Not to be outdone, his father stood too. But, with nothing to say, he just puffed up his shoulders and glared.
“Jesus!” Rome said, mostly to get under his mother’s skin. He turned and headed out of the room. After grabbing his coat, he looked back at his parents. His mother’s face was white with shock, his father’s turning nearly purple. Rome saw his father reach for the dinner plate, and that was it. Rome was gone, out the door, not about to get another scar.
Rome could barely hear his father yelling after him as he stormed away. He slammed the door and hopped into his car. There was a buzzing in his stomach. He felt it inch up to his chest and fill his brain. Driving away, he felt giddy, almost high. Most amazingly, he didn’t feel a trace of guilt. His mind focused on one thought, and one thought alone: I have to go to Julian.
14
Revelations
By the time Rome arrived at Julian’s, the buzz he had felt at running away had faded. It was replaced by shaky hands, worry sweats, and a heavy feeling in his stomach. “God, please, let him be home,” Rome pleaded under his breath. He knocked, but there was no answer.
After a few minutes, he went back to the car to try to call Julian. As he rooted through his car he realized that in his rush to leave he’d forgotten the one thing that he actually needed — his phone!
He went back and knocked even louder. This time, a figure came to the door, and Rome’s heart leaped in his chest. But something was wrong. Even once he opened the door, Julian didn’t move to hug him or even smile.
“I heard what happened,” said Julian, his voice flat, eyes stern.
Without a single hope left, Rome broke down. Tears began to roll down his cheeks, salty and hot. He was sorry. Sorry about the guy he’d hit, sorry about his parents, sorry he’d come to lay this all on Julian. He was exhausted, embarrassed, and out of options.
Julian pulled Rome inside and offered him a paint-stained rag to dry his tears. It took a while, but finally Rome caught his breath.
“How could you hurt someone like that?” Julian asked. “Did you really threaten to call the police?”
“I didn’t know what to do,” Rome tried to explain. “Honestly, I didn’t even want to fight. When I got there, I was too late to stop it. And when I saw him hit Marty I just lost it.” Taking a deep breath, he tried to remember what had happened. “I think it was the blood — Marty’s blood. It brought something out in me. I just . . . God, I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry . . .”
“Romeo,” Julian said at last. Rome blushed, just hearing the way Julian said his name. “That man you hurt, you’d seen him before, right? At the party?”
Rome nodded. He had to sit down as he remembered that night.
“The thing is,” Julian said, staring at Rome, “that’s Ty. My cousin.”
Rome’s heart began to race. That big, beefy guy was Julian’s cousin?!
“The other guy is his partner, Harvey.” Julian’s voice faltered for the first time. “It’s bad enough you — or, at least, your friends — started a fight with him. But threatening to call the police?” He shuddered. “Romeo, he could be sent back to prison. Or worse . . .”
Rome buried his face in his hands. Why was this happening?
Julian offered to call Ty to see if he would meet with Rome and try to talk things out. The thought was terrifying, scarier than the fight had been, for sure. But it was even scarier to think of losing Julian. So Rome agreed.
After more talking and some late-night coffee, Rome and Julian began to relax into each other’s company again. Julian ran his fingers along Rome’s scar as Rome told him about the fight with his parents. Something inside Rome quivered. Even though it was embarrassing for Rome to get so emotional, Julian really listened. That was special.
Rome was staring lovingly into Julian’s eyes when there was a knock at the door.
“That must be Sami,” said Julian, standing up. “I called them before you got here. Can you let them in? I’m gonna call Ty.”
Rome nodded as he got up and went to answer the door, wondering, Them? He swung the door open to face down a single stranger. Had Julian been expecting more than one person?
“Hmmm . . . This is definitely Julian’s house.” The stranger stepped into the doorway with a giggle. “But you are definitely not Julian.”
“Hey, Sami.” Julian gave a quick wave from the kitchen.
Sami nodded, not looking away from Rome. “So you’re the infamous Romeo.” Sami smirked. “He’s cute, I’ll give you that. Not really my type, though.”
“Sami, you don’t have a type!” Julian laughed. “You barely have a preferred species!”
“I mean, I’m not gonna write off hooking up with an alien,” Sami replied. They stepped inside and closed the door behind them.
Rome was dumbstruck, looking this stranger up and down. One moment, he was sure Sami was a girl, and then the next he wasn’t so sure. Eventually, Rome just offered his hand, trying to be polite. This was Julian’s friend after all. “Um, hey. Nobody really calls me that. Romeo, I mean. Just my mom. And Julian, I guess. But you can call me Rome?”
Sami accepted the handshake. “Hm, rough hands.”
Rome wasn’t sure what to say to that. Sami giggled again. “I’m just Sami, no more, no less. And you can use they and them as pronouns for me, thank-you-very-much.”
Rome nodded, trying to piece it together. Sami, they, Sami, they, he tried to fix it in his mind. Okay, I can get that. Sami, they, Sami, they . . .
“Romeo, are you able to talk with Ty now? He says he can come over,” Julian called out.
Rome felt a shiver run through his body. “Great, yeah.”
Sami was . . . strange. But Rome was getting used to things being a bit upside-down when he was in Julian’s world. Before long, the trio was sitting around the table, swapping stories about their parents.
“I know,” Sami said, patting Rome’s arm. “It can be pretty tough when your folks just don’t get it.” After a beat, they added, “Hell, it’s hard enough to just be with myself half the time!”
Rome cracked up at that one. “No kidding! Man, sometimes it’s like, I can just hear them in my head and —”
Before he could finish that thought, a knock came at the door. They all fell silent. Ty was there, and so was a heavy feeling in Rome’s gut.
Ty came in with his partner and the group gathered in the living room. All five of them sat awkwardly for a minute or two as they tried to figure out how to proceed.
Should I look him in the eye? Rome wondered. Shake his hand? He began to chew at his lip. Should he laugh it off, or be serious? Should he wait for Ty to go first or start things by saying he was sorry?
Thankfully, Julian stepped in and got the ball rolling. After that, it was up to Rome to find the words.
“I’m really sorry,” he said. “For today, for everything. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t the kind of guy I want to be.” After that, the words seemed to just flow out of him. He spoke the truth, all of it, tough as it might be to swallow. Ty nodded, listening quietly, holding Harvey’s hand. Rome could see the cut on Ty’s knuckles was still raw. Up close like that, the two guys, they seemed to Rome a lot less scary, and a lot more . . . real.
He was finally out of words, and the room settled back into silence. Wringing his hands, Rome waited in suspense for a response.
Ty stood. He extended his hand to Rome. As Rome took Ty’s hand, he felt himself pulled upwards and wrapped in a big bear hug. Rome patted Ty’s back gently in thanks.
As Ty put Rome down, he said plainly, “You’ve got some shitty friends though, dude.”
Rome nodded with a shrug — fair enough. After that, the conversation lightened, and soon the group felt like a bunch of friends just hanging out. At the end of the night, Sami caught a ride home with Ty and Harvey, leaving Rome and Julian alone in a house that felt warm
with laughter.
Rome was in awe. What kind of guy can do that? he wondered. Bring people together like that? And make it all look so easy. Between the two of them, Julian was clearly the braver one. I can’t believe I get to be with him, thought Rome as he followed up the creaking stairs to Julian’s room.
Rome and Julian fell into bed together, laughing softly. They were both tired from the stress of the day. But they found their energy again as soon as they were kissing. They became wrapped up in one another, in just the glow from a streetlight outside and a cloudy night sky above. Rome welcomed the darkness. He felt freer than he’d ever felt before. He pulled Julian’s body against his own, giggling in joy and excitement.
Kisses moved along necklines, hands pulled, legs entwined. Even as they grew more passionate, Rome held back. He wasn’t even sure how this was supposed to work, what was expected of him, what it was supposed to be like. Pushing through his nerves, he spoke up. “Wait, hold on a second.”
“We don’t have to,” Julian said, backing off. “We can just —”
“No, I want to,” Rome said, pulling Julian closer. “I do, it’s just . . .” Rome looked Julian in the eyes and ran his fingers over Julian’s back, caressing his warm skin. He felt something bubbling up, bursting to come out. He was tired of holding back. He wanted to be brave too. “Julian, I love you,” Rome said.
15
Rock Bottom
The sun broke through the window and Rome’s eyes fluttered open. He rolled over to find Julian curled up beside him. Rome took him into his arms and pulled him close, breathing deeply. Nothing would be the same, not after last night. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m so gay, thought Rome, with a smile.
Not wanting to wake Julian, Rome gently kissed his lover’s cheek before gingerly pulling away. Grabbing some scrap paper and a marker off the floor, he penned a quick message:
Gone to talk to parents. I’ll call tonight.
Love,
R
Rome’s empty stomach turned uneasily as he made his way out the door. By the time he arrived home, it was full-on nausea. He stopped in the driveway, his hands wet with sweat on the steering wheel. He sat there for what felt like forever.
“I can do this, I know I can do this,” Rome said to himself. “This is no big deal.” He’d already faced his own worst fears about himself. He’d had the courage to both fight and apologize to Ty. He’d even been brave enough to fall in love. This should be nothing after that! Though it certainly didn’t feel like nothing.
Rome took slow, heavy steps to the door. His parents were waiting. They both must have taken the day off work. That’s not a good sign, thought Rome. He bit at his lip as they led him into the living room and motioned for him to sit. His mother’s mouth was thin. His father’s face was already getting flushed. “You want to explain yourself?” he started.
Rome was speechless. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to explain. His reaction to the fight? Swearing at them? Storming out? Staying out all night without letting his mother know where he was? After a while, his silence stood as well as any other answer could have done.
“Romeo, we know,” said his mother. Rome’s heart started beating faster than ever. He just stared down at his hands, trying to fight the heat building in his cheeks. What was that supposed to mean? What did they know?
His mother took out his phone and slid it across the coffee table. Rome’s eyes went wide. His texts with Julian and Rosie, his late-night web searches, they must have seen all of it.
“Did those guys hit you on the head or something?” his father asked. Rome glanced up and was surprised to see a look of real concern on his father’s face. Rome shook his head. Surely they must have seen that this had been going on since before his fight with Ty. “Come on, son,” his father said, a touch of despair in his voice. “You’re just so . . . so . . .”
“Butch, Dad?” Rome asked, crossing his arms.
“You’re a man’s man! I mean —” His father turned a deeper shade of red. “I mean, what about the team? And Marty? And Ben? Oh, you’re not —” His father choked on his words.
A look of disgust crossed his mother’s face. “You’re not sleeping with them, are you?”
“Jesus,” Rome groaned. His mother flinched at the word. Sleeping with Ben and Marty? They can’t really believe that! thought Rome. He squirmed in his seat. This had to be the most uncomfortable conversation of all time. “Marty and Ben are my friends! Just friends!”
“Fine. So how do you think they’re going to react?” asked his father, smugly.
“Not so well, I bet,” his mother interjected.
Rome stared them down, silent, refusing to let them break him.
“We’re just trying to protect you, Romeo,” his mother said, more softly. “You have so much going for you.” Turning back to Rome’s father, she added, “You know, this wouldn’t have happened if we went to church more often.”
“Not now, Maria,” his father shot back.
She fell silent. Rome felt bad. If only he could talk to his mother alone. He reached out, trying to comfort her, but she pulled away.
“Romeo, how can we trust you?” she asked. Her careful tone slipped, just for a moment. “Why did you lie to us?”
“When did I lie to you?!” Rome burst out. “I didn’t know myself! It wasn’t until Rosie started dating someone new, and then I met —”
“There it is!” His father smirked with satisfaction. “You and Rosie broke up! That’s really what’s going on, isn’t it?”
“Romeo,” his mother chimed in, “you know we all love Rosie. But just because it didn’t work out with her doesn’t mean you can’t meet another nice girl. You know, my old friend Margaret has a girl about your age. Maybe you could come to mass with me this week and meet her?”
“I’ve already met someone,” Rome replied.
His mother let out a little huff.
His father scowled. “Whoever this sicko is, he’s got you messed up in the head.”
“How much do you even know about this . . . person?” asked his mother. “Is he older than you? Did he threaten you? Did he give you anything?”
“God, no!” Rome said. He could feel his chest tightening. “We’re in love!”
“Oh, Romeo,” his mother sighed. “Now I really know you’ve been brainwashed.” She stepped into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle. As she poured herself a pre-noon drink, Rome’s father called out to her and asked for one of his own. Rome endured a few minutes of insufferable silence, broken only by the sounds of glassware and pouring liquids.
“So is that where you’ve been?” his mother asked as she came back into the room, holding two drinks.
“What do you mean?” Rome gave her a sideways glance.
“Enough with the lies!” his father roared.
“We’re not the fools you seem to think we are,” his mother said. “You’ve been coming home late and avoiding my calls. So, we tracked your phone. We saw what neighbourhoods you’ve been in.” She looked at him, her eyes wet with fear. “Are you doing drugs? Is that what this is about?”
“What?!” Rome’s eyes went wide. He desperately wanted to tell them that Julian was sober. That he actually did all his drugs with his straight friends. But he decided better of it.
“We’re scared for you, Romeo,” his mother went on. “If this . . . If you’re getting into trouble, you need to end it, now. You can’t afford to lose everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
Something inside Rome snapped. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore. Rome felt his face flush red and his eyes began to sting. Looking back and forth between his parents, he stood. Wiping his tears on the sleeve of his jacket, he managed to say, “I know this is hard for you. But this doesn’t have to be a big deal. There are even groups for parents and stuff.” Rome pulled out the pamphlet from Lyla. C
rumpled as it was, the rainbow flag on the cover still left little to the imagination. His father just glared at it, and then at Rome.
“You can’t be serious.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his mother’s voice.
“That’s it,” Rome said, throwing the pamphlet on the floor. “I’m done.”
As he moved to leave, his father snarled, “Sit back down.”
Rome ignored him. This conversation was over. Just before he walked out the door, Rome glanced at his mother. “I’ll come home, okay? In my own time.”
With that, he was gone. This time, they didn’t call after him.
Rome charged his phone in the car. He had a few missed calls and texts. They were mostly from Marty. He had gotten stitches in his lip, and had some sweet pain meds, which he was sharing with Ben over a couple early drinks. Sighing, Rome made his way over to join them. It wasn’t even noon yet and it seemed he’d hit rock bottom. Might as well keep digging, he figured.
16
Cracking Open
“Rome’s here!” Marty called down to Ben as Rome swung the screen door open. The basement helped Rome relax a bit. It had that familiar shag carpet, musty smell, and old TV playing whatever happened to be on. Things felt a little more normal again.
Ben leaned back in one of the faded armchairs at a small round table covered in beer bottles and an over-flowing ashtray. He gave Rome a little wave. “Hey, man, if we can’t go to school anyway, might as well party, right?” He flicked the lighter and started to pull on a joint. Rome shrugged.
“You okay, dude? Your eyes look puffy,” said Marty. He spoke with a lisp from the stitches in his lip. “You got allergies or something?”
“Must be,” Rome muttered. He thought of all the times he’d been here, just shooting the shit, playing a little cards. Mostly drinking and smoking and laughing over the good times.
The three settled into the old routine easily. With grad around the corner, there was still plenty to talk about. But the fight was all Marty and Ben wanted to discuss.
Romeo for Real Page 6
