Something Like Winter

by Jay Bell

  “Isn’t that down in San Antonio?”

  Marcello nodded. “I have two party buses reserved to shuttle us all there. Why don’t you come and bring this Ben person with you?”

  Tim leaned back. “I doubt his boyfriend will allow that.”

  “Bring him as well.”

  Tim snorted.

  “I’m serious.” Marcello leaned forward. “Do you really think he can compete with you?”

  That was a tricky question. Tim avoided conversations about Jace, so he didn’t know much about him. From the photo he had seen, he was an okay-looking guy. Handsome in an offbeat way. But Tim had taken good care of his body, and it wouldn’t hurt to remind Ben of his assets.

  “When Ben sees you and this other person together,” Marcello said, “one of you is going to pale in comparison. I wouldn’t bet a penny on this boyfriend of his. If it doesn’t work out, I’m inviting the handsomest boys in Austin. I’m sure you’ll find someone to soothe your broken heart.”

  “That won’t be necessary.”

  When it came to advice, Marcello made a poor replacement for Eric, but he might be on to something this time. He knew how to get what he wanted, and Tim sure as hell wanted Ben.

  The next day he called only once, unperturbed when he still didn’t get an answer. Tim went through the motions of the day, waiting until evening when he was sure Ben would be out of class. Then he drove over to the duplex and rang the bell. Allison opened the door, eyebrows raised as if his every thought was transparent.

  “He’s not here,” she said.

  “Does he have a class this late?”

  “He’s usually home by now. Just not this home.”

  “Jace?”

  She nodded. “Sorry.”

  Well, that was something. At least she didn’t look smug as she shut the door. Of course she probably didn’t realize that Tim knew where Jace lived. Or that Tim was crazy enough to head straight into enemy territory. Why shouldn’t he? Jace was invited to the party too. Besides, it was time he learned firsthand what he was up against.

  His self-assurance remained intact even as he knocked on the apartment door. He imagined Ben opening it, shocked and maybe a little thrilled by Tim’s audacity. He felt less certain when Jace answered.

  There is a big difference between seeing someone in a photo and meeting them in real life. Jace was taller than he was—which Tim didn’t like—and dressed in a nice button-up shirt and casual slacks that made Tim feel scuzzy in his T-shirt and shorts. His blond-brown hair was styled intentionally messy, matching his controlled-but-casual appearance. Jace looked Tim over with a flicker of recognition, but with no hint of interest.

  “Hey,” Tim said, flashing a smile. Even that failed to provoke a reaction, causing him to wonder if he wasn’t looking his best today. “Jace, right? I’m Tim.”

  He extended a hand, which Jace accepted. Because Jace was tall, he looked thin, but his hands were warm and strong. Tim hated to think of all the places they had been.

  “Tim, of course,” Jace replied. “Ben said he had run into you recently.”

  In other words, I know all about you. “Yeah, it was just like old times. Hey, I was hoping to talk to you both about an idea I had.”

  “Ben isn’t home,” Jace said.

  “But he usually is by now, right? I don’t mind waiting.”

  Jace took stock of him. Tim was sure Jace was about to tell him to go fuck himself and to not come around anymore. That’s what Tim would have said were the situation reversed, but instead Jace shrugged easily and gestured for him to enter.

  The apartment felt more alive with Jace there. Even Samson seemed peppier. He still did the creeping, cautious sniff thing that cats did, as if seeing a person wasn’t proof enough that they weren’t really a giant pudding monster. Then Samson happily followed Jace to the living room and hopped up on his owner’s lap as soon as Jace was seated in the recliner.

  Tim spread out on the couch, trying to make himself as large as possible. Hey, it worked in the animal kingdom. “So, Ben tells me you’re a stewardess or something.”

  Jace smiled as if this didn’t bother him. “Yes. That’s exactly what I am, although I prefer to think of myself as an astronaut of the stratosphere.”

  Huh.

  “That’s funny,” Tim said without humor. “Seems like all they talk about on the news lately is airline employees having to take cuts. Must be hard making a living in your line of work.”

  “I don’t live in a mansion,” Jace replied, “but I managed to take Ben to London recently. That was nice. Still, I’ll be glad when Ben has graduated and is earning money. What are you studying?”

  Tim mumbled something about architecture while trying to come to grips with the situation. Here he was, a high school sweetheart back from the past and gorgeous enough that most gay guys would love to get into his pants—and yet Jace calmly sat there watching him with the same casual curiosity as his cat. Was Jace always like this? If so, Tim could understand the appeal of being with someone so confident.

  “I don’t know much about architecture,” Jace said, “although I did see one of Hundertwasser’s buildings once, and that was a real eye opener.”

  “He was amazing,” Tim admitted. “Shows you what’s possible if people think outside the box. Buildings can be art.”

  “True. I suppose it’s like poetry. I’ve never really enjoyed it either, but someone like Dr. Seuss makes it so wacky and fun that it’s impossible not to like.”

  Tim nodded. “Although it’s odd how if you make a painting that’s strange and different, most people dismiss it. Everyone scoffs at modern art or art installations, when really that’s also being playful within a medium. These days you have to grab people’s attention any way you can.”

  Hold on now! Tim felt like leaping to his feet and pointing an accusatory finger. Jace was disarmingly charming when he should be biting his nails and fearing for his relationship. Even now, he was checking his watch as if he had other concerns.

  “If he’s this late, I should probably start dinner.”

  “No problem,” Tim said, whipping out his phone. “I’ll order us some pizzas. Ben still likes cheese and tomatoes, right? What about you?”

  Ha ha! Take that! Your boyfriend is being fed by another man!

  But this small victory went unnoticed by Jace, who pet and talked to his cat while Tim was ordering on the phone. When waiting for their food to arrive, Tim gave up taking cheap shots at Jace and kept conversation civilized. After all, the plan was to invite him to a party, and being the only one behaving maliciously made him feel like a royal asshole.

  Not that he was done completely. The second the doorbell rang, Tim leapt up to answer it, like he owned the place. When he opened the door, he found something much more appetizing than dinner. Ben stood there slack-jawed, arms full of books and take-out.

  Tim grinned at him. “For a pizza boy, you’re pretty hot.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Water slides, a wave pool, and all the overpriced snow cones you could eat. As far as Tim knew, there were only two Splashtowns: one in San Antonio and another near Houston. Back in high school, Ben often hinted that they go, but of course Tim had been too twisted up with fear then. That they were finally going now tied in nicely with his high school nostalgia tour, even if the “astronaut of the stratosphere” was tagging along. Tim was just happy Jace had agreed to this nutty plan. Maybe Marcello knew what he was talking about.

  Only Allison’s presence threw him off. Why did Ben insist on bringing his fiercest chaperone? As Tim drove them to San Antonio, Ben spent half the trip down in the backseat with Allison, laughing it up or singing—especially when Tim tried making conversation with Ben. Hearing that voice again—even slightly changed due to age—was worth the beating Tim’s confidence was taking.

  A guard at the gate checked Tim’s name against a list before they were allowed into the park. Party headquarters was at a restaurant near the entrance. Despite M
arcello’s promise of Austin’s hottest guys, all the other party-goers were much older and fully clothed. Maybe the eye candy was out enjoying the actual park, like Tim was eager to do, but he wanted to at least put in an appearance. Marcello greeted him dressed in a ridiculous Hawaiian-patterned shirt, complete with hula dancers and pineapples.

  “Happy 49th,” Tim teased, giving him a hug. “I didn’t get you anything because you’re already too damn rich.”

  Marcello batted his eyelashes. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted is your happiness. Speaking of which, who do we have here?”

  Tim made the introductions. When he got to Jace, Marcello snuck Tim a look of approval. Wrong guy, dumb ass! Even Marcello thought Jace was hot, and he’d been around the block—maybe even the globe—a few times. After a little more birthday banter, they were free to hit the locker room. Allison went her way, while he, Jace, and Ben got changed on the boys’ side.

  When they met again back outside, the sun warming their skin, he caught Ben looking him over. Tim stretched and casually flexed. Of course he wanted to win Ben over with more than just his body, but he’d take what he could get.

  They started with the nearest water slides, and for a while Tim forgot about his intended conquest and just had fun. The park was nearly empty except for nomadic groups of gay guys. The lifeguards on duty appeared either amused or uncomfortable, many seeming happy to see a girl in their group. Allison soon abandoned them for the attention of one of those lifeguards. One down, one to go.

  The wave pool came next. They lost themselves in the oddly enjoyable experience of getting knocked around by water. More than once Tim let himself “accidentally” collide with his former flame. Ben even forgot himself enough to smile, his eyes half-lidded before he seemed to wake from his dream and look around for Jace.

  As fun as flirting was, Tim figured he wasn’t likely to get anywhere while Jace was around. They tried tubing next, Tim preferring to swim along the slow-moving river. After a break for lunch, they hit the artificial lagoon. Ben caught Tim staring and splashed him, so Tim splashed back before Jace playfully came to his rescue. Soon they were in the middle of a huge—but friendly—water fight. As much as Tim wanted to, he couldn’t dislike Jace. Regardless, he was still glad when Ben’s boyfriend waded back to shore to dry out in the sun.

  Tim headed toward a wall of rocks, showing Jace that Ben was left alone. Once he climbed onto a stony outcrop, Tim watched them both—Jace to see if he was checking on them and Ben, who was floating on his back. Tim couldn’t stop staring. Ben’s body had matured, but he would probably never be very big. He didn’t really have any muscle, but Tim didn’t care. He liked Ben’s size, how it made him feel stronger in comparison. He wanted to wrap his arms around that narrow torso, squeezing until Ben laughed and told him to stop, just like they used to.

  And then he wanted to do a whole lot more.

  Three waterfalls coursed over the wall of rocks, behind one a grotto. Glancing toward the shore, he saw Jace lounging there. Chances were, his eyes were closed behind the shades he was wearing, so Tim moved toward the cave.

  “Check it out!” he called, hopefully just loud enough for Ben to hear. “There’s a cave behind this one.”

  Ben waded over to see. Tim stood beneath the waterfall, the pressure of the flow relaxing his muscles, the cool water helping keep down one muscle in particular. As soon as Ben was near, he held out an arm, breaking the water flow and creating a door for Ben to duck through. The cramped interior was lit solely by filtered light from the entrance. The small pool inside was probably designed for kids, only deep enough to reach Ben’s waist. Tim waded in, the water lapping at his crotch as if encouraging him.

  Ben still played the angel, looking at the water, the walls, anywhere but directly at Tim. “You know this is where everyone comes to pee,” he said.

  Tim grinned. “Or to do other things.”

  Ben didn’t react. “They should put a hot tub in here. That would be way cooler.”

  Come on, Benjamin! Stop playing. “I liked hearing you sing today.” Tim moved a little closer to him. “In the car. It was nice.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Sometimes at night, on the very edge of sleep, I swear I could hear you singing.” Tim laughed at himself. “That sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Never in a million years did I think you’d be in my life again, that I really would be able to hear the sound of your voice.”

  Ben’s attention was on the ceiling now, as if praying to God to help him avoid temptation. “Do you still paint?”

  No more changing topics. No more talk. Tim remained silent, thinking about how long it had been since they had kissed, how Ben’s hand over his on a wooden spoon could feel more intimate than sex. Finally Ben looked at Tim with eyes both vulnerable and wanting. He started to say something, but Tim shook his head and moved in close. Wasn’t it about time they picked up where they’d left off?

  Tim touched a lock of Ben’s hair, heavy with chlorinated water. He brushed it behind Ben’s ear and let his hand keep moving to the back of his head, pulling Ben in for a kiss.

  Their lips met, but it wasn’t electric. Ben’s lips were mush beneath his, not responding, and Tim knew he had lost. He had tried everything he could, but Jace was the better— Fire! Ben’s lips came to life with hunger, his body pressing against his, and then Tim knew why Lucifer was so desperate to conquer Heaven and make it his own. He hadn’t been wrong, his memories polished by nostalgia. In fact, they had grown dusty and tarnished, because Tim had forgotten how wonderful kissing Ben could be.

  Tim grabbed Ben tight, hands clenching at his back while Ben seemed so desperate to touch every part of him that he couldn’t settle at one place. He felt Ben’s hardness rub against his own and wished he could shout down the walls of the cave, sealing them safely away from the outside world forever and ever.

  The constant roar of the waterfall was broken before Jace spoke. “About done?”

  Ben shoved Tim away hard enough that he fell backward, splashing into the water. At the cave entrance, Jace’s towering form blocked out the light, and Tim wondered if he would have to fight. Except Jace’s face wasn’t angry but drawn and hurt. He didn’t even look at Tim. Only at Ben who spluttered an apology.

  Tim got to his feet, Jace’s gaze flicking in his direction.

  “Maybe you should wait for us outside, Tim.”

  He didn’t like the sound of that. Maybe Jace hid his anger well, only revealing his demon when others weren’t looking. Tim left through the waterfall, staying close to the entrance and straining to listen. If Jace flipped out, Tim would step in to save Ben, and it would be check and mate.

  Ben was apologizing again, the regret in his voice like a knife in Tim’s chest. How could Ben regret what had felt so perfect? Tim soon forgot his pain when he heard Jace’s response.

  “It’s all right.”

  Ben’s reply mirrored Tim’s thoughts. “What?”

  “I said it’s all right.” Jace was closer to the entrance and easier to hear. “I knew something like this would happen eventually, if it hadn’t already.”

  “I didn’t do anything with him before!” Ben replied. “Just now, I promise.” There was a pause, Tim straining to hear more when Ben spoke again. “Aren’t you angry?”

  “Not really. Old feelings don’t just disappear overnight. It’s normal that you and Tim still find each other attractive.”

  Great. Now Jace was channeling Eric, sending a surge of guilt zipping down to Tim’s stomach.

  “That’s it?” Ben didn’t sound happy. “I wish you were pissed. At least then I could tell that you care.”

  “I care.” Jace’s voice was louder now. “I just thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt.”

  “What’s there to doubt? You saw everything. I did something stupid, and you should hate me for it.”

  No, it wasn’t stupid. They did what they both desperately wanted. Tim leaned closer to hear Jace’s response, his ear grazing t
he waterfall.

  “I’d never hate you.”

  Nice move, but Tim wasn’t about to let things turn sweet again. He pushed through the entrance, grinning shamelessly at Jace as he waded into the pool. “Hey, it’s my fault. I grabbed him and started kissing him. Ben wasn’t even kissing back. Really. Please don’t blame him.”

  Jace nodded as if considering his words. Then he pulled his fist back and swung so fast that Tim didn’t even have time to flinch. Boom! Those big gentle hands of his fucking hurt! Tim fell backwards into the water, laid out so flat that this time his head went under. He felt hands grab him and pull him up again, but he didn’t need to wipe the water from his eyes to know they belonged to Jace. Tim’s head was still reeling from the punch, but as soon as it cleared, he would tear Jace to pieces. The asshole even helped Tim lean against a wall so he could recover, making him all the more livid.

  Jace released him and turned toward Ben. “How’s that for angry? Come on, we’re going home.”

  Tim looked at Ben, waiting for him to say no, to declare his love for him. But instead he followed Jace out of the cave, only sparing him the smallest of glances. Tim let him go. There would be another time when Jace wasn’t around, when they couldn’t be interrupted, and then Ben would be free to give into the feelings they both shared. Tim wasn’t giving up. Not now. Not ever.

  * * * * *

  Rubbing his jaw, Tim made his way to the front of the park, hoping to catch Ben and Jace in another argument on the way, but they seemed to have disappeared. He didn’t know how. Were they going to walk back to Austin? It was that or wait for Marcello’s party buses to shuttle most people home.

  The restaurant hosting Marcello’s party was packed now, people trading fun in the sun for cool drinks in the shade. Tim wished he hadn’t driven down so he could have a stiff drink. After changing back into his clothes, Tim grabbed a beer anyway, leaving it closed but pressing the cold bottle to his jaw. No sign of Ben and Jace here either, but Marcello spotted him and made his way over.