They both laughed. Tori knew Wulf could be penniless and impotent, and Katya would still be with him.
“Actually,” Tori started again. “I was thinking of trying to find my own place.”
Katya blinked rapidly in surprise.
“Move out of the Twin Estates?” she checked.
“Yeah. I mean, I love it there, but there aren't any openings. And maybe it's for the best, you know?”
“Liam wouldn't let you go. Remember when I tried to move out? He threatened to sue me for breach of lease. You're like his bestie, he'll never let you go.”
“Yeah, well, I just don't think I can go back to my old life. No more having you cook for me and Genevieve Stone clean up after me,” Tori sighed, thinking of her roommate, Wulf's younger sister. “I've just gone from one fuck up to another, and if the last one is anything to judge by, I can't afford another one. Time to be an adult.”
“Well ... just wait on it, okay?” Katya asked in a nervous voice. “Maybe there'll be an opening.”
“Maybe. We'll see.”
They made idle chit chat after that, but Katya seemed distracted. Still kind of nervous. Tori started wrapping things up by getting ready to leave. Before she could get on the elevator, though, her friend stopped her.
“Wait,” Katya breathed, fiddling with the end of her ponytail.
“What? What's going on?” Tori asked, glancing around them.
“I ... I said I wouldn't say anything,” Katya started speaking fast. “But if it was me, I'd want to know, and you're a part of me, so you should know.”
“Jesus, Katya, know what? You're freaking me out!”
“Landon's back.”
For a moment, Tori thought the bottom of the elevator fell out from under her. She braced herself against the open doors and pressed a hand over her heart.
“I'm sorry ... what?”
“He's been back for about ten days now.”
“And you knew!?”
“No,” Katya held up her hands. “No, I swear I didn't. I just found out the other night – that's why I asked you to come over today, I wanted to tell you.”
“Start at the beginning. Tell me what's going on,” Tori demanded.
“I walked in on Wulf and Liam talking, down at the club. I guess Landon came home just a couple days after the rest of us. He didn't come here, though, just went straight to his parents' house in Santa Cruz. His mother called Liam, so he went down there to kick his ass,” Katya started. Tori stared blankly at the wall behind them.
“Good. I hope he did.”
“He wanted to, but ... he said Landon's different. They did something to him over there, his arm is all screwed up. He's quiet now, and even though Liam called him every evil name he could think of, Landon just nodded and agreed.”
Good, Landon was every evil name that ever existed, and then some. He deserved to hear all those things, and get his ass kicked. Tori wanted to feel glad. But really, she just felt sick to her stomach. Happy he was alive. Angry at what he'd done to her. Sad that it had all been a lie. It was all just ripping the wound fresh open again.
“Good,” Tori breathed, then she cleared her throat. “Good, thank you for telling me. Now I know to avoid Santa Cruz.”
“Tori, do you think maybe you should -”
“No,” she cut off her friend. “I shouldn't. It's just an ugly awful chapter of my life, and now it's over.”
“Tori,” Katya whispered her name, then she pulled her friend into a hug.
“It's so awful. He was amazing and so different,” Tori cried. “He made me feel like a different person. Like a good person, capable of doing great things. And it was all a lie.”
“It wasn't,” Katya insisted. “You are a good person, and you do great things all the time. Who's there any time any of us are having a crisis? You're the glue that holds everyone together, Tori. None of us would be able to function without you. You're amazing.”
“Amazing,” Tori echoed, then she cried harder.
“And for what it's worth, I don't think it was all a lie. I think he really did care for you. He just ... he'd forgotten how to be normal. He made some really bad, awful, dangerous decisions, but ... he cared about you.”
“Jesus,” Tori pulled free of Katya. “What are you saying? It sounds like you want us to be together!”
“God no,” Katya waved her hand in the air. “He almost got you sold into sex slavery! I'm just trying to say maybe it wasn't all a lie. Maybe he did genuinely like you, and he tried to show you in the only way he knew how.”
“I can't,” Tori held up her hand and stepped back into the elevator. “I can't do this. I told you I didn't want to. He's back, fine, whatever, but I do not want to see him again, alright?”
“Alright.”
“I'm serious, Kat. If you arrange some romance movie style get together, I will never speak to you again. This is a big deal.”
“I won't!” Katya swore. “I promise. I haven't even seen him, and if I ever do, I won't say a word about you.”
“Good. I've gotta head out now,” Tori said, angrily stabbing the button for the ground floor.
“I love you, Tori Bellows. You're quite possibly insane and you give me an ulcer, but I ... I know I haven't always been the best best-friend lately. You had things going on, and I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't listening. You always listen to everyone else, and we ... we let you down. I just wanted you to know, I appreciate everything you've ever done for me, and I would die if anything ever happened to you,” Katya spoke quickly. Tori tried to blink back more tears. She couldn't handle a moment like this, not right now.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, tryin' to get on my good side, Tocci. You know that requires liquor,” she joked in a low voice. Katya smiled.
“And you love me, too.”
“Always,” Tori whispered, then the elevator door slid shut.
23
Tori played the part of bimbo very well, she was pretty sure everyone she knew thought she was just a little bit dumb. But she really wasn't.
She knew she'd see Landon again.
Two people couldn't share what they'd shared, gone through what had happened to them, and not see each other again. A need for closure and a serious helping of therapy demanded it. Murphy's Law predicted it.
So she was ready when it finally happened.
Her parents didn't know what exactly had happened in Thailand. Katya had called them, warned them Tori had been traveling through Thailand and had possibly gotten mugged or something, but she thankfully hadn't given them all the gory details. Tori didn't, either, but she was sure her mom suspected something big had happened. The woman hovered around her daughter, never leaving her for very long.
It was Mrs. Bellows who found a counselor for Tori, and she went three times a week while she was in Carmel. It helped, talking about the whole situation, telling the truth. Her nightmares were becoming less frequent, at least. On her very last appointment, she and the counselor scheduled an appointment with a therapist in San Francisco, so Tori could continue working on her issues.
“I think you're doing well,” Ms. Nibbles said as they walked to the door together. “And I think if you continue with therapy, you'll do even better.”
“Thanks, I will. I really will,” Tori promised, holding the piece of paper with the address and phone number of her new therapist.
“You're a strong woman, Tori. Maybe too strong. Remember, it's not your job to fix anyone, not your job to babysit everyone. Sometimes, it's okay to say 'I'm sorry, I can't listen to your problems right now, I have to deal with my own', okay? Repeat that,” Ms. Nibbles instructed. Tori took a deep breath.
“I'm sorry, I can't listen to your problems right now, I have to deal with my own.”
“Excellent. Keep repeating it. It's okay to want to help your friends, and you should help them, but you're no good to anybody if you don't help yourself once in a while.”
“I know, I really know that now. Thank you, for everything.�
�
“My pleasure.”
Outside the office, it was a gray and dismal day. The sun was setting, but she could hardly tell. Heavy, angry clouds blanketed the sky. It had been sprinkling when she'd gone into the session, but now it was full on raining. She sighed and pulled her sweater sleeves down her arms, curling the cuffs into her fists.
Her mom's car was in the parking lot at the end of the block. A short walk, but she was soaked by the time she reached the aging sedan. She was brushing wet hair out of her eyes while she moved, and she almost didn't see someone leaning against the passenger side of the vehicle. She had the key fob in her hand and had unlocked the doors before her brain caught up with her vision.
Landon Edenhoff stared at her from across the roof of the car. He had on a light jacket with the hood pulled up, but he was just as soaked as her. She almost laughed. The weather forecast had called for sunny skies, none of them had been prepared for the downpour.
Story of my life.
“How are you?” he asked, and she almost winced. She'd missed his voice. It should've been ridiculous since she'd talked to Liam on and off for the last two weeks, and being his twin, they had virtually the same voice. But really, there was no comparison. She knew them both too well now to ever think of them as identical again.
“Okay,” she replied. “Just some minor PTSD.”
“Yeah, I got the number for your parents' house and when I called, your mom told me you'd be down here. I saw the counseling sign.”
“She actually told you?”
“I pretended I was Liam.”
“Of course you did.”
Tori opened her door and dropped into the car. Landon did the same on the passenger side, adjusting the seat to accommodate his long legs. She shivered and quickly turned the vehicle on, cranking the heat to combat the damp chill in the air.
She wasn't sure what to do or say. She really wanted to punch him in the face, but she was pretty sure it wouldn't be conducive to her healing process. She wanted to scream and cry and ask him why, god, why had he fucked everything up? Why was he such a horrible goddamn person, and why had he involved her?
Instead of saying anything, though, she started the car and pulled out onto the street. After several moments of driving in silence, he pulled off his wet jacket and chucked it into the backseat.
“Happy Valentine's Day,” he grumbled, and she realized she'd totally forgotten about the holiday.
“Happy birthday,” she said back. It was easy enough to forget the holiday, but Liam had made so many jokes about having a birthday on the day of love, the holiday and their birthdays were synonymous to her. She glanced over at Landon and saw he was wincing.
“I didn't ... I wasn't saying that so you'd say that,” he said quickly. She shrugged.
“So. It's still your birthday. I hope it was good.”
“Not really.”
He nervously raked his right hand through his hair, drawing her attention to him again. She glanced down at his left hand, which was wearing a heavy cast, with plaster and bandages wrapped around all his fingers.
“Is it gonna be okay?” she asked. He seemed caught off guard for a moment, then he followed her gaze to his hand.
“Maybe. I think it'll look normal,” he sighed, holding up the damaged limb. “But it's too early. There could be nerve damage, infections, all kinds of things.”
“You're right handed, right?”
“I could use both my hands, but yeah, I mostly use my right.”
“So you'll be able to keep working?”
He shrugged.
“I don't know. Ask me again in two months.”
“I don't intend on knowing you in two months.”
Another silence fell over them. Tori drove aimlessly through the town. She didn't want to take him to her parents' home, he had no right to such an intimate part of her life. She also didn't want to go somewhere public – she could already sense the pending explosion between them, and she didn't want it to happen in some restaurant or bar. She could just kick him out of the car, but she decided against it. Better to do this now and get it over with.
So she eventually made her way towards the beach. At the edge of town there was a small park which gave way to the ocean. Large trees helped to shade the parking lot, their droopy branches offering a false sense of privacy. She parked under one, startling a fat raccoon and causing it to run off into the bushes. Then she and Landon stared out the window, which was rapidly fogging up, and waited for the bomb to explode.
Fuse has been lit. T-minus ten ...
“I'm sorry,” he breathed.
Nine ...
“Sorry?” Tori barked out a laugh. “Don't say words you don't know the meaning to, Landon.”
Eight ...
“Believe me, I know what sorry means. It's all I've felt since I lost you in Thailand.”
Seven ...
“Lost me? Lost me? I was stolen. Fucking kidnapped.”
Six ...
“I know, and it's all my fault.”
Five ...
“You're goddamn right it's your fault! I saw dead people, Landon. Throats cut open. They took my clothes off me, took my picture. I had to piss in a bucket, in front of a guard.”
Four ...
“I know,” he started, then he growled and clenched his eyes shut. “I mean, I didn't know that, I didn't. I just know ... I know it was bad. Fucking awful. The worst.”
Three ...
“Gee, well, I'm glad you're feeling bad about it now. I hope all the money you got from selling those drugs made me getting kidnapped and almost raped worth it.”
Two ...
“Stop,” he breathed, his eyes still closed. “It wasn't worth it. Nothing ... went how I thought it would.”
One ...
“Oh yeah? Like planting drugs on me and using me as a mule to smuggle them into America? Kinda like how that didn't work out for you? Jesus, you're a piece of work. You used me from day one. Before day one. Got me involved with fucking drug dealers! I could've been killed, and would you have even given a shit!? Would my death keep you up at night? God, was that story even true? Probably fucking not, because you're a goddamn lying piece of shit!”
WE HAVE IGNITION.
Landon's fist slammed against the dash as he turned to face her.
“Don't you fucking sit there and act like you think it was all a lie!” he roared at her. “Yeah, I fucked up at the end. I made one bad decision after another, like I always do, like I told you I would do, and I almost got us both fucking killed. But that doesn't negate what happened between us!”
“Is that a joke? Of course it fucking does! The moment you decided to lie repeatedly to me, you negated everything!”
He raked his uninjured hand through his hair, pulling violently at the strands.
“Listen,” he breathed, obviously trying to leash his temper, something he'd probably never had to do before. “Okay? Fuck. Yeah, in the beginning, I wanted to use you. The only reason I invited you was to use you. I told you not to fall for me, and I meant it.”
“I wish you would've been specific about why I shouldn't,” she growled. He flashed a glare at her, then stared at the windshield.
“I didn't know you,” he stressed. “Hell, I didn't even want to. Hot next door neighbor chick who fucks like she took classes for it? Who wouldn't try to take advantage of that?”
“Decent fucking human beings!” Tori shrieked, turning in her seat so she could punch and slap at his shoulder. He pushed at her hands with his cast, hissing when she bumped his injury.
“Then you understand why I did it! There was nothing about me that was decent. Not a fucking thing. I hated myself, so to make life bearable, I projected all that hate onto everyone around me. Drank to sleep. Took coke to wake up. Did it on a repeat cycle. Until you.”
“Oh, I don't want to hear -” Tori started to interrupt him, but he just barreled through her.
“I didn't like you. I thought you were shallo
w and vain and yeah, a little bit stupid. But you were hot and gullible, so I dragged you along in my shitty wake. But jesus, fuck you, Tori. You're fucking nice and easy going and understanding and you don't talk my ear off or demand anything,” he started talking in a rush. “You saw every shitty awful thing about me and you never ... you never looked at me like I was shitty or awful. You let me be an asshole, and you dished it right back to me, and then moved on. None of that girly hold-it-against-you bullshit. You remember the balcony?”
Tori's lips were pressed so hard together, she was pretty sure they were now permanently attached. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, but she managed to keep her face passive and she finally nodded at him.
I could never forget that balcony, no matter how mad he makes me.
“You came out there and you knew something was up. Liam, you know, I love him and all, but he's always pressing me. Always trying to help me. I fucking hate that. I don't need help, but he acts like I do. Like I'm some fucking child and he needs to hold my hand, just makes me want to be an even bigger asshole. But sometimes ... I don't know ... I don't need help, I don't need anything, but ...”
Tori took a deep breath.
“But that doesn't mean you don't want help,” she whispered in a hoarse voice. He shot a painful glance her way and nodded.
“Yeah,” he whispered back, then he cleared his throat. “If you'd said that to me two months ago, I would've laughed at you. But now, yeah. You and I were sitting on that balcony, and you didn't press me. You just sat there, quietly. Why doesn't anyone ever do that? Why do they always want me to fucking talk? But not you. You just sit there and are quiet and when you do talk, it's like it's light and easy and fun, and suddenly I'm fucking talking about things I've never talked about with anyone. It's amazing. You're amazing.”
It was a beautiful sentiment, and in a small, romantic section of her heart, Tori melted a little. But her counselor's words were still fresh in her ear. Tori was an excellent listener, as all of her friends could attest to, including Landon. But saying nice things about her didn't excuse what he'd done. It just made it worse.
“I am amazing,” she agreed. “Pity you didn't realize until it was too late.”
Neighborhood Watch Page 20
