The Rancher's Surprise Baby

by Trish Milburn

  “I’d say penny for your thoughts, but I’m pretty sure I know without having to pay for them.”

  Mandy spun on the stool behind the front counter of the shop and met Devon’s gaze.

  “Am I an idiot?”

  “Wow, didn’t see that coming.” Devon leaned against the end of the counter. “What precipitated that question? I thought things were going well with Ben.”

  “They are.”

  Devon tilted her head slightly. “But you want more, and he doesn’t.”

  Mandy nodded. “I’d come to terms with the fact that the night we spent together was it, that I needed to move on because we weren’t right for each other. We each want something the other can’t give.”

  “I don’t think can’t is the right word.”

  “Can’t, won’t, it doesn’t really matter. He doesn’t want children. You know how much I do. So knowing that, continuing things with him makes no sense.”

  “Love doesn’t have to make sense. It’s more powerful than sense.”

  Mandy was learning that firsthand.

  “What do you want me to tell you?” Devon asked.

  Mandy shook her head and looked out the window. “I don’t know, maybe that I should end things with him.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  She looked back at her best friend. “Why not?”

  “Because from where I’m standing, you two are perfect for each other.”

  “Then you’re not looking very closely.”

  “I can see things more clearly than you think.”

  Mandy was still confused by Devon’s belief that Mandy could make things work with Ben when the end of the day rolled around and she headed to her mom’s for dinner. Ben had asked her out for tonight, and part of her had been thankful she had a ready excuse to avoid him. Of course, she didn’t really want to avoid him at all, and that was the problem.

  It took her mom all of thirty seconds to figure out something was wrong.

  “You’ve always been easy to read,” her mom said.

  “So it seems. I really need to rectify that character flaw.”

  “It’s not a flaw, dear. It’s a reflection of your openness and honesty.” Her mom handed Mandy a glass of cold water. “This about Ben?”

  Mandy walked across the small living room and sank onto the end of the couch. “I’m afraid I’ve made a horrible mistake.”

  Her mom’s forehead wrinkled between her brows. “Has he hurt you in some way?”

  Mandy shook her head. “No, nothing like that. It’s just... What if I’ve just picked the wrong man?”

  “You mean like I did?”

  “No, of course not.” Maybe, though she hadn’t consciously thought of it that way.

  “Ben is absolutely nothing like your father.”

  “But he doesn’t want children.”

  “He might change his mind.”

  Her father hadn’t.

  “No, I don’t think so.” She couldn’t tell her mom why. That was private, not something to be shared even with her mother.

  Her mom sat beside her and took Mandy’s hand between hers. “All I can tell you is to follow your heart. You have a good one, and I don’t believe it will lead you astray.”

  Mandy wasn’t so sure about that as she sat on her porch again a couple of hours later. Her heart had led her to a fork in the road that was going to damage her no matter which path she took. She’d either have to give up the dream of a family full of laughing, smiling children or the man with whom she’d fallen totally, irrevocably in love.

  * * *

  BEN DISMOUNTED OUTSIDE the barn, hot and thirsty after a couple of hours of riding to check on the herd and repairing a water pump that wasn’t working properly. What he wanted more than anything right now was about half a gallon of cold water, a shower and to go pull Mandy into his arms. He’d had visions all day of spending the evening in her little loft.

  His stomach growled, reminding him of how little he’d eaten since breakfast. Sounded as if he needed to go through with their planned dinner out at a new place in nearby Poppy before they got anywhere near her tiny house. Even though the past two days of not seeing her had seemed to stretch a lifetime.

  “Ben?”

  He looked up to see a woman maybe a few years younger than his mom. Beyond her he spotted a car that had both a number of years and no doubt miles on it. She didn’t look as if she’d be in the market for a hand-tooled saddle, but looks could be deceiving.

  “Yeah. Can I help you?”

  It was the oddest thing, but he thought he saw a flash of pain in her eyes.

  The truth hit him with such a gut punch that he literally took a couple of steps back, instinct pressing him to put distance between them. She was older now, of course. But some shred of childhood memory erased the age that time had added to her features. Staring back at him was the face of the woman who’d brought him into this world seemingly for the sole purpose of having an outlet for her anger.

  She swiped at a tear, and turned all the years of banked anger and hatred within him into a raging inferno. He shook his head. “No, you don’t get to shed tears.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He didn’t know if she meant for the tears, how she’d burned him repeatedly or how she’d damaged him so much inside that when he’d first arrived at the ranch, he’d acted out against his parents before they had a chance to hurt him. He didn’t care why she was sorry, or even if it was the truth.

  “You need to leave.”

  “I came to apologize.”

  “I’m not the least bit interested in anything you have to say. You gave up that right the moment you first pressed a cigarette into my skin.”

  “I know I was horrible.”

  “You got that right.”

  “I’m not asking for forgiveness.”

  “Good thing because you’re not getting it.” Why was she even here? Why now?

  “I just need to say the words, to let you know that if I could go back and do things differently I would.”

  “Well, you can’t. You’ve said what you came to say. Now leave and don’t come back.” Ben knew he’d raised his voice when he noticed his mom and Angel come out onto the porch. He leaned in toward the woman he’d never believed he’d see again and lowered his voice. “I don’t want anything to do with you, and you better not come around my family ever again.”

  He would never threaten a woman with harm, but he made sure there was no mistaking how he felt. Not even the sheen of tears in this woman’s eyes moved him. At least that was what he told himself. Why would her tears make any difference when his hadn’t to her? Well, he wasn’t a defenseless child now. He towered over her and she didn’t know what kind of man he was, if he might be violent like his parents before him. Even with everything she’d done, the idea that she’d see him as a physical threat turned his stomach. He took two steps back and looked toward the pasture.

  “Just leave.”

  Christine—that was her name, one he hadn’t thought about in a long time before he’d shared his past with Mandy—turned without a word and walked back toward her car. He didn’t move. Neither did Angel or his mom. But he knew the latter would approach him at any moment, so he walked as calmly as he could manage back toward his horse and swung up into the saddle. He didn’t make eye contact with his family as he turned the horse around and headed back out into the wide-open pastureland.

  When he reached a point where the house and barn were no longer visible, he reined to a stop and stared out across the rolling hills dotted with cattle. Anger still surged through him, making him want to scream at the top of his lungs, to lash out. He couldn’t see Mandy while he felt like a powder keg with the fuse lit. She didn’t deserve to be exposed to the rage his birth mother br
ought to the surface in him. He didn’t want her to see or hear anything else to do with his past.

  His heart sank at the next thought. Had Christine shown up now, of all times, as a wake-up call for him that he’d allowed himself to get too close to Mandy? Yes, they had fun. She was sweet and beautiful and made him laugh. She’d made him feel as if his scars didn’t matter. But she wanted kids, and he didn’t. There was no getting past that.

  He hated the idea of Mandy having children with another man, but that was selfish and not fair to her. He had no right to stand in the way of her dream just because they had fun together.

  But it’s more than that, isn’t it?

  He shook away the thought, unwilling to let it take root in his mind. It would make it harder to do the right thing, break things off with Mandy. He was a fool for allowing their relationship to progress as far as it had.

  Still, knowing that he needed to make a clean break, when he pulled out his phone he didn’t call her. Instead, he took the coward’s way out and texted that something had come up and he couldn’t make it to dinner. He stared at the message for a long time before he marshaled the courage to hit the send button. As soon as he did, the anger bubbled to the surface again. After all these years, his birth mother was still burning holes in his life. This time, he had a feeling the scars were going to hurt a lot worse.

  * * *

  MANDY SANK DOWN into one of the chairs at the front of A Good Yarn and reread the message from Ben. He didn’t go into detail, but he’d canceled their date. Ranching was an unpredictable business, so no telling what had happened to change his plans. She hoped it wasn’t something bad.

  She let her head fall against the back of the chair and stared at the ceiling. Of all the days for this to happen, it had to be the one when she’d finally decided to tell Ben how she felt, that she wanted to be with him even if that meant not having children. The truth was she still hoped he’d change his mind about that, but only time would tell. She just knew that with every day that passed, she loved him more and couldn’t imagine life without him. Though he’d not said those words either, she believed that he felt the same. Being a guy, maybe he didn’t even know it yet.

  Or was it all wishful thinking on her part?

  No, he wouldn’t have shared the truth of his past with her if he didn’t feel something stronger than physical attraction. It was too traumatic an experience for him to reveal it to someone with whom he was just having a fling.

  With no date to look forward to, she took her time closing up the shop for the day. Then she decided that a big slab of chocolate cake sounded like a perfectly reasonable option for dinner and headed across the street to the bakery.

  Keri was refilling a tray of cupcakes with fluffy pastel icing in the display case when Mandy stepped into the building.

  “Hey, how’s it going?” Keri asked.

  “Fine. I’m in need of some truly decadent chocolate cake.”

  “Wooing your man with sweets—I like it.”

  “It’s for me. Something came up at the ranch and Ben had to cancel our date tonight.”

  “Then chocolate is a good backup plan.”

  “I thought so.”

  But as she sat at home later eating her cake, she realized it paled in comparison to being held in the circle of Ben’s arms, of laughing together at silly things, of reaching heights of passion she hadn’t even truly known existed. As she looked around the confines of her tiny house, it had never seemed so empty and lonely.

  Still, she’d had plenty of interests before Ben came into her life, and she slipped into her pajamas and settled in to watch the kinds of romantic movies that Ben probably wouldn’t be caught dead watching. She laughed at the image of him curled up in bed with her watching a parade of romances.

  Her days of work, helping out her mom and spending time with Ben must be catching up with her, however, because a few minutes into the first movie she started feeling drowsy. She smiled, thinking that maybe it was good to have a night away from Ben so she could actually sleep. She turned off her TV and snuggled under her thin summer quilt. As she closed her eyes, she wondered if she’d dream of Ben.

  * * *

  IT WASN’T EVEN daylight yet when Mandy woke with her stomach churning. Oh, cake for dinner hadn’t been a good idea after all. But as her stomach rolled again, she realized this wasn’t just an upset tummy. She tossed back the quilt and raced down the stairs to the bathroom, barely making it before she threw up.

  Ugh, she hated throwing up, couldn’t remember the last time it had happened. When she finally stopped heaving, she was so tired that she couldn’t pull herself up off the floor. Had Keri somehow made a bad cake? Even as Mandy had the thought, it didn’t make sense. Maybe she was dehydrated? Had picked up a bug from a customer? Good thing she hadn’t gone out with Ben the night before.

  Ben.

  Her breath caught as she considered another possibility. But they always used protection, both of them. Still, as she managed to pick herself up, shower and get ready for work, the queasiness and the what-if question didn’t leave her.

  But there was no way she was buying a pregnancy test anywhere in Blue Falls. So she left earlier than normal and drove the ten miles to Poppy, where she and Ben had made plans to go the night before. The town wasn’t as big as Blue Falls, but its row of antiques shops were popular with tourists and decorators.

  She pulled into the parking lot of a small pharmacy and tried to look casual as she walked up and down the aisles, buying several things she didn’t need to camouflage the fact she had a pregnancy test in her basket.

  Even though she didn’t know anyone in Poppy, she breathed a sigh of relief when she returned to the car and put the town in her rearview mirror. When she got to work, she parked in the alley behind the building and used the rear entrance. Though she knew it was paranoia setting up residence in her mind, she felt as if anyone who saw her would know what she was up to, could see straight through the shopping bag to what it contained.

  Once she was inside with the door locked behind her, she simply stared at the doorway to the bathroom. Was she just coming down with something and totally overthinking the cause of her nausea? Maybe it was because kids had been on her mind lately. Honestly, what were the odds that two types of birth control failed at the same time? Astronomical, right?

  Still, better to know for sure that all was well than continue to drive herself crazy with worry. Even knowing that, her hands shook as she went through the necessary motions to take the test. As she waited for the results, it felt as if time had slowed like it did in those scenes from The Matrix. Finally, after she had aged at least a year, she glanced at the plus sign staring up at her.

  “No, that can’t be right.” And yet she knew deep in her being that it was, that she was pregnant with Ben’s child.

  A child he didn’t want.

  She had no idea how long she’d been sitting atop the closed toilet seat when she heard the front door open, Devon arriving for another day of selling yarn and cloth and soap and everything that meant absolutely nothing to Mandy at the moment. How many times had she looked at the test result, convinced that this time it would reveal something different?

  Devon called her name a couple of times, but Mandy couldn’t scrape together the ability to reply.

  “Mandy?” Devon’s voice held concern as she stopped outside the open bathroom door. Mandy hadn’t even taken the time to close it. “Are you okay?”

  Mandy felt as if she moved in slow motion as she looked up at her best friend then held out the test. “I’m going to have a baby.”

  Devon’s face registered surprise, and Mandy almost laughed. No one could be more surprised than she was at the turn of events. Except maybe Ben. What if he thought she’d gotten pregnant deliberately? But that didn’t make sense, did it? Because he’d used protection, as
well.

  “I don’t understand why this is happening,” Mandy said.

  Devon helped her out to the couch that sat along one wall of the storage room and gave her a cold bottle of water.

  “What am I going to do?”

  Devon sat beside her. “What do you mean?”

  Mandy picked at the cuticle on her thumb. “Ben doesn’t want kids.”

  “That was when they were in the abstract. Chances are he’ll change his mind now that it’s a reality.”

  Mandy shook her head. “I don’t think so. And... I mean, it’s not as if we’re headed down the aisle or anything.” Neither of them had even said they loved the other. What if Ben didn’t care about her as much as she did him?

  “People don’t have to be married to have children, but you don’t know what the future holds. It’s still early in your relationship.”

  “Exactly. Not the best time to say, ‘Surprise! We’re going to have a baby!’”

  Devon took Mandy’s hand and squeezed it. “Listen, just take it a step at a time. Make a doctor’s appointment to verify the test result and make sure all is okay. Then just talk to Ben. He’s a good guy, from a good family. You two will figure this out.”

  Mandy wished she had a fraction of the confidence Devon had that everything was going to turn out fine. She just couldn’t help the sense of foreboding that had formed a tight knot in her gut.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ben cursed so loudly that Maggie, who was taking a nap in the shade of the barn, jerked awake and jumped immediately to her feet. The shepherd looked at him as if she didn’t know him and he posed a threat.

  “You’d cuss, too, if you scraped half the hide off your finger,” he said as he eyed the blood welling. His hand had slipped off the wrench he was using to work on the tractor they used to deliver hay to the fields in the winter.

  Maggie cocked her head at him.

  “Okay, so you don’t have fingers and aren’t going to be using tools anytime soon, but trust me. It hurts like a bitch.”