by Jo Ramsey
She grinned and took my hand. “Come on. Let’s get out there and wait on all the happy little Shop-and-Save customers.”
Rob’s Journal—September 18, 7:30 a.m.
I CAN’T even walk down the frigging halls in this school. Why do I even bother? They’re going to shove me again. Maybe smack me around. The second I walked in this morning, I knew it. They’re always out to get me. I’m hiding in the library writing this, but sooner or later I’m going to have to go out there.
Where the hell is Mira? She didn’t want to talk last night and didn’t show up to walk in with me today. She thinks I didn’t notice. She’s turning out just like the rest of them.
No, wait. Mira isn’t like them. She isn’t going to treat me like shit. She’s my friend. I trust her. I have to trust someone.
But her damn girlfriend is trying to split us up. I know it. Talia can’t stand me, and it’s mutual. She’s going to tell Mira she’ll break up with her if Mira stays friends with me, and Mira will listen because she’s so happy to finally have a girlfriend.
I don’t like thinking bad things about Mira. She’s nice to me most of the time. She sticks up for me. She’s my friend. She won’t turn on me. I have to believe that.
I hate this school. I hate this year. Why can’t it be senior year? Then I could get out sooner. I don’t know if I’m going to survive two more years of this shit.
The librarian just told me to get going or I’ll be late. Here we go again.
12:00 p.m.
I KNEW I shouldn’t have left the library. Of course I couldn’t even get through the morning. And my stupid father’s stupid wife thinks it’s my fault, as usual.
At least Mira tried to help me. Talia probably didn’t want her to, but she tried. I don’t know if anyone listened when she told them what really happened. Probably not. No one here ever listens.
One of these days, I’ll make them listen. All of them. Then they’ll wish they’d paid attention all along.
Chapter Two
DAD PICKED me up at the curb in front of the grocery store at nine thirty, when my shift ended. As soon as I settled into my seat, he handed me a fast food bag. My stomach growled as the aromas of burgers and fries hit my nose. I hadn’t eaten anything since lunch, since I didn’t have money to buy anything during my fifteen-minute break.
“I figured you were probably hungry,” Dad said.
“Thanks.” I fastened my seat belt, then pulled a burger out of the bag.
“How was school?” He drove away slowly, avoiding all the last-minute customers running into the store without checking for traffic.
“Rob got into another fight.” I bit into the burger and chewed slowly, savoring the flavors of meat, mustard, and ketchup. “First thing this morning. He wasn’t in school the rest of the day, so I don’t know if he’s okay.”
Dad didn’t say anything until after he turned out of the parking lot onto the street. “You know, more times than not when I ask you about school, you tell me about Rob. He isn’t the only part of school for you, is he?”
“Um, no. Sorry.” I took another bite.
“So let’s try this again,” Dad said. “How was school?”
I swallowed. “I think I did okay on my history test, but we won’t get them back until Monday. I had to talk to Ms. Cramer and Mr. Shorey this morning, because I saw the end of Rob’s fight. I know that’s about Rob again, but it was part of my day.”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand why your school doesn’t do more to help that kid. If someone doesn’t do something, I’m afraid he’s going to go overboard one of these days to protect himself. Your teachers must be aware of what happens to him.”
So much for not talking about Rob. Apparently it was okay for Dad, just not for me.
“They know,” I said. “We tell them all the time. The people who hassle Rob always say they didn’t do anything, or it was Rob’s fault. They outnumber us, so they’re the ones the teachers believe.”
“That isn’t right. Maybe I should talk to your principal.”
My heart missed a beat. That would be the worst thing Dad could do. Everyone would find out my dad had talked to the school. I would get pushed around the way I had freshman year, maybe even worse. I liked keeping a low profile. Being labeled a dyke didn’t bother me, but being labeled a snitch wouldn’t be good at all. “No. You can’t do that.”
He sighed. “I’m trying to help Rob. Aren’t you worried about him?”
I dropped the burger back into the bag. Suddenly I wasn’t so hungry. “I am, but talking to the school isn’t going to do anything. If they don’t listen to Rob and me, why would they listen to you?”
“Because I’m a parent.” He glanced at me. “An angry parent who thinks the school administrators should listen to my daughter. You don’t want me to talk to them?”
“I think it’s a bad idea.” I leaned back. Dad probably wouldn’t understand my logic, but I had to try. “If you talk to them, they might think you’re only being overprotective or something. If they follow up, they might tell someone you’re the one who made the report. Then everyone who’s already hassling me or Rob would have even more of a reason to do it. You don’t bring parents into something like this. You just don’t.”
“I see.” He paused. “I’ll stay out of it for now, but if the bullying continues, I might have to reconsider. Honestly, Rob’s parents should be doing something about this. No matter what the school thinks, his father and stepmother must know the truth.”
“They say it’s preparing him for the real world,” I muttered. “They want him to toughen up and deal with it, because he’s always going to be around people he doesn’t get along with, so he might as well get used to it. I doubt anyone he works with when he grows up is going to shove him into lockers.”
“You never know. Sometimes adults are worse bullies than kids.” He shook his head. “People just make me wonder. Eat your food before we get home. I don’t want Olin asking why he didn’t get any.”
Which meant the food was a special treat for me, so I had to try to finish it. He would do something special for Olin another time, if he hadn’t already. Dad didn’t play favorites, but he didn’t always do the same thing for us at the same time.
By the time Dad pulled into the driveway, I’d finished the burger and half of the fries. He took the bag from me and tossed it into the large trash can beside the driveway. He took the whole “keep the treat a secret” thing pretty seriously.
Olin wasn’t in the living room or kitchen when we went inside. I shouldn’t have thrown away the fries. I would have been able to smuggle them into my room without him seeing. Then again, he probably would have smelled them. He had a nose for any type of food.
“Your brother had a lot of homework,” Dad said. “I’m guessing you have some too.”
“Yeah.” More than I wanted to think about. Having a job made it really hard to keep up with everything, but I had to keep my grades up if I wanted to go to college. I would need all the scholarships I could get.
“Don’t stay up too late. I worry about whether you’re getting enough sleep. Your health comes before your job or school, and school comes before the job.”
“I know.” He’d given me the same lecture at least a dozen times since my birthday a month earlier, when I’d started looking for work. My health and grades were only part of his concern. Even though money had been tight since Mom died of cancer when I was ten, Dad wasn’t happy about not being able to provide everything Olin and I wanted.
“Okay.” He smiled. “Go to sleep at some point. Love you.”
“Love you too.” I picked up my backpack and headed to my room to deal with a page of math problems, a one-page essay predicting the plot of a book I’d never even heard of until Mr. Jameson assigned it, and a chemistry lab report.
Math was the hardest assignment, so I tackled it first. Chemistry wouldn’t be so bad, since Talia was my lab partner. She and I would help each other wit
h our reports if we didn’t have time to finish them separately. And the English essay would be total BSing. Mr. Jameson had shown us the book cover in class and told us to take a guess about the plot based only on that.
I only got halfway through the math assignment before my phone buzzed. I groaned. It had to be Rob. Even though I cared how he was doing, I didn’t want to interrupt my homework. The sooner I finished it, the sooner I would be able to go to bed.
Then again, if I talked with Rob now, maybe he wouldn’t wake me in the middle of the night the way he usually did.
Hi, Mira.
He always started our conversations the same way. He’d said it was so he could make sure he wasn’t bothering me, which made no sense when he texted at midnight.
I quickly typed my reply.
Hi. Didn’t see you since this morning. What happened?
Nurse called home. She picked me up and took me to doctor. Broken nose.
Dammmmnnn.
“She” referred to his stepmother. Rob almost never called her anything except that pronoun.
I should have realized how badly Rob was hurt that morning. The way he’d talked, and the way he’d been acting, should have told me something was seriously wrong. I hadn’t paid enough attention. That didn’t make me feel too happy with myself.
She called Dad. He said I should have hit back.
Of course he did.
I rolled my eyes. Rob’s dad would never understand Rob didn’t want to fight back. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else or be hurt. Not to mention trying to fight four athletes would have been a death sentence.
He wanted to talk to school. Told him no, I’ll handle it.
Good.
I didn’t want to say he should have let his dad deal with the situation. Rob wouldn’t be able to “handle” anything. He could tell Ms. Cramer and Mr. Shorey his side of events, if he hadn’t had a chance before his stepmother picked him up. Other than that, the only thing he would be able to do was try to stay out of everyone’s way so they would leave him alone.
It’s never going to stop. This is going to happen until I graduate or die. Dying would be faster.
I gripped the phone tighter. When he said things like that, I never knew if he was serious.
Dying won’t solve anything. If you’re gone, you’ll never know if it might change.
It’s never going to change! Don’t you listen? As long as they and I are alive, it’s never going to change.
I’m sorry. I am listening.
I stared at the message. Mostly the part about “they” being alive. He’d said things like that before too. If the bullies were gone, he wouldn’t have to worry about them. This time, though, it seemed like more of a threat.
I was overtired and feeling guilty about Rob dealing with everything alone that morning. That was why what he said worried me. I just wasn’t thinking straight. He wouldn’t do anything. He just needed to rant to someone who cared.
I want to make them stop. My dad keeps saying to fight back. Maybe I should.
What would you do?
There was no way in hell he could fight Craig or anyone else. He wasn’t tiny or anything, but he was shorter than most of them and way skinnier. Plus he didn’t know how to fight. People had been picking on him since elementary school, but he’d never learned how to handle physical fights. He always just cringed against a wall and waited for them to stop.
He didn’t answer for a couple of minutes.
I don’t know. I wish I didn’t have to go to school. I hate her for talking Dad out of online school. He would have let me do it.
I let out a long breath. I could deal with him talking about changing schools or dropping out. Those were safe things. Things that wouldn’t hurt him or anyone else.
Another message came from him before I had a chance to type anything.
I have to go to school tomorrow. Dad said so.
Did you talk to Cramer and Shorey today?
She got to school before they were available. Have to do it tomorrow. As if they’ll listen.
I told them what I saw.
That might not reassure him about whether they would do anything to Craig and the others, but maybe hearing I’d talked to them would at least remind Rob I was on his side.
Thanks. I’m supposed to be sleeping. Talk to you later.
Another conversation ended after only a little while. Such a short chat wasn’t like Rob. I wouldn’t complain if he was finished texting for now, though. I would be able to concentrate on my assignments and maybe get to bed before early morning.
See you tomorrow.
Will you? You weren’t there this morning.
From words on a screen, I couldn’t really tell Rob’s mood or intention, but I was positive he was angry with me. I understood why. He was used to having me at his side when he walked into the hell of our school every morning. But the guys might have attacked him even if I had been with him. It wasn’t my fault he’d been hurt again.
Besides, after some of the things Rob said during this chat, having him angry with me worried me. I didn’t want to wind up on his mental list of people to get rid of.
I overslept. I won’t tomorrow. I’ll double check my alarm. He didn’t need to know the reason my alarm hadn’t gone off that morning. If I told him I’d shut off my phone, he would only get angrier.
Okay. Good night.
Good night.
I kept my phone beside me in case he texted again and got back to work.
ROB DIDN’T contact me again at all during the night. I finished my homework and went to bed, and slept through until my alarm woke me.
I should have been glad for the break, but not hearing from him worried me. Probably way more than it should have. By the time I left for school, I still hadn’t received any texts. I could only hope the line at the coffee shop would be quick so I could catch up with Rob before he had to walk into the school building.
Usually Rob didn’t join Talia and me at the coffee shop before school. The three of us had tried going as a group a couple of times, but it hadn’t worked so well. Talia had talked too much, Rob had glared at her, and I’d sat there feeling as if I should have been fixing things between them. We’d given up on Rob going with Talia and me after the second time.
This morning, though, when I rounded the corner onto Main Street, Rob was waiting in front of the salon a couple of doors down from the coffee shop. Despite the bandage on his nose, the swelling was obvious. So was the bruising around his eyes when I got close enough to see it.
Talia was in her usual spot by the coffee shop door. I looked from her to Rob and back again, trying to decide which one to go to first.
I didn’t take too long. Both of them were waiting for me. If I didn’t move, we might wind up standing there all day. The decision was easy, anyway. Talia would understand if I talked to Rob before her, but if I spoke to Talia first, Rob might take it personally. So I walked over to him.
“Hi,” he said. He stuck his hands in his jeans pockets. “What do you think of the new look?”
“Yeah, it’s definitely you.” I grinned. Making dumb jokes was a good sign. He must have been in a better mood than the day before. “Are you coming in with us?”
“I don’t know.” He glanced past me. “Talia doesn’t exactly like me. She probably wouldn’t be too happy if I intruded on your alone time.”
“She likes you. And it isn’t as if we’re on a date. She won’t mind.” I probably shouldn’t have spoken for Talia, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with another conflict between them. If Rob came into the coffee shop with Talia and me, as long as he didn’t get snarky, she would be fine with him. Even if she didn’t like him, she would be nice to him for my sake.
“Sure.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m going to wait out here. I don’t want coffee. I just need someone to walk with me to school. It wouldn’t surprise me if those Neanderthals were waiting to jump me, especially if they got suspended. They’ll blame me.”
; He was right, and I hated it. “They shouldn’t. You didn’t exactly beat yourself up.”
“Why would that matter?” He glanced at Talia again. “She’s going to get pissed off if you keep talking to me. Go ahead. I’ll wait here.”
“Um, okay.” We didn’t have to be at school for another half hour. If Rob planned on standing in front of the salon the entire time, he might be in more danger than if he just waited for me in our usual spot. But it was up to him. If he wanted to stay, I wouldn’t bother trying to talk him out of it. I knew how stubborn he could be.
“I’ll be here,” he said again. “Go ahead. No worries.”
I wanted to say something else. Something encouraging, or maybe something to convince him to come with me. But I couldn’t think of anything, so I touched his shoulder, smiled, and walked over to Talia.
“What’s up with him?” She kept her voice low, not that it would make a difference. Even if Rob didn’t hear what she said, he would figure out we were talking about him.
“He doesn’t want to walk to school by himself in case those guys are waiting somewhere, so he’s going to wait for us there.” I paused. I really didn’t want to get stuck between her and Rob, but she should know how she came across to him. “He thinks you don’t like him, so he won’t come in with us.”
“I don’t dislike him. We just aren’t best buddies.” She rolled her eyes. “I need caffeine too much to argue right now. Let’s get small coffees and drink them on the way so he won’t have to wait.”
I smiled. If she really didn’t like Rob, she wouldn’t have cared how long he stood there. “Sounds good. Thanks.”
“No problem.”
We went in and waited in line to get our coffee. Every few seconds, I looked out the window to make sure Rob was okay. I had no clue what I would do if someone was hassling him, but fortunately, each time I looked he was still alone.
Finally we got our drinks and went back outside. Rob raised his eyebrow when we walked over to him. “You guys aren’t hanging out here this morning?”
