by Dee J. Stone
I let out a breath. I trust Damarian. He won’t feed me to this shark. This actually is pretty cool, to get this close to a shark. I could never experience this anywhere else.
I get down on my bottom and slowly slide into the ocean. Damarian’s arm comes around me. He hauls me to his chest. “I wish for you to be a part of my world,” he says softly. “Fiske is not like others of his kind. He will not attack you.”
I look at the shark. It’s just floating there, its eyes on me. I don’t know if it looks like it wants to eat me, because I don’t know sharks’ expressions. But he doesn’t seem hostile.
Damarian slowly swims closer to the shark. He takes my hand and extends it toward the shark. “If he attacks you,” he says into my ear. “He will attack me as well.”
The shark doesn’t move as our hands edge closer to him. When they’re only a few inches away, my hand curls into a fist. Damarian flattens it out and brings our hands to the top of the shark’s head. It feels rough, like sandpaper.
The shark inclines its head as though it’s accepting my touch. Then it swims around, circling us. After a few seconds, I feel it nudge my side, and I yelp. Damarian chuckles. “He wishes to play with you.”
This is insane. I’m swimming right next to a shark.
“Are you frightened?” Damarian asks.
“Mhm…”
“He will not hurt you.”
“Why is that?” I glance at the shark, who’s just floating there, staring at me, then back at Damarian. “Why doesn’t he want to eat me?”
He shrugs. “I do not know. Fiske wishes not to harm humans.”
I reach my hand toward it. It rushes to meet me, knocking its head into me. Then it falters back, like it’s sorry. I find myself laughing. Damarian smiles.
“Come.” Damarian grabs onto its fin. “Take hold of Fiske.”
I must be losing it. I do as he says, and the next second, the three of us are swimming together. The shark’s not moving very fast, but it’s fast enough to give me a thrill. We first swim above water, but then we slowly dip inside. I quickly breathe in a gulp of air. My eyes open in the water, but I can’t see much.
We break the surface, and the shark continues to swim. I love this feeling. Sailing through the peaceful ocean, the wind blowing in my hair, the salt water touching my lips.
When we stop at the sandbar, I say, “That was amazing.” Fiske inclines its head again. I laugh and tap it. “Thanks. You’re a cutie.”
Damarian touches the top of Fiske’s head and looks into its eyes. A few seconds later, he turns around and swims away. Damarian tows me toward his chest. “Did you enjoy that?”
“Yeah. Thanks so much.” I lock my arms around his neck.
His lips sweep under my ear. “You are very welcome.”
I wrap my legs around his torso and gaze into his eyes. “Damarian.”
“Cassie.”
“I really love you.”
He caresses my cheek. “And I love you.”
I unhook my legs from around him and swim toward the sandbar. I hear him follow. I heave myself onto it and hug my knees to my chest.
His hands enclose over my ankles. “Are you all right?”
I rest my cheek on my knees. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. It really scares me.”
His hands slide up and down my legs. A spark goes through my body. “What frightens you?” he asks.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I guess ever since my dad cheated on my mom and left us, I find it hard to trust people. Especially men.”
He nods slowly. “I understand. Do you trust me?”
I nod. “I’ve never trusted anyone like I trust you. Except for my mom and Leah.”
He massages both my feet. “Do you not speak with your father?”
I shake my head.
“Why?”
Tears gather in my eyes. I usually don’t get too emotional when I discuss my dad, but it’s different with Damarian. Because I know he truly cares. “I’m just scared,” I whisper.
He takes hold of my waist and gently pulls me off the sandbar, into the ocean. Into his arms. I smash my face into his chest, mixing my salty tears with the salt water of the ocean. “It is all right,” he says tenderly.
“That’s what it comes down to,” I say into his chest. “I’m just afraid of getting hurt.”
His hand traces circles on my back. “It is all right to be afraid.”
I know. But sooner or later, we need to face our fears. I don’t know when I’ll be ready.
“Do you wish to speak to your father?” he asks, his lips skimming across my ear.
“Yeah. I’m just scared to.”
“I understand.” He tucks his finger under my chin and lifts my face toward his. “I can be with you, if you would like.”
That’s so sweet of him. “Thanks. Maybe you can sit with me when I call him?”
He cups my cheek. “Of course.”
I’ll call him when my mom leaves and Damarian can stay over again.
I hike my legs up his body and wrap them around his waist. “What about you?”
“Yes?”
“You and your dad. Have you guys been arguing? You spend more time at home now.”
“Yes,” he mutters, his gaze staring off in the distance. “We quarrel often.”
I already know that, but I wish he’d expand and tell me what they fight about, how he feels about it. But I know this is a topic he doesn’t like to talk about. Maybe he needs time. I can give him that.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” I swim back toward the boat and reach for my bag. “I brought you a present.”
When I produce a bag of gummy worms, Damarian laughs. “I have missed them.” He takes three and dumps them in his mouth. His eyes crinkle as he smiles. “Why do you have such a love for these worms?”
I take a worm and bite off its head. “They remind me of my childhood.”
“How so?”
“Well, my dad used to take me fishing when I was a kid. I didn’t squirm like the other girls when I had to put the bait on the hook.” I shrug like I don’t care, but a lump forms in my throat. “My dad nicknamed me ‘Cass Bass.’ The day after our first fishing trip, he took me to a candy store and bought me a jar of gummy worms.” I finger the worm in my hand. “I was really happy back then.”
He holds my hand. “Are you happy now?”
“Very much.”
Damarian plucks a worm out of the bag and dangles it in front of my mouth. I laugh before opening my mouth. He sticks it inside, and I bite into it. Then he pulls it out while my teeth are still lodged on it. The poor worm is sliced in half.
“You murderer,” I tease.
“I the murderer? I believe you have eaten his head.”
I laugh again and punch his shoulder. He spins around in the ocean, splashing water everywhere. I push away and splash him. His expression is surprised. “You have splashed me.”
“Don’t act so surprised. We humans know how to have fun in the water, too.”
“You cannot outswim me,” he says, a challenge gleaming in his eyes.
I snort. “Sure, I can.” Even though I know that’s sure as hell not true.
“If I catch you, I will lay you on the land and kiss you until your body cannot withstand it.”
My stomach flutters. I feel it all the way in my toes. “And if you don’t catch me?”
He grins. “I shall.”
“Cocky, just like a human guy. Okay, fine. Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
I count to three, then zoom off. Two seconds later, arms wrap around my waist and haul me back, until I hit his chest. His lips tickle my ear. “I win. Now for your reward.”
He brings me back to the sandbar and does just as he promised.
Chapter Eighteen
When I get home five hours later, I find Mom packing her bag in her room.
I step inside. “Mom?”
Her head springs up. She gives me an apologetic smil
e. “Hey.”
I sit down on the edge of her bed. “Didn’t you say you’re staying for a week?”
She takes a shoe and lays it in her suitcase. “I was so worried about you. Uncle Jim called to tell me how upset you were when I left for Philadelphia. As soon as I was able to, I hurried back.” She picks a loose strand of hair off my forehead. “But I see you’re okay. You’re not lonely.”
I’m at a loss for words. When she left two weeks ago, I felt abandoned, betrayed, alone. But I don’t feel that way anymore. Not since I met Damarian. “I guess I don’t need you as much as I thought I did. I mean, of course I need you, but—”
Mom squeezes my knee. “You’re growing up, sweetie. You’re learning about yourself and the world around you. You’re learning about love.”
I stare down at my lap. “I’m sorry. I made you drop everything and come home.”
“No. I didn’t drop everything. I know I haven’t always been there for you when you were growing up. I want to fix that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start your own life. There will be plenty of time to spend together. You’ll be going off to college soon, and then you’ll move away and start a career. Maybe get married. We’ll still be close.”
I lay my head on her shoulder. “It’s time for you to start living your life, too. Meet guys, Mom. Have fun.”
She laughs. “Okay, okay. I promise I will try to meet a guy in New York.”
“New York? Cool. How long this time?”
She plays with my hair. “I’m not sure. But you can visit if you want. I’ll be getting an apartment there.”
I raise my head. “That long?”
She bites down on her bottom lip. “It’s a possibility.”
I smile. “I’m happy for you. You’re finally living the life you’ve always dreamed of. Now all you need is a man.”
She bursts out laughing. “Did you spend the evening with Damian?”
My cheeks heat up. “Maybe…”
She laughs again. “Without me around, he’ll be living here?”
I swallow. “Is that a problem?”
“Just as long as you’re being responsible.”
I nod, my cheeks growing warmer.
“Call whenever you need me.”
I smile again. Part of growing up is accepting change. Mom spent the last eighteen years of her life taking care of me. I’m an adult now and can take care of myself. Embarking down that road is very scary, but that’s part of life. It’s Mom’s turn to take care of herself.
“Just buy me a really good gift from New York,” I tell her.
She laughs and kisses my forehead.
***
Damarian stares down at me with something shining in his eyes. Love. He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I can’t describe how happy I am to have him here with me—to have him lying in my bed. With Mom’s plan to stay in New York for a while, Damarian and I have all the time in the world to spend every second together.
He ducks his head and traces his lips from under my chin to my collarbone. His hands explore every inch of my body while mine trek over his. They slide up his chest and hook around his neck. I inhale his unique Damarian scent. “I wish I could get even closer to you,” I whisper.
His lips meet mine, then go upward, to my nose, my forehead, and then back to my lips. “We cannot, Cassie. As much as it pains me, and as much as I yearn to, we cannot.”
Tears of frustration and disappointment stab my eyes. He notices, because he kisses the tips of them. “Please do not be upset.” His mouth moves to my ear. “Children of the sea mate for life.”
As his lips brush the bottom of my neck, I finally understand what he’s trying to say. Why he and I could never take our relationship to the next level. Because merpeople mate for life. If he and I “mate” and break up, Damarian will be stuck. He’ll never move on.
“I understand,” I tell him, trying to hide how hurt I feel. When I see how hurt he is, the guilt on his face, that he wants it just as much as I do, I rest my lips against his, letting him know it’s okay. Things are never this simple. We don’t always get what we want, do we? That’s what Mom’s always told me.
“Forgive me, Cassie.” He lowers his head a bit, causing his hair to fall into his eyes.
I push it away and put on a smile. “It’s okay.” I hold either side of his face and look into his eyes. “It’s enough that we’re together, that we’re in each other’s arms. We both know how easily we can lose that.”
My words cause his face to relax and brighten. He lies down and lays me on top of him, running his hand up and down my back. “When I am in the sea,” he says, his breath tickling my cheek. “I think of nothing but you. I have difficulty eating. I do not sleep. You are constantly on my mind.”
I love how he whispers romantic things in my ear. When I was a teenager and fantasized about having a boyfriend, I imagined him being a sweet, kind guy who’d whisper romantic things as we cuddled together. Kyle is definitely not a romantic guy, so I figured the guy of my dreams was just that—in my dreams. But as Damarian continues to whisper and make me feel things I didn’t think I would ever feel, I realize dreams can come true.
But a little voice in the back of my head starts to talk. It warns me that I’m making myself too vulnerable to this guy who isn’t even a guy. It tells me to be practical, that I’m living in a love bubble, and that I’ll have to face the reality soon. That the bubble will burst and so will my heart, and that I will get hurt in a way I’ve never been hurt before.
I look at Damarian. I see the love he has for me gleaming in his eyes. I feel the love he has for me as his lips swallow mine, as they make their way down my throat, sending pulses throughout my body.
And I know that voice is just my insecure self trying to resurface.
***
I finger my cell phone, my heart pounding. All I need to do is press a button—that’s all. But it feels like this button is a detonator for a bomb. A bomb in my heart.
Damarian wraps his arms around my stomach and kisses my temple. I’m lying on him on the living room couch. Being in his arms makes me feel protected and like I can take on the world. But it doesn’t provide me with the strength to call my dad.
“Your father cares deeply for you,” he says.
I know. At least, that’s what Mom’s been telling me. And deep down, I know it’s true.
“If all fails,” Damarian continues, “I am here. I will never hurt you.”
I twist my head back. “Do you promise?”
His lips touch mine. “I promise.”
I inhale a large gulp of air, then let it out slowly. Damarian tightens his hold on me and lightly coats my face with kisses.
I press the “call” button.
After two rings, a male voice answers. “Hello?”
I freeze. That voice. It hasn’t changed. It’s the strong, masculine voice I’ve always distinguished as my dad’s. As familiar as it sounds, it only makes me feel more distant from him.
Damarian says softly, “Cassie.”
I clear my throat. “Hi, uh, Dad.” That word rolling off my lips doesn’t sound like it belongs to me.
I hear him intake a breath. He pauses. Then movement, like he grabbed a pen or something to play with. “Cassie?” he finally asks.
My lower lip trembles, a sign that if I don’t get hold of my emotions, I’ll turn into a human fountain. I close my eyes and regulate my breathing, taking control of my emotions. He’s just my dad, the guy who donated his sperm to create me. That’s all. “Yeah,” I say, my voice shaky. “It’s me…Cassie.”
Another pause. My heart rate speeds up. He’s mad I called, that I disturbed his new, perfect life. I should hang up.
“I’m so glad you called, Cass Bass.”
At the sound of my nickname, I feel my eyes tear up. “You are?”
“Yes. I’ve wanted to talk to you for so long.”
I didn’t know that. I thought it was a recent thing, a result of his mid-life
crisis or something. “You have?” I ask.
“Yeah. I guess I was too…scared.” He laughs like he’s embarrassed. “Scared of my teenage daughter.”
I don’t know what to say. I never expected to hear this.
“I’m so sorry I left you, sweetie. I…” His voice cracks. “That’s the biggest regret of my life.”
Tears pour out of my eyes. Damarian reaches for a tissue from the coffee table and hands it to me. I give him a thankful smile. “Why did you leave me?” I ask.
He sighs, although it trembles, probably because of his tears. “I was in a bad place. My job, your mom. I…” He sighs again. “Can we meet and talk?”
I freeze again. I thought this conversation would go south, that I’d spend the rest of the day sobbing all over Damarian and drenching his shirt while gorging on gummy worms and ice cream. But my dad wants to meet with me. I’m so thrown off.
I glance at Damarian. He nods encouragingly.
“I…” My voice is hoarse. “I guess I’d like that.”
“That’s great.” The relief in his voice is profound. I never imagined how scared he’d be. I guess I wasn’t the only one wanting to rebuild our relationship but terrified to actually do it. “Can we meet for coffee? I have a meeting that will take up the whole morning, but after that I’m free.”
A meeting? Growing up, my dad was a fisherman. I knew it didn’t bring us a lot of money, because Mom and Dad constantly fought over that. Hearing he’s most likely an executive in an office makes me feel more at ease. Because he turned his life around. Maybe it’s about time I be a part of it.
“Coffee sounds good,” I say.
“Great.” His voice is even more relieved. “I’ll text you the address of the café.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, Cassie. And thanks so much for calling.”
I hang up, completely dumbfounded. I sit still, staring at nothing in front of me, the conversation replaying in my head. It’s not until Damarian shifts in his seat that I snap out of it.
My hands shake a bit. He lowers his on them. “How do you feel?” he asks.
My heart is still beating fast and my palms are a little sweaty, but overall…“I feel really good.”
He smiles. “I am glad. I feel proud of you. I understand it was not easy.”
