Somewhere In Between (Madison Square Book 1)

by Samatha Harris

  My heart clenched. The tears I was desperately trying to hold back escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t want to hurt him, but if I told him what was really going on, he would leave. I just needed some time to get past this. I could do it. I could stop loving him and everything could stay the same.

  He turned me and wrapped his arms around my back. He ran a hand up to the back of my neck as I dropped my forehead to his chest.

  “After seeing you with Peter, I was pissed, okay? I spent most of Friday drunk in my apartment. He is such a piece of shit, Red.” He brought his hands forward to cup my cheeks, forcing my eyes to meet his. “He doesn’t deserve you.” He dropped his hands from my face and continued. “I needed to get out of the house today, so I went to The Den, hoping David or Sean would be there, but I ended up drunk and by myself. She was just there and the next thing I know, you were standing in my door way and Gwen…” He trailed off, not wanting to make this worse, but something inside me snapped.

  “Don’t say her name!” I cried, shoving against his chest. “I don’t give a shit about her! She has nothing to do with this.”

  “I thought…” He looked even more confused.

  He reached for me again and I took a step back. I saw red. Did he think I was so petty to be this upset because he slept with that factory made psycho? I could care less about her. This was about us, or the “us” I wanted but couldn’t have. Walking in on them together was just the last straw for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart just broke open and everything I felt for him just came flooding out.

  “I’m in love with you, damn it!” I cried as the emotional dam finally broke. He took a step back like I just shoved him with my confession. I continued, my voice getting softer, unable to hold it back any more. “I love you, and it has been killing me every day to see you knowing you don’t feel the same way. Then I see you with her, and I just can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much. I love you too much.”

  He looked stunned, like I had just told him I had testicles. The look on his face just proved that I was right. He didn’t feel anything between us. Everything I felt for him was one-sided. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. I turned and headed for my room.

  “This is my issue, okay. I will figure it out. Please, just go.”

  I walked into my room, closed the door, collapsed onto my bed, and just let go. I was destroyed. I felt like I just lost the only person who meant anything to me because I was stupid enough to fall for him. I didn’t know where to go from there. We couldn’t just go back to the way things were and forget everything I had just said. It would be horrible, tense, and awkward. The tears kept coming. My heart was shattered, and I didn’t think I would ever get it back together.

  After a while, I started to drift off to sleep. I heard the door open, then felt the bed dip behind me. I heard him slip off his shoes and slide under the covers. He pulled me to him, pressed my back against his chest, and wrapped his arms around me, holding on tight. I finally drifted off to sleep as he whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

  ***

  The sun streamed into my window the next morning. My eyes were swollen and sore from crying in my sleep, and my head was killing me. I swung my legs out of bed and rubbed my head to relieve the pressure behind my eyes. My confession last night was a dream. It had to be a dream.

  I got up and walked around the bed to the bathroom, my eyes blurring as I yawned my way across the room. I had to look like hell. My foot hit something and I tripped, catching myself on the edge of the bed.

  “What the hell?” I muttered. I rubbed my foot and looked down to figure out what I tripped over. My eyes widened. Oh my God! His shoes. No, no!

  I sunk to the floor, dropping my head into my hands. What did I do? I glanced back at his shoes and realized he was still here. I vaguely remembered him slipping into bed and holding me last night, but I woke up alone, which is why I thought it was all a dream. At least I hoped it had all been a dream. Denial was kind of becoming my thing.

  I looked up at the bedroom door. I knew he was somewhere in the apartment. After sitting on the floor of my room and contemplating all the possible exits and coming up empty, I sighed and got to my feet. Time to put on my big girl panties and face him. God, I am an idiot, and apparently a drama queen. No wonder he rejected me. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

  The smell of coffee hit me in the face, temporarily making me forget the complete humiliation waiting for me in the kitchen. I came down the hall, slowly approaching the kitchen. Drew was making eggs, which were obviously not for me. I hate eggs.

  “Hey,” I said, my voice cracking. So much for sounding nonchalant.

  He didn’t respond or look at me. He just handed me my cup of coffee. I sat at the breakfast bar trying to figure out what to say to him. I had nothing. I already said enough last night.

  I just sat there, staring into my coffee, too afraid to look up. He dropped a plate with bacon and buttered wheat toast in front of me. I glanced up as he set his plate on the counter in front of him and dug into his eggs.

  We ate in silence. Well, I tried to eat, but my stomach was in knots. I wanted to get this over with, just rip off the metaphorical Band-Aid. Bracing his hand on the counter in front of him, he finally looked up at me.

  “I’m sorry about Gwen,” he said, finally breaking the silence. A tremor went through my body. This was not starting out well.

  “Don’t. I have no right…”

  He cut me off. “No, listen.”

  I clamped my mouth shut, waiting for the inevitable friend zone speech.

  “I should have never let things get that far. I had too much to drink and I was following my dick. It’s no excuse, and I’m so sorry.”

  My throat started to ache. It was the warning sign tears were coming. I swallowed hard, trying to hold them back. He ran a hand through his hair and walked around the bar, stopping in front of where I sat on the stool. I looked at the floor, the wall, the ceiling, anywhere but directly at him.

  “Alex.” His voice was cautious, like I would shatter if he didn’t tread lightly. I squeezed my eyes closed and exhaled. When I opened them, I saw a sea of deep blue looking back at me. I desperately searched his face for some kind of answer to what was going on in his head.

  Did he still think of us as friends? Was he about to reject me completely? I knew he didn’t have it in him to be cruel, but I knew what was coming.

  He stepped closer, running his hands up my arms to my shoulders, to my neck, pulling me forward and pressing his lips softly to my forehead. I shivered as he pressed his forehead to mine. “What do we do now?”

  I wiped a hand down my face, trying to clear the storm of doubt and fear clouding my head. Steeling myself and sitting up straight, I cleared my throat. “I just need to get over this so we can still be friends,” I said, sounding surprisingly in control.

  He took a step back. He narrowed his eyes as he studied my face.

  “I know it’s stupid,” I said. “I wish I didn’t feel this way, but I promise I won’t let things get weird between us. I just don’t want to lose you.”

  He put his hands on his hips, watching me. For a second, he looked hurt, but then it was gone. He took a deep breath. “Of course.” He stepped toward me, pulling me off the stool and into his arms. He squeezed me tightly, bringing his hand up to the back of my neck. “You’re stuck with me, Red.”

  I couldn’t help but smile against his chest. Everything was going to be okay. Things would be awkward between us for a while, but we would move past this. We had to. He was all the family I had.

  Drew cleared his throat. “So, one question?” he said, his arms still firmly wrapped around me. I flinched. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I pulled back and met his eyes. “What were you doing at my place last night?”

  Ugh, I didn’t want to get into this now. I knew Drew would be upset, and after everything that happened last night, now that we were good, I didn’t want to stir things up
again, but I didn’t want to keep things from him anymore. “I came to apologize to you.”

  He raised one eyebrow. “Really?”

  “Yes, really. Turns out you were right about Peter. I wanted to…”

  “What happened? Did that fucker hurt you?” he interrupted me, appraising me for damage.

  “Drew, stop.” I stepped away from his inspection. “It wasn’t like that, okay? He just wasn’t the guy I thought he was, but I took care of it. I won’t be seeing him again.”

  He stared at me, trying to figure out if he should be more concerned. “Well, I hate to say I’m glad, but I am. You deserve a lot better than that clown.”

  “What? No ‘I told you so’?”

  He chuckled. “I’ll spare you this time, but you won’t be so lucky next time.” He pulled me into a hug, then went to refill our coffees.

  “Drew?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you…” My voice broke for a second. I cleared my throat and continued. “Are you into her?”

  “Who?” He turned toward me. “Gwen?”

  I flinched at her name and nodded. He gripped the counter between us. “I told you. I never meant for it to happen.” He sighed. “I don’t want her. I…”

  There was a knock on the door before he could finish. He flipped the lock and pulled open the door. A delivery man with a bouquet of lilies stood in the doorway. Drew signed and accepted the flowers, closing the door and handing them to me. I pulled the card from the little envelope.

  I was an ass. Forgive me?

  I tossed the card and the flowers into the trash. Drew raised his eyebrows. I shrugged. “I hate lilies.”

  “Noted,” he said, sipping his coffee.

  ***

  Monday came and I was busy for a good part of the morning working on a proposal for a new spa when Wiley burst into my office.

  “Ding dong the witch is dead,” she exclaimed, tossing a handful of confetti she got from her two-hole punch into the air. She laughed as she hopped up on my desk. “Tell me everything. Did she cry? I heard she threatened you and slapped Madeline,” she said, way too excitedly.

  “Slow down, girl. No one was slapped. Madeline just told Gwen that her services were no longer needed.”

  “That’s it?”

  “She may have told Madeline that she would ruin her.”

  Wiley’s jaw dropped. “Can she do that?” She looked a little unsure.

  “No,” I said, “no way.”

  She seemed satisfied that our jobs were safe, at least for the foreseeable future, and we could move forward with our lives.

  I almost felt bad for Gwen about the way things went on Friday. Then I remembered her naked back and the smile on her face when I saw her with Drew. I shuddered. He said he didn’t want her, but the thought of them together…just ugh!

  “So,” Wiley snapped me back to focus. “How was your weekend?”

  I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. “I can’t get into that now. With Gwen gone, I have a ton of work to do.”

  “Okay, but drinks tonight?” she asked with a hopeful look in her eyes.

  I let out a long breath. “Yeah, I will absolutely need a drink for this.”

  ***

  The story took exactly four, “Oh my God’s,” one “Sweet baby, Jesus,” and two martinis before Wiley knew everything. By the end, we were both exhausted and a little buzzed. I waved to the bartender for my third martini before Wiley said, “He slept with Gwen?”

  I nodded.

  “And you saw them, like…in the moment?”

  I shuddered at the memory. “Yeah.”

  She just blinked at me for a second, letting the whole thing sink in. “Wow. I’m just…wow. So, are they, like, a thing now?”

  “Drew says he doesn’t want her. He said that it was a drunken mistake, but he was texting her the other day, so maybe he is trying to spare my feelings. I don’t know.”

  Wiley looked at me for a long time. “Do you want to know what I think?”

  “I don’t know. Do I?” I was unsure if I was going to like where she was going.

  “I get that I’m beginning to sound like a broken record…” She raised a pink stained finger when I rolled my eyes. “No, listen. You are clearly incapable of seeing past your insecurities to see that Drew feels something for you. It’s there. You choose not to see it because you refuse to let yourself hope that there is the possibility for a future between the two of you.”

  I sighed as she continued. “Look, Alex, I don’t know Drew all that well, and maybe I’m wrong, but he already knows how you feel and he hasn’t run away. He stayed with you. The fear of losing him is not a real concern anymore. So, what’s holding you back from having a real conversation with him about how he feels?”

  Wiley had a tendency to be kind of flaky, if not a bit socially awkward, but she had these profound moments of clarity that made me value her opinion. Well, when I could get my head out of my ass long enough to listen.

  “I see what you are saying, but he is my best friend. I know that he hates carrots and can’t sleep in a shirt. I know that he says his favorite movie is Star Wars but it’s really Spaceballs. He collects ties, but rarely wears them. He plays the piano and is a freakishly good speller. I know how he thinks, what he likes, and who he is, and I know that if he wanted to be with me, he would be.”

  She held her hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay, if you say so.”

  Ping, ping. That bicycle was beginning to grow on me. It had a habit of saving me from awkward conversations.

  Sean: @ The Den where r u?

  “Looks like everyone is at The Den. Feel like a set change?”

  She nodded. We paid our tab and headed out.

  ***

  As we approached The Den, I saw Drew outside. He was on the phone having a pretty heated discussion. I told Wiley I would meet her in there. I couldn’t hear everything, but he sounded really irritated. I caught the tail end of the conversation.

  “You need to back off. Stop calling me!” He gritted his teeth, his jaw tense. He ended the call and shoved the phone into his pocket, turning around so quickly he nearly knocked me over.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I said, sounding a little awkward, “what was that about?”

  “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” He put a hand on my back and tried to guide me toward the door.

  I stopped and planted my feet. “That wasn’t nothing. What’s going on?”

  I crossed my arms across my chest. I was determined to get an answer from him. Keeping things from each other was what got us into this mess we were in.

  Drew put his hands on his hips and looked down at his shoes, exhaling as he met my eyes. “It was Gwen.”

  I pressed my lips tightly together and waited for him to continue.

  “After you left, I sobered up pretty quick. I knew I had to talk to you but I had to get her out first. She was not so happy about the interruption and even angrier that I was asking her to leave. She has been calling and texting me ever since. I don’t even know how she got my number.”

  “But you texted her last week.” I was confused. Gwen said Drew texted her, which sparked the whole crying-in-the-bathroom, Bitchface-getting-fired thing.

  His eyebrows pulled together. “What are you talking about?”

  “Last Friday, before she got fired, you texted her and she…and I…” I stammered as everything began to sink in. Gwen planned this. This was her goal all along, to fuck with me. She saw us together at the gala and targeted him as something she could use to make me miserable. Son of a bitch! She’s been plotting this entire time to drive him away from me. I guess after she got fired, she went straight for the kill. That bitch!

  “What?” Drew asked, dipping his head to meet my eyes. I must have said that last part out loud.

  I was furious at her, but he still went through with it. Gwen is a bitch for sure, but she didn’t force Drew into bed with her. He took her home. I didn’t know what to
say or do. I felt nothing but white hot anger coursing through my body with no way to let it out.

  “Red,” he said, bringing me back to the present. “I told you before, I don’t want her. I wish the whole thing never happened.”

  “But it did happen.”

  “You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.” He took a cautious step toward me. “Red?”

  He grabbed a hold of my arms, his eyes begging me to understand. I couldn’t wrap my head around how Gwen could do something so hateful to another human being. My logical side was screaming it’s not Drew’s fault. She set him up. He just fell victim to her vindictive plot to destroy me for no other reason than because she could, but nothing is black and white. If he was just drunk and being led by his dick, he could have gone home with anyone, but he didn’t take just anyone home. He took her.

  “Red?”

  I turned my head, trying to focus on Drew’s face through the tears brimming in my eyes. I shook my head, trying to clear the renewed image of Gwen in his bed wearing nothing but that smirk. I took a large step back, pulled away from Drew, and tried to catch my breath. He stepped forward and reached for me again. I put my hand out to stop him.

  “Please, Alex,” he pleaded, “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know, but you did.”

  “I…”

  I held out my hand to stop him.

  Drew just shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. I turned and made my way into the bar, heading straight for the bathroom in the back as the tears began to flow.

  Chapter 17

  Drew (Then)

  I knocked on Red’s door and Kerri answered.

  “Drew.” She nodded.

  “Satan’s mistress.” I smiled. Kerri was on my permanent shit list for the way things went down with Sean, although I guess I did owe her for introducing me to Red, but fuck if I would let her know that.

  Kerri scoffed and shouldered past me. I stepped into the room and Red was sitting on the bed, pulling a pair of boots on.