by Kat Mizera
“He’s settled on the couch watching TV,” Jared told her, joining her in the guest bedroom. “Is this where he’s going to sleep?”
She nodded. “What do you think? It’s kind of girlie, but it’s meant for guests, not little boys.”
“It’ll be fine short-term.”
“I’m going to take a quick shower. Will you listen for the delivery guy?”
“Absolutely.” He snaked out an arm and grabbed her as she turned away. “Hey.”
“Hmm?” She looked up.
“Thank you.” He pressed his lips to hers firmly. “I really appreciate this. It’s making everything so much easier.”
“It’s fine. He’s no problem.”
“Oh, just wait until he starts talking and eating.”
She laughed. “It’ll be okay.”
After making love, Renee slept seven full hours that night, shocked to wake up alone in her bed. It was after eight and she heard rustling from downstairs that told her Jared and Braden were up. She took a few minutes to freshen up and put on shorts and a T-shirt before padding downstairs to join them.
“There was no food in the house,” Braden told her, pointing to a bunch of bags of groceries on the counter.
“We just got back from vacation,” she responded smoothly. “Did you go to the store?” she asked Jared.
He nodded. “Just some basics. Milk, half-and-half, cereal, eggs, bacon, bread, peanut butter, jelly, and chocolate ice cream.”
“Staples,” she said, nodding in agreement. “Excellent. I just need coffee.”
“You slept through the night,” he teased her, “so you should be raring to go.”
“After coffee.” She helped him put away the groceries, unsure how she felt about someone else doing the shopping for her kitchen but enjoying the feel of having a family again. The house had been so quiet since Daisy had left for college.
“I’m going to take Braden and head over to Brad and Andra’s because I have to tell Brad what’s going on. What are you going to do today?”
“Actually, you can leave him with me, if you want. No writing today. I have to unpack, do laundry, pay a few bills, maybe run back to the grocery store since I cannot survive on cereal, bacon, eggs, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”
“Ew.” He made a face, pretending to be horrified. “Are you buying green stuff and salads?”
She laughed. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”
“Yuck.” Braden wrinkled his nose too. “Do I have to eat salads?”
“You have to try everything,” she commented lightly. “That’s the rule in my house. Three bites to be polite.”
Braden frowned. “What if I don’t like it?”
“Then we discuss why and see about an alternative. I think that’s fair.”
Braden seemed to be contemplating that but then nodded. “Yup. I guess so.”
“Do you want to stay here with me today while your dad goes to his grown-up meeting or would you rather go with him?”
“I’d rather stay here.”
Jared grinned and ruffled his hair. “Okay. Sounds good. I’m going to jump in the shower then.”
“Make sure you leave me the booster seat,” Renee called after him.
“I’ll make sure it’s in your car before I leave,” he replied.
Brad and Andra were sympathetic as Jared told them about the death of his ex-wife and the son he now had custody of.
“How are you going to do this?” Brad asked him worriedly. “You’re going to need childcare, full-time nannies, a whole support system.”
“I can’t be the only single dad in the hockey world,” Jared said impatiently.
“No, but you’re a first-year head coach. You’re going to be working crazy hours, traveling with the team, working at home after hours… Have you thought about boarding school?”
“Boarding school?” Jared blinked.
“You know, where the kid only comes home for summers and holidays.”
The two men looked at each other and Jared shook his head. “Would you have done that with your kid?”
Brad sighed. “Probably not, but I had Andra. You don’t have a wife.” He paused. “Unless things with Renee have gotten that serious?”
“Not so serious that I’d ask her to take care of my kid,” he said. “We’re living at her house at the moment, but I’m not going to assume it’s permanent. Renee travels a lot for work, so I can’t count on her. I’m going to have to figure this out myself.”
“We can all pitch in if you run into an emergency,” Brad said, “but ultimately, you have to put a plan in place. I think you need to consider boarding school.”
Jared nodded. “I guess you’re right.” It might be practical, but deep down he hated the idea. Braden had just lost his mom and had been moved two thousand miles away to a place where he didn’t know anyone. He barely knew his father and was surrounded by strangers. How could he send him away at this stage? They needed time to get to know each other. Jared may not have wanted kids, but there was a nine-year-old he’d fathered who already existed and needed him. Sending him away sounded cruel and unfair.
“I know it’s hard,” Brad said gently. “And maybe we can find something close by, so you can see him on your days off. Do some research.”
“I’m a little overwhelmed. There was so much to do before I found out I had a kid, and now it’s exponentially more.”
“Kids will do that.”
“Hence why I never wanted them.”
Brad met his eyes. “But you have one.”
“I know, dammit.” Jared looked away. “I’m doing the best I can. I have a new job, in a new city, with a new girlfriend and a nine-year-old I didn’t know existed until a week ago. I can’t even pretend that I have a handle on all this.”
“You definitely need a plan.”
“No shit.”
“And you’re going to have to sit down with Renee and have a heart-to-heart about what’s to come, whether or not she wants to be part of it.”
“I know.” Jared drummed his fingers on the table. “That’s the problem.”
“You don’t think she’s on board?”
“One of the things that drew us together was the fact that neither of us want more kids. Her daughter is an adult and I never wanted any. We’re focused on our careers and each other. Braden adds a level of complication neither of us took into consideration when we started dating and we’re still so new, why would she want to deal with it? She doesn’t owe me anything.”
“I don’t think it’s about owing anyone anything, but she has a lucrative career that needs to be her priority. I don’t know what your relationship is like, and maybe she’d be willing to compromise, but that’s why you need to talk.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jared took a breath. “All right, let’s talk shop because I want to be home by dinnertime. Renee was good enough to watch him today, but I don’t want to take advantage of that.”
“Okay.” Brad got out a binder he’d put together and started talking about the team, but Jared’s head was elsewhere.
The more they talked, the more his stomach tightened with dread. He truly had no idea how he was going to make this work, and the boarding school option didn’t make him feel any better. He was going to have to find a solution right away and all of the short-term solutions sucked. For the first time in a long time, he wondered what the hell he’d ever done for his life to become such a clusterfuck.
23
When he got home, Renee was in the kitchen cooking and Braden was on a stool by the island. Braden seemed unusually subdued and Renee seemed spectacularly distracted. Jared got a bad feeling the minute he walked in, but he opted to go with levity, just in case he was being paranoid.
“Hey, buddy.” He kissed the top of his son’s head. “How was your day?”
“I broke Renee’s lamp,” the boy blurted out before he burst into tears.
Jared sighed and Renee turned apologetically. “We talked about t
his, Braden. It’s over. You’re not in trouble.”
Jared struggled with the now-familiar sense of helplessness, one arm around his sobbing son as he looked into Renee’s face. She was saying the right words but her face was tight and drawn, her body language a little stiff.
“What happened?” he asked.
“He was playing and dove off the back of the couch. His foot got caught in a pillow, it launched into the lamp and the lamp fell to an untimely death.”
“Ouch.” He looked down at Braden. “You shouldn’t be roughhousing indoors. We can go outside or to the playground for that.”
“Roger said roughhousing is how you become strong, a man.”
“You’re nine,” Jared responded dryly. “You have time before you need to worry about becoming a man.”
Braden sniffled.
“I explained that’s why we don’t play like that inside,” Renee said. “And I told him he might have to do a few chores to make up for breaking the lamp, but that we’d discuss it with you.”
“Did you do chores when you lived with your mom?” Jared asked him.
He nodded. “I took out the garbage and cleaned my room and helped with the babies.”
“Sounds fair. So I guess you’ll be taking out the garbage all week. Did you help Renee clean up the mess?”
The boy shook his head. “There was too much glass. She told me to sit on the chair and not move until she vacuumed.”
“That makes sense.” He looked at Renee. “I’m sorry. I’ll replace the lamp.”
She waved a hand. “It was old, don’t worry about it. It’s an excuse to shop for new ones.”
“So…what’s for dinner?” He didn’t know what else to say. Was this how you disciplined a kid you’d only had for a week?
“Spaghetti and meatballs. He said it’s his favorite.”
“Perfect.” Jared went into the kitchen and pulled Renee to him. “I’m really sorry,” he whispered against her ear.
“It’s okay.” She gave him a smile. “Really. I was a little freaked out because there was glass everywhere and all I could think was that he’d been hurt. I may have shrieked at him not to move. I hope I didn’t scare him.”
“I’m sure he’s fine.” Jared had no way of knowing, but that was all he could think to say at the moment.
“Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes. You want to entertain him while I finish cooking?”
“Okay.” He turned to Braden. “Come on, why don’t you show me your SD.”
“My what?” Braden looked confused.
“DS,” Renee called over her shoulder, laughing.
“I’m new to those kinds of video games,” Jared told the boy. “You’ll have to teach me.”
“Okay.”
They moved into the other room and Renee absently stirred the pot of sauce on the stove. It had been a long, stressful day and she didn’t know whether to kick them out or chide herself for being so selfish. Braden literally never stopped moving unless he was playing video games and though she’d let him do that for a couple of hours, it didn’t seem right to do it all day. He was polite and generally a good kid, but he had zero impulse control and it had made her a nervous wreck trying to keep track of him. Daisy had been mild-mannered, a typical girl who liked dolls and makeup and hanging out with her friends.
Braden was the opposite of mild-mannered and she was almost positive he had some kind of attention deficit disorder. She had neither the time nor the patience for this kind of thing and she didn’t know what to do about the turn things had taken. Just when things were going so well, this new development was going to change everything. She wasn’t sure how or what, but a nine-year-old son hadn’t been part of the equation when they’d agreed to move in together and she was already noticing how uncomfortable it made her. She didn’t want to feel this way, and she planned to do her best to make it work, but it wasn’t going to be easy and she wasn’t yet sure if Jared was worth it.
“What’s got you so quiet?” Jared asked, coming up behind her and sliding his arms around her waist.
“It’s been a long time since I was in charge of a nine-year-old and I don’t know that much about boys,” she murmured.
“I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to babysit. I’ll figure this out. I promise.”
“He’s your son,” she said gently. “You have to do what’s best for him and for you, not for me.”
Jared nodded. “I have some ideas, but we’ll talk later.”
After finally getting Braden to sleep, Jared came into the bedroom, where Renee was in bed reading. He slid in beside her and smiled as she put her book down.
“Finally asleep?” It was after eleven and Braden had fought bedtime for two hours.
“Finally.” Jared inadvertently yawned. “Shit, sorry. Parenting is exhausting. Does it get easier?”
“At this age? No. When they hit their teens the work lightens up but the stress gets higher because you aren’t sure what they’re doing or who they’re doing it with. You can spy on them, of course, but at some point, you have to let them grow up.”
“No wonder you didn’t want any more.”
“I also did it alone, which is a lot harder than when you have the other parent to help.”
“Yeah, I’m beginning to see that.” He paused. “I need your help, babe. Not with taking care of him, but with getting all of us settled before I start work. There are so many things to take care of, set up, to research… I don’t know where to start.”
She nodded. “Of course. I’ll do anything I can. Tomorrow we’ll come up with a list, okay? I can already think of a few things, like finding a pediatrician, calling the team to add him to your health insurance, finding out what school district he’s going to be in…” Her voice trailed off. “I guess that would mean putting some bills or something in your name. The schools will require proof that you live in the district.”
“Actually, Brad brought up boarding school. It’s not my first choice, but it makes sense. Otherwise, we would need a full-time nanny since we both travel and I don’t expect you to take on the role of his mother.”
“He’s only nine,” she said, frowning. “If it were my child, I would hate this idea, but it does make sense. This is going to be hard on you, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “I’m barely hanging on to my sanity right now, to be honest. I’m hiding it for Braden’s sake, but I don’t know the first damn thing about being a dad. Mine was kind of a jerk, and my mom was a doormat. I made the decision in my teens to never have kids and that never changed. But he is my kid, and his mom is gone, and that leaves me. I’m not the most altruistic guy in the world, but I can’t imagine putting him in foster care or something.”
“No, that would be a shame.”
“Isn’t boarding school almost that bad? I mean, essentially, I’m putting my child in someone else’s hands for eight months of the year. What kind of parent does that make me?”
“An honest, busy one with a career that’s about to take off.”
“Then why does it feel shitty?”
“Part of parenting. Sometimes doing the right thing is hard. Like when your two-year-old tries to climb into the oven or something. You have to punish them, to teach them how dangerous that might be, but when they’re staring at you with those big eyes full of tears, it rips your guts out.”
“Shit.” He flopped onto his back.
“It’ll be okay,” she whispered, sliding down and resting her head on his chest. “You’ll figure it out and I’ll be here for back-up.”
Jared hoped so.
Renee wasn’t sure what woke her up but it was still dark out and Jared was fast asleep on his stomach beside her. She closed her eyes, hoping to go back to sleep, but then she heard it. The faintest sound of whimpering. Braden.
Unsure whether to wake Jared or let him sleep, she finally slid out of bed and padded out of the room. As she walked down the hall, the crying was louder and she walked into Braden’s room quietly. He was thra
shing on the bed, his head turning from one side to the other. Her heart twisted painfully, wondering what he was dreaming about that would upset him so.
Without a second thought, she got on the bed and gently shook him. “Braden, honey, it’s okay. You’re having a bad dream. Wake up.”
His eyes opened and he sat straight up, flinging his arms as if defending himself. “No, don’t!”
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s me. Renee. Nothing can hurt you now.”
“I thought it was Roger.” He buried his face in her chest. “He used to come to my room at night and scare me.”
“Scare you? Scare you how?” she asked, horrified, dreading what he might say.
“He’d spank me, with his belt, and say it made me a man.”
A strange combination of relief and dismay filled her as she wondered just how abusive his stepfather had been. “That’s not going to happen ever again,” she whispered, rocking him gently. “Your dad won’t do that and neither will I. You’re safe here, Braden.”
“I don’t want to go back there. Please don’t make me go back.”
“You’re not going back. You’re going to be here with your dad.”
“And you?” He looked up, his tear-streaked face so sad and imploring.
“I’m here too.”
Jared appeared in the doorway in nothing but his boxers. “What’s going on?”
“He had a nightmare. He’s okay now.”
“I didn’t hear him.”
“I’m a light sleeper in general and once you’re a mom, you hear all the crying children, no matter where you are or whose they are.”
“That sounds…terrible,” Jared teased, laughing quietly.
She smiled back. “When you’re at Disneyland, yeah, it’s the worst thing ever. Here in the house, it’s not bad.” She was still rocking Braden. “You want to try to go back to sleep, buddy?”
