Stolen Breaths

by Pamela Sparkman

  “Fine,” I pouted. “I’m only trying to help.” I backed away and he walked back towards the sink, sponge still in hand, looking victorious. I maneuvered around him and grabbed the sponge from him and he spun around so fast that my first instinct was to take off running. I had no plan of action. I ran through the house squealing, “Get back, Cooper!”

  He chased after me and I dodged a chair and a coffee table then ran myself into a dead end. Crap. I hit the wall and turned around quickly, searching for an exit. Cooper’s body was blocking any escape route.

  He moved his body toward me knowing that he had me cornered, and was savoring the moment. I looked down and saw that I still had the sponge. I tossed it as far as I could, hoping that he’d want to get it back. He casually watched it fly across the room and land on the wood floor before turning his face back toward mine. With a raised eyebrow and a very amused look on his face he stood there contemplating what he should do next.

  I held up my hands in front of me as some kind of false protection and squealed, “Cooper, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just wanted to help with the dishes!” I was laughing myself silly because the look on his face was priceless. He moved in closer like an animal stalking its prey. He moved to place one hand on the wall behind my head, and he placed his other hand on my hip. He had me boxed in, but I didn’t feel trapped. His mouth was inches from mine and my breath hitched. I focused on his eyes; his eyes focused on my lips. The heat from his body moved through mine as he slowly and methodically moved closer.

  “Lily, why are you running from me?” he whispered.

  “I’m not,” I managed to whisper back.

  Still keeping his lips close enough to mine that his breath was now mixing with my own, he said, “Then why am I chasing you?”

  I say nothing. I can’t.

  He moved ever so slightly to whisper in my ear, “I caught you.”

  I felt his lips kiss my neck, lightly – like a butterfly kiss as he brushed across my sensitive skin. I realized that my hands were touching his chest. He had walked right into them when he stalked toward me, and I could feel the rapid beat of his heart through his shirt. I was melting into the wall and the only thought in my head at that moment was Cooper and what he was doing. I was completely aware that his hand was touching the skin around my waist just barely under the hem of my shirt and I also was still very aware that his other hand had not moved from the wall, but now his arm was slightly bent at the elbow for the sake of coming closer.

  He kissed my throat and worked his way to the other side of my neck and up toward my other ear, slow and delicate. No rushing, just easy feather-like caresses. I could feel his grip on my hip tighten and I heard a faint moan escape the back of his throat.

  “Lily,” he whispered raggedly, “I want to kiss you so bad.”

  Those words, this moment, the seductive tone in his voice, all of it, I fell apart – like pieces of torn paper scattered on the ground. He was my undoing. His lips slowly traced up toward my jaw and for the first time I could feel his tongue on my skin, sending a wave of heat and chills over me. He made his way toward my mouth and then stopped.

  “Lily, look at me,” spoken just above a whisper. “Tell me again.”

  Completely lost in the moment, opening my eyes seemed like a very difficult task. I did, and looked directly into his dark brown eyes that now looked like black pools.

  “Tell you what?”

  Cooper palmed my face, holding me like a precious cup containing a drink he was longing to taste. “Tell me you want me to kiss you.”

  My eyes closed again on their own volition when his words fell from his lips and made a home inside my heart.

  “Say it. Please, I need to hear you say it.” He paused. “And I need to see your eyes, Lily.”

  I opened my eyes once again, searching the depths of his gaze as I breathed out the words in a hushed voice, “I want you to kiss me.”

  He was looking at me the way I was looking at him; taking his time to consume me. I felt completely lost in him, like we had somehow melted into each other. Then, when he was satisfied that our spirits had connected, he leaned in and touched his lips against mine, gently, barely connecting at first. He parted his lips and brushed his tongue against mine, and in that moment his kiss whispered secrets meant only for my soul to hear. He had shattered me with his touch, and was piecing me back together with his kiss. Bit by tiny bit. Every motion was soft, yet powerful. And every part of him caressed over me much like warm water rippling against the sandy shore. His kiss slowly and tenderly intensified as he deepened our connection; the kiss of a man who wanted to tell me something that he had no words for.

  He pulled back and brushed his thumb across my cheek, looking into my eyes like he was searching for something. He dropped his head to my forehead and exhaled, and I followed his lead, trying to catch my breath. I still had my hands on him and had, at some point, gripped his shirt and had it twisted in my fists. I gradually let go and laid my palms flat on his chest.

  Still taking slow breaths he said, “You have no idea what you do to me, Lily. You completely undo me.”

  I moved my hands up and touched each side of his beautiful face and looked into his soulful eyes. “I have never been kissed like that,” I murmured breathlessly. “Ever, Cooper.”

  A smile moved across his face and again looking victorious, he whispered, “Mission. Accomplished.” He took both of his arms and wrapped them around my body, pulling me into him in a tight embrace. He kissed the top of my head and let out a breath. My ear was to his chest and I could hear his heart racing.

  “Your heart is beating so fast,” I said, hugging him tightly.

  “I know. It started beating again when I saw you that day at the airport.”

  Eight

  Breathless

  Cooper took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen, scooping up the wet sponge along the way. “I’ll make a deal with you. I wash, you rinse. Okay?” He smiled, showing his beautifully white teeth.

  “Okay,” I said, flashing him a brilliant smile of my own. “You know, we could have the dishes done already if you…”

  He shushed me by placing one finger over my lips. “Yes, but it was more fun this way. Don’t you think?”

  Aware that he hadn’t moved his finger from my lips yet, I nodded. He removed his finger and together we turned toward the sink to complete the task. No words were spoken between us, but we seemed to communicate with smiles and an understanding that we both needed a minute to think about the moment we just had. That incredibly intense moment. I can’t say what was going through his mind, but I was desperately trying to regroup and organize all of my thoughts and feelings into a mental file cabinet to be retrieved for later.

  After the last dish was washed and put away he looked over at me. “How ‘bout some music? I noticed you had a guitar sitting out. Yours?”

  “It was my daddy’s. I was messing around with it last night.”

  He turned around and leaned against the sink, folding his arms in front of his chest. “You play?”

  “Some… I’m not good enough to play in front of people. In fact, the only person who’s ever heard me play was my daddy and that’s only because he taught me how. I just play for myself, really.”

  “Would you play for me?” he asked, looking intently at his shoelaces.

  I shrugged. “I dunno. I…uh…I would be too embarrassed.”

  “I’ll only play for you if you agree to play for me.” He glanced up. “Deal?”

  Brown eyes searching brown eyes, I said, “Deal. You go first. It’ll give me time to drink a couple of glasses of wine. I’ll need the liquid courage.”

  His eyes began smiling long before the corners of his mouth broke free with a crooked grin and then he laughed. “That’s fair.”

  I settled down on one edge of the couch and Cooper settled on the other end. I watched him with the guitar; watched how his hands moved across the strings; how he leaned his ear down to tune the in
strument; how he closed his eyes when he plucked out a chord until he was satisfied with the outcome. He finally looked up appearing pleased.

  “I’m ready.”

  I took a sip of my wine and leaned into the couch cushion.

  He counted off 1…2…3… and just like that, music was playing. He played a song by Ed Sheeran about building a Lego house. His voice was smooth and beautiful; masculine and sweet at the same time. It was hypnotic. When he sang, he sang from the heart. Watching the expressions move across his face was breathtaking. I was awestruck and completely speechless. He stopped playing and looked at me, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, he broke the silence.

  “I believe it’s your turn now.”

  Words. I need to say words. Clearing my throat I said, “No, wait. Cooper, that was beautiful. You were wonderful. Do you have any idea how great you sound?”

  He looked down at the guitar laid across his lap. “Thank you, Lily. I’m glad you think so.”

  “I can’t be the only one who thinks so. You play every Friday night at Joe’s so clearly people love listening to you.”

  He shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah, I suppose. But….” He looked down, then picked up the guitar and handed it over to me.

  “But what?” I said, still watching his every movement.

  “But now I want to hear you. So, don’t keep me waiting.” He flashed his most endearing smile and I crumbled like a cookie.

  I sighed. How could I possibly follow that? I took a big sip of my wine and set the glass down, then shook out my hands and tried to relax my fingers. I adjusted the guitar across my lap, blew out a breath of air in an attempt to calm my nerves, and then calmly set my fingers on the strings. I decided to play Amanda Seyfried’s ‘Little House’. I tried not to look directly at Cooper while I sang. I closed my eyes and pretended that I was alone so I could get through it. When it was over I opened my eyes and set the guitar down between us.

  “That was beautiful, Lily,” he said, looking at me intently, those chocolate eyes searching, studying me.

  “Thanks,” I said shyly.

  “I already knew you could sing, but that was amazing. I mean, truly amazing.”

  I didn’t say anything. I offered a smile of gratitude for his kindness instead. Plus I was embarrassed.

  “Am I the only other person who’s ever heard you sing, other than your dad?”

  “Yep.”

  “That’s a shame, Lil. You should play for people.”

  “No way. I can’t do what you do. I can’t get up in front of people and do that. I’m not made that way.”

  “How do you know? Have you ever tried?”

  “No…no. I can’t. My palms are sweaty just playing in front of you in my own house. There’s no way I… No. I can’t.” I got up and took my empty glass to the sink.

  Cooper let it go at that point, opting not to push it any further and I was grateful. “Okay,” he said.

  He sang a few more songs for me and I soaked in every note, every syllable, every breath. I studied him while he sang, memorizing every line and every freckle on his face. I admired his one dimple and I began noticing the way the corners of his mouth rise up just when he was about to say my name. I wondered if he even realized he did that. I studied the way his Adam’s apple moved up and down, the way his fingers strummed the guitar, I studied every movement his body made. Then I began to question everything about me and about him. Why was I so thirstily drinking in every little thing about Cooper? Before, looking at him too long would cause me to stop breathing. Now, it caused me physical pain to take my eyes off of him. Actual physical pain. Like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

  Forcing myself to look away, I got up. “I’ll be right back,” I said, and quickly left the room, headed for my bedroom and closed the door behind me.

  I let out the breath I had been holding and slid down the door and onto the floor. I pulled my legs up, folded my arms across my knees, looking up towards the ceiling searching for an answer. I didn’t even know what the question was. It was too much. Cooper was too much.

  I can’t. I can’t do this. It’s too much.

  I heard a knock on my door. “Lily? You okay?”

  “Um, yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.” I rose off the floor and it was then I realized I had been crying. My face was wet and my eyes stung from the tears. I gave myself time, pulled myself together, and opened the door.

  Cooper was still waiting for me on the other side of it. His voice soft and low he said, “Are you sure you’re okay? I thought I heard you crying.”

  “No, I’m okay. I just….needed a minute. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to run out like that.” Feeling awkward I shoved my hands in my back pockets. “Come on, let’s go back to the living room.”

  I started to walk forward but Cooper grabbed my arm – gently of course. “Wait,” he said. “Lily, tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I couldn’t breathe. I needed to breathe. I…I …needed a minute to catch my breath. I can’t explain it.” I was looking down at the floor because I knew I sounded crazy and couldn’t look at him.

  He sighed and pulled me toward him for a hug. He wrapped both arms around me. “Okay,” he whispered. “We’ll go slower. We’ll go as slow as you need to go. Just tell me what you need, Lil, and I’ll do it.”

  I stood in my kitchen and looked around the room, visually tracing the steps Cooper took when he was here. I could still smell him even though he left hours ago. His energy was so strong that I could still feel his presence all around me, and yet, I was acutely aware how alone I was in this big house by myself. I honestly don’t know how my daddy did it – living here by himself for so long. I stood fixed in one place, replaying the night’s events like a movie reel in my head. It all had led up to Cooper kissing me and if I closed my eyes I could still feel the tingle on my lips from where he touched them with his. The feelings I had for Cooper were getting stronger and I felt like I was being swallowed up by them. It was an inner battle that I was constantly fighting; each side wanting to declare victory. Part of me wanted to let go and allow myself to get swept up in the moment; the other part of me was furiously fighting to hold on, to be cautious and protect my heart. I lost myself when I was with Cooper and that scared me. No, it terrified me. I didn’t know which part of me would win this war within. But the worst part was that I didn’t want to be this person; this pathetic lump of putty that cowered at the chance of experiencing the very thing I’ve waited for my whole life. I looked to the heavens and prayed for strength, prayed for courage. Then, still looking up, I said, “Daddy, if you’re up there and you can see me, tell me what to do.”

  Nine

  Live A Little

  Two missed calls from Maggie. She must have called last night when Cooper was here. I had left my phone in my purse and never even gave it a second thought. I pressed “call” and waited for her to pick up.

  “It’s about time you called me back,” Maggie grumped when she answered her phone.

  “Sorry. Been a bit busy. What’s up?”

  “Busy doing what? The last time I was there it was just you and that big ol’ house.”

  “Busy with… stuff. I do have a life you know.”

  “No, you don’t. Lily, the last time we talked you were in your pajamas at seven thirty reading one of your romance novels. The time before that you were getting ready for bed at the late night hour of nine pm, and the time before that you were organizing your pantry alphabetically. Please tell me you were on a hot date and not color coding your closet again,” she said jokingly.

  “As a matter of fact…”

  “You were on a hot date?” she asked excitedly.

  “Sort of. We stayed here, and he cooked dinner for me.”

  “Oh really? Was there anything else cookin’?” she asked in a mischievous tone. Even though I couldn’t see her I knew she was doing that eyebrow thing like that stork on the Vlasic Pickles commercial.

  “Yes, I ripped off his
clothes and had my way with him on the kitchen table.”

  “Be serious.”

  “How do you know I’m not being serious?”

  “Uh, because I know you and that’s not something you would ever do.”

  “Then why did you ask?”

  Maggie giggled. “Because it’s what I would have done!”

  “Yes, I know. I’m still trying to forget that time I walked in on you and Vince.”

  “Yeah,” she said, laughing, “sorry about that.”

  “No you’re not.”

  “You’re right. I’m not. The look on your face was priceless.”

  “Does anything embarrass you?”

  Thinking for a moment she said, “No I don’t think so. But I should have known that relationship wasn’t going to work out.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I baked him brownies for his birthday. Brownies. And you know what he said? He said, ‘I don’t like brownies’. Who doesn’t like brownies? I’m telling you, Lily, never trust a man that doesn’t like brownies.”

  “Okay, Mags, I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “You’d better, and don’t change the subject. We’re talking about you.”

  “No, we’re not. You are.”

  “It is my job to see to it that you don’t end up being a cat lady or something equally as lame. I want to see you happy and taking risks. Consider me your conscience and listen to my voice. Grab life by the balls and live a little.”

  I actually let those words sink in and fought the urge to roll my eyes.

  “Lily?”

  “I’m trying, Mags. I’m just not like you.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re you. And you need to start seeing yourself the way others see you.”

  “And how do others see me?”

  “You really don’t know do you?” I heard a crash in the background and then Maggie said, “I’ll have to call you back. My brother is helping me move some stuff around and he just dropped one of my boxes labeled ‘breakables’. I’m so gonna kill him.”