The Road Ahead

by Amanda Radley

  “She works in an estate agency, remember, Mum?” Rebecca said, knowing that her mum could hardly retain any information these days. The exhaustion had set in, and nowadays they just had the same conversations over and over again.

  She had thought it was bad before she went to Portugal, but little did she know that was merely a taster of what was to come. She wished she had never left. Not that it mattered now.

  “Oh yes, I remember now.” She closed her eyes for a moment.

  Rebecca wondered if she would drift off to sleep, but her eyes fluttered open again. She looked at Arabella and smiled.

  “So, do you get to look at people’s houses?”

  “Yes, it’s a very good career for a nosy person. Which I am.” Arabella winked.

  Rebecca smiled as her mum let out a small chuckle.

  “Me too, I know it’s wrong, but the best part of a party is getting to have a nose around the host’s house.”

  Arabella laughed. “Oh yes, but then you run the risk of getting caught. Part of my job is looking around, opening cupboards and wardrobes. They can’t hide anything from me.”

  Rebecca tuned out the conversation. She leaned back in her chair, allowing the exhaustion to slowly wash over.

  For the first time in a long time, she wasn’t the only person looking after her mother. She hadn’t realised how exhausting the process was. But now, with Arabella beside her taking the strain, she felt like she could take a few seconds to herself. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she listened to the soft tones of the two women speaking.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “She’s asleep,” Allison said.

  Arabella glanced to her side. She suspected that Rebecca had fallen asleep a while ago. She hadn’t particularly noticed, in fact she’d been enjoying talking to Allison. She turned back to face the woman.

  “Yes, she must be exhausted,” she said. Suddenly, she wondered if Rebecca had said anything about their journey home. She’d wait to see what information Allison provided, and hopefully get a reading on what she knew.

  “She is,” Allison agreed. She lovingly watched her daughter. “She is very brave, I’ve put her through hell.”

  “No,” Arabella disagreed. “You mustn’t think like that.”

  “I don’t.” Allison let out a soft sigh. “Not really. Becky and I agreed, when all this started, that the cancer was like a third person in our relationship. It wasn’t to define me, and it wasn’t to define her, or us. It was just something that was there, like a bad smell. The worst thing about cancer is it takes your identity away. I’m no longer Allison Edwards, I am a cancer patient. And I didn’t want that. I wanted to make sure that I was Allison Edwards, Rebecca’s mum.”

  Arabella nodded. She didn’t really understand. She was trying her best, but even she knew that Allison was just touching the surface of such a deep topic.

  “And when I go, I don’t want Rebecca to still feel that the cancer hovers around her. I want her to be happy, I don’t want her to remember all of this.” Allison gestured around the hospital room. “I want her to remember before, and then I want her to build a new life. A happy life. I know you two haven’t been seeing each other for long, but I get a good feeling about you.”

  Arabella swallowed nervously.

  She wasn’t comfortable with lying to Allison about something so important. Up until now they had just made small talk. And she had done so willingly in the knowledge that she was helping a dying woman feel more comfortable at the end of her days.

  But it sounded like the conversation was about to drift into something more serious. And Arabella wasn’t good at serious, heart-to-heart conversations.

  She didn’t want to be making promises to a dying woman, promises that she knew she could not keep. She agreed that Rebecca was as unique, special, and deserving as Allison thought she was. Rebecca did deserve Lucy, the made-up perfect girlfriend.

  “Rebecca is amazing,” Arabella said. “And I know that she is going to have a great life. She’ll never forget you, the good times, I mean. She never talks about all this.” Arabella gestured around the room. “She talks about you, but never about the third person in your relationship.”

  Allison looked relieved. She let out a shaky breath. She’d noticed that Allison’s breathing had become more laboured since they’d been talking.

  It was clear that Allison was extremely ill. Now and then her eyes would begin to close, and then open again. When they open they were brighter, more determined. She clearly didn’t want to rest.

  “Thank goodness,” Allison whispered. “Knowing that she’ll be okay, it makes it easier.”

  Arabella nodded.

  She couldn’t imagine being in Allison’s position. She didn’t think she could be selfless enough to care about someone else when in such terrible pain herself. But then again, maybe the end of your life brought such clarity. She hoped that it would be a long while before she had to find out.

  “Are your parents still with us?” Allison asked.

  “Yes, they’re divorced. I don’t see my mother much, but they are both alive and well.”

  Allison’s eyes started to close again.

  Arabella let out a soft breath and gently leaned back in her chair. They had been talking for a while, and now it was probably time to let Allison rest. She sat very still and looked at her hands in her lap. She hoped that if she remained quiet, Allison would start to drift off to sleep and get the rest she desperately needed.

  As the silence wore on, she became aware of heavy footsteps in the corridor towards the hospital room. Footsteps that she instantly recognised.

  Thankfully, Allison had fallen asleep. Arabella grabbed her crutch and carefully manoeuvred herself around Rebecca. She walked out of the room as quietly as possible, coming face-to-face with Alastair in the corridor as she did.

  His eyes sparked with fury. He was still dressed in his tuxedo. In his clenched hand was his mobile phone.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked through clenched teeth.

  “What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Are you injured?” He looked over her body, searching for any sign of damage.

  “I’m fine,” Arabella reassured him.

  “Fine? Then why you are in hospital? And why didn’t you say anything? You suddenly disappeared, and the next thing I knew… you were here.”

  “I can’t explain now, I’m visiting a friend. Well, a friend’s mother anyway.”

  His face became even redder with anger. He sucked in a breath and took a step back. He stared at the ceiling and shook his head.

  Arabella rolled her eyes. She’d seen his fits of anger before, and she was beyond being affected by them.

  She noticed Rebecca stood in the doorway, a questioning look on her face. Arabella shook her head to indicate she was fine.

  Suddenly, the shock of seeing Alastair cleared, and the question as to why she was seeing Alastair at all reared its head.

  “Wait a minute, how did you know I’m here?”

  Alastair lowered his head and looked at her. A sheepish expression crept onto his face.

  Arabella’s eyes went wide. Her gaze drifted to the clenched fist holding his mobile phone. She glared at him. She couldn’t believe he had the audacity to track her, like a microchip on a puppy.

  “You have some kind of tracking software, don’t you? You… you, my god, Alastair! I never gave you permission to do that.”

  “I did it in case of emergencies, you know, in case you ended up in the hospital.” He looked around the corridor as if proving his point.

  “I don’t care why you did it, you should have let me know. You should have asked.”

  “You’re my wife.”

  Arabella took a shocked step back.

  “I am not your wife, and we’ll be talking about this,” she promised. Her eyes drifted towards Rebecca. “But not now. Now, I have to be here.”

  Alastair turned, seeing Rebecca for the first time. He laughed and turned back to A
rabella. “Her?”

  Arabella held one of her crutch towards Rebecca. Rebecca took it from her. She used the other crutch to stride towards Alastair and jabbed him hard in the chest with a pointed finger from her free hand.

  “I’m staying here. You are leaving, I will call you when I can.”

  She could feel his breath on her face, but she didn’t take a step back. She stared into his eyes. She could tell he was analysing what was happening and deciding on the best course of action. She doubted he would come to the right choice.

  “I’m not leaving without you,” he said. “You have to come back to your father’s house. People are asking about you. What do you expect me to say? That you’re… suddenly best friends with some hippie child?”

  “Leave now.” Arabella knew that no matter how brave Alastair appeared, he was afraid of her. He’d always had trouble controlling her. It was something that Arabella secretly enjoyed. Before, she thought it was just a game of power, but now she realised that she wasn’t playing a game; she was fighting to not be controlled by him.

  “Don’t speak, just turn around and go. Don’t push me, Alastair.”

  He glared at her for a few seconds. He took a step back and nodded his head.

  “We will talk about this later,” he said in his best menacing tone.

  “We will. Now, go.”

  He turned around and stalked away. She watched him leave, wondering what on earth she had ever seen in the man. As he rounded the final corner and disappeared from sight, she felt Rebecca’s presence beside her. She turned and took the crutch from Rebecca’s hand.

  “Are you sure you want to stay?” Rebecca asked, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

  “Absolutely. My thoughts haven’t changed, I still think that you shouldn’t be alone. And Alastair… well, his point of view is quite frankly irrelevant to me.”

  A small smile appeared on Rebecca’s face. Arabella knew that she was making the right decision.

  Chapter Twenty

  Rebecca couldn’t believe the scene she had witnessed between Alastair and Arabella. She also couldn’t believe that Arabella had chosen staying with Rebecca over him.

  At first, she hadn’t realised how much that meant to her. Not until she thought Arabella would cave in and go with Alastair. She had stood in the doorway willing Arabella to stay but assuming she would leave. She’d never assumed that she would have any company at this moment, but now that she had it, she was reluctant to let it go.

  They both stepped back into the hospital room. Arabella paused and looked up at the clock on the wall. She turned to do the same and realised that it had just past midnight.

  “Merry Christmas,” Arabella whispered.

  Rebecca smiled. “Merry Christmas,” she whispered back. She gestured to her mother. “We should let her sleep.”

  Arabella looked towards the bed and slowly nodded her head.

  “Have you eaten yet?” Arabella asked.

  “No, I came straight here.”

  “Is there a place to get some food? I know how much you need to eat.” Arabella joked.

  Rebecca smiled despite herself. “Yes, they have a canteen, it’s not great…”

  “Surely it’s better than some of the places we stopped at?”

  “Well…” Rebecca kidded.

  Arabella chuckled and gestured towards the door. Rebecca took a last look at her mother before stepping out and leading Arabella towards the hospital canteen.

  They walked slowly because of Arabella’s leg and in silence as Rebecca didn’t know what to say. She wanted to offer her thanks and gratitude, but she didn’t understand why Arabella was even there. And she didn’t want to say anything that might rock the boat and cause her to leave. In a very short amount of time, Arabella’s presence had become practically essential to her. She no longer thought she could do it on her own.

  After a few minutes, they entered the canteen. A handful of people sat at tables, others forced to spend Christmas in hospital, either family members or workers. Some Christmas decorations had been hastily put up around the room. It was a sad attempt, and Rebecca wondered if it would have looked better without the decorations at all.

  They browsed the offerings on display and, eventually, both decided on sandwiches. Arabella almost asked for coffee from the bored-looking employee, until Rebecca placed a warning hand on her forearm and softly shook her head. They both decided on tea, as it was difficult to ruin.

  They sat by a window that overlooked the hospital entrance and ate in silence. In no time, Rebecca had finished a sandwich, not realising how hungry she had been. She hugged the mug of tea in her hands, enjoying the warmth.

  “Thank you,” Rebecca said.

  “Don’t mention it.”

  “No, I have to. I really appreciate you being here.”

  Arabella silently folded the sandwich wrapper and moved it to one side. She pulled her mug of tea towards her, mirroring Rebecca’s pose.

  “May I ask why you never said anything? I mean, you’re perfectly within your right to keep it to yourself. I just wonder why you never mentioned it?”

  Rebecca stared into the tea. “I think I wanted to be treated normally, to not have to worry about everything happening here. I could just be normal for a few minutes, or a few hours. No one looked at me with pity, no one hesitated every time they wanted to speak, in case they said the wrong thing.”

  “But I did say the wrong thing,” Arabella pointed out. “And you ignored me for hours as a result. And shouted at me on the ferry.”

  “I’m sorry about that.” Rebecca adjusted the mug in her hands.

  “And you let me blather on about my party…”

  Rebecca looked up at Arabella, chewing her lip anxiously. “I didn’t mean… I didn’t want you to…”

  “I know you didn’t,” Arabella reassured her. “I just feel a little silly. Going on about how imperative it was for me to get home. When your need was so much greater.”

  Rebecca shook her head. “I didn’t want it to be like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “You know… about me.”

  “It should be about you.”

  “But I don’t want that. I don’t want to be the girl whose mum is dying of cancer.”

  Arabella smiled sadly. “You’re very much like your mother.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “Do.” Arabella nodded.

  Rebecca took a sip of her tea. She’d been wrong, they could ruin tea. She put the mug back on the table and continued to use it as a hand warmer.

  “I felt guilty,” Rebecca admitted.

  “About?”

  “About being in Portugal. Before I left, she was okay. I mean she was still dying, but it wasn’t as near to the end as it is now. The chance came up to go to Portugal, get a bit of extra money and make my agent happy. I went, and she started to go downhill. I shouldn’t have left.”

  “You couldn’t have known that would happen. If you’d known, would you have stayed?”

  “Of course.”

  “There you go then. You can’t judge yourself on the unknowns,” Arabella said matter-of-factly.

  Rebecca clamped her lips together to prevent from chuckling out loud. Arabella had such a black-and-white view on the world.

  “You know it could happen any day now,” Rebecca said. “I mean she could, you know.”

  “Yes, I had assumed.” Arabella looked down into her tea mug.

  “And you’re, you’re okay with that?” Rebecca asked.

  “Well, I’m prepared for it,” Arabella said.

  Rebecca watched as the older woman became lost in thought, staring into the milky tea. She couldn’t understand why someone so desperate to get home to a Christmas party would suddenly abandon it to spend time with her.

  Arabella was a mystery. One moment kind, another moment… not so kind. Now she was demonstrating the utmost kindness.

  “I don’t get it,” Rebecca admitted
.

  Arabella’s eyes met Rebecca’s. “Get what?”

  “You. Being here.”

  “I’m not sure I do either,” she confessed. “But I am.”

  Rebecca picked up her mug and quickly gulped it down. “There’s a visitors’ room, it’s nothing much. It has some sofas, and it’s where I normally sleep when I stay the night here. I don’t stay in Mum’s room, I like to let her sleep. When she rests, she is not in pain.”

  Arabella sipped her tea. “Okay, that sounds like a good idea.”

  Rebecca blinked, not sure if Arabella was understanding what she was saying.

  “I mean, I’m going to try to get some sleep,” Rebecca clarified.

  Arabella nodded. “Yes, I agreed that it’s a good idea.”

  “So, you’ll be heading home?”

  “No. I’ll be staying with you, if you want me to, that is? You said sofas, so I assume there’s room for both of us?”

  Rebecca wanted to say yes. She desperately wanted to say yes. The visitors’ room, while appreciated, was lonely, dark, and scary. But it was no place for Arabella to stay. Arabella and her posh luggage. Arabella and her posh party dress.

  She knew it was time to let Arabella off the hook.

  “It’s fine, I’ll be okay,” Rebecca said. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I’m okay on my own. You go back to your party, or back home. Whatever.”

  Arabella regarded her carefully, her eyes never wavering as they took in Rebecca. Rebecca had a feeling that she was being analysed, that her every thought was being read.

  “No, I’ll stay,” Arabella said finally. “I said I would, and I think you want me to.”

  Rebecca stuttered for a second. “I… it’s… I mean…” She trailed off, after realising she had nothing to say.

  She did want Arabella to stay. She didn’t understand how Arabella had suddenly become her support network. The idea of going through the next few hours alone was something she dreaded.

  “So, it’s decided then,” Arabella said. She finished her tea, grabbed her crutch, and got to her feet. “Lead the way to this visitors’ room, I can see by the look in your eyes that it isn’t exactly the Hilton. But as long as it doesn’t have creepy porcelain dolls staring at me while I sleep, it will be a step up in the world compared to last night.”