Forever Craving You: A Grudging Hearts Novel

by Arthurs, Nia

  But I can’t.

  So I cup my hands beneath the faucet instead. Wash my face. Glare at my reflection in the mirror.

  Water drips down my face. Past the five o’clock shadow that sprouted two hours after I shaved. Down my chin.

  Chandra’s driving me crazy.

  Man, I haven’t felt this torn up since… I don’t even know when.

  A deep breath does little to ease the pressure in my head.

  For a year, I’ve been crushing on her. Ever since the night I saw her in the parking lot, getting man-handled by that Howard guy. She took up permanent residence in my mind.

  I did my best to get her out.

  Hell, I tried.

  But here I am.

  Tangled. Caught. Snared.

  In her.

  And I don’t know how to help her.

  I don’t know how to make her see that she’s worth more than all the crap she’s put up with.

  Every piece of advice sounds judgmental. Preachy. I refuse to pile on the guilt. Deep down, Chandra knows her mother’s theories can’t be right.

  Even if she won’t admit it out loud.

  I grab a towel.

  Wipe my face.

  Give my reflection a resolute nod.

  Pull myself together.

  I’m done giving into the anger.

  It won’t do Chandra or me any good.

  All I can do is love her as fiercely as I know how.

  And hope that she meant it last night when she said my battered heart was enough.

  25 Chandra

  Ollie’s footsteps grow louder. He’s returning from the bathroom. I listen as his steps slow and then stop.

  He’s close.

  I can feel his presence as if he’s touching me.

  Without looking back, I mumble, “I know what you must think of me.”

  “I have no right to judge. If we’re comparing, I’m pretty sure my baggage is bigger than yours.”

  “Maybe that’s a sign.”

  “I’m way past looking at signs.” Ollie chuckles. The sound is as warm as the big hands winding around my waist.

  His touch makes me weak. “Is this your way of making up?”

  “Is it working?” He kisses my neck.

  I tilt my head to the side so his lips have more room. “You tell me.”

  “I’d take that as a yes,” he rumbles. Kisses me again.

  My hands go limp in the water.

  Heat flares through every inch of me.

  Ollie grazes his lips up to my chin, my ear. “Are you staying over tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  His grip tightens with intent.

  I narrow my eyes. Wiggle around. Twist my neck to stare at him. “Only because I don’t want Cobie to see me like this. Don’t get any ideas.”

  “Did I say anything?”

  “Your body’s doing most of the talking.”

  He wraps his big fingers around my hand. Rubs the pulse hammering at my wrist with his thumb.

  Blue eyes darken. “Your body is saying a whole lot too.”

  For a second, I’m sucked into a trance.

  Hypnotized by his eyes.

  By my desire.

  Every muscle screams: more Ollie please.

  But he’s already wrecked his ankle up because of what we did last night. We can’t risk doing further damage.

  I’ve got to be the responsible one here.

  With the little brainpower not wrapped up in his touch, I turn fully around. “Maybe I should just go home.”

  He grabs my shoulders. Spins me back to face the sink. Hugs me tight. “I’ll control myself.”

  “Why do I find that hard to believe?” I reach for another plate. Despite my words, my heart flutters uncontrollably.

  I’m enjoying Ollie’s warmth.

  What is it about this man that’s gotten under my defenses so firmly?

  He leans his head against the back of mine. “Don’t make any sudden movements. I’m balancing on one leg here.”

  “You’re heavy.”

  “Deal with it.”

  I chuckle. Brace my hands on the sink to accept his weight. Close my eyes.

  The quiet is refreshing.

  I let out a contented sigh.

  Okay.

  Now I’m starting to see why it was a good idea to run here.

  To run to Ollie.

  That ‘thing’ that makes him different?

  It’s steadfastness.

  I can plant my feet in him and weather out any storm. He won’t shift beneath my feet. He won’t turn on me. He’ll just hold me steady.

  Ollie’s thumb traces a circle in the back of my hand. His voice rumbles over me, pleased. “I felt that.”

  “What?”

  “The moment you gave in to me.”

  I stiffen. Nudge him away with my elbow. Clear my throat.

  I feel exposed.

  Makes me want to hide under a hole.

  I lift my chin instead. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He gives me space, choosing to lean against the sink. His lips quirk into a knowing half-smile. Blue eyes sparkle with mischief. “Want to watch a movie?”

  “I’ve got to finish up.” I point to the dirty pans.

  “Let those soak. I’ll get to them tomorrow.”

  I remove my hands from the water in the sink and wipe them against the T-shirt I’m wearing. “Sure.”

  “What? No arguments?”

  I smile. “You want to start one?”

  “No, ma’am.” He throws his arms up in mock-surrender and then gestures to the living room. “After you.”

  I stroll to the couch, my cheeks warming as I remember all the ways we’d made use of it last night.

  Ollie notices my gaze. Winks. “Changed your mind?”

  “Not a chance.” I sit primly in the sofa.

  He chuckles but doesn’t comment. Setting his crutches on the arm of the couch, he moves in beside me.

  I stare straight at the TV while he loads Netflix.

  Suddenly, a hand wraps around my shoulders.

  I feel myself being dragged back, tilted sideways.

  Ollie guides me with his hand, not stopping until I’m smashed against his side, my thigh pressing into his hard one.

  “What are you doing?” I grumble, trying to push off him.

  “Relax,” he says, hooking his arm more securely.

  “I’m relaxed.”

  “You’re stiffer than a newbie trying to bench press a ten pound.”

  “What?”

  “Pick a movie.”

  “I thought you were going to introduce me to your world.”

  “Another time.”

  I accept the remote from him. As I browse the movies available, I tuck my feet up under me and try to find a comfortable position in his arms.

  “This one.”

  Ollie nods. “Whatever you want.”

  I press play.

  By the time the film starts, I’m warm and comfortable.

  So warm and comfortable that, ten minutes in, I doze off.

  When I wake up next, the television is off.

  My leg is stiff.

  I stretch it out. Squint against the bright lights blazing in the living room. Glance around.

  Ollie’s sleeping beside me.

  I stop for a second and just stare at him. His face is square and rugged, but his lips have softened into a thin line.

  At least he doesn’t scowl when he sleeps.

  I trace the line of his jaw. The shape of his eyes. The whiskers on his chin.

  For so many weeks, he owned my dreams.

  Now he’s here when I wake up.

  I press my palms together and slide them under my cheek, wondering how I got so lucky. Ollie’s way, way different than any man I’d pictured myself falling for, but he’s exactly what I needed.

  Can I really belong to this incredible guy?

  Can I really trust him?

  Man, I wan
t to.

  How the mighty have fallen.

  Just yesterday, I was guarding my heart with all my might.

  Now? I’m about to grab a plate and hand my bleeding heart right over for his safekeeping.

  Not that I’ll tell him.

  I reach out and gently graze my finger across the hair falling over his forehead.

  He barely stirs.

  I blink languidly.

  A phone rings.

  The noise startles me.

  Afraid it’ll wake Ollie, I jump from the couch and scurry around to find the source of the chirp.

  It stops before I can get to it.

  I spy my purse near the door and head there.

  The phone rings again.

  Louder this time.

  I pounce on my bag and grab the phone before it can get through its first ring. Slamming it to my ear, I whisper, “Hello?”

  A soft voice mumbles, “Chandra?”

  I pull the phone away.

  Glare at the screen.

  Rick?

  26 Chandra

  “Don’t hang up!” His voice squawks from the speakers.

  Against my better judgment, I hold the line. “What do you want, Rick?”

  “To explain.”

  “Don’t bother. I really couldn’t care less.”

  “Listen, it’s not what it looks like. A few weeks ago, I matched up with Rachel on a dating app, but that was a mistake. She’s crazy. You saw her. That was just a small taste of what she’s capable of.”

  “It’s not my problem, Rick.”

  “When you accept my proposal, it will be. Rachel’s been wreaking havoc on my life, bad-mouthing my businesses, harassing my associates. It’s getting out of hand. I need someone to go toe-to-toe with her. Just like you did today.”

  “I’m not your bodyguard, Rick.” A sudden thought dawns. “Is that why you’re pretending you want to marry me? To send her a message?”

  “Of course not,” he says in a tone that reads yes, that’s exactly it. “We’re good together. You and me. You stuck with me when things got ugly. There’s no other woman like you.”

  “Tell it to your therapist, Rick. I really don’t give a damn.”

  “Chandra! Chandra, wait. I know you want that ring. I saw your eyes light up that day.”

  I keep quiet.

  He’s right.

  Flinging the truth back in my face doesn’t feel good though.

  “Screw you, Rick.”

  “I made mistakes. I know I did. Rachel was one of them, but I’m willing to give you the title she’s making all that noise for. I’m willing to make you Mrs. Chandra Bane. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  I glance at Ollie. “My answer is no.”

  “Give it some time. Maybe you’ll change your mind.”

  “I don’t need time, Rick. If Rachel is your mistake, then staying with you was mine. Take your money and your ring and shove it. And if you ever show up in front of me again, I’m going straight to the police and filing for a restraining order. Do you understand me?”

  “Chandra, I realized too late that I love you. If you’d just give me another chance…”

  “You’re delusional.”

  “Chandra, wait. Listen—”

  I hang up.

  Tiptoeing back to the couch, I settle in beside Ollie.

  He shifts.

  Cracks his eyes open.

  Looks down at me—straight at me—like I’m the best thing he’s ever had in his life.

  Like I’m the only thing he’ll ever need.

  “Ollie.”

  His voice is low. Husky. “How did that feel?”

  “Like something long overdue.” I inch toward him. “Did I wake you?”

  He wraps me in his arms. “No, you didn’t.”

  “How much did you hear?”

  “Enough.”

  “It’s over.”

  “It was over a long time ago.”

  “I’m not getting married to Rick.”

  He tucks my head against his chest. “Go to sleep, Chandra.”

  I listen to his heartbeat.

  A soothing cadence.

  Strong. Steady.

  Just like the man it keeps alive.

  I brush my hand across his T-shirt. The silence presses around us.

  Our own little bubble.

  Our own perfect world.

  I like you.

  I’ve never felt so safe.

  I like you.

  So accepted.

  So secure.

  I suck in a deep breath. “Ollie, I—”

  “I know.” He turns into me. Smiles against my forehead. Another sleepy kiss is pressed to my face. “I know, Chandra.”

  Something sweet and crackling flows through my veins.

  My muscles relax.

  I settle more comfortably into his arms and return to sleep.

  27 Ollie

  That woman snuck out again.

  I stare at the emptiness next to me. Imagine Chandra there instead of the slivers of sunlight that paint golden brushes in the air.

  For a moment, the vision feels real.

  My body fills with a familiar thrill. One that never fails to amaze me.

  Then I blink.

  My gaze fixes on the empty sofa.

  Only the T-shirt she wore last night is there.

  Hanging forlornly on the chair.

  This is it.

  This is reality.

  I roll my shoulders. Grimace at the stiffness in my leg. My gaze searches the room for my phone and I locate it on the TV stand.

  Rising slowly, I hobble over and call Chandra.

  As soon as the line connects, I tap my thumb against my pants.

  A click.

  “Hello?”

  “Baby, we’re gonna have to talk about this.”

  She chuckles. “Good morning.”

  “It would have been… if I’d seen your face.”

  “I had to leave early to help Zania. You were sound asleep. I couldn’t wake you.”

  “You should have.”

  Usually, I wouldn’t care if a woman made herself scarce before I woke up. In fact, I’d applaud the move. Probably call her again for a second round.

  But Chandra isn’t a woman I want disappearing when I open my eyes.

  “My bad,” she says.

  I scoff. “What a half-hearted apology.”

  “Should I stop by again tonight? Have a do-over?”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “You’ll—fine. Forget it then.”

  My chest warms.

  That damn feistiness of hers—there must be something wrong with me because it turns me on in the best way.

  “In the future, wake me before you leave.”

  “Is that an order?”

  “It’s your first warning. I won’t be so nice the next time.”

  “What will happen next time?” She sounds intrigued.

  I lower my voice. “Try me and find out.”

  “See, now you’re just begging me to be bad.”

  Her sass revs all my engines. It feels good.

  Chandra’s not like any other woman I’ve met. The more I see of her, the more I want.

  I hold the phone tighter, ready to growl out a reply when a knock sounds at the door.

  “Ollie!”

  Griffin’s voice.

  Chandra hears it too. “Seems you’ve got company.”

  “Don’t think you’ve gotten away. We’ll get back to this later.”

  “Looking forward to it.”

  I shake my head. Rise. Head to the door. “I’ll pick you up after closing.”

  “But you can’t drive.”

  “Ollie!”

  Another bang on the door from Griffin.

  I pull the phone away and yell, “Just a minute.” Back to Chandra. “You can scold me in person then. I need to open this door before Griff knocks it down.”

  “Later,” she says grouchily.

  I
hang up, knowing I’ll pay for my stubbornness later.

  With a sigh, I unlock the door. “Griff, there better be a good reason for…” My words fade into nothing.

  Griff is outside.

  But he’s not alone.

  My gaze lands on a woman.

  My heart stops beating.

  She looks up at me.

  Brown eyes warm.

  Pink lips curl into a grin.

  It’s a welcoming smile. A sincere one.

  But I don’t feel the warmth of it.

  All I feel is cold.

  “She was at the gym,” Griff says softly. Solemnly.

  “Hi, Ollie,” she says. Wiggles long slender fingers. Pink nail polish.

  Pink is her favorite color.

  I can barely hear my own voice over the rushing of my pulse. “Catherine.”

  “Did you get my postcards?” An excited glimmer. A girlish lip bite.

  My throat clogs.

  All I can do is nod.

  “I thought about calling before I headed down here, but I wanted to surprise you. So… surprise!” Her laughter is loud. Free.

  It could fool anyone.

  I watch her hand descend. Into her lap. Rest on the jean-clad legs propped up in the wheelchair.

  “Can I come in?”

  My body is rigid.

  I don’t answer.

  Her smile wobbles. A worried crease appears between her brows. “Is… this a bad time?”

  Yes. “No.”

  Her gaze travels down. Lands on my gauze-wrapped ankle.

  She gasps loudly. “Ollie, what happened to your leg?”

  My mouth opens. Closes. I don’t know what to say.

  I sprained my ankle.

  It’ll get better in a couple days.

  I’ll walk as normal.

  Catherine will never walk again.

  She blinks. Stares inquiringly. Waiting.

  Griffin sees me wigging out. Clears his throat. Bails me out. “Why don’t we talk inside?”

  “Yeah.” I step back.

  Let her pass.

  Catherine pushes herself in. Her hands turn the large wheels of her wheelchair expertly. She looks fully in control as she takes her place in the center of my living room.

  Her gaze skims every corner, studying it intently. “Nice place. Did you just move in?”

  “No.”

  “Really?” Another sweep of the room. “How long has it been?”

  “A couple years.”

  “Why don’t you have any pictures or paintings up?”

  I shrug. “I… didn’t have the interest.”