“That guy almost knocked your teeth out, Marty!” Ben remarked.
Marty grinned, showing off his braces. “Who woulda thought these would come in handy, right?”
The boys pushed each other around a bit, laughing. Rome felt more distant than ever, but his friends didn’t seem to notice his mood.
“Made those ass-pirates run for it!” Marty laughed. Turning to Ben, he raised an eyebrow. “Hey, remember you kissed a fag once? At Dyke Rosie’s party? And don’t say you were too drunk.”
“Hey, shut up, asswipe, you want me to open up those stitches?” said Ben, laughing a bit too loudly. There was an ugly edge to it. Rome watched the two while pulling on a cigarette. “Hey, at least we never dated one, eh, Rome?” Ben said, redirecting the teasing.
“What?” Rome was shocked back into reality. He was suddenly sweaty and nervous. How did they know about Julian?!
“How is old Rug-Munch-Rosie, anyway?” Ben prodded. Marty chuckled beside him.
Rome let out a sigh of relief, then quickly changed the subject. “So you guys think they ended up calling the cops yesterday?”
“They better have!” Ben replied.
“Yeah, that guy almost knocked my teeth out!” Marty added.
Rome hesitated. He had to try to find the right way to handle this. “But, like, you threw the first punch, right?”
His friends gave him odd looks, as if they were not sure what he was playing at. “I guess,” Marty replied with a shrug.
Rome saw his chance. “Look, I’m just saying, let’s just drop it, okay?”
“Oh, don’t be so gay,” said Ben, throwing his cigarette butt into the ashtray.
Rome felt himself go prickly. He wasn’t in the mood to take any more shit. “Just lay off those guys, okay?” he said, staring Ben down.
Ben put up his hands, laughing. “Sounds like someone wants to lay on some guys. Am I right?” He and Marty high-fived and cheered their beers. Rome didn’t change his stern expression. “All right, all right,” Ben shrugged. “I don’t want to talk to cops anyway.”
Ben looked up at the ceiling. Rome felt a little more confident for having won at least this round.
Marty raised his eyebrows at Rome. “Something up?” he asked.
Rome looked down and fiddled with his class ring. The others were wearing theirs too. He’d always imagined the three of them growing older together. Going to the same school, maybe getting an apartment or going travelling. He thought they’d all settle down in the same neighbourhood, so their kids could be friends, too. What else do I have to lose? thought Rome. If any of those dreams had a chance of happening, his friends were going to have to learn to accept Julian as part of Rome’s life. He answered them with a question. “Can I trust you?”
“You know it, bro,” Ben answered, as if it shouldn’t even be a question.
“What’s the deal? You dying or something?” asked Marty.
“Guys . . .” Rome closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to say it, but he couldn’t stop now. “I’m . . . I met someone.” They just looked at him, confused. “His name is Julian.” The blank looks continued, so Rome made it perfectly clear. “I think I’m gay . . . or something.”
“Yeah, right!” Ben said. He cracked up like it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard. Marty wasn’t so quick to dismiss it. After a few seconds, Ben realized he was the only one laughing.
Squirming in the silence that followed, Rome looked down at his class ring again. As he twisted it around his finger, he knew the risk he was taking. If he lost them now, they’d probably never patch things up. But it was too late to back down. “He’s really cool, honestly,” Rome went on, trying to fill the space. “And when I’m with him I just feel —”
“Nasty!” Ben leaped up. “Oh, my God, why would you even tell me that?!” He started backing toward the stairs, making a face like someone let one rip. Rome tried to get up and follow him but, as soon as he got close, Ben pushed back. “Get off me!” Ben spat. “I can’t believe you! We worked out together, we changed together. Were you jerking off to us all that time?!”
“It’s not like that,” Rome tried to say.
Ben wasn’t sticking around to hear it. “Oh, shit, all those smokes we shared?! All the beers and shit! You probably gave me AIDS, you sicko!” Ben seemed more panicked than angry at this point. He was running away like a scared dog. “Stay away from me!”
The door upstairs opened with a creak and closed with a slam. Ben was gone.
Rome sighed. Well, so much for keeping it a secret. He doubted Ben would keep it to himself. There went Rome’s whole high-school reputation. He saw that his one last friend was still seated at the table. Marty’s face was blank, his joint was going out in a quiet flicker.
“I’ll just . . . go,” Rome said, moving to the stairs. At that, Marty stood up, as if jolted awake. Rome was unsure of what Marty was going to do. He prepared to defend himself as his friend came at him. It wasn’t until he was a step away from Rome that Marty opened up his arms and wrapped Rome in a wordless, brotherly hug.
17
Curiosity
Marty had a lot of questions. Rome didn’t have answers for everything. A lot of the questions made him feel equally confused.
“Like, how did you know, though?” Marty asked, still nursing his beer. “Like, you know?”
Rome shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Come on.” Marty waved his beer at Rome. “You gotta give me something.”
“You really wanna know?” Rome asked, still unsure.
Marty just nodded. He relit the roach and offered Rome a pull. Rome shook his head, trying to focus on how to answer the question.
“I guess,” Rome said, “the easy answer is, I knew when I met Julian. I mean, before that, I guess I kinda had thought about it. But I thought I was just being weird. I don’t know. And then, bam.”
“Just like that, eh?” Marty asked.
A goofy smile broke across Rome’s face. “Yeah, just like that.”
“What about you and Rosie?” Marty took a deep inhale and let it out in little puffs. “Did you know back then, too? Did she?”
Rome laughed. “Honestly? I think we both must have known, on some level. I mean, we were never really together like that anyway.”
Marty’s eyes widened, showing off his huge pupils. “You’re kidding.”
“Nah, man,” Rome admitted. He sighed in relief. It really was all coming out now. “Everybody just thought we were!”
“Well, I guess that makes it a bit less surprising that she ended up being . . . you know . . .” Marty trailed off. He played with his lighter, flicking it on and off.
“Yeah,” Rome answered. He watched Marty curiously. He hadn’t seen his bud so out of it since the day after his bar mitzvah. He figured that Marty’s high must be mixing funny with his beer.
“You know, I sometimes wonder,” Marty mumbled, “if I’m, like, bisexual or some shit . . .” His words were even more jumbled because of his puffy lip.
“Oh?” Rome asked.
“Well, I don’t wanna get with guys or anything but . . .” Marty looked around the empty room, as if the ashtray or grubby plastic plant in the corner might be listening. “I sometimes wear, you know . . . ladies’ stuff.” Marty studied his drink. “Do you do that?”
Rome stifled a laugh. This was a big secret to Marty, and it must have taken a lot of trust to share it, but it was shocking to imagine Marty like that. I guess, at this point, Rome figured, nothing should really surprise me anymore.
“No, I don’t,” Rome admitted. “But I think there’s a lot straight guys who do that kind of thing.”
“Don’t you have gaydar or something?” Marty asked, looking desperate.
Rome shrugged. “I guess I could try?”
Marty looked up in excitement
, only to go pale with fear. “Oh, wait, are you gonna try to kiss me?”
Rome reeled back. The thought of kissing Marty was disturbing, to say the least. And his messed-up lip didn’t make it any more appealing. “No, idiot, I’m not gonna kiss you!”
Marty sat up, puffing up his shoulders. “Okay then. I’m ready.”
“All right,” Rome began. “Do you ever think about guys? You know, sexually? Would you wanna hook up with a guy? Like, make out, have sex, anything in between?”
Marty frowned. “No. I don’t think so.”
“Okay,” said Rome. “Would you maybe wanna date a guy? Like, get romantic and all that?”
Marty shook his head again. “Probably not. I don’t know . . .”
“What about girls?” Rome asked.
Marty blushed. “I mean, I’d be into it, if any of them were into me.” He furrowed his eyebrows, looking like he was trying to solve a crossword while doing a handstand.
“Well, hmm,” Rome said, puzzling things over. “Other than the dressing-up thing, what makes you think you might be gay, or bi, or whatever?”
Marty stared down his drink. “Well, at Rosie’s party . . . there was this guy. At least I think he was a guy. He was hitting on me. I was kinda freaked out. And then Ben did his . . . whole thing. So we just took off.” He looked up at Rome, even more desperate. “But I was thinking about it!”
Rome stood and offered Marty a hand. “Come on, let’s get out of this house. I’m hungry, and it’s stuffy in here.”
Marty got up, a little unsteady, and they went out to the car.
“Dude,” said Marty, the wind running through his hair sobering him up a bit. “Ben will get over it. You’re still our Rome, he’ll see.”
Rome nodded, appreciative. Mostly because he thought it was nice that Marty seemed to really believe that.
***
Rome parked and they walked up to the pink awning outside Gayley’s Café. This time, Rome smiled up at the name on the sign as they walked in.
They sat fiddling with the rainbow napkins and going over the menus. Marty looked around every few minutes, taking in the clientele. Rome chuckled a little. Was that what he looked like when he first came here? God, he’s so obvious, Rome thought.
“What can I get you?” asked the waitress with a grin. She looked them both up and down. “First time here?”
Rome shrugged. It might as well be. He felt like a new man today.
“Wait, I know you from somewhere.” Marty’s eyes narrowed. “You’re the boy from the party!”
Rome looked to Marty in confusion. Was he so gone he couldn’t tell this was a waitress?
“Ha, wow! Small queer world! Yeah, hey!” the woman exclaimed. “You met me when I was in Guy-mode.” She pointed to her name tag. “I’m Guyna, today.”
Marty tripped over his words. “I’m, uh, I’m . . .”
“He’s Marty,” Rome explained.
Guyna laughed. She hit Marty on the shoulder with a friendly swat. “Right, Marty!”
“And I’m Rome,” Rome offered.
“Cool, cool.” Guyna grinned at him for a moment before turning her attention back to Marty. “Hey, look,” she said, motioning to a unicorn-shaped clock on the wall, “I’m almost done my shift. How about I get you two some coffee and we’ll chat?”
“Uh, can we maybe get some fries, too?” Rome asked. “It might be good to soak up some of, uh, our liquid breakfast?”
Guyna wrinkled her nose in a laugh. When she came back to the table, she was carrying fries, pancakes, fruit, and large coffees.
In nearly no time at all, Guyna was recounting the most scandalous stories Rome had ever heard. “So he’s trying to be all sexy, right?” she said. Marty and Rome nodded back in excitement. “And I’m just like, ‘Um, buddy, that’s my bellybutton!’” Marty and Rome roared with laughter.
Once the jokes and stories died down for a while, Marty broached a question. “So, uh, Guyna. You’re a girl, right?” he asked. “But sometimes you dress up as a guy?”
“More or less.” Guyna shrugged. “As much as I can, I try to just dress as myself. Sometimes I’m Guy. Sometimes I’m Guyna.”
“Okay. But, like, why?” Marty prodded.
Rome went a little pink. He hoped that this kind of questioning wasn’t out of line.
Guyna smirked. “I don’t know, lots of reasons. Sometimes it’s fun to mess with people. I get to play, like, little gendered tricks. It’s funny to freak people out, or confuse them, or turn them on.” She grinned at Marty with a knowing look. “Mostly, it’s just for me. I just let myself be whoever I am that day!” She lowered her voice dramatically into a manly rumble. “You know what I mean?”
Rome glanced from Guyna to Marty and then back again, his head bouncing back and forth like he was watching a tennis match.
“Yeah, I do,” Marty admitted. He grasped his glass of water and stared at the ice cubes inside. “And, um, do you like guys?”
“Most of them,” Guyna replied. Her grin was mischievous. Reaching out, she put her hand on Marty’s and raised her heavy eyebrows. “What about you?”
Marty audibly gulped and Rome held his breath. “Well, I . . .” Marty began, “I like girls. Well, most of them, and I . . .” Then he laughed. “I’m sorry, I’ve just honestly never even thought I’d talk about this before!” His laughter spread and all three giggled for a while. At last, Marty said, “I just never thought I’d meet anyone else even remotely like me.”
“We’re a special type,” Guyna whispered.
As she leaned in closer to Marty, Rome started to feel like he was in the way. Thankfully, just then, his phone began to buzz. He leaped up when he saw the text was from Julian. Rome only stayed a second longer, just enough to see Guyna leaning over to whisper something in Marty’s ear that made him turn a deep shade of red. Rome gave a little wave and slipped out the diner door. He was sure neither of them even noticed he was gone.
18
Stabbed in the Back
It wasn’t until he was back with Julian that Rome let himself feel the weight of all that had happened that day. He tried to joke about it at first. But his body began to shake as the reality of the fight with his parents and Ben’s rejection came back at full speed. His knees buckled and he sat down on the steps to Julian’s house. He stumbled over his words. “God, I’m so — I just —”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Julian said in a soft, comforting tone. “I’m here. You can cry if you need to.”
Rome nodded, but tears didn’t come. The two just hugged for a long while, until Julian suggested they go for a walk. Rome nodded again.
The night air rustled the shadows of leaves above with a gentle breeze. The couple wandered the streets, looking for somewhere quiet. When they passed an old graveyard, Julian suggested they head inside. Rome agreed, even though it gave him the creeps. Looking Julian over as he led the way in, Rome felt that familiar tingling electricity run through him. He blushed as Julian reached back for his hand. Laughing at himself, Rome knew, he would follow Julian anywhere.
“It’s gonna work out,” Julian said, squeezing Rome’s hand. “With your folks I mean.”
“Maybe,” Rome replied. He studied the tombstones and watched the large stone angel that loomed over the little graveyard.
Julian shrugged. “Even if they don’t come around, I’m here.”
Rome blushed. Even if everything had fallen to pieces, a part of him was glad. He didn’t want to have to be afraid of his feelings for Julian ever again.
Rome watched as the full moon’s light cast dancing shadows across Julian’s face. A warm feeling began to well up in his chest, moving into his cheeks and soon filling his whole body. As they talked, there was no longer any doubt. This is real, Rome told himself.
Julian looked at him with a smile. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” said Rome. He kissed Julian’s hand. “Honestly, all I want is to be with you.” Without even thinking what he was doing, Rome slipped his class ring off his finger. He held it out to Julian as he got down on one knee. Rome knew this was too fast, too soon. But he didn’t want to wait one more moment. “I know, not now . . . but one day,” he asked, “Julian Capulet, would you marry me?”
Julian jumped in surprise. “Oh, Romeo!” he started. But any answer he might have given was cut short. A voice called out to them from behind. Rome stood and spun around. Three figures approaching from the street. One of them shouted in a menacing tone, “Hey, boys!”
Rome recognized them before they passed under a streetlight. Ben was in the lead, followed by Mike Veleno and Brad Morté. Those two were some of the biggest and baddest guys who had ever walked the halls of their high school. Rome didn’t know them very well, but he’d played with them in summer baseball league. What were they doing here?
Ben gave a crooked smile.
This isn’t good, thought Rome. “Ben, what are you doing here?” he called out.
“You’re not so hard to find.” Ben shrugged. Rome glanced down at Julian. A shiver of worry ran through his body and he took a step back. He had to get Julian out of there.
“Where you running off to, Ro-me-o?” called out Mike. The way he said Rome’s name made his skin prickle unpleasantly.
Julian pulled at Rome’s arm, but Rome didn’t move back any further. He refused to be intimidated. A hot wave of anger was building in his chest.
“I should have figured,” said Brad. “You always did linger in the locker rooms, didn’t you? Tryin’ to look at my junk, eh, Rome? You wanna see my dick?”
Rome curled his nose in disgust.
As he came into full view, Brad slapped a baseball bat against his open palm. Rome eyed the weapon. A pang of sorrow mixed with the fury mounting inside him. The bat was the symbol of so many summer memories. Long days in the dugout, the taste of dust and sweat, laughter after a long game. Now all of that was gone, twisted into a threat.
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