It Started in June

by Susan Kietzman

  “I’m done with Rachel.”

  “Good,” said Dorrie, “even if you break up with Grace.”

  “We have thirty days,” said Bradley.

  “And that’s also good. It sounds like you both need time to process everything that’s been said and done,” said Dorrie. “If I recall correctly, she gave you some time in the beginning of the pregnancy to decide if you wanted to be with her, to help her with the baby.”

  “She did.”

  “Before parting for the evening, I will reiterate that you need to think about what’s best for you, Bradley. Grace will be a good mother and a good person, regardless of what you decide. She can get along perfectly well without you, you know.”

  “That’s not very nice, Mom.”

  “Hard decisions aren’t always nice, either.”

  Dorrie got up from the couch and lifted her empty wineglass from the table. She walked it into the kitchen and then returned. She leaned over and kissed Bradley on the forehead. “You know how much I love you,” she said. “And I know you can do this. Take the thirty days. And make a permanent decision.”

  CHAPTER 61

  Because Paul liked and respected Bradley, he granted his request for a thirty-day leave of absence from work. Paul told Bradley in their face-to-face meeting on Sunday morning that he was sorry to hear Bradley and Grace were going through difficult times, but he was confident they would be able to work everything out. On Monday morning, Paul informed Bradley’s colleagues in a terse e-mail that Bradley would be out of the office for the month of September and unavailable by phone or e-mail, and that Paul would schedule follow-up meetings to reassign workloads and create new partnerships. Grace was not surprised when she received the e-mail, as Bradley had texted her his plan before he talked to Paul. However, Rachel was heartbroken. She walked to his desk as soon as she saw the e-mail. But Bradley, his briefcase, and his large cup of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee were elsewhere. When she tried to call him, she was informed that the number she was trying to reach was no longer in service.

  * * *

  Bradley had already packed up most of his clothes before leaving town to see his parents. But as soon as he returned, he went to Grace’s house to deal with the rest of his stuff. Grace had requested that he remove “every trace of himself,” so that she could try to “live a life that he had never been a part of.” She did not deliver these words in a harsh, argumentative way, and Bradley, therefore, did not absorb them with an excessively negative tone. He understood. And so, in addition to boxing up his books, video games, television, and easy chair from the back deck, he took his disposable safety razors, toothbrush, and half-depleted bottle of Advil. He drove whatever he would not need to the small storage unit that already held his furniture. And then he packed all of his camping gear into his backpack and onto the aluminum frame supporting it and set off for the White Mountains.

  * * *

  The first few days after Bradley was gone, Grace was surprised by the number of times she changed her mind about him, one minute wanting every memory of him erased, and the next wanting to feel his arms wrapped around her. As usual, work was her refuge, and she felt nothing but relief that she would not have to see him at the office on the days she went in. She would have to see Rachel, of course, but she had already decided that the best way to handle Rachel was to pretend that Rachel didn’t exist. Grace had been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment when she was a child and knew firsthand, then, how effective it was in communicating dislike and distrust. Removing any attention from Rachel was a much better choice than attempting to shame or punish her.

  So Grace kept her office door shut most of the time now. But she was finding it difficult to focus on her work, try as she might. Her thoughts continually turned to Bradley and their relationship. She not only questioned his level of commitment, but she also questioned Bradley’s arbitrary timeline. What good could come from space manufactured to enable a decision that ought to be made in an instant? She also went over and over her failed efforts at reuniting with her mother. She even started obsessing again about her failed marriage to Kenny. She considered calling him, to tell him what a mess she’d made of her life, to tell him that he had been right all along. But she had called Shannon instead, who had invited her and Hope to dinner the following evening and had told her to not call Kenny. And she didn’t.

  By the second week of the four that Bradley would be away, Grace was feeling less emotional and was therefore more productive. He was always in her mind, throughout the day and when she woke in the night, but his constant presence, rather than being a distraction, actually helped her to focus on what needed to be done. The Maritime Museum, which had recently signed on for another year, was keeping her busy. And Paul had asked her to work with him on preparing a presentation to win the business of the nearby liberal arts college.

  The time passed quickly. Hope was growing and changing every day, it seemed, and Grace was occasionally sad that Bradley was not with her to witness Hope’s small accomplishments. Grace realized, in his absence, that she was sometimes exhausted by work and single parenting. Bradley had helped more than she’d realized.

  When Grace turned the calendar on her kitchen wall from September to October, she had not heard from Bradley for thirty days.

  * * *

  Bradley shook out his sleeping bag and rolled up his tent. He finished his coffee and then washed and dried his breakfast dishes before stuffing everything into his pack. He hoisted it onto his back and then set off in the direction of the parking lot, all the while thinking about Grace, Hope, and how much he wanted to be with both of them.

  This had not been the case at first. He had been relieved to be away from everyone and everything—from Grace and Hope and Rachel and Kevin and work and, surprisingly, his parents. He realized he had become too reliant on them, particularly on his mother, to make decisions for him, to solve his problems. He had been wrong to so frequently seek her counsel, and she had been wrong to so freely give it. They had been using each other, she needing to still be relevant in his life, he avoiding responsibility and accountability. Not talking to them, to her, on the last four Sundays had been like being on vacation. He loved his parents as much as he always had, but he was ready now to make his own decisions, to face alone the consequences of his actions.

  And he was ready to fully commit to Grace and to Hope. His last week in the woods had been miserable without her, without them. He missed her face and her voice and her arms around his shoulders. He missed talking to her. He missed sleeping next to her. And he missed holding Hope, missed the way she looked at him, missed her smiles when he played with her. He had been on his own for more than thirty days, enough time to see what being on his own really felt like.

  * * *

  When Grace called Dorrie, she answered after just one ring. “Grace,” she said. “How are you?”

  “I’m well,” said Grace. “But I’m worried about Bradley. I haven’t heard from him.”

  “We haven’t either,” said Dorrie. “I’ve tried to call several times, and he hasn’t picked up. I suspect the cell phone service is very spotty.”

  “Yes. I would imagine so.”

  “Let’s give it a couple more days,” said Dorrie. “I’m sure he’s just carried away by the beauty of his surroundings. He wanted to get away, and he has done just that.”

  “Okay,” said Grace.

  “I’ve got an appointment, so I’ve got to run,” Dorrie said breezily. “I’m sure he’ll be in touch soon.” She hung up.

  Dorrie had no appointment. She had simply wanted to get off the phone with Grace before she confided that she, too, had been worried about Bradley. How could he have been out of touch for so long? What was he thinking? Was he going to stay with Grace, or was he going to return from the wilderness resolved to make a break, to start again? Bruce was convinced that, over the course of his month away from civilization, Bradley would recognize and acknowledge his love for Grace and Hope. But D
orrie wasn’t as sure.

  Dorrie also got off the phone because she didn’t trust herself to keep quiet about her feelings for Grace and Hope. She had not yet told Bruce, but she had admitted to herself that she had come to love them. And she didn’t know how or want to say goodbye if her son had chosen to leave them behind.

  * * *

  After Dorrie hung up, Grace fell back on the couch. It suddenly struck her that she was losing Dorrie and Bruce as well as Bradley. She was losing the family she had always wanted.

  But what hurt the most was the thought of losing Bradley, that she had lost him already. Hyperventilating and desperate for air, Grace ran out onto her back deck and then down the steps onto the sand. She rushed to the water’s edge and looked out, her eyes flickering back and forth in search of familiar buoys. She struggled for air. And then she cried out in panic because she had left Hope in her crib, had forgotten about her for the minute she had been on the beach.

  She ran back to the house. When she yanked open the sliding door and jogged into the kitchen, she saw a bearded Bradley standing in their living room holding Hope. He looked at Grace, his eyes soft and moist. He waited, saying nothing, until they both took a small step toward each other. Six feet apart, Bradley hugged Hope to his chest with one arm, and reached out for Grace with the other. She slowly raised her arm from her side and gently took his hand. He offered her a small smile and said, “Grace, I’m home.”

  “Yes,” she said. “Yes, you are.”

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I’m grateful to my agent, Loretta Weingel-Fidel, and my editor, John Scognamiglio, for their continuous efforts at improving my work and educating me about the capricious and insatiable world of publishing. It’s best, I’ve learned, to keep my seat belt buckled.

  I’m also thankful for the team at Kensington. It truly takes a village to raise a book.

  A READING GROUP GUIDE

  IT STARTED IN JUNE

  Susan Kietzman

  About This Guide

  The suggested questions are included

  to enhance your group’s

  reading of Susan Kietzman’s

  It Started in June.

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  1. Grace and Bradley are clearly attracted to each other, and yet these feelings do not come to the surface until the night they have drinks after work. Why do they keep their attraction hidden? And what causes its undeniable presence?

  2. Shannon Greene is Grace’s close and only friend. Why doesn’t Grace have more friends? What do friendships offer that Grace is missing in her life?

  3. After Grace and Bradley have sex in her car, they decide that the best way to get to know each other is to start from the beginning. Does this work?

  4. When Grace discovers she is pregnant, she considers, almost immediately, the possibility of keeping the baby. How does her unhappy childhood play a role in this decision?

  5. How does Grace’s unhappy childhood dictate how she lives her adult life?

  6. Bradley’s mother, Dorrie, is a psychiatrist who is willing to flatten the line between what she knows is right and what she chooses to do or say. How do her husband, Bruce, and Bradley and Grace handle her intrusive and, at times, unprofessional behavior?

  7. How does Grace’s accident on Christmas Eve change her relationship with Bradley?

  8. Why is Bradley tempted by Rachel’s attention to and affection for him?

  9. Why is complete trust between Grace and Bradley so elusive? How much does their age difference matter?

  10. Grace’s relationship with her mother, Robin, is complicated and strained. What does each character learn from her interactions with the other?

  11. How and why does Bradley finally free himself from Rachel?

  12. What do Grace and Bradley learn from their time away from each other?