Midnight Chat

by Jo Ramsey

  Talia slid down the bench and stopped a foot or so from Rob. “Sorry to interrupt. Lunch is almost over. Are you guys going to eat?”

  “I am.” I picked up my apple and took a bite. It wouldn’t be much of a lunch, but the knots in my stomach made it hard to think about eating anything more.

  “I’m not. Thanks anyway. Mira, talk to you later.” Rob stood, snatched his tray off the table, and strode away.

  “Did I do something?” Talia looked confused. “All I was trying to do was let you guys know you’re almost out of time.”

  “I know. I don’t have a problem with it.” But Rob would assume Talia had interrupted us so I would stop talking to him. He believed Talia was trying to come between us. That she was jealous of him or something, even though she and I had both told him she didn’t have any issues with our friendship.

  I kind of understood why Rob had such a hard time with Talia. For two years, he’d pretty much had me to himself. I’d had other friends but spent most of my time with Rob because when he was in a good mood, he was fun to be around. He had a seriously weird sense of humor, and he enjoyed making me laugh. We could talk for hours about things no one else would have understood. We wrote fanfic about a couple of TV shows and shared it with each other. Most weekends, he came to my house or I went to his.

  He’d had dark times then, too. Days when he lashed out at me over something he thought I’d said or done, even if I hadn’t. Doom cloud days when he begged me to help him feel better. Until the beginning of the past summer, those days had been the exception. Now they were happening all the time.

  Until the beginning of summer, he’d had me to vent to. Anytime he needed me, I was there. When Talia and I got together, that changed. Now Rob had to share me with my girlfriend. Someone who took up some of the time I’d always given him. Someone who’d helped me find a job that stole even more of my time. It was no wonder Rob didn’t like Talia. Because of her, he felt like he’d lost the one person he could count on.

  He needed help. His parents would never change their minds about whether he just wanted attention. If I asked Dad to talk to them, he might be able to make them understand how bad Rob had gotten, but he probably wouldn’t agree to interfere in someone else’s parenting. The only thing I could really do for Rob was make sure he knew he had me to back him up. And maybe cut down on how much time I spent with Talia so Rob would know I was still his friend.

  “Hey, are you there?” Talia waved her hand in front of my face. “What’s wrong?”

  “Sorry.” I shook my head rapidly, hoping to clear my thoughts. “I don’t know what’s up with Rob. It probably bothered him when you interrupted, but he must realize you didn’t do it just to chase him off. He’ll get over it.”

  “You don’t sound too convinced.” She leaned forward. “Something’s wrong with him. I don’t mean, like, dangerous or anything, and I definitely don’t mean you shouldn’t talk to him. You and he are friends, and I wouldn’t mess with that. It’s just, he gets so mad, and sometimes he says things that don’t make sense. Aren’t you worried too?”

  “Yeah. That’s why I was sitting down here instead of with you.” If I told Talia everything about Rob, she might be able to help me figure out a solution. Some way to help him before things went horribly wrong.

  But if I told her anything, I would betray Rob’s trust. He only talked to me because he knew I wouldn’t tell anyone else the things he said.

  The bell rang, and everyone around us got up and started pushing their way to the trash cans to dump their trays. I started to stand, and Talia grabbed my wrist. “Wait until it clears out. Otherwise everyone’s going to push you. Besides, you didn’t finish eating.”

  “I’m not hungry.” I should have been taking my own advice about eating, but right now, I was too worried about Rob. And Talia. If Rob kept getting it stuck in his head that Talia was trying to break up our friendship, he might do something to get back at her.

  I hated even thinking that way. Rob didn’t do the revenge thing. No matter how badly people harassed him, he didn’t fight back or anything. Talia wasn’t even giving him a hard time.

  But I couldn’t forget the hatred in his eyes only minutes earlier, and it still scared me.

  “Maybe we should talk to Mrs. Reynolds,” Talia said.

  “About what?”

  She rolled her eyes. “About Rob. About how he’s acting. She’s a guidance counselor. She might be able to, you know, counsel him or something. At least talk to him and make sure he’s all right.”

  “I don’t know.” Going to Mrs. Reynolds would be even worse than telling Talia about the things Rob said. Betraying him to a staff member was something he probably couldn’t forgive. None of the staff did much about the bullying. He had no reason to trust them at all.

  “Think about it, okay?” She stood and picked up both of our trays. “Come on. After class, we can decide whether to talk to her.”

  “Okay.” I’d already decided. It was better to keep Rob’s problems to myself than make him hate me.

  During the entire seventy-five minutes of French class, I sat at my desk in the back row and scribbled in the margins of my notebook. All the reasons I should talk to Mrs. Reynolds about Rob, and all the reasons I shouldn’t.

  The “shouldn’t” list was longer. Mrs. Reynolds wouldn’t be able to do anything except talk to Rob, and he would probably refuse to say anything to her. She might call his parents, but they’d already proven they wouldn’t do anything.

  The biggest reason not to talk to her, of course, was how Rob would take it if he found out I’d gone to her. Even though being his friend wasn’t always easy, I didn’t want to lose the friendship. It hadn’t always been as one-sided as now. I’d had problems during ninth and tenth grades too, and he’d helped me a lot. He was the first person I had come out to, and he’d come out to me as well. We trusted each other that much, and we’d helped each other realize it was okay not to be straight. He still hadn’t come out to his parents, but he sat beside me on my couch when I came out to Dad.

  He was the one who’d comforted me after people called me names in the hallways. The one who’d listened to me cry on the anniversaries of my mother’s death. Even though right now he wasn’t really there for me, he always had been in the past. And he would be again, unless I did something stupid like going to the guidance counselor behind his back. If I did that, he would probably never speak to me again.

  At the end of class, Talia came over to my desk. French was the only class Rob and I didn’t have together, since he took Spanish, so at least I didn’t have to worry about him overhearing Talia and me.

  “So?” Talia leaned down, hands on my desk. “What are we doing?”

  “I don’t think we can do anything.” I rearranged my pile of books so I wouldn’t have to look at her. “I worry about him, but I can’t go behind his back like this. It isn’t right.”

  The look she gave me said she’d expected me to refuse. “Okay. Would he go see her himself if you asked him to?”

  I shrugged. “Probably not. He doesn’t think any of the staff here gives a crap about him.”

  “Mira.” She hesitated. “Something’s really wrong with him, okay? I’m not saying it because I don’t want you to be friends with him. You can be friends with whoever you want. But he needs help. You know he does. Some of the things he says sometimes are kind of messed up.”

  “His parents keep saying he’s fine.” I chose my words carefully to make sure I wouldn’t give away any of Rob’s secrets. “He’s tried talking to them. They keep telling him he needs to grow up and he’ll be fine. Wouldn’t Mrs. Reynolds have to tell his parents she talked to him?”

  Talia shook her head. “Confidentiality. Not only would she not have to, she couldn’t. It’s a law. She can only tell parents what kids say if the kid says it’s all right.”

  We were almost out of time before the bell rang for the next class, so either way we had to leave the room. I stood and picked
up my books. I was more certain than before that talking to Mrs. Reynolds without Rob knowing would be wrong. I had to at least tell him before I did it. He would probably talk me out of it, but that was okay. At least I wouldn’t be sneaking around.

  “We’re going to be late,” I said. “You know Mr. Schermer hates it when people are late.”

  “We aren’t going to the guidance office.” Talia sighed. She went back to her desk for her books. “I should have figured. Mira, I get that you care about him. It’s cool. I’m just afraid if he doesn’t get help, something bad will happen one of these days, and he won’t be the only one who gets hurt.”

  I stared at her. She honestly believed Rob would lose it completely and hurt other people. Maybe Rob was right. Maybe Talia really didn’t like him.

  “I’m going to talk to him,” I said slowly. “I’ll try to convince him to see Mrs. Reynolds. If he knows she can’t tell his parents anything, he might do it. You’d just better not say anything like that again.”

  She wrinkled her forehead. “Like what?”

  “He doesn’t hurt people, so don’t make it sound like he might.” I was too pissed off to wait for her to answer. I just walked out of the room.

  She should have known me well enough to realize I wouldn’t hang out with anyone dangerous. If she thought Rob was crazy, I had to wonder about her opinion of me. Maybe she was only dating me so she’d have something to laugh about with her other friends. Right then, I couldn’t guess what the hell was on her mind, and I didn’t care enough to try.

  If she wanted me to choose her over Rob, she would be out of luck. She meant a lot to me, but Rob meant more. Friendship lasted a whole lot longer than relationships, and Rob was too important to give up on.

  I barely made it into the chemistry classroom before the bell rang. I slid into my seat beside Rob and watched the door. Talia didn’t come in.

  I knew damn well where she’d gone, and it made me want to punch my desk. Since I hadn’t obeyed her command to talk to Mrs. Reynolds about Rob, she’d gone to do it herself. Not only had she gone behind Rob’s back, she’d gone behind mine too after I’d told her I would talk to Rob.

  So much for her being my girlfriend. If I couldn’t trust her, I didn’t have any reason to keep dating her. I didn’t have proof yet that she was talking to Mrs. Reynolds, but there weren’t too many other possibilities for her missing class. She probably didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, either. We were done. Work that afternoon would suck, because I would have to look at her the whole time, but I wasn’t going to stick with someone who would go behind my back like this.

  “Are you okay?” Rob whispered.

  “Huh? Yeah.” I forced a smile. “I’m fine.”

  He wrinkled his forehead. “Good.”

  “Stop talking,” Mr. Schermer said from the front of the room. “Take out your books and open to page thirty-eight.”

  I followed his directions because that was what we did in Mr. Schermer’s class. Rob opened his book too, but he kept glancing over at me. I kept my eyes on the page so I wouldn’t give anything away by looking at him.

  He would blame me if Talia actually had gone to the guidance office. He wouldn’t be exactly wrong, either. I should have known what she would do, and I hadn’t tried to stop her. Even if she genuinely didn’t want to come between Rob and me, that was exactly what she was doing, all because she couldn’t give me one class period to try to talk Rob into seeking help on his own. He would think I’d agreed with Talia, and our friendship would be seriously dented, if he didn’t end it completely.

  More reason for me to be done with Talia. If she wasn’t around, Rob would know for sure I refused to let anyone come between him and me.

  About fifteen minutes into the period, Mrs. Reynolds showed up at the classroom door. She beckoned Mr. Schermer over and said something to him I couldn’t hear; then he went to Rob’s desk.

  “Mrs. Reynolds needs to see you,” Mr. Schermer said in the quietest voice I’d ever heard him use. “Take your books in case class ends before you’re finished.”

  “Um, okay?” Rob looked at me again. “Is something wrong?”

  “I only know she needs to see you,” Mr. Schermer said.

  “Sure.” Rob stood and picked up his books. “Talk to you later, Mira.”

  His voice had that hard note in it again. I looked up at him, and he stared at me with the same hatred and fury he’d displayed at lunch. Even though I’d been sitting beside him the whole time, he believed I had something to do with Mrs. Reynolds pulling him out of class.

  I quickly looked back down at my book. I couldn’t do anything about what he believed right now. Later, I could try to clear things up. I just hoped I would be able to.

  Damn Talia. This was all her fault. She would be lucky if I even talked to her again long enough to dump her.

  Rob’s Journal—September 19, 3:45 p.m.

  HERE I sit in my room, because I’m grounded for being crazy. Or something. Whatever the hell my father thinks.

  The frigging guidance counselor promised she wouldn’t let my parents know I talked to her. She isn’t supposed to tell them anything. She said I could tell her whatever I wanted, and they wouldn’t find out.

  Fucking liar. I should have known better. I didn’t even tell her anything bad. Only about the bullying and crap, and she already knew about that.

  She asked what I wanted to do about it, and I said I just wanted to stop it. That no one else ever does anything about it, so maybe I should. She asked how I wanted to stop it. I said I didn’t know. I said if the bullies were gone, no one would give me a hard time anymore.

  That’s probably when she decided I was going crazy or something. She told me to wait outside her door. Even with the door closed, I heard her on the phone, and I knew. She lied to me. She promised no one would find out what I said to her, and ten minutes later she was on the phone to my father’s wife.

  I was stuck in the guidance office until my father’s wife showed up to bring me home, and then I was treated to half an hour of ranting from my father. He left work early to yell at me for being a fuck-up. He told me to stop whining about the bullying and do something about it if it bothers me so much. I asked what I’m supposed to do, and he only yelled more. Then he told me to get into my room and stay there because he didn’t want to look at me anymore.

  He never wants to look at me anyway. He probably wishes my mother took me with her when she bailed on us. I know I do. She would have been a way better parent.

  This is Mira’s fault. Somehow. She was late for chemistry, so that must have been when she went to Mrs. Reynolds. She had to have done it. She’s the only one I talk to about how much the bullying and stuff gets to me. She’s the only one who cares. So she’s the only one who would have gone to the guidance counselor.

  Except if she went to the guidance office, she wouldn’t have gotten back so fast, would she? Chemistry’s at the far end of the upstairs hallway. She couldn’t have gone to the guidance office, talked about me, and gotten back to chemistry that fast. Maybe she wasn’t the one. I hope not. If she was, she’s no better than anyone else, and I know Mira’s better.

  Oh! Now I get it! Of course. Mira was in class, but Talia wasn’t. That bitch keeps on hating me and wanting Mira to abandon me, so I bet she’s the one who talked to Reynolds. I’m going to find out, and if she did it, she’s going to pay. I’m not letting anyone get away with screwing me over. Not even someone else Mira likes.

  Chapter Four

  I IGNORED Talia completely at work. I didn’t answer her texts or calls after I went home. And I didn’t meet her before school the next morning. I hadn’t decided yet whether I was completely done with her, and I refused even to look at her until I made up my mind.

  I’d expected Rob to text me overnight, but I hadn’t heard from him. That worried me. It was the second night in a row that he didn’t wake me with a text, but at least the night before, he’d contacted me while I was doing homew
ork. From the time he got pulled out of chemistry class, I didn’t hear anything from him at all. I could only think of two reasons for him not to text. Either he believed I’d gone to Mrs. Reynolds, which would have made me a traitor and someone he didn’t want to deal with, or he’d hurt himself.

  Hopefully neither was true. Maybe he’d just fallen asleep for a change.

  In the morning, to my relief, he was waiting at the usual corner. He smiled when I walked over to him. “Where’s Talia?”

  “I don’t know.” I tilted my head. “Why? You never ask about her.”

  He shrugged. “Maybe if you’re involved with her, she’s an okay person. Obviously you see something good about her, even if I don’t.”

  “I guess.” I frowned. Something wasn’t right about what he was saying. I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but I didn’t buy his change of heart about Talia. After months of complaining about her, he wouldn’t have suddenly decided she was okay.

  I didn’t feel like questioning it, though. I didn’t want to talk about Talia at all. She would probably spend all day trying to talk to me if I didn’t avoid her. Staying away from her wouldn’t be easy, since she and I had most of our classes together, but I would figure out something.

  “Trouble between the lovebirds?” Rob asked.

  I rolled my eyes. “We aren’t lovebirds. To be honest, I’m not talking to her right now.”

  “You aren’t?” He looked confused. “I thought things were good. Did you have a fight?”

  “I’d rather not say.” No matter how pissed I was at Talia, I wouldn’t tell Rob she’d turned him in to Mrs. Reynolds. If he’d decided to get along with her, it was better if I didn’t give him a new reason to hate her.

  I felt guilty for not telling him. He counted on me to be honest. Hiding the truth wasn’t any better than outright lying. For all I knew, he’d already guessed anyway, since Talia hadn’t been in class when Mrs. Reynolds came to get him. I should have told him the truth. I just didn’t have the heart.