Honest Masks

by Barbra Novac

  Gary looked up at her. “Aren’t you a little bulky for a dress like that?”

  Chloe was unfazed. Dressing against convention meant she had to be ready for the barbs against her courage.

  “Curves are for showing off, not hiding away,” Chloe stated matter-of-factly as if she had that answer well rehearsed. Gary sighed, shook his head, and looked down again. Chloe saw that it would be up to her to carry on the conversation. “What’s up? Why did you want a coffee together now, in the morning tea break? We don’t have long to talk.”

  “I just wanted to apologise for flirting with those girls in front of you when we went out the other night. You seemed really upset when you left, and I’ve noticed we haven’t talked much since then.”

  Chloe realised it was time to take control of this situation. Gary’s interest in her had developed into something that couldn’t be ignored, and Chloe had no desire to date Gary.

  Like all cowards, she’d started the letdown with a careful strategy of avoiding him. And like all cowards, she knew this wouldn’t be enough and that she would eventually have to confront him. This was that moment.

  However, before she had a chance to answer, Gary went on. “You see, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I have a bit of a crush on you. Well, not a crush. I’m interested in dating you seriously. I think we have a lot to offer each other, and I don’t really understand why it hasn’t happened before now. I would have thought you were bright enough to pick up my hints, but you’ve missed them. I assumed being in a new town and taking a while to find your feet would all be reasons not to notice the seriousness of our connection. However, I think it’s time that I brought it to your attention and suggest that we go out together.”

  Oh my God! This guy just doesn’t get it!

  The idea that she might not want to date him hadn’t seemed to occur to Gary. Time to set the record straight.

  “I know that we have been having drinks and occasionally coffee, and you have made yourself available to me in important ways. You helped to make me feel safe and comfortable in this new country, and that’s been great. I want to thank you for that, and I want to keep being friends.”

  She paused and took a breath for effect. It was important Gary saw that she had this little speech prepared. It gave him a chance to pick up on the seriousness of the situation and hear what she had to say.

  “But my interest stops there. I don’t want to date. What I want is to stay friends with you and keep going the way we are. But you have to look to other women for dates. It’s really important that you hear this from me clearly, because we don’t have long to talk about it. I know it is an awkward situation.”

  Gary, who had his head in his hands for the entirety of her little speech, lifted his eyes to hers. The anger in them sent an adrenaline shot through Chloe’s veins. She looked away, pretending to show interest in the cakes and coffee at the counter.

  “How about I buy you your favourite cake? And coffee. You need coffee with cake.”

  Without looking back in his direction, she jumped up and went to the cafe counter. Lifting out two pieces of cake, she ordered two coffees, giving Gary a moment to collect himself. Why were men so stupid in the affairs of love? Where were the subtlety and decency? Anyone could see she’d been refusing Gary’s advances gently, but Gary had missed the point of everything.

  Returning to the table with the food, Chloe sat opposite him. He looked at her with disturbing agitation, as if he’d grown impatient while she collected their food. He held his hands clasped in front, resting on the table, knuckles white. She passed him his coffee and cake and moved her own in front of her.

  “You’re too fat to eat that. You’re so stupid; you can’t even tell that you are too fat for that cake. You should be dieting.”

  Chloe took a deep breath. Men would hurl insults like children if they felt slighted. Where a woman would cringe in embarrassment, a man would move in for the attack when he was hurt. Chloe decided in order to spare Gary any more embarrassment, and herself any more arrows, she’d better get through this and get herself back to work.

  However, just as she shamelessly filled her mouth with cake, Gary started up again. He seemed a little more relaxed now, as if he was calming down. He worked his fingers together, his right hand twirling a gold ring he wore on his left. Chloe didn’t feel frightened but his behaviour reinforced her opinion that she’d made the right decision in rejecting his advances.

  “I have been very patient with you. I have been seeing you only at work and letting you get to know me. But you seem too filled with yourself to see how good we would be for each other. I know about your history. I know about the past you’re running from. I’m not tempted by the things you are, and I can set you straight on your path in life. All I want is to make you happy by helping you avoid those things that made your mother so unhappy. I can spare you the inevitability of your genes, your lineage. But you won’t trust me, and you won’t see me.”

  Chloe felt as though he’d stabbed her with a knife. How could he use the plight of her mother against her like this? That was a low blow.

  “I’m not as convinced as you that the problems of my mother are in my genes. I am thinking I may be able to hold my fears back by myself. I have tried to be good to you, Gary, but the fact of the matter is I’m not interested in a relationship. I only want friendship, and that’s all I’m offering. You can take it or leave it.”

  The anger floated out of Gary’s eyes, and for a minute, Chloe thought he might be scared.

  “God, Chloe, I’m sorry. Geez, you look really upset. I’m sorry. That was so out of line.”

  Chloe looked down at the rest of her cake. It was nice, but she had no stomach for it now. “I can’t eat any more of this,” she said as she pushed it away.

  Gary added his untouched plate to hers on the tray. “That’s good. You really don’t need it.”

  That was the end for Chloe. The creep had really gotten to her this time.

  “Gary. I need to get back to work. I don’t want to have lunch today. This whole thing has been pretty upsetting.”

  Gary nodded as Chloe stood to go. She smiled weakly at him, picked up her bag, and turned away. Hopefully, I’m turning my back on that unfortunate communication forever, she thought.

  But this had coloured the day for Chloe. Back at her desk, she stared at the clock, unable to engross herself in the acquisitions work of Electricity Australia, wanting to buy land from unsuspecting pensioners in the outer shires of Sydney. Writing and formulating the letters never had any real punch in the first place, but this had made the work even more dreary than usual.

  Soon, the clock struck five, and Chloe was able to clear away her desk. Ross had left by five after five, so Chloe grabbed her purse and left.

  Fifteen minutes later, Chloe’s hands fumbled with the lock of her apartment door.

  Once inside, she closed the door, slumping against it, and flicked the lights of the hall on.

  The corridor filled with a muted blue glow, achieved by three separate bulbs close to the roof and hidden behind thin blue muslin veils. Chloe had draped the entire hall, making it look like the inside of a tent.

  The pinned gathers at the centre of the ceiling puffed to the ceiling-meets-wall edges, where they’d been pinned in billowy clouds again. Then the material hung straight down, sitting just ever-so-slightly above the blue-carpeted hall. Nothing else decorated this hall, but Chloe loved it so much. It was wonderful feeling to shut the world out behind her and look down and into the watery depths and the promise that her little world created.

  With a sigh of pleasure, Chloe put her bag on the floor and moved to the first room on her right. It was her bedroom. Turning on the light, four separate table lamps lit up immediately, providing the only light in the room. She liked this dark red room, the colour of a passionate rose. The walls had been perfectly primed and the paint chosen for its satiny sheen. The walls looked to be almost dark velvet in their texture, and Chloe lov
ed the sensual restfulness.

  A large framed female nude languished on the wall over her bed, which lay on the floor under five heavy, Chinese red covers. Her mother had painted the portrait, and it stretched the full width of the bed. Her mother’s paintings covered every other wall too, except where the ceiling-to-floor windows took up half a wall.

  She peeled off her clothes and slung them over the open dresser where she kept her daywear. Wandering out of her bedroom, she stopped only to lift a bottle of wine, purchased on her way home, out of her bag. It was an expensive Margaret River Shiraz, but Chloe wanted something special in her little home tonight to drown out the discussion with Gary.

  In her deep green kitchen, Chloe poured her wine, relishing the opportunity to walk around naked. Strolling out of the kitchen, she moved toward the most important room of the house, her sewing room. This room was painted in a deep burnt orange, with bright yellow curtains against the windows that looked out onto a little terrace garden with pots of fresh jasmine pouring their scents into the apartment.

  Chloe loved this room. Some of her mother’s paintings graced the wall again, but mostly the walls held drawings, sketches, and designs of beautiful costumes. A huge draughtsman’s desk stood in the corner, the white Egyptian cotton sprawled over it, with various photocopies of the Eva Peron image in different sizes all over the table and pinned to the walls.

  To the left of the desk, near the opening doors, lay two large floor-to-ceiling mirrors. And against the back wall, along the full length of it, sat Chloe’s most prized of all possessions.

  They were her costumes.

  A large metal rod, hanging between two chains bolted to the ceiling, held elaborate costumes of great detail for famous women throughout history. Immediately recognisable were Cleopatra’s robes, Mata Hari’s flowing, sequined skirts and tops, and there was even a full set of armour for depicting Joan of Arc. The costumes made a decorous, lush display. Chloe could sit at her desk, swivel her chair, and just stare at their rare beauty for hours.

  After studying the clothes for a while, Chloe removed a long, flowing Chinese silk dress in a burnt red. She slung it over the rack and turned back to the table. She flicked through the various stages of the Eva Peron design. Ready to immerse herself in tonight’s theme, Chloe turned to her stereo and placed a Twelve Girls Band CD in the player. As the lilting Chinese music sifted through the apartment, she walked toward the bathroom and ran herself a bath.

  Chloe languished in the bubble bath, listening to the music and allowing herself to fall into her small alternate world. She removed her nail polish from toes and fingers, delicately paying attention to every small detail, which helped her get into the mood for her plans.

  As the creative feeling made its way through her veins like a drug, Chloe slipped away from the woman immersed in the daily grind of Electricity Australia.

  After her bath, she ate a salad and painted her nails the same colour as the dress she’d taken out. She applied her makeup to give her eyes a Chinese appearance, making the roundness of her eyes follow a more delicate almond shape. Soon she was ready for the dress. She’d made it for her own body. It clung to the soft curve of her belly and sat looser on the weighty rounds of her thighs. Looking at the overall effect in the mirror, Chloe felt completely transported. The costume had taken her away from the world outside; the music, the wine, and the beauty of her world had set her free to move about in an artistic trance.

  Chloe sat at the drafting table and worked on the sketches of Eva Peron. Nothing made her happier than to carefully extract the dimensions, the measurements, and the stylistic energy of the dress. She added to her specs, making sure every detail was accurate and would be beautifully and logically presented.

  This piece was coming together flawlessly, as all her costumes did. Chloe had a feel for cloth, and she knew her designs with an uncanny intuition that bled artistically into her work.

  But the real genius lay in the way that it moved her into another world. Chloe was able to let the daily life fall away completely so that she could focus on the task at hand.

  After a few hours of working at the table, Chloe stood, stretched lazily like a cat, and moved out to a smaller room at the back of her apartment. There, she kept her computer. Chloe turned it on and moved about the apartment, tidying and making sure everything was in place for her return tomorrow for another evening of escaping from the pain of mediocrity and immersing herself in her costumed art.

  When she was satisfied with the house, she sat herself down at the computer, another glass of wine by her side.

  Making sure her webcam was on, with her music in the background, Chloe let herself into one of her favourite fantasy chat rooms. She trolled mindlessly through the Playboy Mansion and Digital Love looking for the real artistic creators. Further on, she found chats entitled Eros Games, Play Skins Anime, and Rapture Online. These were the rooms Chloe liked to frequent. Here she could act out her role, playing the woman she’d dressed as, inviting herself into the sexual worlds of others just like her.

  With her user ID as Anygirl, she jumped into Play Skins Anime to see who else was online.

  As soon as she entered, a prep room asked for her to upload her image. Chloe stared seductively into her camera and clicked the image icon. A few seconds later, she was presented with herself as she looked that night, turned into a perfect computer-generated anime figure. The computer had made her Chinese, which suited Chloe just fine.

  Soon Chloe found herself in another world, a world of green grasses and leafy trees. This was her favourite chat room of all, and one she usually turned to for comfort after difficult days. The image of herself as a cartoon walking through lush green fields with skies of the palest blue woke her with the physical responses as if she were actually moving through those fields. Many of Chloe’s anonymous friends spent time in here, wandering the fields, looking for a place to have sex.

  Chloe never knew where her friends were or what guises they wore that night. It was rare that she didn’t come in at the same time, so despite her costumes, she was usually recognisable. Not recognisable from life, but known through that miraculous computer connection, the intuitive feel one can glean from the screen. The safety of this screen barrier helped Chloe feel secure to reveal her urges, to feel all her sensual impulses. Her mood moved toward this now as she watched her doppelganger wander toward a breezy, knotted lump of trees.

  She zoomed in on her character as she ran her hand around the bark of the first tree. Chloe imagined the bark under the skin of her hand, the rough texture mixed with smooth greyish silk of this tree’s trunk. As she was close, examining the trees, she moved around its trunk, looking for something in particular. Soon she saw it.

  This tree had the small, wood-knotted smiley face that Chloe recognised. She wasn’t sure who it was, but one of her regular lovers was waiting for her. Tree people were an option in this game. Walking around, she saw five of the trees in this little wood had faces on them. These were all men, and they were together waiting for someone just like Chloe.

  Chloe smiled and typed, Hi, fellas. This signalled to the other characters her readiness to play. If there were such a thing as broad grins on trees, Chloe was sure she could see them now.

  The trees started to wave their branches around as if they were multiple hands. One tree leaned forward and, with a stray, thin branch, lifted the back of her skirt from behind.

  Rustle rustle, said the words on her screen.

  The other trees moved forward into her space, and soon, hands pretending to be branches surrounded Chloe, pulling gently at her clothes. Lifting her dress, their many branches ran smooth, wooded tree fingers around the soft, fleshy round of her buttocks. Cool, leafy digits moved to her breasts, while other, harder hands kept lifting the cyber dress up and over her head.

  As Chloe watched the trees feel up her alter ego, she reached for a wooden box that sat on the edge of her computer desk. Inside the box were many and varied sexual toys that Chl
oe loved to use on her body. While the trees were hard at work, Chloe selected a heavy latex rabbit for tonight’s pleasure.

  With the dampness growing at a rapid pace between her legs, Chloe allowed her character’s dress to come off completely, revealing pert breasts, a fleshy stomach, and well-rounded thighs.

  Mmm…one of the trees sighed onto the screen. Chloe revelled in the compliment to her body choice.

  She then lay down in the soft, damp, green grass on the hot, summery day, as the trees, looking more and more like rugged men, bowed over her cyber body. Chloe’s view could be to watch the scene or to enter her own body and experience it. At this moment, Chloe placed the vibrator inside herself, looking up at the tan- and grey-streaked wooded faces, the green, leafy hair, through to the hot blue sky behind. The view sparked a kind of bliss that manifested throughout Chloe’s sexual folds.

  Glancing at another view of the scene, Chloe could see the leafy hands caressing every part of her naked body. Fingers tickled at her breasts, pinching softly on her nipples, two trees softly pulled her legs apart to reveal a hairy, silky sex, stroked and toyed with by the gentle, wooded hands.

  Zooming in on the arms hard at work between her legs, Chloe could see the branchy fingers parting her labia and revealing a very wet tunnel. Chloe stood for a moment to hike her real silk dress up to her waist. Rubbing the flat of her palm over her pulsing sex, she felt her own, actual wetness seeping out between fleshy lips.

  Chloe picked up the vibrator and switched it to max. She sat back in her chair just as a large tree moved its face toward her character on-screen. The face positioned itself just above her open legs, and then a long, slick stick tongue protruded out of the face part of the knot in the tree. It looked like a snake, so strange was the image of that tree’s tongue emerging from the knot. The wet muscle made its way straight for cyber Chloe’s pussy and licked into her lips right away.