Seaglass

by Bridges, Chris

  Now that he’d worked that out, he finally had the guts to push the ‘call’ button on his phone.

  He breathed deeply with each ring and waited. Finally, after the fourth ring, her voicemail picked up.

  ‘You’ve reached Madeline Roberts. Please leave a message.’

  “Hey Maddie. It’s Knox. Listen, I need to talk to you. I’m sorry to do this while you’re in New York, but…um, I wanted to talk to you about something. It’s important. Anyway, call me when you can.”

  He hung up and walked directly out to his workshop and uncovered the dresser he’d started for her so long ago. It was already completely stripped and sanded, but he’d been working on a decorative rose and vine pattern than ran across the top and down the front leg. He wanted to finish it before he left.

  xXx

  A rapid knocking on her door startled her and redirected her attention from the window where she’d been gazing and letting her mind wander. The door swung open and revealed the presence of her father and brother standing together. Instantly, her pulse jumped.

  “Hard at work?” Her brother, Peter, asked in his usual sarcastic tone.

  Madeline only lifted an eyebrow in response.

  “Madeline, sulking in your room all day won’t bring your mother back.” Her father said.

  Madeline rose from the elegantly appointed sitting area and crossed arms over her chest. “I’m fine.”

  “Good.” Her father retorted. “Your mother’s will was specific that we all participate in my campaign. It was her final wish and I intend to see that it is honored. I hope you’ll find it in your heart to put off your plans to return to…” he pretended to search his memory, “Colorado, was it?”

  “Yes. Colorado.”

  “We are a family, Madeline.” Her father replied, attempting for a sincere tone of voice that, instead of the desired effect, made her skin crawl.

  Madeline studied her father in his perfectly tailored suit. Appearances had always been everything to him. He kept up a punishing regimen of physical exercise to maintain a healthy physique and spent time and money to make sure his face and hair matched the rest of him. Her thoughts immediately turned to Ed Barrows, with his snow-white hair and crinkly blue eyes. She didn’t think Ed spent much time worrying about such things. No, his mind was almost always focused on his children. He loved them in a way that baffled her sometimes. She hadn’t known such a thing existed.

  “I can stay a little while longer, but then I need to get back.”

  “To what?” Peter sneered.

  “That,” she felt the steel in her voice, “is none of your business.”

  “Enough.” Her father quietly commanded. “I’ll see both of you at dinner.”

  Madeline watched him wrinkle his nose in disgust. Peter, of course, followed their father close behind. He was a little minion and Madeline wondered if Peter even knew that their father hated him too.

  Madeline grabbed a coat and headed down the stairs and out the front hall. She needed to walk. She looked down at her outfit as she crossed the large marble foyer. She was still dressed in a matching cardigan sweater set and black slacks with matching pumps. Well, it would have to do for now.

  As she pulled open the heavy front door, she yearned for her boots, jeans and fleece jacket and the open air of Colorado.

  The paved path that weaved through the meticulously maintained garden was no substitute for the wildness of Touchstone, but it would have to do. Madeline wandered to the very edges of her parents’ property and leaned against a wrought iron fence that separated their perfectly manicured lawn from their neighbors.

  She wanted to go back to Knox and to her life in Touchstone, but ever since her mother died, her father had been…different. Not good, exactly, but not the same as when she was a child. They’d brokered some sort of peace between them and right now, it hung in the air like a fine spider’s web. She was afraid that if she left now, whatever progress they’d made might snap that fragile line forever.

  It was only as she was turning to go back inside did she feel the vibration of her cell phone in her coat pocket. She pulled it out and smiled when she was Knox’s name on the display. She’d missed his call, but he’d left a voicemail. She quickly accessed it.

  “Hey Maddie. It’s Knox. Listen, I need to talk to you. I’m sorry to do this while you’re in New York, but…um, anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something. It’s important. Anyway, call me when you can.”

  Maddie’s heart thumped hard against her chest. His voice sounded off. She immediately dialed his number and was dismayed when it went immediately to voicemail. She tried again over the course of the next two hours, but he never answered. Finally, she called Kayla.

  “Hello?”

  “Kayla? It’s Maddie.”

  “Hey stranger!”

  Maddie exhaled, relieved that Kayla sounded like her normal, bubbly self.

  “Hi. Um, I hate to bother you with this, but Knox called and left a message and now I can’t get ahold of him.”

  “Oh.”

  “Kayla, he sounded…off. Is he okay?” She asked, holding her breath.

  Kayla exhaled slowly, debating whether or not to tell Maddie about Knox and his decision to go to Littleton. Finally, she relented.

  “Actually, no. He’s having more trouble with his eyes…”

  xXx

  Madeline raised her hand up to knock on Knox’s front door and realized it was shaking. She blew out a breath and steadied her nerves. After talking to Kayla, she’d driven directly to the airport. Her only thoughts were to get to Knox as fast as possible. She’d been flying for four hours and had spent another two in a rental car. When she’d finally pulled up in front of his house, the nerves had hit hard.

  Now, she steadied herself and knocked. She waited for only a moment before the door was opened. He simply took her breath away. He was more gorgeous than she’d remembered. He stood there, wearing a faded blue Henley and well-worn jeans with a look of total surprise on his face.

  “Maddie!”

  “Hi.”

  He moved quickly and enveloped her in his arms. She closed her eyes against the tide of emotion and let herself sink into the warmth of his embrace. Finally he released and pulled her inside.

  “What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call?” He asked as he pulled her inside.

  “I tried. I left you a bunch of messages.” She smiled at him as she reached out and brushed sawdust off his head. “I guess you were busy.”

  “The damn phone. I let the battery die and then I had it charging in the house all day while I was in the shop.”

  “I figured. I called Kayla instead.”

  Suddenly the playfulness and light went out of his eyes and was replaced by hardness.

  “Are you hungry? You must be starving. Did you just fly in?”

  Madeline stopped in her tracks as she was in the middle of unbuttoning her charcoal overcoat. “Knox.”

  He hated that tone. God, he hated this. Obviously she knew. Obviously Kayla had told her every last pathetic detail and that was exactly why she wasn’t allowing him to derail the conversation now with mindless questions about dinner.

  “So, that’s why you’re here, huh?” He asked with hands firmly shoved into the back pockets of his jeans. “You came to what? See for yourself?”

  Madeline slowly finished removing her coat. She folded it over her arm and smoothed it down to cover her shaking hands. When Kayla had told her that Knox’s eyesight had worsened, she’d felt such a sense of panic and fear. Her only thoughts were to get to him as quickly as possible. Now that she was standing face to face with him, she had no idea what to say.

  “I wanted to be here with you.” She said carefully.

  He dropped his head and studied the blurry form of his sneaker with extreme intensity. She’d thrown his words right back in his face. When her mother was sick and
dying, all he wanted was to comfort her. Now that he was the one in crisis, why couldn’t he let her do the same for him?

  “I’m leaving soon, so you didn’t need to come all this way.”

  “Knox.” She stepped forward and laid her hand on his chest; feeling the warmth of his skin and the strong beat of his heart through his shirt. “I missed you.” She said; unbidden. It hadn’t been what she’d been planning to say, but it came out nonetheless. He was here and she couldn’t help herself from relishing in his proximity.

  He closed his eyes as she moved forward and laid her head on his shoulder. He loved that she was tall. They were a good match physically, he thought. She was strong and stalwart. He’d known that from the first moment he’d met her. Now, he exhaled a shaky breath and allowed himself to lean into her; if only for a second.

  “C’mon. Let’s sit.” He pulled away and led her into the living room. Madeline followed and settled herself on the couch while Knox went about stoking a low fire and adding more wood. She watched him as he bent down to put another log on the fire. Finally when he’d sufficiently rebuilt it, he turned and sat next to her.

  He hadn’t taken a good look at her before; or maybe she’d been too far away for him to clearly see her, now that she was sitting next to him on the couch, he took her all in. She was thinner, for sure. He could see dark circles under those brilliant seaglass eyes. And she was dressed so differently. She looked like she was going to a young republicans meeting, with her matching sweater set and string of pearls.

  “How are you, Maddie? How are things back home?” He reached out and held one of her ice cold hands.

  She felt herself leaning into his touch. His hands were like a soothing balm. She felt guilty almost immediately for taking comfort in him when she’d come here for the express purpose of comforting him.

  “Fine.” She swallowed hard and let her eyes flit away from his. She knew that if he looked into her eyes, he’d see the lie. “How are you? Kayla only told me a little.”

  He pulled his hand away and let it fall into his lap. “What did she tell you?”

  “That you needed to go to an institute for a while…that your eyes were worse…” She finished softly and watched as the tension in his jaw caused the muscle to jump.

  “That’s about the long and short of it.” He exhaled and stood up, pacing back to the fireplace. Madeline rose and stood behind him; letting her hands travel across the flat, muscular planes of his back. She couldn’t resist touching him.

  He turned in her arms and looked down at her.

  “How long will you be gone?”

  “I think six months.”

  “Six months? Oh…I didn’t think it’d be so long.” She pulled back from him a little.

  “You can stay here, if you want.”

  “What? In your house?”

  “Yeah. It’s okay with me.” He shrugged.

  She turned and walked toward his bookcases and ran her hands along the multitude of books.

  “I wish I could.” She said, still facing the shelves.

  “Why not?”

  She could hear the hard edge in his voice and absolutely hated that she put it there. “I need to stay in New York for a while longer.” She trailed off and finally turned to face him. “In fact, I need to talk to Kayla about selling the Victorian house.”

  “But you’ve barely started the renovation.”

  “I know, but I won’t be here and –“

  “Are you moving back to New York?” He asked slowly, afraid to hear her answer.

  “Not forever. Just until—“

  “So, when were you planning on telling me?” His anger boiled over. He’d been waiting and waiting for her and she hadn’t even had the decency to be honest with him. He leaned back against the bookcase and crossed his arms over his chest.

  “I don’t…I was going to talk to you about it…and then Kayla—“

  “I get it. Kayla tells you my big, sad news and you come rushing back. Why? Didn’t want to break it off over the phone?” He asked, bitterness coloring his voice.

  “No!” She scoffed. “I don’t want to break up. Why would you think that?”

  “I don’t know, maybe because you hadn’t gotten around to telling me that you were staying in New York. I’ve been calling you almost every day Maddie. You never once said anything about staying.” He could hear his voice rising now but could do nothing to stop it.

  “It wasn’t a plan, Knox! My father needs me right now and –“

  “Oh.” He put up a hand to stop her protest. “I get it.”

  “What? You get what?”

  “Daddy lets you back in and you’re all too happy to lap up the table scraps he throws you.”

  “That’s a cruel thing to say, Knox.” Her voice was deadly calm.

  “Maybe, but it’s true. Isn’t it?”

  She didn’t answer. The urge to defend herself roared inside her head, but there was also another voice that whispered that Knox was right.

  “I haven’t forgotten what he put me though. I’m not ever going to let that happen again. But things are different now—“

  “I can’t do this, Maddie.” Knox moved away from the mantel and sat down heavily on the couch. “I can’t play armchair psychologist with you anymore. I have my own fucking problems.”

  She flinched as if she’d been slapped. Here she was, in a ridiculous attempt to be supportive to him and all she could do was talk about herself. Knox was right; she was pathetic.

  “I should go.” She said as she gathered her coat and turned toward the door.

  “Wait.” He rose and followed her.

  She stopped and turned to face him. She took in his shaggy blonde hair and strong jaw and wondered if it was the last time she’d ever see him. This was the man she loved more than anyone. He was the middle of a terrible crisis yet all they’d managed to discuss was her and her problems. He deserved more; so much more.

  He didn’t speak to her. He seemed he’d run out of words too.

  “I’m so sorry, Knox.”

  “Maddie—“he started, but then stopped. The words would not come. He was still so angry; angry at her, angry at himself. Angry at everything.

  She said nothing as she put on her coat and stepped out the front door and into the dark night.

  xXx

  “Fuck!” He yelled as he heard her car pull away from the curb. The urge to throw or punch something was overwhelming but he pushed it down. After all, whatever he broke, he’d just have to clean up, and it wasn’t lost on him that with his eyesight entering the category of ‘totally shitty’ that would be difficult. And as far as punching something, he didn’t think it would be too good an idea to enter the Center for the Blind on Monday with bleeding knuckles.

  Instead, he moved into the darkened kitchen and pulled a bottle of liquor out from under the sink. He didn’t have much of a taste for hard alcohol. Beer was his preference, but he knew he had a few bottles of random alcohol left over. Now, he poured himself a glass from a green bottle and hoped it wasn’t some kind of sweet liqueur.

  He fired down the first shot and felt the sting in his throat—gin. Well, it was a little harsh without a mixer, but what the hell. He poured a second shot and then a third until his throat was on fire. He could keep doing this, he reasoned, until the pain of Maddie’s leaving numbed. He didn’t know what the hell to do about any of it.

  xXx

  “You’re going to miss Thanksgiving.” His father spoke from the utility room where he’d been helping Knox close up his house.

  Knox pulled his baseball cap lower over his face as he sat slumped on a stool at the kitchen counter. He felt like his skull was splitting open. “I know.” He mumbled.

  “Kayla wants you to come home for the holidays.”

  “Maybe.”

  “I’m sure you get a Christmas break—“

  �
��Dad—this isn’t college. “ He said tiredly.

  “I know.” He mumbled. “We’ll just miss you, is all.” He said as he pulled his coat on.

  Knox responded with something unintelligible.

  “Okay, I’m headed home now. I’ll be by tomorrow at 6:00. I’d like to get on the road before the traffic starts to pick up.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  “And try and shake off that hangover before I get here.” His father chuckled as he let himself out.

  Knox waved his hand in his father’s direction but decided the cool granite of the countertop was the most wonderful feeling in the world and that lifting his head off of it would probably be a terrible idea. He wasn’t sure how long he was there or even if he may have dozed off, but by the time he opened his eyes again, the sky had darkened. A quick check of his phone revealed it was almost eight o’clock.

  He moved slowly and stiffly into the bathroom where he ran the shower hot before climbing in. Drinking almost the entire bottle of gin had been a terrible idea, but at least he’d forgotten about Maddie at some point during the night. Now, he let the pulsing water wash over him as he contemplated the coming weeks and all that they’d entail.

  He wasn’t terrified, exactly, but he was nervous. He reminded himself over and over again that he wasn’t really blind—at least not completely. This was just a way to make his life easier. Knox had read extensively about what he’d be doing the next six months and if he were being honest with himself, he needed that kind of help. Organizing his home, tagging his clothes, learning basic braille, cooking, help with adaptive technology and orientation and mobility. Despite what he told his father, he tried to think of it as taking classes at the local community college.

  He turned off the shower and climbed out. He knew the lights in the bathroom were bright, but his poor excuse for vision was keeping the room hidden in shadow. Knox stepped to the sink and swiped a hand through the moisture on the mirror, but it did little to improve the view of his own face. In his darkest moments, he wondered if he’d lose it all—and if he did, would there be anything left?