The Forest House

by Marion Zimmer Bradley

  Since the Nazarene temple had been, in part, purchased with the proceeds of the jewels Julia no longer seemed to wear, Gaius was curious to see what sort of value she had got for her money. By the time they set out they were quite a large party; not only Gaius and Julia, but the little girls and their nurses, and what seemed like half the household. "Why do we have to have all these people with us?" Gaius demanded, not altogether good-naturedly. He and his family would sleep that night at the house of Macellius, but his father did not have room for their whole staff.

  "Because they are all members of the congregation," Julia said more pleasantly. Gaius blinked. It would never have occurred to him to question how she managed her household, but he had not realized that her zeal had led her quite so far. She added, "They will return to the villa when this is over. I cannot deny them the chance to worship."

  Gaius thought it was, rather, that she would not, but he thought it wiser to say no more. The new Christian church was a largish old building near the river that had belonged originally to an importer of wine. The reek of old wine was overlaid by the fragrance of wax candles and early flowers were heaped on the altar. Rather crudely painted pictures — a shepherd carrying a lamb, a fish, some men in a boat, adorned the white-washed walls.

  As they entered Julia made a cryptic sign; he was displeased to see that Cella, Tertia and Quartilla all tried to imitate her. Had Julia converted not only her servants but her daughters as well? He wondered if these Christians were in the business of undermining the authority of the home.

  Julia found a seat on a hard bench not too far from the door, and sat down, surrounded by her waiting-women and her daughters. Gaius, standing behind her, looked round to see if anyone else in the congregation was known to him. Most of the assembled worshippers seemed to be working people of the poorer kind, and he wondered how the snobbish Julia liked finding herself among such folk. Then he recognized a face: the girl who had brought Brigitta's daughters to the town. She had told him she came to the meetings when she could get away, and he realized now that one reason he had given in to Julia's request that he accompany her was a faint hope of seeing her.

  A priest, closely shaven and wearing a long dalmatica, entered with two boys, one of whom carried a large wooden cross and the other a candle, and a couple of older men whom Julia had told him were deacons, one of whom carried a heavy leather-bound book in his hand. This one was a rather sober-looking man of middle years. As he laid the book on the immense lectern, he stumbled over a four-year-old child in the aisle; but rather than fleeing in terror, the child laughed up at him, and the deacon bent down and hugged the toddler with a smile that transformed his face, then handed it back to its father, a rough-handed grimy man with a blacksmith's brawny arms.

  There were prayers and invocations; the congregation was purified with incense and water, all of it similar enough to a Roman ceremony that Gaius did not feel too uncomfortable, though the Latin was rather less pure. Then the priests and deacons were seated and there was a little stir of excitement as another man came forward.

  Gaius was not surprised to recognize Father Petros, looking frowsy and bearded next to the others. He gazed at the collected worshippers with such intensity that Gaius wondered uncharitably if the hermit suffered from poor eyesight.

  "Our Master once said, "Suffer the little children to come to me and forbid them not; for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven." Many of you here tonight have lost a child and you grieve; but your children, I tell you, are safe with Jesus in Heaven, and you parents who grieve are happier than those parents who have given their children over, living, to the service of idols. I tell you that it would be better for these children to be safely dead, having sinned not, than living to serve false gods!" He paused for breath and the people sighed.

  They have come here to be frightened! thought Gaius cynically. They are enjoying the thought of their own virtuous superiority!

  "For the first of the great commandments is this: thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and all thy soul; and the second of the great commandments is this: that thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother," Father Petros boomed. "The question arises, then: how far can a young person be held responsible if his guardians place him in the service of a heathen idol? There are Fathers in our Church who have said that all, even infants in arms, are guilty if they are present during the worship of an idol; but there others who hold that if a child's guardians commit him to serve an idol before he shall have arrived at an age of reason, then he should be held guiltless. My own feeling is —"

  But Gaius did not really care what the Father's own feeling was. By this time his gaze had fixed on the far more pleasing spectacle of the girl, Senara, who was leaning forward, absorbed in the hermit's words. He had hopelessly lost the thread of the Father's discourse, but he had already decided that these Christian ceremonies were too dull for his taste; no sacrifices, no roaring exhortations, not even the drama the rites of Isis or Mithras could sometimes provide. In fact these Christian ceremonies, all told, were duller than anything he had ever heard except some of the Druidic philosophies.

  Even with the girl's bright face to look at it seemed a long time before Father Petros's discourse finally rambled to its end. Gaius was looking forward to leaving, and it was with consternation that he heard that he and the other unbaptized members of the congregation were now expected to wait outside while the initiates participated in some kind of love-feast. His complaints were so loud that Julia finally agreed to leave, although she promised the nurses and serving women they might remain.

  He picked up the sleeping Quartilla, and they set out for Macellius's home. But they had hardly started when Tertia began to complain that she wanted to be carried too. Gaius told her brusquely to behave like a big girl and walk; her mother's health had improved but she was not yet strong enough to carry the child, and Cella was still too small. As Tertia began to whimper, someone moved behind them and he heard a sweet voice saying, "I will carry your little girl."

  Gaius would have refused, but the British girl had already picked up the drowsy child, who almost instantly fell asleep in her arms.

  "Indeed, she is no weight at all," said the girl, "and I am used to harder work than this!"

  "You are a true sister in Christ," exclaimed Julia. Gaius could find nothing to add to this, and so they walked along. The women exchanged a few low-voiced commonplaces, and Gaius found himself obscurely relieved that they clearly did not really know each other that well. The moon, just a few nights after full, gave them just enough light to illuminate their path. They could see the street underfoot clearly, and many of the trees were bright with clouds of misty white blossom.

  As they pushed open the gate Macellius's steward came out to meet them with a lamp. When Tertia began to stir, the British girl set her down and they stood staring at one another in the sudden brilliance.

  "You must stay and join us for something to eat, since you too missed the agape," Julia declared.

  "Oh, no, I cannot," the girl said shyly. "It is most kind of you, lady, but I had not leave to come; I must get home at once, or I will be missed, and then, even if I am not punished, I might not be able to come again."

  "I will not keep you, then; that would be a poor return for your kindness," Julia said quickly. "Gaius will go with you. This part of the city is quiet, but before you get out of the gates, there might be some people it would not be safe for an honest and proper young girl to meet."

  "That will not be necessary, Domina —" she began but Gaius interrupted, "I'll go gladly; I wanted to walk a while before I go to bed, and I can return you safely to your home."

  At least he could ask her what a girl from the Forest House was doing among Christians. The answer, he decided, might be revealing. When she pulled her cloak — a dark plain one such as a servant girl in a respectable home would wear - about her closely he wondered if it was because under it she wore the dress of a priestess. Gaius took a torch; even with a moon, he knew
better than to brave the streets without one, and he felt that a good light might reassure the girl. She kissed all of the little girls, including the drowsy toddler in Julia's arms, and went down the steps at his side. They passed through the silent streets without attracting any notice, but even when the last houses were behind them his companion made no attempt to put back her hood, even though the night was warm.

  The silence seemed oppressive. "How long have you been coming to services at the new temple?" Gaius asked finally. n, •

  "Since it was built."

  "And before that?"

  "When I was a little girl, my mother used to take me to meetings in the servants' quarters in the house of one of the city fathers whose steward was a Christian."

  "But you dwell in the Forest House," he said, frowning.

  "It is true," she replied quietly. "Their Priestess has given me shelter there - I am an orphan. But no oaths bind me. My father is British, exiled now, but my mother was a Roman. She had me baptized, and when I found that Father Petros was living near I wanted to learn more of her faith."

  Gaius smiled. "And your name is Valeria!"

  She blinked. It had been a long time since she had heard that name.

  "That is the name my mother called me, but I have been Senara so long I had almost forgotten it. Father Petros says it is my duty to obey my guardians, even if they are pagans. At least in the Forest House no harm will come to me. He says that the Druids are among the good pagans who will some day be offered salvation; but I must not take oath to them. And the Apostle Paul commanded slaves to obey their masters. Freedom is of the soul, but the legal status of the body cannot be set aside, and neither can lawful oaths."

  "At least they have that much sense," he muttered. "A pity they cannot extend that reasoning to cover their duty to the Emperor!"

  Senara chattered on as if she had not heard, and he wondered if her babbling covered fear, but he was too charmed by the music of her voice to care much about the words. She had such innocence, like Eilan's when she was young.

  "Of course they do not ask me to sin in the Forest House, and they are good people there, but I want to be a real believer and go to Heaven. I would be afraid to be a martyr though, and I used to be afraid they would think it was my duty to die for my faith like one of the saints Mother told me about; I was only a baby but I can remember - just.

  "But the Government is not persecuting Christians now . . ." She hesitated. As Gaius was searching for something to say, she went on. "Of course, tonight, the Father was really talking about me. A few of the people in the congregation know that I am in one of the pagan temples and they despise me because I remain there - but Father Petros says I do not need to leave them until I am of age."

  "And then what?" he asked. "Will Valerius arrange a suitable marriage for you?"

  "Oh no. It is most likely I will enter a holy sisterhood. In Heaven, the priests say, there is neither marrying nor giving in marriage."

  "What a waste," Gaius declared. He had heard that one before. "I truly think the priests must be mistaken."

  "Oh no; for when the world ends you do not wish to be found with any sin upon your soul."

  Gaius said with absolute truthfulness, "It never occurred to me to be concerned about my soul, nor even to ask myself whether or not I had one."

  She stopped short and turned to him in the dark. "But how terrible," she said very earnestly. "You do not want to be cast into the pit of hell, do you?"

  "I find it a strange religion that would condemn folk for breeding children, or for the act that begets them! And as for your pit of hell, surely it is as much as a fable as Tartarus or Hades. Nothing to frighten a rational man. Do you mean to tell me that you truly believe that is where those who offend against Father Petros's rules will go?"

  She stopped again and raised her face to him, white as a lily in the moonlight. "But of course I do," she said. "You must think about your soul now, before it is too late."

  If anyone except a girl as pretty as this one had brought up such a subject to Gaius, he probably would have laughed in her face. Julia's talk of such things bored him almost to tears. Instead he answered more gently, "If you have a care for my soul you will simply have to help me save it."

  She said doubtfully, "I think Father Petros could help you a good deal better than I can." They had reached the entrance to the avenue of oaks that led to the Forest House, and she stopped, frowning. "I can find my way from here; and you should certainly not come any closer. You might be seen, and then I too would be caught and punished."

  He seized her shoulders and said, half jocularly, half pleading, "Will you let me go with my soul unsaved, then? We must meet again."

  She looked troubled. "I should not say this," she said abruptly.

  "But I take food to Father Petros's hermitage at noon of every day. If you happened to be there . . . I suppose . . .we could talk then."

  "Then you shall certainly save my soul, if it can be saved," Gaius replied. He did not care a pin about his suppositious soul; but he knew he wanted to see Senara again.

  "I will never see you again —" Eilan turned abruptly away from Caillean and stared into the garden.

  "That is foolish!" exclaimed Caillean, the stab of fear those words gave her turning to anger. "Now it is you who are having the foolish premonitions. It was you yourself who wanted me to go!"

  Eilan's thin shoulders quivered. "Not I, not I. It was the Goddess speaking through me, and I know we must do Her will. But oh, Caillean, now that the time conies, it is hard!"

  "Hard indeed!" Caillean spat back at her. "But it is I who must leave you and everything that I have loved. Are you sure it was the Goddess speaking and not Ardanos whispering in your ear? He has wanted to separate us ever since I made him let you keep your son!"

  "I suppose this does please him," whispered Eilan, "but do you truly believe it was his doing? Is everything I have tried to do here a lie?"

  Caillean heard her pain and could maintain her own anger no longer. "My dear one - my little one." She laid a hand on Eilan's shoulder and the other woman turned into her arms. She made no sound, but her cheeks were streaked with tears. "We must not fight like children when there is so little time! There are moments when the power of the gods burns like the sun, and then it grows dark and the light seems only a dream. It has always been so. But I believe in you, my love."

  "Your belief has sustained me," Eilan murmured.

  "Listen," said Caillean. "This is not for ever. One day, when we are old women together, we will laugh at our fears."

  "I know that we will be together," said Eilan slowly, "but whether it is in this life or another, that I cannot see."

  "My Lady," Huw spoke from the gate, "the bearers are waiting."

  "Now you must go." Eilan straightened, becoming the High Priestess again. "We must both serve the Lady in the places where She has called us, no matter what we feel."

  "It is all right. I will return, you'll see," Caillean said gruffly, giving her a last, swift hug and releasing her.

  She went away then, knowing that if she looked back at Eilan she would weep herself, and she must not, not before the young priestesses and the men. It was not until the curtains of the litter closed around her that she gave way to her tears.

  She spent most of the rainy, dismal journey to the Summer Country brooding. Her mood was not improved by the fact that they had to travel by litter, a form of transportation that she detested.

  She was accompanied by the priestesses chosen for the new establishment. They were mostly young, and all virtual newcomers to the Forest House who were too awed even to address her in anything but the barest commonplaces. Caillean had little to do except to nurse her rage.

  It was nearing dusk when the little procession wound through the gap in the hills and transferred to barges to cross the shallow marshes that surrounded the Tor. It stood stark against the fading sky, crowned with a circle of stones, and even from here she could feel its power. The roun
dhouses of the Druids clustered on its lower slopes. In the hollow beyond, she could just make out a scattering of smaller, beehive huts that must belong to the Christians Ardanos had allowed to settle here. A fragrance of some scented wood, perhaps apple, hung in the air.

  They were met at the foot of the hill by the young priests set to watch there, who greeted her with many expressions of deference and good will, although they appeared somewhat uncertain about why she had come. Despite her anger she found herself amused by their confusion, and began reluctantly to come to terms with the inevitable. For better or worse, the Druid priesthood had sent her here, and even they were only instruments of the Goddess, who had commanded her presence here in no uncertain terms.

  When they reached the shrine itself, it was full dark. The priests greeted them politely, if not cordially - but then, Caillean had hardly expected to be welcomed. If this was exile, at least it was an honorable exile, and since she could not alter it, she might as well make the best of it.

  After the ceremonial greetings, she found her women huddled in wide-eyed confusion by the bonfire. One of the young priests conducted them to a low, thatched-roof dwelling that, as they said apologetically, was not in any way suitable for the housing of a priestess, let alone one of her status. Still, where to put women was not a problem they had had to deal with until now. Since the Arch-Druid had commanded it, however, they were swift to assure her that a suitable house would be built for their use as soon as she made their requirements known, and such attendance as she and her women desired should be secured for them.