by Kat Mizera
He shook his head. “I’m scared. I don’t want Roger to come back.”
Jared scowled. “Roger?”
She shook her head slightly, indicating he shouldn’t say anything, so he didn’t, but the look on his face told her this wasn’t the last of it.
“Can I sleep with you?” Braden whispered, shivering against Renee.
Jared sighed but Renee merely nodded, standing up and holding out her hand. Braden clamped on to it like a lifeline and they walked back to the bedroom together.
Renee wanted to be annoyed but the sad little face tugged at the strings of her heart and just the idea of Daisy losing her at this age made her want to cry. She was struggling with this new situation, but she was still a mom and this was a child without one. She didn’t know how to reconcile the two but she had to try. Not just for Braden, but for Jared. If she couldn’t come to terms with being part of Braden’s life, she had no doubt she wouldn’t be in Jared’s either.
24
The phone rang at breakfast and Jared didn’t recognize the number, but it was a local exchange, so he figured he should answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jared, it’s Cody Armstrong.”
“Hey, Cody.”
“Brad gave me your number. We saw him and Andra last night and he told me about your situation. My wife and I have invited a few of the guys and their families over tonight and thought you might want to join us. It might be nice for your son to have some kids to play with and I’m sure the wives will be a wealth of information for you as far as pediatricians and local schools and stuff.”
“Uh, hang on a second.” He covered the phone and cut his eyes to Renee. “Dinner at Cody’s tonight? He’s invited some of the team and their families over. Are we free?”
She smiled. “Yes, of course. Sounds great.”
“We’re in,” he said to Cody. “What can we bring?”
“Nothing,” Cody responded. “We just want you to come. Bring your bathing suits, I’m sure everyone will be in the pool, especially the kids.”
“Then we’ll see you tonight. What time?”
“Festivities start about four.”
“See you then.” Jared disconnected and looked at Braden. “Do you like to swim, buddy?”
Braden shook his head. “I don’t know how.”
“You don’t?” Jared frowned.
“Roger said we would never be able to afford a pool so there was no reason to learn.”
Jared opened his mouth but snapped it shut again. “Swimming is fun,” was all he said. “I’ll teach you as soon as we get a chance.”
“Okay.”
“Do you have a bathing suit?”
The boy shook his head.
“I went through his clothes while I was doing laundry yesterday,” Renee said. “He doesn’t have a lot and most of what he has is too small. We need to go shopping.”
“Can we do that today?” Jared asked. “The head coach’s son can’t show up looking like a ragamuffin.”
“Sure,” Renee said.
“What’s a ragamuffin?” Braden asked at the same time.
“A kid who wears dirty or torn-up clothes.”
“Oh.”
“Let’s finish breakfast and head to the mall. You’ll probably need to get him a new wardrobe since he’s starting school soon.”
“I hate school,” Braden muttered.
“How come?” Renee asked, putting a plate of eggs in front of him.
“Because it’s hard and I’m stupid.”
“Who told you you’re stupid?” Jared asked, annoyance all over his face.
“Roger. My teacher. The other kids.” He seemed resigned to this designation.
“You’re not stupid. Not everyone does well in school. Some people are better at art or music or sports.”
“Were you good at sports?”
“I was.” Jared smiled. “I was really good at sports.”
“I’m good at baseball but I couldn’t play anymore ’cause we didn’t have money.”
“What would you think about learning to play hockey?” Jared asked softly.
He shrugged. “It looks hard.”
“Everything is hard until you learn how to do it.”
“I guess.”
“Okay, you don’t have to decide now. Eat your breakfast and then we’re going to find you some clothes.”
“I wouldn’t go crazy with the shopping,” Renee suggested. “There might be a dress code or uniform wherever he winds up going to school. There are charter schools that might be a good match for him, not to mention the other options we discussed.”
Jared nodded. “Thanks.”
The party was fun, filled with people Jared had seen but didn’t know very well, as well as people he didn’t know at all. Renee seemed to know all the wives in attendance and disappeared with a group of them not long after they got there. Braden had been shy initially, but Cody’s twelve-year-old son, CJ, took him under his wing and they were playing video games within ten minutes.
“So what plans have you made for Braden?” Cody asked him once they’d settled outside with Toli, Dom, and a cooler of beer.
“None,” Jared admitted. “I’m still floundering, trying to wrap my head around all of this.”
“So you had no idea you had a kid?”
Jared told them the story. “And here we are. Renee and I made a list this morning of the most important stuff, but everything seems to take forever. I requested his medical records before we left Georgia, but they haven’t sent them yet. I got unofficial transcripts from his school, but it looks like the schools might request official copies.”
“It’s okay to start slow,” Dom said.
“I don’t have time to start slow. I’ve got a brand-new job to learn and just over a month until training camp starts. I have to figure this shit out now.”
“Renee won’t help?” Toli asked. “You seem pretty cozy.”
“We’re still new and it’s not her kid,” Jared explained patiently. “She also has a really busy career that includes a lot of travel. It’s not fair to ask her to give up her career to take care of a kid I didn’t know I had when we started dating.”
“Maybe she could just cut back for a while,” Toli suggested.
Jared shook his head. “We’ve been dating a little over a month. We’re nowhere near ready for a conversation like that.”
“Brad said something about boarding school,” Cody said.
“Yeah. I emailed one this morning. It’s right here in Vegas, just outside the city. Supposedly good academics, sports, extracurricular activities, and a strict but flexible dormitory situation. I don’t know what that means for a nine-year-old. In my head, boarding school is for high school kids, not elementary school.”
“You’ll definitely want to tour it,” Dom said, nodding. “I don’t know how I’d feel about sending my kids away at that age.”
“How old are yours?” Jared asked, deflecting the conversation. He wasn’t ready to get too many opinions. He was struggling with the idea of boarding school enough on his own, so hearing other parents say they wouldn’t like it didn’t help at all.
They talked about their kids and families for a while, until Suze told Cody it was time to grill the steaks and burgers. Jared had just been about to go looking for Renee when an attractive redhead he recognized as the wife of one of the guys approached him holding out her hand.
“Hi. I’m Tiffani Marcus-Cloutier and Renee mentioned you had some questions about ADHD with your son.”
“Oh, hi, nice to meet you.” He shook her hand. “And yes, I think he’s pretty hyper but I don’t know what I’m looking for.”
“Well, it’s most often noticed at school. You can write off behavior at home because kids do things like play video games or watch TV, without any trouble concentrating at all. There are a lot of reasons for that, but the links between screens and the behavioral and neurological connections are quite complex so it’s hard to explain.
Unfortunately, it’s also very common. Do you have school records?”
“I do, but they don’t show much. I mean, he seems pretty bright, with a great vocabulary and no trouble understanding or expressing himself, but he was a solid B-C student.”
“Also very common. I honestly think you need to get him started in school and see how it goes. Without any data or observed professional behavior, it’s going to be hard to get a diagnosis of any kind. You can find a practice that does testing, but it might be easier to get some teacher feedback, not to mention getting to know him yourself a little. On the other hand, he’s been through a lot, so getting him started with counseling might be the best move, even if it winds up just being preventive.”
“Great.” He nodded. “And thank you. I appreciate the insight.”
“You’re very welcome.” She gazed over at where Braden and CJ were currently spinning in circles and laughing hysterically. “And no, the only thing that’s indicative of is an abundance of energy with a bunch of other kids.”
Jared grinned. “That’s what I thought too.”
Renee gathered Tessa and Tiff and they found a quiet corner of the living room to chat, away from the laughter of the children in the pool and the men watching football in the family room. She was happy to see some of her friends and anxious to get their take on the situation with Jared and Braden.
“Tell us everything,” Tessa said in an excited whisper, as soon as they were alone.
“Well, before he found out he had a kid, it was going really, really well,” Renee said, smiling dreamily. “He’s awesome.”
“Is the kid a deal-breaker for you?” Tiff asked softly.
Renee met her gaze guiltily. “I don’t know that I have it in me to raise another kid. I started young, raised Daisy mostly alone, and now I want to live my life. He’s a sweet boy, and I see how much he misses his mother, but I don’t know that I’m up for the task of replacing her. Also, Jared and I are new. What if things genuinely don’t work out for us, like regardless of Braden? Then he’d lose another mom, right after the first one.”
Tessa grimaced. “That sounds horrible.”
“I knew Zakk was for me long before we got together,” Tiff said. “My husband had died about six months before we started hanging out and I knew within days he was it. I was terrified because he’s younger than I am and he and my late husband had been friends, not to mention I already had two kids, but Zakk never wavered and neither did I.”
“Same with Toli and me,” Tessa said. “I knew right away that he was different, special. And I was still married at the time. I mean, my husband had filed for divorce, but we were still married and I had a one-year-old. If it’s right, you should know.”
“It’s pretty right.” Renee was thoughtful. “We’ve just been so busy we haven’t had time to really be a couple. I wish we’d had time to go away together but between Daisy and my writing deadlines and now Braden…it’s hard.”
Tessa nodded sympathetically. “I understand. Toli and I struggle with this now that we have ten thousand kids. I miss him and there’s very little time for us to be a couple. But I put my foot down after we got the nanny situation settled and we spent a week on Oahu a few weeks ago. My parents flew out to help Toli’s son, Anton, and our nanny, take care of the kids.”
“That’s a lot of kids,” Renee said.
“And yet they all survived. Even my parents.”
The ladies laughed. “If you want it to work, you have to make it work,” Tessa said, squeezing her hand. “Think about it.”
“I will. Thanks.” Renee definitely had a lot to think about. She was looking forward to Daisy getting home, too, because she would hopefully offer a different perspective. Of course, with Zio around, Daisy might not be interested in much of anything but him, which was a whole different kind of issue. Suddenly all the great things in her life were looking a lot less exciting.
25
The arrival of Daisy and Zio added a level of chaos that Renee hadn’t anticipated. She was already behind with her manuscript after getting a ton of revisions back from the latest round of edits, and the house was practically bursting with noise, energy, and conversation. She almost missed her days of not sleeping because at least no one was awake at four in the morning. Right now, it felt like there were people and activities every waking hour and she needed a break. It hadn’t even been like this when Daisy was little, with her friends running around.
“You okay, Mom?” Daisy walked into the den, which was Renee’s office.
Renee looked up from her computer. “I’m fine, just trying to get some work done while Jared has Braden out of the house. I thought you and Zio were going down to the Strip?”
“I don’t feel like it.” Daisy flopped onto the loveseat opposite Renee’s desk.
Renee turned her chair around, frowning slightly. “You two have a fight?”
“No…” Her voice trailed off as if she wanted to say more.
“But?”
“I don’t know.”
Renee closed her eyes and prayed for patience. Normally, she would have reveled in girl talk with her daughter, but not today. Not when she was up against this deadline and desperate to get some work done while a certain busy nine-year-old was out of the house.
“Daisy, I love you more than anything, but if you want to talk, you need to talk now, because Isobel isn’t going to wait for me to finish these edits.” Isobel was her proofreader. “If I don’t get them to her in two days, I lose my spot on her schedule and I’ll have to scramble to find someone else.”
“How do you know when it’s true love?” Daisy blurted out.
Renee smiled. “Well…that’s a tough one. It’s not something tangible, it’s more a feeling, a weird mixture of excitement, comfort and trust. You have to be willing to trust your heart and soul to the other person, which is a huge responsibility.”
“Did you have that with Dad?”
“I did. Always.”
“And Jared?”
“Not yet. It takes time and we haven’t had enough of it yet. I’m getting there, though. I mean, he’s seen me without makeup.”
Daisy giggled. “That’s pretty intense, for you.”
“Do you trust Zio?”
“That’s just it, I do. It’s me I don’t trust.”
“You’re still thinking about Ben.”
“My heart still beats really fast whenever he calls or texts and I don’t know why. He’s only interested in sex but I still…feel something.”
“I think we always feel something for our first love, no matter how long we’ve been away from them.”
“Does that mean I don’t love Zio?”
“Maybe. It might mean you’re just emotional and confused. It could also mean Zio isn’t the right guy for you. Only you know what you feel deep, deep down. When you’re all alone with your heart and your thoughts, do you reach for Zio or do you fantasize about Ben?”
“Both,” Daisy whispered.
“Ah. Well, only you know what you want and need. If Zio isn’t the man to make you forget Ben, that’s okay, but don’t go back to Ben just because you think that’s all there is. There will be many, many other men—whether it’s friendship or sexual partners or men you date. Most of them will be passing blips on your radar, but a few will stick with you, and eventually you’ll find the right one.”
“Ugh. Being a grown-up is so hard.”
“Daisy?” Zio peeked his head in the room. “Are you okay?”
“Hey.” She smiled at him and held out her hand. “Sorry I’ve been cranky today. I think I’m getting my period.”
“It’s okay.” He gave her a broad smile and kissed her fingers. “We can go out or stay in. I don’t need to be entertained. I’m happy to lie by the pool.”
“You don’t mind?” She looked up at him so adoringly Renee had to turn back to her computer to hide her smirk.
“Okay, get out of my office, you two,” she called to them. “I need to get this
done before Jared and Braden get home.”
“I’ll keep him out of your hair the rest of the day,” Daisy promised, squeezing her mother’s arm.
“Thanks, hon.”
By the time Renee finished for the day, Jared and Braden were home, something was cooking on the stove, and the house was strangely quiet. She came out of her office and looked around. Daisy was by herself in the kitchen, stirring something. Renee joined her, sliding an arm around her waist.
“I totally forgot about dinner. What are you cooking?”
“I had Jared pick up what we needed for a stir-fry and everything will be done in about five minutes.”
“Where are the boys?”
“Out by the pool. Operation Teach Braden to Swim has commenced.”
“Nice.” Renee leaned over and pressed a wet, sloppy kiss on her daughter’s cheek, as she’d been doing her entire life. “Thanks for picking up the slack for me. I’m so used to not worrying about anyone but myself, I forgot all about dinner.”
“It’s okay. It also gives me a chance to show off my cooking skills to Zio.”
“What if we eat outside since the boys will be hot and wet anyway?”
“Sure. I’ll grab paper plates and napkins if you’ll keep stirring this.”
“You handle the food, I’ll set up outside.” Renee gathered the needed supplies and grabbed her sunglasses out of her purse as she padded out to the back patio barefoot.
“Hey, babe.” Jared got up and immediately took everything from her. “Did you get your edits done?”
“I’m really close. I just have to rewrite one part and I’ll be done.”
“Oh, good.”
“Jared, look at me!” Braden called from the pool.
Jared turned as Zio moved his arms away from Braden and the boy floated on his back.
“You did it,” Jared called out, clapping. “Awesomesauce, buddy!”
“Yay!” Daisy was clapping too as she came out. “Dinner in five minutes, so everyone dry off and wash your hands or whatever.”
