Catch My Breath

by Wendy L. Wilson

  Evan jumps in to correct my assumption, “Dude, that pass to the lake is filled with distilleries. On windy days, you can nearly get a buzz just from breathing.”

  “So if he wasn’t drunk, how did you wreck?” Tiffany asks, crossing the room then sliding onto the bottom of my bed.

  She carefully places her hand on the exposed skin of my left shin, trailing her fingertips in a small circle over and over. I follow her gaze to my left thigh, where Stacey is checking another wicked slash in my body. Feeling uncomfortable with her affectionate gesture, I sneak a quick look at Jake and Evan. They seem oblivious to her actions as they vacantly stare at me, waiting for my answer her question.

  I laugh, because I’ve already told them, but they all laughed it off thinking that I’m joking. “He punched me.”

  “You mean, he really punched you?” Jake asks with a look of awe.

  “So your face looks like you just tangoed with a wrecking ball because your brother actually did hit you.”

  I laugh louder than I have since I have been in this bed. “Yes!”

  “Holy crap! So you weren’t just bullshitting us.” Evan’s eyes widen with this revelation. “Man, karma really bit him in the ass, didn’t it?”

  “Yeah, after he clocked me, I guess he lost control of the car. My face was buried in the passenger window so I didn’t get to see too much before it happened,” I tell them as a shiver rolls through me at the memory. “So how did you guys find out? I mean, do you know how we were found or how we got here? I vaguely remember someone kneeling beside me at some point, but it’s pretty foggy.”

  Tiffany looks over to Jake while he looks dead ahead to Evan, sitting on the other side of my bed. The color drains from Evan’s face and his throat wobbles as if he is gulping down a tennis ball lodged in his throat. He looks nervous or scared.

  “Yeah, ummm … I left out only about fifteen minutes behind you.” Evan takes a deep breath as Stacey’s hand sweeps the sheet back over my leg.

  Everyone is completely quiet, waiting to hear all the details that I’m now assuming only he has.

  “As I rounded that massive curve that is right before you hit that little gas station, I saw a whole mess of traffic including an ambulance, which is totally unusual for that area. I’ve never seen more than one car along that road at a time, even during peak seasons,” Evan rambles on nervously.

  “Anyways, the ambulance pulled away just as I drove up and there was a group of girls that I recognized over to the side of the road watching as several police filed up and down that large embankment on the left side of the road.” Evan’s eyebrows crease together and he presses his lips together for a moment before speaking again. “When I walked up to the girls, one of them ran up to me crying saying how sorry she was. She had blood on her shirt and I had no idea why she was telling me she was sorry.”

  He chuckles an insecure, strained laugh, then looks up to meet my eyes. “After I asked why she was sorry, she told me that my friend that rented one of her father’s cabins the night before had just died in a car wreck with his brother.” Evan’s eyes look glassy and he quickly looks down at his hands, which are folded in his lap.

  Leaning forward in his chair, he keeps his eyes directed to the floor as he goes on. “I ran to the edge of the embankment and watched as the police men took pictures of Tristan’s smashed up little ass sports car. I was hoping to God I would see a different car, but no … it was his … all mangled and smashed up. I stood there frozen.” He chuckles again and glances up to me for only a second before looking back down at his fidgeting hands.

  “I couldn’t move. She said you were dead, that you both were dead,” his voice cracks on the last word he says, and my body is exactly as he explains his own; I am frozen.

  My heart crumbles with the thought of what that did to him. Since the summer after my mom died, Evan and I have always had each other’s backs. We met through our brothers and after a while that is exactly how I thought of him; as a brother. He may have a brother and a father, but Jake and I have been his family for the last few years and he has been ours.

  “After the wrecker got there, she filled me in a little more while I kept trying to get a hold of Jake. I found out that she stayed by your side until you stopped breathing and one of the other girls stayed by the car where Tristan was trapped. I left soon after and went to your house to find Jake. My phone rang as I pulled up and it was him calling from the hospital. He said you both were alive and in surgery. I don’t think …” Evan takes a deep breath and looks at me with watery eyes. “I don’t think I took a breath until I got to the hospital and knew you were alive.”

  The room is dead silent as we all imagine the scene that he came upon. I am a crucial part of this story, but listening to him relive it is like watching a tragic movie. A loud click sounds as the door opens, snapping us all out of our trance and I see a good looking blonde peak her head inside.

  "Are you done with him? I was going to see if he wanted to get cleaned up." She smiles, stepping into the room with a large blue sponge in one hand and a small square plastic tub in the other.

  I shoot my eyebrows up and look over at Stacey. Just what does she plan to do?

  She laughs while nodding her head. "I bet they all fought over who was going to get to sponge you down," she says under her breath, yet loud enough that I can hear.

  I look back at the slender blonde walking toward the sink across from my bed. I really have no idea what to say. What on earth does she intend on cleaning? I have one good arm and am fully capable of washing myself. Geez, I wish I could get out of this bed.

  "What'd I tell you?" Stacey laughs with a wink, "Ok kids, let's go and give them some privacy."

  Evan smirks at me, glancing back to the new nurse then back my way. He nods his head dramatically with wide eyes and mouths, “Oh yeah.” On his way to the door, he flips around to face Stacey.

  "So you’re telling me all I have to do is go out there, have some dumb ass car wreck and I get to spend weeks on end having her give me a sponge bath?" he says, nudging his head toward the blonde.

  The girl giggles and a shade of red spouts up across her cheeks immediately reminding me of another blonde. Jake busts out laughing and I look over at Evan, who is silently trying to get my attention by pointing out on his own body the exact areas I should have the nurse pay particularly close attention to. I hold in my laughter, too nervous to give in to his amusement. Evan spins around as soon as the nurse turns her attention to them.

  “Oh come on, Lover boy! This isn’t that kind of hospital.” Stacey rolls her eyes, motioning for him to get his butt out the room.

  The door snaps shut behind them all and I can barely hear Evan and Nurse Stacey joking back and forth. He gets a kick out of teasing her.

  Nervously, I look at the new nurse and lay there feeling completely defenseless and somewhat exposed. She smiles and I desperately try to return her friendly smile, but instead I must look like I’m about to jump off a cliff.

  “Relax. I’m not going to strip you down or anything. We do this for any patients that are stuck in bed. All I’m going to do is help you wash off,” she says plunking a sponge into the now full plastic tub then quickly pulling it out, dripping with water.

  Clinching her fists around the sponge with a squeeze, water runs over her hands and back down into the tub as she looks back at me. I gulp, a strange mix of anxiety, curiosity and thrill as I watch the water roll down her arm to her elbow.

  “Here,” she says placing the sponge in my right hand. “You have to be feeling pretty uncomfortable. Sometimes something as little as getting freshened up can enhance your mood.”

  Her face lights up with a bright smile and I slowly feel all the nerves in my body unravel, now knowing that she is not planning on fondling me while I lay here, staring into space.

  The following week goes much the same, except by midweek, I get the pleasure of trading in my knight gear around my neck for a snazzy looking foam neck guard. Apparen
tly the swelling is gone, but they still want to limit the movement in my neck. At least I can turn my head side-to-side now. The nurses continue to come and go at all hours of the night. By the end of the second week, they wean me from my drip bag of pain meds and switch me over to oral medicine.

  Throwing the door open, the two faces I wait all day to see stroll in and automatically brightening my mood. Jake has finally been going home to sleep and Evan has been working days, but they are both completely predictable and undeniably loyal when it comes to showing up a little before six every single day. Once in a while I even get their company when my lunch tray is delivered.

  Jake holds up a brown bag with what looks like a hint of grease soaked through one corner. “I figured hospital food has to be getting old by now.”

  He walks up to the adjustable table that holds my laptop and food tray that was just delivered a bit ago. Shoving the tray to the side, he slaps the bag down and rolls the table so that the oblong portion is hovering above my lap.

  Digging into the bag with an extreme amount of excitement, my hand finds a wrapped up burger and a carton of fries. I pull them both out eagerly and sit them in front of me. The chargrilled aroma of bacon, cheddar cheese and hamburger meat filter through the air, making the caged beast inside my stomach pound its fists and roar out its demand for real food. Quickly tearing the wrapper off the burger, my mouth begins to water when I see the avalanche of cheese sliding out from under the bun and the ketchup oozing over two thick hamburger patties.

  “That’s what I’m talking about,” I say with a smile right before I shove a massive bite into my mouth. “Mmmm,” I murmur over and over as my tongue flings an array of flavors from one side to another.

  “Oh wait; I come bearing gifts, too.” Evan plasters on his cocky grin as he pulls a phone out from his back pocket. “A new phone, just for you,” he sings out very proudly and places it down by my fries.

  I swallow the heaping bite of food in my mouth and quickly gulp down a large swig of water from my enormous hospital cup. Grabbing up the phone, I look at Jake and then Evan.

  “I’m not up for an upgrade yet. How much did this cost, because I don’t think we can …”

  Evan holds his finger up to stop me. “It didn’t cost you anything. It’s not even on your plan but good news...I worked with the cell company and was able to request your old number plus … drum roll please.” Evan throws his hands through the air as if he is playing the drums. “All the info on your old phone was backed up so they were able to upload all your contacts, pictures, everything. Boom!”

  I laugh at his delivery of this news and push the button to power the phone up. Immediately clicking on the photo’s icon, the last picture I took pops up on the screen. My fingers push down on the main button instantly to get out of the picture and back to the main screen before my heart realizes that I was just staring at a picture of me and Alyssa; too late. A stabbing sensation vibrates through my chest and it has nothing to do with my injuries. Damn, I miss her!

  Looking back up at Evan, who is still standing with an ear-to-ear grin, proud of his gift, I quickly speak so that I can refocus my attention to something other than thoughts of her. “Ok, so who’s plan am I on and how is it not costing me anything?”

  Evan slides down into one of the folding chairs that have come to rest on either side of my bed and kicks his feet up on the edge of my bed.

  “Well, since you are now an employee of my grandfather’s, he needs all his job foreman’s to have company phones so that he has direct contact with them at all times.”

  “What are you talking about? An employee … a job foreman? Man, I cannot even get out of this bed at this point. How am I supposed to oversee construction sites?” I ask, clearly not following where this is going.

  I worked a summer job and filled out the proper paperwork and W-4 for two months of work, but nothing past that, that I know of.

  Sliding his feet off the bed, he slips a folded up stack of papers out of his back pocket and places them on my table.

  “Well, I talked to my grandfather and told him you would be hanging around for a while and he said he would set you up. You’re already hired … he just needs a few more employment forms filled out. Then as soon you are sprung from this place, you’ll be helping me oversee that building site downtown where they’re putting in that new mall.”

  “Wait, who said I’m sticking around? I already called the coach at UCLA the other day and he said he would redshirt me as long as he could get a release from my doctor here and the doctor they use for the players. Actually, I asked Doctor Raynes to send my medical records to the coach just the other day.”

  Jake and Evan share a look then stare back at me, completely dumbfounded.

  “Judd, Doctor Raynes called me this morning. He wanted to tell me that Tristan finally woke up.”

  I immediately cut Jake off and smile, “Really? How is he? Have you seen him?” I ask impatiently, a million thoughts flooding my mind.

  “No, I haven’t. He doesn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I’m just going to give him time. You know Tristan. I think he is probably beating himself up pretty good over this.”

  Jake’s never failing optimism and forgiving heart shines through even in this situation. He doesn’t want to see anyone? Not even me after he nearly got us both killed? Will he ever think of anyone other than himself?

  “Yeah, I know Tristan,” I mumble, looking at my unfinished burger like it is the enemy. I’m not even hungry now.

  “Anyways, Doctor Raynes said he heard back from UCLA already. I assumed he had talked to you.” I pull my chin up to level my gaze with his, not liking the hesitation in his voice as if he is delivering bad news.

  “And?” I spit out, drawing my brows down in fear of what he is going to say.

  “Judd …” he pauses and looks at me with compassionate eyes and a sympathetic heart.

  My left hand flies to the call button and I press it so hard that I am sure my thumb print is embedded in the remote.

  “Yes …” A female voice calls out.

  “When will Doctor Raynes be making his rounds?” I demand.

  “Ummm … it looks like he is on the floor so he should be in to see you in just a bit,” she says before the line goes silent.

  I don’t even have it in me to say thank you; I just sit there numb and at a loss.

  “The doctors in California don’t think I should play, do they?” I pause but don’t need to hear the answer.

  Jake and Evan both look at me blankly, neither even able to respond. I look down at my tray, my heart once again torn from my chest as the bad news keeps rolling in.

  “I’m never going to play football again, am I?” I don’t wait for or expect an answer.

  I let the silence surround me and I drown in the revelation that everything I’ve ever worked towards is gone. All the hours I spent playing, practicing and working out even when my mother was alive; was all for nothing. Endless hours of studying to keep my grades up, for what, so I could come close enough to touch my dream then watch it slip right through my fingertips? For an instant I want to hate Tristan for this, but I don’t even have the energy to do that. All I can focus on is how am I going to move on? How do I pick up the pieces and go forward when there is no longer anything to move towards?

  AFTER A LONG, HEATED discussion with my doctor, he confirms everything Jake said and I am left with one thing on my mind; getting the hell out of this hospital.

  The next week, I struggle and fight to keep my head above the dark cloud of depression that is threatening to pull me under. I refuse to give in to it.

  Week three comes at me with the pace of a slug, but manages to bring brighter days.

  “Ok, today’s the day. We are going to see what those tough little legs of yours can do,” Stacey says, throwing the door open with a few other nurses behind her.

  “Great! Do I get wheeled to physical therapy or do I just stand and race out of here?” I ask, hopeful t
hat they will hand me my clothes and turn their head so I can dart away.

  Two younger nurses behind her, including the sponge bath nurse giggle and smile at me. This must be part of my fan club that Stacey told me about. I really think she just likes to try and embarrass me.

  “Not so fast, sweetie. It’s going to be tough, but no, we are going to stand you up right here and get you moving. The physical therapist has already been coming in daily and having you do leg exercises to keep your muscles strengthened so you should be able to stand fairly easy, but running is something you won’t be doing right off the bat. First thing is first though … we need to take your catheter out.”

  Oh Thank Goodness. Uncomfortable does not even cover that feat.

  Twenty minutes later I open my eyes and let out a breath I was holding, trying to summon up any visual other than the nurse that is now standing at the side of my bed finishing up on removing it.

  “There, all done,” a brunette nurse says while patting my knee. “Now we just have to get you up and going.”

  “I’m ready to walk now?” I question.

  She smiles, pulling her gloves off and tossing a tube into a small trash can lined with a red garbage bag in the corner. “Yeah but we need to see if you can go to the bathroom. Sometimes it’s hard to urinate after your cath is taken out, but eventually you’ll go. Do you feel like you can?”

  “I could try …”

  I smile at her and let Stacey and the blonde help me sit up without the support of the bed against my back. Holy crap! My chest feels as though it’s been split in two with splinters of pain and soreness from lying in one position for so long. Bending slowly to one side to scoot to the edge of the bed, my stiff back screams to be stretched out.

  “How are we doing so far?” Stacey asks once I settle on the edge of the bed with her arm draped around my back, gripping at my waist.

  “I’m feeling like shit, how are you?” I mumble through gritted teeth.

  She laughs as sponge bath nurse runs to my other side.