Hollywood Princess

by Dana Aynn Levin

  I kept my eyes closed. Two girls were talking to Phoebe, about me.

  “Who is she?” the African-American girl asked. Before Phoebe could answer, the washed-out preppy blonde asked, “Why was Dan making out with her?”

  “She’s a stuck-up twit. Says she’s his girlfriend,” Phoebe tersely explained. “Since October.”

  “Dan has a girlfriend. That makes no sense,” said the African-American.

  “He always said he was a free-agent,” the blonde added.

  “Pru, maybe that’s so you’d be content as a friend with benefits,” the African-American said caustically.

  “Jazz, it’s been a while since I enjoyed benefits,” Pru snapped. “I’ll ask Amelia.”

  “She might be an import,” Jazz suggested.

  “From where? Teen Vogue?” Pru laughed at her own joke and Jazz joined her.

  I’d grant them another minute of speculation before ‘waking’.

  “Why has Dan kept her hidden?” Jazz asked.

  “Maybe he hasn’t,” said Phoebe. “Look, we’re the ones who are hidden. We’re always up here. We rarely go to The Cellar and we never do dorm parties. Look at how Dan dotes on her. They were all over each other.

  “But Amelia told me….” Pru stopped mid-sentence as Danny approached.

  “Phoebs, how’s my lady doing?”

  “Looks like she’s sleeping,” Phoebe answered curtly.

  “I’ll wake her,” Danny replied with a grin in his voice.

  I readied myself for his touch as Danny settled onto the sofa beside me.

  “Time to go home, sleepyhead,” he said softly as he lifted my chin and grazed my lips with his. I opened my eyes with a big smile as I met Danny’s sapphire gaze.

  “Hi,” I whispered back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned his kiss with ardor.

  Those awful girls were watching. I happily put on a show. Then Danny took my hand, and I turned on my megawatt smile.

  “I love you Daniel,” I whispered as I gently moved a lock of hair off his face with the intimacy reserved only for a serious love.

  “I love you too, Elizabeth. Ready to go?”

  “More than ready.” I squeezed his hand.

  Danny playfully pulled me up. He retrieved my jacket from the back of a chair and helped me into it. Danny’s arm around my shoulder, our eyes locked on each other, we strode out passed the three gawking girls.

  CHAPTER 48 - ELIZABETH

  Tuesday was damp and dreary. Despite Rachel’s insistence that a day when the temperature reached fifty degrees constituted a thaw, the rawness of the thick clouds left me chilled to the bone. By nightfall I even put on socks with my Uggs.

  I was flying solo tonight. Rachel and Chloe didn’t want to go to the library, and Danny was at rehearsal. The guys wanted no distractions. They insisted rehearsals be closed, even to girlfriends.

  A similar desire led me to occupy a carrel in the basement of the library’s original nineteenth century building. The musty stacks created a cozy, comforting environment.

  Solitude virtually guaranteed, I prepared for Political Science. With his grueling rehearsal schedule, Danny was relying on me for tomorrow’s class.

  Sometime later, footsteps caused me to look up from my note taking. I recognized Pru and Jazz. They hadn’t struck me as library types. They must be at a loss for what to do this evening.

  The pace of their steps indicated that they were looking for someone. I was relieved that they did not recognize me when they passed by. I was not dressed for a date with Danny tonight. I was not even dressed for public consumption. All I had wanted was warmth and comfort.

  My face was make-up free. My hair was pulled back into a thick braid, and Danny’s navy knit cap covered my head. Donnelly logo sweat pants were tucked into Uggs. A zippered hoodie over a long-sleeved t-shirt was cozy. Danny’s Burberry scarf around my neck was the only luxury.

  When we weren’t together, I liked wearing an article of clothing that belonged to Danny. The faded scent of his cologne on the swath of cashmere brought me instant pleasure. Lifting it to my nose and inhaling, I fantasized Danny’s presence. And I could enjoy a dose any time I wanted!

  “Amelia. There you are,” I heard Pru’s voice nearby.

  My ears perked up. Friday, Amelia’s name was mentioned several times as though she held the key. But to what?

  “When did you get back?” Jazz asked.

  “Late last night. What’s so urgent, Jasmine?”

  “You missed an interesting party Friday. Didn’t she, Pru?”

  “Yeah. Where were you?”

  “At my own interesting party. I was visiting James, remember?”

  “Now it makes sense,” Jazz said.

  “What’s your status with Dan?” Pru asked Amelia. My stomach fluttered uncomfortably. Fear gripped me.

  “We’ve hooked-up a few times. So?” Amelia answered.

  My pen slipped from my grasp, my muscles unable to control its weight. It made a gentle thud on my open book.

  “Recently?” Pru pressed.

  “Mostly very recently,” Amelia answered matter-of-factly. “Dan’s sweet. I’m thinking of dropping James. I’m tired of driving to Hanover.”

  Recently! What the hell? My stomach lurched as horror consumed me.

  “Don’t shred your gas card yet,” said Jazz.

  “What don’t I know guys?” Amelia asked.

  “You should have seen Dan at Ron and Kirk’s Friday night,” Jazz began.

  “He showed up with a model,” Pru added.

  “Phoebe said she’s his girlfriend. They’ve been together almost all year.”

  “Impossible,” Amelia said, her voice tinged with hurt. “How did Dan keep that a secret?”

  “The girl’s a freshman,” Pru stated. “She lives in a dorm.”

  “What was she like?” Amelia asked scornfully.

  “Her name’s Elizabeth. She’s gorgeous, like an actress. Everything about her was couture, like she stepped out of the pages of Vogue,” said Jazz.

  “Or Beverly Hills. Doesn’t Dan come from there?” Pru added.

  “I think so,” said Amelia. “Was she up from Vassar for the weekend?”

  “No,” Pru answered. “Phoebe says Duncan knows her and he doesn’t like her.”

  “Amelia,” Jazz advised, “Stay with James. They were all over each other and Dan said, ‘I love you.’”

  Enough! Nauseas, I crammed my laptop and books into my tote bag and jammed my arms into my jacket before I threw up. I shook so badly I risked dropping everything. “Keep it together,” I urged myself.

  Once outside, I inhaled large gulps of frigid winter air. I didn’t know what to do. I stood in front of the library clutching my bag, immobile, unable to move.

  I needed to think. What was there to even consider? It was obvious like a slap in the face. Danny had cheated, and recently. Recently. There was that word again.

  I didn’t need the calendar to verify that it had to mean last week, when I naively granted Danny free-reign to party with the boys.

  Recently. The word echoed in my brain. Sobs wanted their release, but I stifled them. I was in public. I needed my room if I could get there quickly enough.

  I ran most of the way, breathless from gulping the painful January air.

  Dashing into the suite, I startled Chloe, sitting in the living room reading. Not stopping, I continued to my bedroom. The door slammed closed, and I buried my head in the pillows and wept. Great, body-wracking sobs overwhelmed me. I was shaking. Uncontrollable.

  Was something wrong with me? I thought Danny and I had a great relationship. He told me he loved me. Had he lied? Did he say those words because I wanted to hear them, no, needed to hear them? I had given him everything, and more. What was I lacking? How blind was I?

  Danny made me believe I was everything to him. He made me believe I satisfied his every need and then some. I recalled this weekend. Danny and I had been together continuously since Frida
y afternoon. It had been great, as always. At least I thought so.

  We had spent passionate time alone. We had made love numerous times. Danny couldn’t take his hands off me and I couldn’t take mine off him. And now I learned that for Danny it had all been a lie. He wanted Amelia? That wasn’t possible.

  Was Danny playing a part? Why be so cruel? I hadn’t pursued him. I hadn’t asked him to become my boyfriend. I had been content with being friends until it became apparent that we both wanted more. If Danny couldn’t properly love me, then let me go. Let me be free to fall in love with someone who would love me.

  Exhaustion finally claimed me and I fell into a fitful sleep.

  Waking in the middle of the night, curled protectively in fetal position, I cried again. Still dressed from the library, I clutched myself tightly, trying to literally hold myself together.

  A fresh wave of nausea swept through me, this one too strong. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I did not feel any better. I threw up again, but my empty stomach produced dry heaves. Collapsing onto the hard tile floor, I wept.

  I willed myself off the floor and back to bed. It wasn’t even five o’clock. I glanced at my desk. The glow from my phone distracted me. Perhaps I should call home. No. Bad idea. Mom would assume someone had died or been hospitalized if the phone rang at this hour. It was one something at home.

  Somebody had died. Me. My heart had shattered. I wasn’t certain it would remain beating by daybreak.

  There was a text message in my in-box. When I pressed the touch screen my swollen eyes read: “E – I love u – D.” I broke out in sobs all over again. How could he!

  How could Danny text that? It was so obviously false. How much could one person lie?

  Fitful sleep reclaimed me once more.

  A knock on the door woke me. Rachel.

  “We’re going to breakfast. Are you coming?” she asked, oblivious to my pain.

  “No. I don’t feel well,” I answered. “I’ll see you later.”

  “I’ll bring you some Cheerios.”

  Rachel was the best, but I couldn’t confide in her. Rachel had always suspected Danny would hurt me this way. I couldn’t tolerate her “I told you so,” even if unvoiced.

  As soon as Rachel and Chloe left, I pulled myself out of bed and staggered to the bathroom. A hot, steamy shower would do me good.

  The reflection in the mirror looked like death, with red, swollen eyes. I would need an entire hair and make-up crew to look presentable today. Unfortunately, I was not on a movie set.

  I skipped morning classes and ate the Cheerios for lunch. Avoiding Danny was not an option. We had Political Science today. After class we had to talk. Then I would break up with Danny. It was better that way. Let Danny know he couldn’t break my heart with impunity.

  Sunglasses on, I took my seat in the classroom. I barely controlled my trembling. Which had me more nervous; Danny sitting next to me, or what the professor would say about my eyewear?

  Soon, Danny entered, taking his seat beside me. He had no idea, not a hint, of the hell he was responsible for causing.

  “Hey, babe,” Danny said.

  He quickly kissed my cheek. I knew where those lips had been. It took every ounce of strength not to show my revulsion.

  “Hey,” I answered quietly.

  “Your roomies said you weren’t feeling well.” Danny’s genuine concern surprised me. How could he act the same as usual?

  “Yeah,” I answered lethargically.

  Professor Dennison approached the lectern.

  “We’ll talk later,” Danny said, and he squeezed my hand. We certainly will. “You’re sunglasses, Eli.”

  I shrugged him off, ignoring him.

  “Miss Jacobs,” Professor Dennison looked directly at me, “It isn’t particularly sunny in here today.” The color rose hot in my cheeks.

  “I need these today,” I stammered. Danny cocked his head toward me.

  “Did Mr. Newman give you a black eye last night?” he asked drolly.

  “Of course not! Danny would never do that!” I was appalled. How dare the professor accuse Danny of spousal abuse. Danny was gentle, kind and sweet.

  What was I thinking? The man had broken my heart. I had spent the entire night crying. I should be twisting the skewer. But I couldn’t. Danny would never hit me.

  “Miss Jacobs, I wasn’t serious. If I thought Mr. Newman had given you a black eye, I would meet with you privately and refer you to a social worker.”

  I turned a deep shade of scarlet, humiliated.

  “I’m sorry, professor,“ I finally answered, “Please, I have conjunctivitis and the fluorescents are bothering me. My eyes are very sensitive.”

  “Just for today, Miss Jacobs. Next time bring a doctor’s note.”

  “Thank you professor.” I was so relieved. My puffy red eyes would stay hidden.

  The professor might have bought my story but not Danny. He spent much of the class watching me.

  At dismissal, Danny helped me with my jacket. His manners left me chillier than the weather. The thaw had ended. Winter was back, mirroring my emotions.

  “We have to talk,” I said somberly when we reached the path to the quad.

  “Something’s wrong.” Danny said just as solemnly.

  “Not here.”

  As usual, Danny unfolded his arm around my shoulders. Normally it felt warm and comforting. Today I shrugged him off. What if we passed those girls? It would be even more humiliating than it already was.

  I let him hold my hand. That wasn’t quite as intimate or possessive a gesture.

  I was quiet until we entered Danny’s room. Then I sat down on the edge of the bed. Danny joined me. He lifted my Ray-Bans, unveiling my eyes. Shock followed by concern filled his face.

  “You’ve been crying. Baby. What’s wrong?”

  Danny sounded so kind it was hard to reconcile this gentle, loving man as the cause of my pain.

  Danny took my hands and massaged them. The speech I rehearsed in my head all morning escaped me. I was silent. With his hands clasping mine, and being face-to-face with those beautiful sapphires eyes, I couldn’t remember the words.

  “Elizabeth,” Danny nudged me, “What is it, baby?”

  Be brave. Don’t cry.

  Without emotion, I replayed what I overheard at the library. When I finished, I broke down sobbing. Danny was crestfallen. He enveloped me in his strong arms, a place I used to find comfort.

  Stroking my hair while I cried, Danny murmured, “Baby, I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

  Danny held me until I regained my composure enough to speak.

  “Are they right?” I asked. “Did you cheat on me?”

  “I wish that wasn’t a direct question.”

  “Since December?” Danny couldn’t look at me. He understood the reference. “Yes,” he answered in a near whisper, ashamed.

  I tried to keep myself in check but failed miserably. My insides froze like ice. I shook uncontrollably. I shivered. Bringing my knees up to my chest, I hugged myself. Danny wrapped his arms around me.

  “Don’t touch me,” I hissed. He didn’t listen. Danny knew I needed his warmth.

  Soon, I calmed enough to speak again.

  “Why? How could you? I thought you loved me.”

  “I do love you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said. Then he paused. “This wasn’t about you Elizabeth.”

  “How is this not be about me?”

  I glimpsed sadness in his eyes. “Winter break scared me. Our parents accepted us. We had a great time. I was as excited as you were to share our news with our friends at Ali’s party. My date was the most beautiful, girl whom I love very much.”

  Danny stopped for my reaction. I sniffled, blinking back tears. hat had been a wonderful night. The entire break had been great.

  “I was so happy because I’d spent the break with you, Eli. Then the guys discussed their vacations. When I recounted mine, they teased me about staying at my
in-laws house. They called you my wife and mirrored what Dad had said.”

  “What did Steve say to you?” I was furious. How dare Steve interfere!

  “Dad loves you, but he thinks we’re too young. He doesn’t want us to be like him and Mom. He thinks I shouldn’t commit to never dating other girls yet.”

  “So the minute you had the opportunity you had to prove him right?”

  Tears tumbled down my cheeks.

  “Eli, I’m ashamed of what I’ve done. I panicked, baby. I’m an idiot. I wanted to prove I was still single. I should have handled it more maturely. I shouldn’t have cared what they said.”

  “You flaunted our relationship to the people that count the most! Our childhood friends. Our families. You spent two weeks in my parents’ home sharing my bed! I thought that meant something.” Tears spilled again.

  “It did. It does,” Danny said contritely. “You’re all that matters to me, Eli.”

  “But it wasn’t enough. Not that you asked, but I’m not ready for marriage either. I’m only eighteen! But I thought you were committed to us. Why else would you share my bed in my parents’ house? How can I ever face them? I’m so embarrassed.”

  “You’ve done nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re as much in love with me as I am with you.”

  “How can you say that? You don’t know what love is. I was so naive. I thought if I were the one sharing your bed you’d have no reason to stray. The thought of you with another girl makes me ill. I threw up last night.”

  “I’m sorry, Eli. I’m so sorry. I do know what love is, because love is what I feel for you. This wasn’t done to hurt you.”

  “I turned a blind eye for so long. I pretended it didn’t exist. But those girls.”

  “Eli, how can I make it up to you? How can I make it better?”

  “I don’t know that you can. It’s happened. It’s out there. I feel so empty.”

  “What do you want to do?” Danny whispered.

  “I’m so confused.”

  “You’re not breaking up with me, are you?” Danny asked tentatively. “I know I deserve it, but please don’t.” He panicked as he considered my options.

  “I haven’t decided. Maybe. Probably.” I sniffled loudly.