Wilt

by Rae, Nikki

  “I’m going to see if one of the girls took any clothing with them.” The mattress moved and then I heard the door open and close.

  My grip around his wife loosened and for the first time I could finally see her. Unlike us, she didn’t have any injuries or debris on her. She wore clean pants and a clean, oversized T-shirt under a brown leather jacket. Beside her, Marius was still in his dirty clothes with scratches all over his face.

  The room spun and everything contorted out of focus. The bile at the back of my throat became thick and before I could brace myself, I was vomiting all over this woman and her clean, undamaged clothes.

  Her arms and fingers tensed, but she only seemed caught off guard by it. No one said a word, and silently Marius took her place. “It’s all right.”

  He wiped my mouth with some kind of cloth.

  A wave of chills overcame me and I gripped his arms in an attempt to stop them. “W-what…?” I couldn’t utter more than a whisper and the rest of the question vanished.

  “We gave you a different drug to counteract the Cerberus. Once it’s gone through your system you’ll start to feel better.” He lifted my sweaty hair from the back of my neck and looked me over.

  I blinked up at him and saw the pain in his eyes, the guilt that was unique to the Order. His Adam’s apple bobbed with a hard swallow. “Do you want some water?”

  It took what felt like a long time for me to answer, every action too slow. “Yes.”

  He seemed relieved at this for some reason, then helped me sit against the headboard as he disappeared into the bathroom and returned with a glass of water. He had to also help me drink it because my fingers were too weak and the act along exhausted me. In addition to that, I was becoming more aware of the soreness throughout my entire body, especially between my legs and my lower back. I looked down at my legs, which had come out of the sheet they’d wrapped me in. They were swollen with bruises, dried blood I couldn’t decipher was mine or someone else’s.

  “We’ll get you cleaned up as soon as we land.” Marius sat carefully on the edge of the mattress, covering me back up to I wouldn’t have to see.

  We glanced at each other before the door opened and Master Lyon came back in, a bundle of fabric in his arms. He glanced between us and Marius and I stayed where we were; he was no threat to us now. He didn’t Own me. Not anymore.

  He set the clothes on the bed beside Marius. “Do you need help changing?”

  It was obvious I couldn’t do it by myself, but I could tell he wasn’t sure how to approach me. He himself knew he could no longer make demands.

  I looked to Marius, voice failing. A week ago, I would have begged for Master Lyon to comfort me, touch me, take care of me. Now, knowing what I did and guessing at what I didn’t, concerning his true motives, I didn’t want him near me if I had the choice. I couldn’t let him get close. That was how he’d entangled me in the first place.

  At the same time Master Lyon left, Marius moved forward, picking up a soft, wrinkled pink shirt. He was methodical in how he changed me, cautious of any injuries and quick so it would be over sooner. The black boxers could only belong to Master Lyon, and he was the most careful as he slid them over my sore legs. My inner thighs had streaks of dried blood on them, but neither of us indicated we’d seen it. It was easier once he’d covered me back up

  When we were done, I could finally lie down and my face sank into the pillow. Marius wouldn’t quite meet my gaze now that he was no longer distracted by some task. “We should be home in a few hours.”

  That word again. Home. I didn’t find it as humorous as before.

  “We got everyone out.” He glanced at me before setting his sight somewhere over my head. “All of the girls and boys are freed. Resistance members will place them in different Safehouses around the country until a more permanent residence can be secured for them.”

  I wasn’t sure why he was telling me all this but I kept silent and waited for him to continue. Even though I could only see him in profile, I saw his eyebrows furrow. Beside me, his hand fisted the blanket. “I can’t begin to apologize—”

  As soon as I reached out and held his hand, he stopped. Then he finally looked at me.

  There was no need to speak. There wasn’t a single word in any language that could undo any of this.

  Seventeen

  We had been living in a hotel room for two days. I was informed we weren’t far from Lyon Estate, but they wanted to make sure we hadn’t been tracked. Retreating directly to his home would have arisen suspicions for any who’d survived—Master Jäger and Gregor were not among them. We had to make it look like I had died as well, that House Chimera had searched for any injured Members before ensuring their own safety while also helping aid those who belonged to the resistance.

  It was all lies save for one. I had died in Wolf Manor. No Fawn, no Doe. I was no one. I belonged to no one, and now I would shed my skin and become someone new.

  Marius steeped a peppermint teabag in a Styrofoam cup, setting it on the tray they’d ordered. Luckily, there was a door that separated the rooms so I was mostly left alone except for Marius periodically checking on me. Physically, every inch of my body hurt, but mentally I was completely numb. In a matter of hours, I’d gone from Owned, to transferred, to betrayed, and then rescued. I much preferred not thinking about it, let the drugs take me under so I could hide in the dark.

  “You should eat something, Fawn,” Marius coaxed.

  I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t anything. I shook my head.

  “Are you in pain?”

  That was the only thing I did feel, so I nodded.

  He picked up a piece of toast and opened a packet of strawberry jam to spread on it. “Elliot stepped out to find something for you, but he’s not going to let you have it until you eat.”

  My head reared back as if he’d hit me. For the first time in days I felt an emotion and Master Lyon was the cause of the anger burning in my chest.

  He could no longer control me in the Order’s way so he’d found his own method of demonstrating his power. I could do this too.

  “Will he and his wife have breakfast with me?” I asked.

  Marius’ smile was hard to read. I couldn’t tell what he felt and I was too afraid to ask. Then he nodded, picking up the tray and placing it on the small table by the window. It was storming outside, the snow turning into an unassuming rain.

  “I’ll send them in as soon as he returns.” He covered me back up and propped up my head with another pillow so I could doze while I waited.

  The soft sound of the door jolted me from sleep and I opened my eyes thinking I would see Marius leaving, but Master Lyon was the one who greeted me; I’d slipped into the dark again for longer than I thought. He wore new clothes the same as the rest of us—he’d sent for them as soon as we landed—and his consisted of a black Henley shirt and jeans. The top button had come undone, and I saw the poker mark on his skin had already begun to turn white.

  “Good morning,” he said, taking longer than he needed to turn in my direction. Behind him, his wife followed, wearing black pants and a flowing blue shirt. It was pretty against her skin tone, and the color brought out how green her eyes were as they flashed up to me. She gave me a friendly smile and I tried to do the same.

  Master Lyon walked past the bed and placed a paper bag on the table next to the tray of untouched food. “Are you able to sit up?” He indicated one of the chairs.

  I nodded, pulling back the covers so I could hobble to my feet.

  “Do you need help?” Odette asked, and I remembered the silken honey of her voice.

  “No, thank you.” I stood slowly, adjusting the grey sweatpants and pulling on the sleeves of my black shirt. Marius had dressed me in these yesterday, if I could trust my memory.

  Walking was almost impossible, but I refused to let him see how difficult it was for me. I wouldn’t be weak for him or anyone else anymore.

  He kept his eyes on me, sitting as if
prepared to help me the moment I needed him, but I didn’t. Not in that way. What I needed him for was far more important.

  Master Lyon took the cushion from his chair and placed it on the one beside him for me. I didn’t want to wonder whether it was truly out of concern for my comfort or yet another way to exercise his control. A sharp pain shot through my core as Odette came towards the table, unmarked by what we’d just gone through, and sat on Master Lyon’s opposite side. She set to work opening the paper bag and taking out containers of food they’d obviously purchased outside of the hotel.

  Master Lyon watched her, unfolding a napkin in his lap. I did the same and his wife soon followed. I faced both of them while they were too afraid to address me.

  Master Lyon cut up his steak while she drank something from a different disposable cup. I realized there were more of them on the table, and they’d probably brought these in as well.

  “How’s your stomach?” he asked in passing, picking up a container and sliding it to me.

  I opened it, saw the beef stew and was hungry for the first time in days. I ate without comment, satisfying my needs before anything else, let alone answering him.

  “The Chaos,” I said once I’d taken my time swallowing. “Who are they? Where are they based?”

  Master Lyon set down his silverware with too much force. His wife watched him only a moment before she took over the conversation.

  “They are a faction of the resistance who are organizing more immediate ways to dismantle the Grim Order.” Her accent was thicker than Elliot’s, but I could still understand her clearly.

  It was a tactful way of saying murdering Members and blowing up their lairs.

  “A group is stationed in each city where key Members reside. We work our way into their circles and take them down from the inside and work outward to slave networks and Compounds.”

  I drank from the mug Marius had left on the tray. It was cold but I’d rather this than anything they’d brought me. “By transferring girls to gain key Members’ trust. Selling them slaves and making them believe you’re on their side.”

  Odette didn’t have a response.

  “I know what it looked like to you—” Master Lyon tried to explain but I cut him off by holding up a hand.

  “Another time,” I ordered. That wasn’t what I was after. “Is that how you get into their inner circles?” I directed to his wife.

  “In this case only,” she said in a soft voice. “Our circumstances this time were…unique.”

  Her tiny smile was friendly and I was torn between embracing it and clawing it off her face. “We don’t hurt slaves,” she added. “We help them.”

  “We?” She kept saying that word.

  She nodded once. “Me, Elliot, Marius, the Chaos.”

  “Are you…in charge of them?” I only asked her.

  Her smile was sheepish now. “A portion of them, yes. Both of us. I started the faction over fifteen years ago in America and Elliot joined me not long after to help us establish roots in Germany and Paris. We’d wanted to get Jäger for a while when you bumped into me on that crowded street.”

  Across from me, Master Lyon’s shoulders tensed but I couldn’t look away from his wife. “Odette,” he warned.

  Her hand floated down to meet his on top of the table and she squeezed his fingers. She didn’t look away from me either. “I was impatient,” she said. “No sooner had I gotten you settled than I left to find where he was staying.”

  My neck was suddenly too weak to support my head and it shook from the strain. I didn’t know what the tears in my eyes meant but I couldn’t stop them.

  “You…”My gaze traveled between them, to their hands clasped together and me so far away. I swallowed the tears before I let them overtake me.

  I couldn’t ask the question out loud: Was she the one who’d saved me? The one who’d found me injured, wander the streets at the age of nine. Then she married the man who would sell me back to the very man she’d saved me from. Whatever residual painkillers had been left in my system had completely worn off but now; the pain was worse and my mind was too full to comprehend what this all meant.

  I could think about it later—or never. Lock it away with the rest of the girl who’d died in Wolf Manor.

  My eyes shifted to Odette. “What are your plans for after this?”

  She blinked a few times, trying to conceal a frown. “We…don’t have any right now.” She glanced at her husband, who had resumed eating. She apparently wanted him to continue.

  He folded his napkin in his lap and drank from my glass of untouched water. “When you’re well enough, we will provide everything you need to live a life outside of the Order.”

  That was it then. He’d used me for all he needed and now he was dumping me into a different world under the guise of freedom.

  “Money, travel, psychologists, schooling,” he went on. “You can go anywhere you want and be anyone you want.”

  “You would pay my expenses; make sure I have everything I could possibly need.” My tone was flat but he ignored it.

  “Yes,” he answered. “You can have a normal life.”

  Though it felt like knives as the laugh escaped my chest, I couldn’t help it. This deal may have worked on the other boys and girls they’d ‘rescued’, but I had tasted something they hadn’t.

  “I’ll never have a normal life,” I replied. “You both know that.”

  Master Lyon opened his mouth to argue but one look from his wife and he closed it.

  “Elle a un point,” she whispered. She has a point.

  He adamantly shook his head. “This isn’t up for discussion.” When I glanced at him, his hands were flat on the table as if he was bracing himself for something. “I don’t want this life for you.”

  I leaned forward so he had no choice but to look directly at me. “I don’t belong to you anymore.” I watched his jaw clench but he said nothing. “You don’t get to decide for me anymore.”

  He shut his eyes a moment before he looked back at me. “What is it you want?”

  “I want to come with you. I want to join the Chaos and destroy the Order.”

  He let me finish, but he’d started to shake his head before I’d said three words.

  “Out of the question.” Master Lyon crossed his arms over his chest. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

  As soon as we’d arrived at the hotel, Marius has helped me bathe, change into my new clothes, and cleaned me up. However, I couldn’t stop staring at my hands every now and then, convinced Jäger’s blood was still there.

  “I killed Jäger.” I said it quickly so I wouldn’t back down.

  His eyebrows rose and his wife looked borderline worried.

  “You must be exhausted,” Master Lyon said as he reached into his pocket and took out a black case I had come to recognize always accompanied needles. My painkillers.

  My veins screamed for relief but I kept focused on my only goal.

  :You earned it,” he said as he set down the case on the table. “Finish up and I’ll help you into bed.”

  I uttered a breath of a laugh as I pushed away my plate. “You don’t understand,” I said evenly. “Allow me to simplify.” For added emphasis, I pushed away the case with my painkillers inside. “I. Killed. Jäger. I stabbed him over and over again until he stopped begging for his life and he stopped breathing.” I presented all of this as facts, nothing more. “I did this after you handed me off to him, after he drugged me, beat me, and forced Marius to violate me.”

  That seemed to grab his attention more than anything else. I’d thought Marius would have told him, but now I was grateful he’d left me that honor. It no doubt hurt more coming from me and I wanted him to hurt. I wanted them all to suffer. Though I’d never hated this man more than I did now, Master Lyon was the key to my true freedom. He was the path I had to take to until the Order was in ruins. Maybe then I could entertain the idea of a ‘normal’ life.

  They were both complete
ly silent, taking in all I’d told them.

  “This is what I want,” I said finally. “This is not up for discussion.”

  As he watched me, his concern morphed into what looked close to pride. “And what do I get in return?”

  He had to be joking. “What do you want?”

  Master Lyon smirked as his wife and I both waited for his answer. “I thought I’d made it obvious by now,” he said. “You.”

  I wanted to interrupt but he wouldn’t allow it.

  “I will involve you in our plans in the future in exchange for you.” Now he was the one simplifying what he meant, turning my method against me. “Your trust, your loyalty, your time. Let me show you how the Mainworld works. And after it’s over, I want you to forgive me.”

  “I…I don’t know if that’s possible.”

  He seemed to expect this response. “All I have ever asked is that you try, Doe.” His smile was sad, but I couldn’t let it affect me. I also couldn’t pay attention to the ache in my throat at the mention of my name—his name for me.

  Could I do it again? Was the price worth my goal?

  “Do you agree to these terms?”

  Now he had extended his hand towards me, conducting business as he would with anyone else. Only his eyes gave away how terrified this made him. Good. They should all be terrified.

  “Yes.”

  I grasped his fingers and we shook before I pulled away. We grinned, both getting what we wanted.

  “Then it’s settled,” Odette finally spoke up. She wiped tears from her eyes as she stood. “Marius and I will arrange our departure.” She was already to the door. “Then we can finally go home.”

  Now it was just Master Lyon and I, alone with no one else to focus on. Anything could have happened. He could have changed his mind, tried to explain his side of the story and find out mine, but we were both motionless, unable to speak.

  So instead we stared at each other; me into the eyes of my Owner once again and he lost in search of the girl who was already dead.

  To Be

  Continued…