Honest Masks

by Barbra Novac

  Sensing her hesitation and her moving away, James pulled back, but not before Chloe felt his erection on her leg. Her pussy was already throbbing. She couldn’t help imagining that beautiful piece of manhood entering her and stretching her to accommodate it. James had pulled away, however, and held out his hand to her. The romantic gesture woke her from her reverie, inviting her into the rest of the night.

  The trip in the car was peaceful and pleasant. James continued the conversation they’d had at the burlesque show. They moved on to discuss the personal connection to art. The conversation stimulated Chloe, bringing her alive to new ideas and new possibilities again.

  “Have you thought of doing anything else with your costumes? Like film? Or photography? Some generous artistic medium that can embrace the entirety of what you are achieving with your work?”

  “I have thought of photography, as it seemed like a natural next step in the creation of the concept of becoming someone else. And it’s been partly done before with Cindy Sherman and the like. But I had bad luck with this back home, and I shied away. But on the whole, I have been in isolation, so it’s difficult to get into something like that with no support.”

  “Perhaps we can change that?”

  “I think so.”

  Chloe looked at out the Australian landscape. She’d never get used to this country with its unrelenting, harsh scrubland, its golden beaches, and its fierce bushfires. It didn’t mean she couldn’t love it for what it was; it seemed like a part of her, but this was a land that didn’t want her love and punished her for trying to give it. This was a country to live in, but Chloe knew every human being there was only a visitor.

  “We seem to be going a long way into the bush.”

  “We’re headed up to the Blue Mountains. I know you haven’t been here before, but I thought, when you suggested coming up here that you were ready to face some demons.”

  “I didn’t realise. Are you saying that this is near Normal Lindsay’s place? I’ve heard my mother mention it. I think it is connected to my great-grandmother.”

  “We’ll be just down the road. Didn’t you know that? Are you okay about this?”

  Nerves scrunched and clawed at her belly, but it had nothing to do with Norman Lindsay’s house. The confrontation between Max and James loomed closer, making Chloe’s heart race a little faster with each mile passed. Even now the fear of connection between the two men overrode all other concerns. As they drew nearer, Chloe feared more and more that James would feel misled.

  Talking it over with Max had innocence to it. Max seemed to think it was the most natural thing in the world for a man to want to share a woman with another man. But now that she glanced at James -- his rugged good looks, his broad, muscled chest -- it occurred to her that maybe he preferred the life of a one-woman man, and likely he wanted a one-man woman. He had never indicated he might play games. In fact, he’d made the opposite more than clear. Suddenly this little trip seemed filled with deception.

  “Yes. Actually, my great-grandmother and her troubles were the last thing on my mind until now. Why do they call these mountains blue? They look like normal bushland to me.”

  “One day I’ll take you to a part of Sydney where you can see them from the distance. There is a wonderful, romantic notion that the gum leaves exude a fume that has a bluish tinge when seen from afar, but unfortunately, it’s just the incoming UV radiation. Nothing special at all or peculiar to the area. But it was a very special place in the hearts of the indigenous folk here, and you will understand why when you experience it. It’s like you can feel the spirits in the hills.”

  “I feel silly being all the way up here and not looking, but I don’t want to be late. Perhaps I can look at the valley another time soon. Perhaps we can come together?”

  James smiled a funny sort of smile. “I think you will get a chance to look over the view of that valley anytime you want, my darling one.”

  Soon James turned off the main road to a smaller road leading off to a small town. Chloe started to feel very nervous. James had grown quiet, and she was doing all the talking now.

  “Did you know there is a very famous, incredibly rare, and expensive fabric made here?” Chloe asked.

  James looked over at Chloe, then back at the road. “Really?” he said absently.

  “Wow, oh yes. It’s amazing. It’s made by a small community that has been making it for generations. I don’t know how many. The weave is a secret passed down through the bloodlines.”

  James seemed to be thinking. “It never occurred to me to connect you with that cloth, but it makes perfect sense. Maybe we can make another trip up here sometime to catch that view and see the cloth?”

  Chloe knew she’d be back for sure. It was all a question of how she’d get there. Would James take her or would he never want to see her again after tonight?

  Soon they turned off the road to a smaller road. This one twisted, turned, and had a large colonnade of trees whose branches touched over the road, making an archway.

  “My goodness, is this the road?” Chloe asked James.

  “Yes. You gave these directions to me. Seems a bit off the beaten track, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes but, oh James, look at the trees. They are so beautiful. They seem so thick; I can’t imagine a house being built here. It is absolutely gorgeous!”

  “Do you really think so? Do you love this very much?”

  It seemed important to James that Chloe enjoyed where she was, but she was falling so in love with the scenery it engrossed her mind entirely.

  At that moment, they rounded a bend, and there was the house. An enormous old stone house, built into a hollow of smooth grassland and mossy lawns, the terraces sloping to gardens and the gardens reaching to the valley. The house stood firm against a pale purple sky, the setting sun brilliant behind its roofs. Light blazed from every one of the windows, and children were heard playing.

  Behind the house and off to the right was an enormous barn. Chloe couldn’t see it properly, but beyond it seemed to be more landscape, and several beautiful, but more modest, houses dotted about the fields.

  “My God. This is the most beautiful house I have ever seen. Is this the address of the restaurant? Are you absolutely sure?”

  James looked happier than he had the entire journey. “Yes. I am so glad you love it.” He seemed to pause and then gather himself. “Maybe it’s a hotel, really, and we can sleep here the night.”

  They made their way through two large gates and pulled up in a round, white pebbled drive. The sound of children was gone, and it seemed to have come more from the direction of the homes. Chloe leapt out of the car into the icy mountain air, forgetting that she was wearing a thin lace shift.

  A large groan came from the gates, and Chloe spun around to see them close. If she hadn’t turned back to James so fast, she might have seen a dark figure sneak through the safety gates before they closed completely.

  Chloe leaned into James as the gates closed. Closed on life as she knew it, thought Chloe, suddenly nervous about what the night might bring. James leaned down and kissed her, softly but lovingly, and Chloe relaxed a little more. He dipped his head to her ear and whispered, “Please relax. Nothing can happen tonight that will take me from you.”

  How Chloe wished that were true.

  Walking through the enormous front doors, Chloe saw a note with her name on it at a small table to the left. James asked no questions when she opened the note and read it. She told him that it was directions to the dining room where their meal waited for them. James accepted all of this without question again. It was strange. James’s compliance went way beyond the duties required to make for a pleasant date.

  But Chloe had no time to think about these things because they moved directly into a large dining room. One long, heavy wooden table sat down the middle. A large fireplace had a roaring fire, heating the room, and food was already set at their table. Approaching, they saw place cards. Chloe’s seat had her back to the fire
, James opposite her, and at the head of the table, a place card with Max’s name on it indicated they would have company.

  James held the chair for Chloe, helping it in as she sat. She looked up at him. He was beautiful in his black jeans and black shirt with his unruly black hair.

  He smiled back at her and said, “You look so good sitting there.”

  He didn’t sit. Instead, he stood next to Max’s chair. James hadn’t asked a question nor shown any kind of surprise. It dawned on Chloe that perhaps she didn’t have the full details of the night in advance. James’s behaviour told her he had a surprise up his sleeve. He couldn’t conceal his excitement, and although prone to excitement, this went beyond the thrill brought on by a date.

  “Good evening, Chloe and James, and welcome.”

  Chloe turned toward the door in her chair, and there was Max. He wore his tux, and he even had his mask on. Electricity shot through Chloe as she scrambled to get up to meet him. But then she watched him walk toward James. James lifted the mask off Max’s face, and Max leaned in and kissed James deeply and sensuously on the mouth.

  Chloe stared dumbstruck. She’d expected something for the last few minutes, but the two men being lovers never occurred to her. As they finished their kiss, Chloe said, “So I’m guessing you two have met.”

  Everyone laughed. Max and James hugged each other hard and then took their places at the table.

  “Chloe, welcome to our home. Yes, we have met, and yes, we both wanted you from the first night I saw you online.”

  Max sat down at the table and reached over for James’s hand. He then took Chloe’s hand. Max explained that they both wanted her, but they had to think of a way to seduce her before they could approach her. So they came up with the idea of the books and used that to get her to enjoy both of them.

  “You mean the two-guy thing was your idea all along?”

  Max smiled his warm, attractive smile. “No, it was your idea. We just saw it in you. Do you remember the very first thing you ever said to me?”

  Chloe racked her brains. “No. I don’t remember. Tell me.”

  “You asked me if it was an impossible dream for a woman to have two men.”

  This solicited roars of laughter from the three of them. Max poured her a glass of wine as a white-jacketed waiter hovered in the background, waiting for instruction.

  The three lovers talked and laughed about everything. Chloe couldn’t take her eyes off Max. His handsome, dark hair… His teal-grey eyes held mystery, authority, and smouldering sensuality. Easily the most charming man she’d ever met, more charming even than James; her heart soared. The two of them made a remarkable pair. James with his cheeky, sensual eyes and free, loving ways and Max with his perfected manners and his beauty and grace. They boyishly embraced each other, at ease with their sexuality and their physical space. Chloe couldn’t believe her luck. These two men! Hers!

  They ate all their meal, drank wine, and laughed some more. Chloe filled them both in on the entire Gary story, and the three grimaced and grinned at the chair at work and Gary’s other inappropriate behaviours.

  “We want you here with us, at least, we’ll talk about the details, but I don’t want any more Garys being able to make their way toward you.” Max reached out for her hand to reinforce the firmness of his point. Chloe sat opposite the two men as they talked on about watching her online, waiting for her and the right moment to reveal themselves, telling her how much they wanted her, needed her. Chloe felt everything was perfect except for one last question she had that would mean everything was tied up nicely.

  She turned to James and said, “Can you tell me why you got so upset the night we went to the Arthouse Hotel? And where did you go after you left me? Was it here?”

  A subdued silence rested over the two men. They looked at each other and then back at Chloe. James nodded toward Max, encouraging him.

  “I’ll tell you this story,” Max said. “We need to tell you anyway. This night has been so special and so wonderful. We want you to be our lover. We want to make love with you every night, keep you here always, and make lots of plans about the future. But we have one more thing to tell you. It’s the thing James found out when he spoke to you that night at the hotel.”

  The looks on the faces of the two men Chloe knew she loved were serious. A slight churning in her belly told her this would be hard to hear. Max went on.

  “The people who had refused your great-grandmother the abortion and forced her to run to the United States were my family and extended family here on the farm. This house is part of a commune. We make the fabric you mentioned on the Net when we talked. Your great-grandmother lived here, and it was my grandfather who refused her abortion when she fell pregnant to David Lawrence.”

  Realisation dawned on Chloe. She put two and two together and started to see how everything fit into place.

  Chloe stiffened in her chair as her pulse quickened. The information sunk in fast.

  “Why didn’t your grandfather let her have the abortion?”

  “He wanted to preserve the genes. He felt that a mix between your great-grandmother and D.H. Lawrence would produce a special kind of genius.”

  “So all the talk about the genes and my mother’s longing for the artistic community…her sadness…her longings for association…her suicide…all of this because they all belonged here, but your grandfather threw my great-grandmother out?”

  “Not exactly,” Max reasoned quickly. “She ran away. But it is true that she ran when she wasn’t allowed to abort the child.”

  “My mother,” Chloe said, staring out the window. “My poor, lonely, sad mother.”

  Anger welled up in Chloe. Anger that she didn’t know what to do with. Her mother and her grandmother and her desperate great-grandmother. This callous family had cared more for their stupid science experiment than for her great-grandmother’s life. And her mother had paid for that selfishness with her own life.

  She turned on Max venomously.

  “My great-grandmother died; she died so young. Lonely and sad and desperate for her community. My grandmother felt lost and misunderstood and couldn’t even keep her own child. And my mother! My mother killed herself. Can you understand how serious that is? She felt she missed a creative community, but all along, it was this life, this world you’ve built up here. This life is in her blood, and she craved it. How could you have treated my great-grandmother like that? She was one of your own. How could you all treat her that way? Discard what they tell you about themselves, ignore their pleadings as if they didn’t matter?”

  Max turned away from Chloe and hid his face in his hands. James looked over at him, obviously very worried. He sat up and moved forward, injecting himself strongly into the conversation.

  “Please, Chloe, it wasn’t Max. He carries the burden of what his ancestors did. He would never hurt you in the same way. We were thrilled to find you and felt that we could care for you now, and in some way make up for the wrongs and sadness caused your family in the past.”

  Chloe stood and moved toward the window. She shook with anger.

  “And what about my mother? How will you ease her pain? Neither of you told me this from the start. Everything about our connection is masks and lies. You knew if you told me the truth I would never have come. And you may have made love to me without telling me. What kind of monsters are you both?”

  Max looked horrified. “That’s not true. My God. We want to care for you, embrace you, and bring you back home, but it is always your choice to stay or go.”

  “Really? Like it was my great-grandmother’s choice? I have fallen in love with both of you, and you have turned out to be the very men who destroyed the women in my family. You are the men I have been trying to get away from by using rationality and common sense in my life. As soon as I let art come in through the door, this is who shows up for me.”

  All the pent-up storm and emotions in Chloe, the fears for herself and the sadness for her mother poured out of her.
She started to cry, deep, racking sobs wrenching at her entire body. She missed her mother, oh God she missed her mother. Her mother understood her and loved her and nurtured her. It was only in her mother’s arms that, even as a little girl, Chloe had ever felt any freedom.

  “You and your horrible life stole the only person from me who has ever made me feel understood and loved.”

  James looked at Chloe, tears in his own eyes. “Chloe, she’s not the only person. We have understood and loved you because we are the same as your mother. Max’s grandfather made a mistake a long time ago. But it doesn’t have to mean anything about us. We’ve all found each other now, and life can begin for all of us.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Max stood by the window watching Chloe walk the floodlit grounds. He could keep an eye on her, but he wanted to be sure she had some space to think.

  “What have we done?” he said without turning to James, who sat on the couch near the fire.

  “We’ve been honest. We have to let things take their course.”

  “You know I won’t recover emotionally if she leaves us. It’s the worst possible scenario. I would have been better to have never met her.”

  James stood and walked over behind his lover. He ran his hands around till he held him tight in a warm hug. “You will recover. Together we’ll see you through this. I still think Chloe will come around, but if she doesn’t, we have each other and we always will.”

  “I won’t want any other woman. If I can’t have her, it’s just us again.”

  “I know that. I can live with that.”

  * * * * *

  Chloe walked the grounds, her head in turmoil and her heart in tatters. Everywhere she looked -- from the large barn that held the loom to the comfortable houses of the other residents -- made her think of her mother and how much she would have loved it here. The crisp dusk air smelt pure and clean, and the chill of the soft green grass padded Chloe’s every step. She paused at the edge of the land, where it sloped dramatically down toward the valley. In the valley, three unusual piles of rock formed independent statues, a monument to the isolation and loneliness Chloe felt at that moment.