Elvis and the Underdogs

by Jenny Lee

  I couldn’t help myself. I knew she wasn’t talking to me, but I had to speak up. “Mom, stop calling me a baby!”

  My mom all but dragged Principal Kriesky out of his car and pulled the seat forward so I could get out. When I didn’t appear right away, my mom came in after me. Suddenly the whole backseat was filled with her big blond hair.

  “Benji? Benji! What is—OH MY GOD! LOOK AT YOUR ARM! MY POOR BABY. ARE YOU OKAY? WHY AREN’T YOU MOVING? WHAT HAPPENED? SAY SOMETHING? TALK TO ME! WHAT HAPPENED? WHO DID THIS TO YOU? SAY SOMETHING!”

  “Mom! How can I say anything if you don’t give me a chance? Stop screaming in my face. Please. I’m fine. I just need help unbuckling my seat belt and getting out of the car. Isn’t this the coolest car you’ve ever seen? When I grow up, this is the exact car I want.”

  My mom unbuckled me and pulled me out of the backseat, and pretty soon I was standing outside in the bright morning sunlight.

  “Mom, it wasn’t his fault. In fact, it wasn’t even Billy Thompson’s fault. I mean what happened to my arm. He didn’t even know it was me in the bathroom. I was hiding in the bathroom, and he didn’t know I was in the stall when he kicked it open. I guess maybe you should talk to him about the proper way human beings open a bathroom stall, which is with their hands and not their feet. But maybe he’s a germophobe. But then later he spit on me, and then he kicked me. That part was his fault.”

  “Why were you hiding in the bathroom? Billy Thompson did this? I swear I’m going to go over to his house to talk to his parents so this . . .”

  I should never have brought up his name in front of my mother! Normally I’d know better, but I think I was light-headed from the pain in my wrist. It was throbbing so hard I could feel it in my ears. My mom hasn’t been a fan of Billy Thompson ever since he wrote on me with the Magic Marker. The day she saw it, he’d written DUMY on my neck. But he’d spelled it wrong, with only one m, which really made me question how he managed to make it to the third grade with such terrible spelling skills.

  “Mom, my wrist really hurts. Can we just go inside, please?”

  “Of course, baby.”

  “Mom.” I sighed.

  I waved to Principal Kriesky and watched him get back into his cool car. Then I followed my mother inside. For just a second I wondered, even with everything that had happened, if I’d rather be at school today than back at the hospital. I thought about it and decided I didn’t really want to be at school or the hospital. But being only ten years old, I didn’t have any other options. What I really longed for was something new and different. Like maybe a spaceship beaming me up to hang out with friendly, non-human-eating aliens who wanted me to give a talk about what it’s like to be a human. Or at the very least, I just wanted something to look forward to, like maybe pancakes for dinner.

  4

  It’s funny how life works out. As much grief as Billy Thompson has given me, it turns out that on this particular occasion, Billy kicking open the bathroom stall door was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was because of him, and my sprained wrist, that I got my therapy dog.

  I remember the conversation so clearly. We were waiting in radiology so they could get X-rays of my arm, and my mom was trying to spoon-feed me some frozen yogurt from the cafeteria.

  “Mom, I still have one good hand that can operate a spoon,” I said.

  “Now, Benji, baby. I want you to start from the beginning and tell me everything that happened. Don’t be afraid of what I might think, okay?”

  I nodded and opened my mouth to speak, but she stuffed some more fro-yo in my mouth and just continued talking.

  “Did this happen because of the helmet? It did, didn’t it? I’m so sorry. Kids can be so mean sometimes. If I could get my hands on that Billy! I just don’t understand why he constantly goes after you.”

  “Mom, he goes after everyone, trust me. Though I do think I’m one of his favorites. He didn’t even know I was in there. I swear.” Sure I wasn’t a fan of Billy’s, but there was no sense in getting the kid in trouble for a crime he didn’t even commit. And case in point, my mom, like probably every other mom in the fourth grade, overreacted as soon as she even heard his name.

  “Don’t defend him, Benji. You said he kicked you and spit on you. And why were you hiding anyway? What I’m trying to say is perhaps you were right. Maybe this helmet thing is never going to work out. Maybe it’s just like strapping a neon sign on you and sending you to the wolves. I’m going to talk to your dad and Dr. Helen about getting you a therapy dog.”

  My mouth, which was open, shut very quickly. Interesting. I hadn’t even told her what happened, and she’d assumed I got picked on because of the ugly helmet. That wasn’t exactly true. Sure, the whole thing wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t wearing the helmet, but it wasn’t exactly because of the helmet in the way my mom thought it was. Probably not. Okay, definitely not. Now, here was my dilemma. I’m not big on lying. And I’m especially not big on lying to my mom, mainly because I know she knows when I am and she gets so disappointed in me, and she has to deal with so much because of me, I hate to make her any more disappointed than she already is. I’m also against lying to my dad, but not as much. I’m totally for lying to the twins, but that’s only because I sometimes have no choice. It’s for my own protection—basically my survival instinct kicking in.

  “Mom, I think you’re right. If I had a therapy dog, this definitely would not have happened.” There. That was definitely not a lie.

  “I knew it. Oh, this is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so stubborn. If I hadn’t worried about your allergies, the money, and my living room rug, we wouldn’t be here right now. I’m so sorry, baby. Can you ever forgive me?”

  This is normally where I correct her from calling me “baby.” But I let this one go. Yikes, this wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for. I assumed she’d be like “Great, we’re getting a dog. What should we name him or her?” I didn’t think she’d blame herself. I mean, in the grand scheme of all my ailments, a hurt arm is barely a blip on the radar. I probably have to wear it wrapped for only a few days, which I’m sure I could use to get me out of PE for at least a month.

  “Mom, it’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. You’re the best mom in the whole world. I’d nominate you if I could, and you’d win, and then we could put your trophy on the mantel.”

  “No, no, I’m not. You’re the best son in the world. I’m a terrible mother. Well, that’s not true, I’m an amazing mother, but sometimes even amazing mothers make mistakes. I should have gone with my gut. I knew the helmet was not going to end well, and I should have just listened to my inner voice.”

  “So can we get a dog?”

  “Well, I’ve got to talk to your father first.”

  This is actually something my mom likes to say a lot, but in the whole history of my life on this planet, I have never once experienced my dad saying no to my mom about anything she wants. It’s not that Dad’s a big pushover. Well, he is, but he’s not a wimp about it. He just thinks my mom is supersmart and capable, and he knows that if she thinks it’s the right thing to do, then it probably is.

  My mom went to find Dr. Helen, while I waited for my name to be called. She told me to think about what kind of banana split I wanted, because right after the hospital we were heading over to SuperDuperScooper.

  “Can I have five cherries?”

  “Don’t push your luck. You can have two.”

  “Three?”

  “Two.”

  “Okay, two it is. That’s all I really wanted anyway, Mom.” I was fine with two. I could have pushed her to get three, but now that I was getting my dog, the number of cherries didn’t matter so much.

  About five minutes passed, and I was busy finding hidden objects in a picture in an old Highlights magazine. I found everything almost immediately, and I couldn’t believe there was a time when I’d struggled to find everything. I heard him before I saw him. It was Dino’s booming voice, but this
wasn’t the regular, happy Dino—this was something else entirely. I had never heard him talk like this before.

  “I’m telling you this is a waste of time,” he said.

  “She’s my daughter, and I know what’s good for her.”

  “Yeah, well, she’s my favorite niece, and I think I know a little more than you when it comes to this sort of thing.”

  “You’re not even a doctor. You’re just a nurse.”

  I hadn’t looked up from my magazine, mainly because I was a chicken and there’s nothing I hate more than people yelling, but curiosity finally won out. What I saw was surprising, because I’m always used to Dino being the biggest guy in every room. The man arguing with Dino was even taller and wider than Dino. They looked like they were related. I remembered Dino telling me that he had a much older half brother. Maybe this was him.

  “Yes, I am a nurse, a great nurse. You got a problem with that?”

  “Daddy, Uncle Dino, stop it right now!”

  Again, I heard and recognized the voice before I saw her. I saw two hands pushing apart the two men, and standing between them was Taisy McDonald. Taisy McDonald, the tallest girl in the fourth grade. Taisy McDonald, who was the only daughter of Big Tate McDonald, a two-time Super Bowl champion and local celebrity in these parts. Taisy is the best female athlete in our entire town. When she was only six years old, she was one of the top gymnasts in the under-ten category in the entire country. Then I guess she hit a crazy growth spurt when she turned nine, and she grew too big to be an Olympic hopeful. But even though her gymnastics career was over, everyone knew all she had to do was pick out what other sport was lucky enough to get her. She’s kind of like the twins, meaning she plays every single sport well. Instead of playing just girls’ soccer or softball, she’s so good all the boys’ sports teams in town want her as well. She’s also a year older than the rest of us in fourth grade, but that’s because she missed so much school with all her training.

  I couldn’t believe I hadn’t known that Dino was Taisy McDonald’s uncle. I also couldn’t believe that Dino looked small compared to her father. Well, maybe not small, but he was now the second biggest guy in the room. Whenever I’m in the hospital, I never really talk about school much with Dino, and it’s not like Taisy and I are friends, though we’ve had a few enrichment classes together.

  “You two, take it out into the hallway! You’re embarrassing me.” And with that, Taisy actually pushed both of them toward the door. It was a pretty funny sight to see a young girl bossing around two huge men.

  “Taisy, stop it. Why don’t you sit here while your uncle and I go to the cafeteria? Do you want something?”

  “May I please have a soda?”

  “No, you may not have a soda. I’ll get you some fruit and water.”

  “Then why did you even ask me what I wanted? What about some Vitaminwater? I like every color but orange.”

  “Anything else? A bendy straw, perhaps?” her dad said sarcastically.

  “Stop being snarky, Daddy, or I’ll tell Mom on you. And yes, I’d love a bendy straw if possible. And you be nice to Uncle Dino.”

  Dino and Taisy’s father left. By then, pretty much all eyes were on her, and she knew it. She looked at the floor and walked over to the corner of the room, taking a seat right across from me. I quickly looked down at the picture open in front of me and found the last object I had been looking for, an owl. Then I heard her crying softly. Looking up, I saw her head hanging low. She was sniffling.

  My mom has always put a little Kleenex packet in the front zippered pocket of my backpack. I never ever use it, and I always tell her I don’t need it, but she always puts it in there. “Benji, honey,” she says, “you never know when you might run into a damsel in distress who needs a hankie.” And I always say back, “Yeah, Mom, because my life is exactly like a fairy tale.” Well, score one for my mom, because I guess this was the moment she was talking about.

  I took out the tissue packet and walked over and held it out for Taisy. She looked up at me and said in the saddest voice I’ve ever heard, “Thanks.” And then she said, “I’ve never seen a tissue with a duck on it before.”

  I looked at the packet, and sure enough, there was a yellow duck with a red bow tie printed right on every tissue. Oh great, why can’t my mom ever be normal? Who buys tissues with ducks on them?

  “Oh, I, uh, well, my mom got them. I guess. They’re kinda lame, I guess.”

  “They’re not lame. I like them. They’re supercute. Though I feel bad that I just blew my nose all over the duck.”

  I guess I was really nervous, but there was something about this that cracked me up, and I knew it wasn’t the right time or place to laugh, but that only made me laugh harder. I felt bad about laughing, but I’m happy to report that Taisy joined in, which was cool, because she always seems so serious. She motioned for me to sit down next to her, and I did.

  She noticed my sling that one of the emergency room attendants had given me. “What happened to your arm?”

  “I kinda got into a thing with Billy Thompson in the bathroom.”

  “You fought Billy Thompson?”

  For a moment I considered saying yes, because maybe Taisy would think I was tougher than I looked if she thought I got into fights in bathrooms, but she was probably too smart to believe it.

  “Not exactly. It was an accident, kind of.”

  “I don’t think there are any accidents when it comes to Billy Thompson.” Taisy said it with such certainty; I knew there was a story behind her words.

  “Does he pick on you too?”

  “Not really. He knows better. But he glued my friend Annabel’s locker shut once for no reason at all. And my friend Georgia swears he stole her favorite gold glitter pen. I was with her when she confronted him, and he had gold glitter all over his fingers, but he still denied it! For some reason he doesn’t have to take gym, and I hear that’s when he goes around the school stealing things from lockers.”

  “Jerk, thief, liar. Yep, that sounds about right.” I knew I sounded a little bitter, but I couldn’t help it. I’m one of the few kids who actually like school, so it always burns me up that he manages to ruin at least one day a week for me. “Can we change the subject now? Just talking about him puts a bad taste in my mouth.”

  She nodded. “Should I ask about the helmet?”

  Oh no, with all the craziness that happened, I had forgotten I was still wearing it. “Please don’t.”

  She nodded, and I could tell she understood. I wondered if I should ask her about what had just happened. Instead, I went the safer route.

  “What are you in for?” I know that sounds overly dramatic, like we were both in prison, but she doesn’t know me at all, so it felt liberating that I could pretend to be cooler than I was.

  “My dad wants me to get my elbow x-rayed, because my free throw’s a bit off lately.”

  I waited to see if she’d say anything more, but I didn’t want to push, because she didn’t push me about my helmet head.

  “Can you keep a secret?” Taisy whispered.

  “Of course.”

  “Pinkie swear secret?”

  I held out my good hand and raised my pinkie. “Pinkie swear.” My heart was racing at the thrill of a secret. I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t get overly excited and faint.

  “I’ve been messing up on purpose, and when my dad asked me what was going on, I lied and said my elbow felt funny. He freaked out and dragged me down here. Now it’s a big mess, because there’s actually nothing wrong with my elbow at all.”

  “Why would you lie?”

  “Did you know I play sports?”

  “Taisy, everyone in the world knows you play sports. You were on the cover of Sports Illustrated when you were eight.”

  “That’s true, but it’s not like I was the only kid on the cover. There was a kid from every state—I was just the kid from Pennsylvania. We were all supposed to be these ‘elite’”—she used air quotes—“child athle
tes.” But six months later I got too big for gymnastics, and it was over for me. Just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “And ever since, my dad keeps pushing me to try all these other sports like tennis, golf, basketball, and one morning I woke up to find he put a volleyball court in our backyard, but that’s cool now because we use it for badminton, which I love. It’s like he’s determined to make me a champion again and . . .”

  “And what?”

  “And I’m just kind of sick of it. I really loved gymnastics, so it was disappointing when I got too tall. But it’s not like I’m a light switch and he can turn me on and off when it comes to any other sports, you know? And I used to get invited to birthday parties, but they were always on the weekends when I was playing in tournaments, so I never got to go. Now I don’t even get invited anymore. I don’t want to wear sneakers all the time and ponytails. I want to wear dresses to school and do my hair cute like other girls. I’m tired of being sweaty and having to high-five everyone. I dunno, I guess I just want to be normal and have fun and hang out. This must sound so stupid to you.”

  “Nope. I definitely get wanting to be normal.”

  “What should I do? Do I get the X-ray? Do I tell my dad I lied? I hate it when he’s disappointed in me. I’m so mad at myself for making everything such a big mess. The lie just came out, and I thought he’d let me relax a little, but instead it had the opposite effect.” She started to cry again. I handed her the ducky tissues again.

  “I can’t say I know what you’re going through. But I can say this. Your uncle is my favorite nurse here at the hospital, and as you may or may not know, I spend a lot of time here. I’d talk to him if you don’t want to talk to your dad. Maybe he can help.” I paused, and then said, “Or maybe that might make things worse, because your dad would just get mad at Dino and they might get into a fight, and if Dino gets a busted lip, I’d feel terrible. But if he did get a busted lip, he’d at least know what to do with it, since he’s a nurse. Okay, I guess I’m not all that helpful. Most people don’t tend to ask for my advice.”