“You and me … Wednesday?”
Her face suddenly blocks my view of Alyssa as her lips brush the corner of my mouth.
“Whoa …” I jolt backwards and away from her, firmly yet carefully placing my hands on her shoulders to form a barrier between us.
I sure the hell hope Alyssa didn’t see that. What the hell does it take to get across to Bethany that I’m not interested? My first instinct is to lash out and ask her what her deal is, but then her words sink in; Wednesday, Alyssa’s party.
“Hey, I thought we agreed to be friends; just friends?” I grit my teeth as her arms cross over her chest, as if this is news to her.
Something tells me that Bethany does not get turned down a lot, so maybe letting her down easy is not the best way to go here. Quickly flipping through any tid-bit of knowledge and experience I have with women, which isn’t much, my mind starts flashing and blaring alarms to deter the conversation. Distraction! No way am I going to burn a perfectly laid bridge to get closer to the girl that I love. I have no intention of using Bethany to gain ground, but I can keep things cordial between us.
Right as she grudgingly turns to walk away from me, I open my mouth to steer the discussion to something that hopefully will peak her interest and lighten the mood.
“Hey about Wednesday, sure I am still coming!” I spit out eagerly, not wanting to miss the opportunity to be there.
Without hesitation, her posture perks up and she spins back around to face me, this time with a comfortable amount of distance between us. Her eyes glimmer with excitement like a cat eyeballing a dangling string; now I have her attention.
Think, think! If I have learned anything from this girl’s over reactive personality in the past few weeks, it is that me agreeing to go to a party only as her friend is not going to be good enough. What else can I possibly throw out there to soften the blow of “let’s just be friends?” All of a sudden, my mind slams to a stop as I see Alyssa’s little red car drive out of the parking lot.
Bethany’s eyes widen and a huge smile forms on her face at my announcement to go to the party with her, so I decide now is the time to snuff that out just enough to still be invited and not have to deal with too much added drama.
“It sounds like it will be a blast to hang with you and your friends.” Her expression falls quickly, so I add, “By the way, does your roommate like fireworks by any chance?”
Bethany’s face glosses over with confusion which seems to be a normal expression for her. She wears it well. “The reason I ask is because I have a whole slew of fireworks left over from this past Fourth.” I smile at my proposal, knowing if anything will get to Alyssa and spark emotion from our time together, this has to be it. “It’d make one hell of a grand finale, plus I’m sure we could grease the wheels with the cops so that we don’t get in trouble for a mid-fall firework display.”
Bethany squeals and although I would like nothing more than to rip my ears clean off my head, it actually sends a bolt of delight through me knowing that a few leftover fireworks may be my key to holding Alyssa again.
“Oh my gosh, that is perfect! You know I didn’t plan anything for the end of the night other than a last call, but that would be epic! Plus you know what, Kyle has a friend whose older brother is on the police force, I bet we could get him to ok it, we’ll just have to be careful because …”
The name Kyle flares in my mind and I shut everything else she has to say out as she gushes about her plans for the party. After a ten minutes walk back to my truck, my mind is doing flips over why Alyssa would subject herself to comfort from her cheating ex. Not to mention, I literally feel like my ears are bleeding with Bethany’s endless chatter. No way could I tolerate putting up with her obsessive need to go on and on about every detail of her day unless it meant it would end with me possibly having Alyssa back in my life.
After my escape, the day crawls by laughing in my face and leaving me impatient and anxious.
The following day I rush around work as if it is my last day on earth, then speed home to get ready to see her again. Right now I may be the last person she wants to see, especially if Bethany has made it out that this is a date, but with any luck at all by the end of the evening I’ll be the only thing on her mind.
Racing up to their apartment after practically burning the tread off my tires, I think back to some of the sappy movies that Jake and I would watch in secret on the living room floor. Mom and Dad would be snuggled up on the couch as a couple on TV clung to each other in a passion-filled kiss or hug after a quarrel. At the time, that stuff made me want to puke, but what I always remembered from those movies is when I would glance over to Mom and Dad, her eyes were always glazed over while Dad would quickly brush away the escaped tears with a smile.
If this were one of those movies, a few sparkles in the sky tonight would have Alyssa running straight into my arms. My shoulders raise and my chest expands as I take a deep breath, savoring that thought.
“Hey,” Bethany calls out behind me, making my nerves bounce. “I thought I saw you drive up. Go in and I will be back in a sec to get the birthday girl,” she giggles and darts away, leaving fate screaming my name and pushing me forward.
Twisting the knob slowly, I nudge the door open not knowing what to expect. She said she was coming back for the birthday girl, so Alyssa has to be here, only I’m not sure if that jerk-off could be here as well. I refuse to call him her boyfriend.
Sticking my head in first, I am met with complete silence. The door swings open with a shove and I walk in, my heart dropping once I see an empty room. Looking around, there are very little traces of her other than a ring of a dozen keys bound together with a bright pink keychain that reads ‘Cancer sucks.’ Drawing my eyebrows together, a jolt of pain slices through my heart as I think of the agonizing grief losing a parent creates in your life. Everything in my soul is pulling for her to not have to endure that.
Striding forward, I make my way to the couch as a rattle in the next room bounces me out of my thoughts and instantly has my nerves wound up tight in my stomach. I press my hands into the soft cushions to keep from springing forward when another sound interrupts the silence. Lowering myself to sit, my eyes dart to the door beside her bedroom, which I’m positive is the bathroom. Closing them tightly, I let my mind imagine what she may be doing in there in preparation for her party. My hands ball up, clutching the plush fabric of the couch as I remember beads of water flowing through her hair and over her delicate skin.
“Stop thinking about crap like that,” I mutter quietly to myself.
Opening my eyes back up and releasing the death grip my fist has on the couch, my already pounding heart is thrown into overdrive as the bathroom door swings open and out steps a sexy as hell Alyssa in a tight blue dress and boots clear up to her knees. Wow. Snapping my mouth shut to keep from releasing slobber that is pooling in my mouth, I jump off of the couch and step forward towards her.
My eyes automatically take on a mind of their own, slowly sweeping down her body and back up. Wildly pounding in my chest, my heart does a flip when I look into her eyes and see complete vulnerability. It’s the same look she gave me the night we were together. She laid beneath me as I finally reveled in every inch of her beauty.
“Wow … you look beautiful,” I choke out as I relive a time when she was much less clothed, yet she is just as breathtaking in this very moment.
We stare into each other’s eyes and although I should be talking, asking questions and getting to the bottom of what happened between us, I cannot speak. Words have escaped us both and all I want to do is touch her, kiss her, wrap my arms around her and never let go. Every muscle in my legs twitch, needing to move, imploring me to get her, to grab her.
As I lift my foot to step forward and close the few feet between us that seems like miles, Bethany’s all too cheerful voice calls out, “It’s all set.”
Clinching my jaw to keep from blaring out the multitude of curse words whirling through my head, I
clear my throat and walk to the door as Alyssa joins Bethany to go downstairs. The moment is lost, and all I want to do is slap myself for not blurting everything out. Once I get to the door, I pause gripping the knob to help stabilize my quaking body and my accelerated heart beat. Keeping my gaze down to the floor so that I don’t give away all that I am feeling, Bethany and Alyssa make their way past me.
After closing the door behind me, I keep my eyes trained on her boots, listening to the clicking sound they make each time it snaps against the concrete hall floor.
Click
Click
Click
My heart thuds out in response to each step as we continue out the apartment complex and around to the back. I don’t need to be told where we’re going, I don’t even care, because the truth is as long as she will let me, I will follow her anywhere.
STAYING ONLY A FEW feet behind them with every fiber of my body zinging with anticipation of the end of the night, we walk across the back parking lot to a one level building. Bethany grabs hold of one of the big glass doors at the front of the building, but I quickly press my hand flush against the cold glass to hold it open for them both.
As soon as Alyssa steps inside, the room erupts in cheers and shouts, wishing her a happy birthday. I can only make out a hint of her smile as she throws her hand over her mouth, but through the deafening noise of the party, I don’t miss the beautiful sound of her giggles.
It doesn’t take long for Alyssa to get lost in the crowd, without a single glance in my direction. I, however, position myself towards the front wall of the building separate from her and Bethany. Last thing I want is for Bethany to be hanging on me, plus a part of me enjoys being able to see Alyssa smiling and laughing with her friends at a distance.
Until I can figure out a way to break through this wall that has been built up between us since the day I left the lake, it’s probably best that I don’t try to mingle and party with her like there is nothing there. Standing with my foot braced against the wall near the keg, I watch as everyone around me gets a bit more unstable on their feet with each passing minute.
Abby and Piper walk by quickly, giving me a snarled glare that tells me Alyssa must have some seriously pent up feelings about me that she has been sharing with them. I wave in reply, but slowly let my hand fall to my side as they swing their heads around and storm off. Other than the morning she walked in and found me with Bethany, I’m not quite sure what any of them could be mad about and by now she should know from Bethany that absolutely nothing happened; if she told her.
A couple classmates swing by carrying on idle chatter, but I can’t stop my eyes from swinging back to her.
Little by little, I watch as her legs wobble beneath her, how she throws her head back belting out laughter until her face turns red and even the way she begins to talk with her hands, swinging them about wildly. I’ve never seen her drunk like this; tipsy yeah, but never like this.
My lips curve up into a smile and I can’t help but remember all the things that made me fall in love with her. It happened so fast, yet I’ve never been surer of anything else in my life.
She looks in my direction and finally we make eye contact when a familiar face comes into my line of view.
“Hey Judd. Wow, crazy seeing you here.” Skylar walks towards me with a booze induced grin across her face and a beer bottle clutched in one hand. Slinking up against the wall beside me, she turns her head and looks me up and down. “Aren’t you drinking?”
I dip my chin down and laugh, thinking over the few times I have indulged.
“Nahh … I don’t drink much.” Looking over at her I smile, “I don’t have much of a tolerance and it is never a pretty sight.”
She cracks up at my answer and peers around the room. “I really don’t think drunk is pretty on anyone, including me.”
I look through the crowd to Alyssa, which looks to be on a losing streak in a game of quarters. She tosses back another shot then slams the glass down, bursting out in laughter. I definitely have to disagree with Skylar; drunk is pretty on some of us.
“So are you two still hooking up?”
I snap my head around and see that she too is looking out at Alyssa. Hooking up? I’ve never cared too much for that phrase, but to associate it with what Alyssa and I share, at least what I thought we shared, hits a sour note in my mind and I immediately crinkle my brows in irritation.
Opening my mouth to correct her, I am met with even more aggravation.
“Hey handsome!” Bethany’s slurred voice rings out like a shrill siren that’s meant to make people take off running.
I turn from Skylar to Bethany, barely able to see Alyssa in the distance over her shoulder.
All I can muster up is a weak smile as she adds, “Why don’t you come over and join us in a game of quarters?”
She leans in closer to me, running her hand over my bicep then swings her gaze over to Skylar as if she is marking her territory. I flinch at her touch, swiftly looking back over her shoulder. Alyssa giddily sways back and forth on a make shift dance floor with a group of girls. I breathe out a sigh of relief as Skylar pushes off from the wall.
“I think it is time for another.” Skylar wiggles her empty beer bottle in front of her face and gives me one last smile. “I’ll see you around. Tell Evan I said hi.”
“See ya,” I say as I wrap my hand around Bethany’s small wrist and gently pull her wandering paws off of my body.
“I was actually getting ready to run out to my truck and get that bag of fireworks.” I discretely sidestep out from between her and the wall.
She pivots her body back in alignment with mine as I back away. “Oh, I’ll go with you,” she states confidently.
My eyes widen as I resist the urge of bolting. She is halfway blitzed, clingy as hell and no way am I walking alone in the dark with her out to my truck. I have no doubt that this chick will flat out attack my ass.
“No really, I’ll be right back,” I say holding my finger up then quickly pointing over her shoulder to Alyssa and the rest of the group she has been drinking with. “Actually, you know I think they were motioning for you to come join them.”
As soon as she turns to look in their direction, I dart off through the double doors at the front of the hall, blazing a path to my truck. Damn, is it normal for a girl to intimidate the hell out of a guy like that?
A few minutes later, I have the bunched up edge of the brown paper bag of fireworks firmly grasped in my hand and head back to the worn down brick building. My phone vibrates against my leg and I immediately shove my free hand in my pocket to retrieve it. Like a magnet, my finger goes right to the home button with a push and my phone lights up a new text. Swiping my hand across the screen, I open up the message, shocked.
Tristan: Hey, I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing …
It’s brief and vague, but a surprise after Jake explaining that he doesn’t want to talk or see anyone the last several weeks.
I stop my trek back to the building, wedging the crinkled bag under my arm as I stare at the screen not quite sure what to say back. The days’ light is faded away stretching into a sky full of shimmering stars and a sliver of moon with the muffled thumps of bass and music filtering out from the hall. I stare down, the light from my phone going black until another message pops up.
Tristan: Listen, I know I’ve been an ass …
Raising my eyebrows in disbelief of his confession, I nod to myself in agreement and wait.
Tristan: Ok, maybe an ass is putting it lightly, but I would like to talk. I’m pretty tied up the next few days, but I’ll be home this weekend if you want to stop by. Maybe you, me and Jake can watch some football.
My hand shakes, but I still cannot make myself type anything. This is him trying; I know he is trying, but why is it so hard for me to do the same. For so many years there has been this barrier between us. We rarely get along and when we do, it ends in a fight or worse. The emptiness that fills my heart echoes
with an intense need for so many people that have disappeared from my life. It burns inside of me every day.
Taking a deep breath I type …
Me: Sounds Good!
I hit send and let out the breath I was holding when I hear no immediate reply. Speechless and a little taken aback, I wander back into the hall and come face-to-face with Bethany standing near the doors.
“Hey, is this them?” She reaches for the bag and I gladly hand them off, ready to get to the end of the night.
“Yeah …” I say with a lump in my throat and my mind now set on Tristan.
A part of me wants to go back outside and call my brother. There are so many things that I’d like to be able to talk to him about, but in the back of my mind I always fear it turning into a fight, so I hold back.
“This is great,” Bethany squeals, knocking me out of my thoughts. “Go get a drink and I’ll find you in a bit. I’m going to go get this all set up.”
I watch her race away, not at all paying attention to the path in front of me until I run smack dab into someone. The subtle scent of strawberries mixed with a conglomeration of whiskey and beer penetrates my senses and I instinctively reach my hands out to pull the small body against me. I don’t even need to see her face to know it’s her; every cell in my body is tuned into the way she moves, feels, smells and sounds.
“Whoa, are you ok? I whisper, turning my head to look at her.
Alyssa’s glossy eyes meet mine and my heart speeds out of control. The heat from her hand against my chest breaches the fabric of my shirt, scorching my skin and leaving me hungry for her. The desire to kiss her overwhelms me, tugging and pulling with a storm of emotions that I can barely keep at bay. Swiping my tongue over my lips to fight the urge, her eyes flick down to my mouth and then back up. There used to be no question in my mind as to when she wanted to be kissed; I knew her needs just like I know my own.
My reaction must be obvious, because like clockwork Alyssa mutters, “I’m fine,” swiftly pulling away and leaving my arms bare.
Catch My Breath Page 28
