Wild Catriona

by Oliver, Marina

  Catriona uttered a short exclamation, and Rory swung round and saw her staring at him. He thought he saw pain and regret in her eyes, and for a moment wondered if all was lost, if he was too late, if she had ceased to care for him. He knew it was what he deserved for being such a blind fool, but he had to hear it from her lips. He knelt beside her, capturing her hands and holding them tightly. He could feel her trembling.

  'Cat, I haven't as much to offer you now, I won't inherit my uncle's business, so there is only what I have of my own. And I only have that because you persuaded me to set up a separate business. I need you so badly.'

  'To help run your business?' she asked softly, and he breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't rejected him out of hand. She might still be the old wildcat after all. A faint stirring of hope fluttered in his breast.

  'Yes, that, but far more than that, my love.' he said urgently. 'I was a fool not to understand my true feelings before. Cat, I love you. I need you. Will you marry me?'

  'Marry?' She looked almost afraid, and he held his breath.

  'Well, Cat?'

  'Rory,' she said slowly, and her voice was low and strained. 'I have my family now, here, and my work too. I can't desert them. It's too late.'

  *****

  Chapter 19

  Rory walked unseeingly round the streets of Amsterdam. This was something he'd never considered. His Cat had rejected him. He'd once been confident she loved him, when her response to his embrace the first time he'd come had proved that. So why was she refusing him now that he was free to make her an offer?

  He had pressed her to explain, but she had become so distressed he could not persist. When he'd taken her in his arms, more to comfort her than make love to her, she had wept even harder and pushed him away.

  'Please go, Rory! It's impossible, don't you see?'

  'No, I don't. You have only been here a few weeks, you can't be so important to their business as you think. Not nearly so important as you are to mine.'

  'It's not that. But, they've been so good to me.'

  Suddenly he thought of Jan, and wondered whether Catriona was promised to him after all. She hadn't actually said so. He went cold at the idea. He had to know.

  'Is it Jan? Have you fallen in love with him?' he demanded, holding her away from him and searching her face for clues.

  'Jan?' Catriona asked, her sobs lessening slightly.

  'Has he asked you to marry him?'

  Silently she nodded, and Rory, suppressing an oath, leapt to his feet and swung round towards the door. He was overwhelmed with such desolation he feared breaking down utterly. He had to get away. He went hastily from the room. There was no further hope for him here.

  Maigret was hovering in the hallway.

  'Mr Napier, I had no idea you were here. Is Catriona in there?'

  'Yes,' he replied, forcing himself to speak, though it took a superhuman effort to coerce each word past his rigidly clenched teeth. 'I have just asked her to marry me, but she has other plans. Will you go to her?'

  'Of course. But Rory – let me call you that – don't run away. I don't understand. Give me a day to talk to her, and come back. Where are you staying?'

  He shook his head, unable to say more except to mutter the name of his hotel. What hope was there? What could she do, however long she talked to Cat? And surely she would not try to turn Catriona away from a betrothal to her own son in favour of him?

  Yet, and the thought hit him and gave him a faint, very fragile glimmer of renewed hope, there could be a reason. Perhaps she had other plans for her sons? There could be a Dutch heiress she wanted Jan to marry. All parents were the same, wanting their children to make good matches, especially where business or property was in question.

  It was only that thought which prevented him from setting off that minute to return to Scotland. He was restless, and unable to eat or sleep or sit in his hotel. Activity was essential, and for the rest of that day he hired a horse and rode out into the country, the flat, never-ending plain criss-crossed with canals, where the sails appeared to float above the fields. They were dotted with windmills, but he saw little.

  What had Maigret meant by a day? Was it until the same time on the morrow, or had she meant him to leave it a full day, making it two endless nights he had to endure? He beat his fists against his temples. What did such petty calculations matter? He veered between utter despair and a tentative hope that he might, after all, gain his heart's desire.

  He slept that night in snatches, but for most of the time he lay wondering what he was to say, if he could see Catriona again, if she would listen to him. How could he convince her of his love? How could he persuade her to risk her future happiness with him? It would be the most important moment of his life.

  He dared not go far from Amsterdam on the following day in case she sent him a message, so he walked endlessly, returning every hour to enquire if there was a message for him. By afternoon he had received none. Surely that was ominous. If there had been hope Maigret would have sent for him.

  *****

  Catriona was white-faced and sobbing convulsively when Maigret came into the room.

  'There, child,' she said, and held Catriona closely. Catriona clung to her, giving way to a fresh burst of weeping. 'It can't be as dreadful as that, surely.'

  Catriona felt obscurely comforted by her gentle voice.

  'I couldn't,' she said, sniffing, but sitting up and wiping her eyes. 'He asked me to marry him, but I can't!'

  'Why not?'

  Catriona looked at her. 'He was betrothed to another girl, who has jilted him, and now wants his cousin. The cousin who was thought to be dead, but isn't. Rory isn't rich any more, and she – she hadn't the good sense to value him! How could she hurt him so?'

  'My dear, you are being rather irrational. It's you he wants to marry, and no doubt he was relieved when she jilted him.'

  'I have a home here now. You've all been so kind to me, and I'm helping with your designs.'

  'Is it Jan?' Maigret asked softly. 'Do you love him? Is that it?'

  'No, not – well, not as I'd hope to love my husband,' Catriona said slowly. 'But he loves me, he says, and you've all been so kind to me. You're my family now. How can I use you, ask you for help, and then run away?'

  'Jan will recover, believe me. He thinks he loves you now, but part of it is that he doesn't enjoy being thwarted,' his mother said with a slight laugh. 'He's been like it since he was a child, and as most of the girls he pays attention to languish adoringly at his feet, he was piqued when you insisted on treating him as a brother.'

  Catriona looked startled. 'He's your son,' she exclaimed.

  'Which means I probably know him better than he knows himself.'

  'I'm still not sure.'

  'Think about it, and follow your heart, child. Catriona, listen to me. Your designs are wonderful, but our business was flourishing before, and will no doubt continue to flourish even without your designs.'

  Catriona looked at her, and then gave a choke of laughter. 'I'm not indispensable, you mean!'

  'That's better. Of course you are, for yourself, but I suspect you are much more necessary to that young man and his business than you are here. Of course we love having you, you're like a daughter to me, but we want you to be happy too, and if you could be happy in Glasgow with Rory, what is stopping you? It is not so far away we would never be able to visit, to see one another again.'

  'I sent him away.'

  'And I told him to come back. I'll send him a message at his hotel tomorrow, when you've had an opportunity to sleep on it. I don't want you to decide in too much of a hurry, but the very fact you are weeping, when I've never seen you weep before, tells me you regret that.'

  It had been a sleepless night. Catriona tossed and turned. She loved Rory. She could never love anyone else so much, but she was uncertain, afraid. She now had a loving family, and a home where she was cherished.

  It was not just that. Did he really love her, or was it an impetu
ous reaction to the way in which Susannah had jilted him? He must have had some feeling for the girl, and her rejection would have hurt, especially as his younger cousin had won her as well as the business Rory had managed for years. It must have been a double blow. He thought he loved her now, but how much was that tangled with her value to the printing business? Would he, in the time to come, regret it?

  By the morning she had decided she wanted Rory after all, more than she wanted to remain here, even though she had a faint twinge of regret at the thought of leaving the only proper home she had had since her father had been missing. She knew she could make up to him for Susannah's treachery, because she loved him and the other girl did not. If his feelings for her were mistaken, well, she would change them, for her own love was strong enough for them both. They would still fight, of that she was certain, but in the past, until that last quarrel, they had always made peace. As she thought of how they could resolve quarrels once they were married she trembled with sudden desire. She would be free to go to his embraces, lie in his arms, and love him totally.

  Maigret refused to be rushed. 'I'll send him a note this afternoon,' she said when Catriona told her what she had decided. 'I will tell Jan, too.'

  Catriona thanked her. Though she had herself refused Jan, she did not wish to have to tell him that she had accepted another man's offer. That would be both difficult for her and cruel for him.

  Jan sought her out the moment he knew.

  'Is this why you refused me?' he asked abruptly.

  She nodded. 'I'm sorry, but I've always loved Rory, ever since we met. I thought it was hopeless, but even then I didn't want to marry anyone else. It would not have been fair.'

  'I would have made you love me,' he said, 'but if that is truly what you desire, then I have to swallow my own disappointment and wish you happiness.'

  'Thank you,' Catriona said. 'I don't think you really loved me, Jan, and one day you'll find a girl who can love you.'

  'Not like you. He's a fortunate fellow, and if he ever dares to illtreat you, let me know and I'll come and challenge him to a duel.'

  'I'll remember that.' Catriona laughed, then grew serious. She took his hand. 'I'm sorry, Jan, I like you and enjoy your companionship, but I could not love you. You had decided it was time for you to marry, and I was here.'

  *****

  Restless, Catriona wandered about the house, and after dinner found her cousin in the drawing room writing the note she had promised to send to Rory.

  'He'll be here within half an hour, my love. Why don't you change your gown, ready to receive him?'

  Catriona nodded. She hadn't felt interested enough to put on one of her new, fashionable gowns, and was wearing the old one, the one Rory had seen her in when they met up on the hills, the one sprinkled with heather. Up in her room, however, she paused. She could not wait. Instead she seized a hat and slipped down the back stairs, out through the garden. Almost running in her eagerness, she went to the hotel and demanded to see Mr Napier at once.

  Ignoring the disapproving protests of the landlord, she followed the maid who had been summoned to take her message to Rory. As the maid knocked on the door Catriona gently pushed her aside.

  'Thank you, you may go now.'

  The maid stared, open-mouthed, but when she heard footsteps approaching the door she turned and fled.

  Rory looked haggard, and Catriona's heart turned over. She had caused this by her hesitations, her uncertainty.

  'May I come in?' she asked.

  He didn't move, so with a slight laugh she squeezed past him, and thrust the door closed.

  'What are you doing here?'

  'Don't you want to see me? Maigret's sending a note to ask you to come to me, but I couldn't wait. Rory,' she paused, hesitant at the last moment. 'Are you truly sure you want me?' she asked slowly.

  For answer Rory swept her up in his arms, laughing and crying as he kissed her, crushing her to him so that she thought her ribs would break. Flinging her arms round his neck, hugging him and kissing him in turn, she did not care. This was all she wanted, to be in his arms, loved unreservedly by him, to be his.

  The room was small, and the bed large. It took only a few steps before they collapsed together onto it. Both were incapable of speech, but they lay there, side by side, glorying in their closeness.

  Rory began to kiss her more gently, and his hands caressed her responsive body. She strained against him, feeling his desire for her, and deliriously happy that she could arouse such passion. Suddenly she wanted to tear off her restricting garments and have no barrier between them, but when she began to untie her laces Rory gave a sudden gasp and pushed her away.

  'No, wildcat! Not like this. I want you just as much, but when I do make you mine it will be at a suitable time and place, not furtively. And when you are my wife, unable to escape from me ever again.'

  Dizzy with desire, she protested, but he shook his head, and at that moment there was a knock at the door.

  Rory chuckled unsteadily. 'You see, constant interruptions. That's no way to make love for the first time, my sweet.'

  Frustrated, Catriona sat up and retied her laces. She was looking round for her hat when Rory came back holding out the note Maigret had written.

  'I am bidden to come to you,' he said, grinning. 'Shall we go together, or do you prefer to slip back in alone?'

  Catriona laughed and reached up to kiss him. 'Together. I don't want to spend a moment more than I have to away from you.'

  *****

  Maigret wanted to organise a lavish wedding, but Catriona shook her head and declined.

  'It isn't important,' she said gently. 'It is so kind of you to offer, but it would take a good deal of time to organise, and Rory must get back to his business as soon as possible. From what he tells me he needs me there soon, too.'

  'You will at least marry from my house?'

  'I'd love that.'

  Even though she had prevailed and the wedding was to be small, just for the family and one or two of their friends Maigret insisted they could not leave out, there were preparations to be made.

  Catriona fumed with impatience, and many times decided she'd prefer to leave immediately with Rory. He soothed her, counselling patience, saying she would regret it later if she disappointed her cousin.

  'I want you just as much,' he insisted, 'but we have the rest of our lives to be together.'

  Catriona still fretted. The few snatched hours together, the hurried embraces, the kisses which promised so much, all left her unsatisfied and on edge.

  The day finally came, and they were married in a small church close by. Catriona, wearing one of her new gowns of blue silk delicately embroidered all over the bodice with silver thread, with the smaller hooped skirt now fashionable, and shoes covered in matching fabric, felt she was dreaming as she made her vows. It had seemed so long, and she'd been so terrified some unexpected calamity would at the end deny her happiness.

  Rory looked incredibly handsome in a coat and breeches of dark blue velvet, with silver buttons and buckles, which Maigret had insisted he buy. They both had ruffles of Brussels lace, Rory on his shirt, Catriona round the low neckline and finishing off the elbow-length sleeves.

  She thought back to when she had not expected ever to see Rory again, when she'd sent him back to Susannah. She'd thought never to be happy again. It seemed like a miracle to her that John had reappeared, and Susannah preferred him. How could anyone bear to reject Rory? It must be an omen for their future.

  Susannah was a very silly woman, Catriona decided. John might have a bigger fortune, and prospects of inheritance, but Susannah was wealthy herself. She suspected Silas MacNab had influenced her decision. From what Rory had told her, in the few moments they had between more immediate preoccupations, John, through laziness and disinclination for hard work, would allow Silas to run the business.

  She scarcely heard the words of the ceremony, but gazed down in wonder at her hand when Rory slipped on the gold wedding ri
ng. It had come true at last. The moistness in her eyes as she looked up at him made it difficult to see, but he was gazing down at her with such love in his own eyes that she felt a sense of awe.

  How she endured the feasting afterwards she could not recall. She ate and drank, but did not taste anything. Endless rows of people came up to her and wished her well, or said they were sorry she was leaving Holland, but they hoped to see her and her new husband visit frequently. Jan claimed the privilege of cousinship and kissed her heartily on the lips.

  'If he beats you, come back to me,' he whispered in her ear.

  At last they were free to say their goodbyes and leave. They were to stay the first night in Rory's hotel, and then ride for the coast, taking as few clothes as possible. Maigret was to send Catriona's new possessions to Scotland with a ship's captain who was a friend. She had offered them a room for their wedding night, but quite understood they preferred to be on their own.

  'Then you can sleep as late as you wish in the morning,' she had said with a chuckle. 'I expect you will be exhausted, my love, if Rory behaves as I imagine he will. You're a fortunate girl. I've never seen a man so eager for his bride.'

  Catriona blushed, then laughed and hugged her cousin. 'It's all thanks to you,' she whispered. Was it unmaidenly, she wondered, for her to appear eager to enjoy, at last, Rory's lovemaking?

  They could not sleep late, she thought, despite their eagerness to be together. They both wanted to return to Glasgow and begin the long process of restoring their business to prosperity. They would set out early, she decided, and hope for a passage at once. There would be no time for dalliance beyond that first, blissfully uninterrupted night together.

  She realised, later, how unprepared she had been for his passion, despite Rory's fervent kisses once he had secured her promise. He'd held it in check, resisting all the temptations she offered, but now he was able to give full expression to his love.

  They had a meal in the private room Rory had engaged, but neither of them were hungry. As soon as the maid had taken away the plates, Rory held out his hand to Catriona.