and he cradled my head. I groaned, softly. Mortified that the sound had escaped me, I bit my lower lip to halt more sounds from escaping as I enjoyed the pleasure of his kisses. Then I fell asleep.

  However, my dreams were fretful. My waking self was more of a warrior than my sleeping self.

  Still, I died, repeatedly.

  Chapter 24

  It was Saturday and the day of my long-awaited birthday party. I woke early and dressed quickly. I wanted to get in a run at the park to release some tension before tonight.

  I was nervous because all of the Great Eight would be present with all my normal friends. Everything’ll be okay, I told myself. After all, Raja and Em had hit it off. Em even invited her to go with us to the mall when we picked out our real outf
its for the party.

  My ponytail flapped on my back as I raced down the steps to the front door. My happy disposition, I had to admit, was a result of all the making out with Chris. I could hug myself, I was so thrilled. I’d thrown on black sweats, a white tee and a black hoodie – ready for a quick run.

  As soon as my foot hit the last step, however, my mother called me from the kitchen. I hadn’t talked with her much since my trip to Tierra, and I wasn’t in the mood to do it now.

  “Mom, I’ll be right back. I’m going jogging in the park,” I said. “On the trail,” I added to appease her over-cautious sensibilities.

  “No, Chloe, we have plans,” she said. I took a deep breath, looked at the door, and contemplated walking out anyway. “Arggh,” I growled. I walked to the kitchen to see what plans she could be referring to since I had no clue about them. Both my parents sat at the breakfast table eating scrambled eggs and turkey bacon.

  “Oh, there you are, stranger,” Mother said when I entered the kitchen. “I haven’t seen you in days. You seem a little different, taller perhaps. What do you think, Harold?” I looked at my father, who had his head buried in the New York Times.

  “Uh, yeah,” he muttered from behind his newspaper. He never spoke in complete sentences until he finished his first cup of coffee. But even then, he stayed out of mom’s spats with me.

  I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. “Mother, I’m only going for a quick run. I’ll be back so we can primp and prep.”

  “No good. I need for you to be here when I’m ready to leave and that could be as soon as I’m finished eating breakfast.”

  “Mother, I just need to run one lap to ease some stress, please.”

  “Oh darling, you can run another day. And what do you have to be stressed about? You don’t have any worries. I planned the party myself.” Wow! There it was, the crux of our problem. She has no clue who I am.

  I tried to keep the tears at bay, but it was useless. “Come and have breakfast with us, Margaret has prepared–”

  “No,” I said, cutting her off. Gulp. I wanted to rewind time, force the words down my throat and swallow them like the shards of glass they were. But you can’t take back things you say. Now that it was out, I had to commit to it. So I stood my ground and didn’t blink or falter.

  “Excuse me, I gave you a direct order, young lady,” she said. She looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. In fact, I had. I never stood up for myself. I allowed her to boss me around. I barely had a life of my own because she was wound up about everything I did.

  “Is there something that maybe you should tell me?” I said, before I even realized what I was saying.

  “Not now, Chloe. Chill,” Sam said in my head. “Go to your room right now. We can talk. Just calm down.”

  I didn’t listen. I built a wall because if she was listening, then I was positive Chris was, too.

  “Tell you what?” Mother asked. She tapped her long French manicured nails on the table and tilted her head, waiting for my response.

  I didn’t say anything at first. I looked from her to my father. Hoping, praying that they’d make this easier on me and tell me the truth.

  “Who am I?” I whispered. My abdomen did a perfect somersault. My father placed his paper on the table and looked up at me with a scrunched brow. As if he didn’t recognize me. Then he looked at my mother with squinted eyes for a long moment. I wonder what that look meant.

  “What do you mean, Bops?” he asked, in total control of his voice as always.

  “What I mean is,” …breathe… “there are signs. Things that tell me I’m different from everyone else. Not just how I look, but how I act…how I think. I’m different from you both and Matt. Why?” I screamed. Where the hell did that come from?

  “Oh dear, must you be so dramatic? No two persons are just alike.” She waved her hand at me dismissively. “Go for your little run if you must.” She gestured toward the front door. Though her demeanor was casual, her eyes bulged and her jaw was set tight. She’s such a liar.

  “So that’s it. That’s all, nothing else?”

  “Don’t, Chloe,” Chris said. How did he get through my wall? I ignored him.

  “What else is there to say, Chloe?” she said, through barely parted lips.

  “You two are such hypocrites. Liars,” I stormed out of the kitchen. As fast as I tried to run up the steps, it wasn’t fast enough. My parents were discussing my outburst.

  “Karen, I told you…”

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into her,” Mother said, interrupting him.

  I threw open the door to my room. Now what? Too wired to sit and wait until they came to feed me more lies, I looked for an avenue of escape. I needed to go, to get out of this house. I turned, looking for an outlet for my pent-up anger. My car parked out front sprang to my mind. As if I’d called for them, my eyes flashed to the keys sitting on the desk. I flicked my index finger and they were in my hand in less than a second.

  “NO!” they all yelled at once. How are they getting through my wall? Rage overpowered every other emotion inside me. I forced them back out and continued.

  I stormed out of my room and down the steps. I ran to the front door and yanked it open. It vibrated under my hand. Mother raced into the front foyer. I stood at the entrance with the door open until she reached me. She wanted to put on a show, I would give her one.

  “Chloe, what has gotten into you?” she demanded.

  “My name is Amanda. At least that was the name my real mother gave me at birth,” I said. Then I slammed the door shut as hard as I could. The sidelight windows on either side of the door shattered, leaving shards of glass all over the foyer tile.

  I ran to my car, which was parked out front for my party this evening. My breath was labored as I fumbled to put the key in the ignition and engage the engine. I swerved quickly out into the traffic. Getting far away from the house was my only concern. I didn’t care where I went. How could they have kept this information from me? Were they ever going to tell me the truth? How could they lie to me just now? I tried to control the car as I sobbed hysterically into the steering wheel.

  Enraged, I turned down a back street and then turned down another. I swerved widely, barely missing a light pole. I pressed my foot to the accelerator, needing even more distance. I didn’t think about a cop pulling me over. Anger was in complete control.

  I didn’t know how long it had been, but I noticed immediately that I’d somehow driven to a rural area of town. Impossible. But I didn’t stop. I pushed the pedal to the floor, with rage so great I could barely keep the car straight. My tears soaked through the front of my tee.

  I took my eyes off the road for a fraction of a second to grab a tissue from the dispenser. When I looked back up into traffic, my stomach knotted.

  I gasped. I’d veered the car into oncoming traffic. A huge black sixteen-wheel truck bore down on my little red car at great speed. My pulse quickened. I looked to the left, then the right as quickly as I could to see if there was any escape. There was none. I gripped the wheel until my knuckles hurt. I was barricaded in by a median wall on one side and a construction barrier around a giant hole in the ground on the other side. Every muscle in my body tightened.

  Fighting it was useless.

  I was about to die.

  I’d never given much thought as to how I might die. Flattened by a gigantic truck on the road while driving alone hadn’t even been a possibility though.

  I hoped death would be instantaneous. This would prove to Chris and the others that they could fight the ENO without me. My mind raced to Chris and how I wanted to feel his touch once more.

  The tires of the colossal truck squealed.

  I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

  But it didn’t come.

  I opened my eyes and discovered I was still in my car. In front of my house, not on the road about to be demolished by a monster truck. My eyes closed in shock but also elation.

  Then someone pried o
pen the door. Strong arms swept me up tightly. They held me protectively. I peered up to see who it was. It was Chris. I breathed, relieved, into his neck.

  “Don’t you ever, ever do that again. Do you understand me?” He shook me hard. He was really upset with me. Shouldn’t he be happy I wasn’t dead?

  “I...I–” What did I do wrong? I could barely talk. His thoughts blasted me from right to left. I couldn’t make them out. I shivered at what he could be trying to say.

  “You were blocking me. I tried to pull you out of the car, but you wouldn’t let me. Don’t ever…” he said. His mouth was a straight line and his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

  I looked at him, startled. My mouth fell open with realization. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. He pulled me back into his arms and held me tight. I was sure he’d crack a rib. But I didn’t protest. His arms were my haven.

  I noticed everyone else then. They all appeared upset as well, especially Sam. I staggered over and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry, Sam, everybody. I wasn’t trying to kill myself…if that’s what you all thought.” How could they think that I’d do something like that? “I was upset and didn’t watch the road. I don’t even know how I’m alive right now. But I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

  “You may not have been, but it was stupid,” Chris said. “Running out like that when you’re that upset.” He shook his head. “You’re not a normal. Your anger can make things happen. You have to be careful about what you do when you’re that upset.”

  “What she was able to do….that should be the focus now.” I turned, stunned, to look at her. She was smiling. A huge grin lit up her entire face and brightened her eyes. “You did it,” Raja said. She clasped her hands to her mouth with the outline of a tear in her eyes. “You pulled a shield of protection around the entire car and then you made the car and yourself regenerate back here. You did it, Chloe, not any of us. You.” She pointed and shook her head. Like a proud teacher.

  “Chloe!” my mother yelled frantically from the house.

  “Go,” I said. And before I could contemplate my actions, I thrust my hands forward and everyone disappeared. I glanced down the walk to see if our neighbors were watching. None were out at the moment. I released a slow breath.