Inner Diva

by Laurie Larsen

  Monica laughed. “Crazy family? If you think your family is crazy, wait till you hear about mine. Where do I start?”

  She launched into a story about her mom and Barbie and she watched him begin to relax.

  Carlos delivered Monica straight to her door and gave her forehead a chaste kiss as a farewell. The chill air made him shiver and he pulled his jacket closed.

  Monica looked up at the sky. “Aren’t the stars beautiful tonight?”

  “Mon…”

  “Yes?” She gave him such a beautiful smile it made him ache.

  “It’s late and we both have work in the morning.” Besides, he’d made enough of a fool of himself for one evening, thank you.

  “Would you like to …?” she began, but he cut her off with a shake of his head. The worst thing they could do now after his emotional rambling tonight was fall into bed. Never in his worst day did he want a woman to make love to him out of pity. Tonight, after his confessions to Monica, it wouldn’t surprise him if that’s what happened.

  “It’s late. Listen, I’ll call you in the next few days, okay?”

  Creases of disappointment formed between her eyebrows. He needed to get out of there, quick. He gave her a wave, a good-bye and headed back to his car. As he drove away, he punched the dashboard. The pain in his fist mirrored the ache in his heart. He deserved to feel pain, payback for the stunt he pulled tonight. He’d developed a case of “diarrhea of the mouth,” as his buddies used to say.

  He’d told the story of his father and brother before and although it had happened a lifetime ago, it still packed a punch each time he told it. The story stopped any pleasant conversation cold in its tracks. Yet, he wanted her to know his past even though it wasn’t rosy. And he knew if he’d stopped there, the evening could probably have been salvaged. They could’ve ordered another drink, finished the food and moved on to topics less morbid.

  But he had to push it. He had to tell her why he was angry about her being Luisa’s Big Sister. Or, at least, he told her the beginning. He hadn’t revealed the full extent of his concerns. He hadn’t told her about Angela and how her desertion had cemented his need not to rely on others. But he had pushed it over the line. She knew enough about his past, his poor decisions and his inability to be the man his father would’ve wanted, to know how screwed up he was.

  Monica deserved better than him. She said she valued honesty above all else, and yet, he was only partially honest with her. A man worthy of Monica wouldn’t whine and moan about mistakes he made in his past. He’d move past them, stronger. The glow of their new relationship fresh in her eyes, she had defended him for his immaturity, assumed the best of him.

  What will she think of him when she finds out the whole truth? Would he ever find the strength to tell her and face the disappointment in her eyes? Face the possibility of her walking away?

  Could he survive the loss of another woman who meant something to him?

  He arrived at his house and shut off the motor, sitting for a moment before leaving the car. Dating Monica was a new frontier, a fresh start. He was sure about that.

  But hell, he had no idea what he was doing.

  Chapter Seven

  Carlos told Monica he’d call her in the next few days, but he didn’t. Then, she received a suspicious-sounding phone message from Luisa, saying she was joining Sunflower Girls at school and their first meeting was Thursday, so Monica couldn’t come over on her normal weeknight. She called Luisa Thursday evening to find out how Sunflower Girls was (it was fun) and also to inquire if they were still on for their outing on Saturday. Luisa assured her she was looking forward to their day at the school carnival.

  Monica hung up feeling relieved. It was the first time Luisa had ever cancelled with her and it sounded legitimate. In other words, she wasn’t lying to cover up for her brother insisting she couldn’t spend time with Monica anymore.

  Deep breath. That thought was positively paranoid and even Monica had to admit it.

  On Saturday afternoon, the much-awaited Parkside School Carnival arrived. Monica climbed the steps to the Garcia house with a bit of apprehension. It had been over a week since her date with Carlos and she hadn’t heard a word from him. Would he be here today? How would he greet her – with a cold shoulder or a warm smile? The suspense was nearly over.

  She rang the doorbell and waited.

  Luisa answered the door with a mighty fling, throwing herself into Monica’s arms. Monica wrapped her arms around the little girl.

  “It’s School Carnival day! We have to look for my poster. Everyone in my class made a carnival poster, and guess what. Mine was one of only six picked!”

  “That’s fantastic,” Monica marveled.

  “You have to help me look for it in the hallways. It has my name on it and everything.” Luisa pulled away from Monica to allow her to come into the house.

  “Big day, big day,” Mrs. Garcia said, striding into the room. “She’s been excited all week.”

  Monica smiled. During the last few weeks, she’d missed Mrs. Garcia because of her work schedule. “You’re looking well, senora.” As she gazed at the woman, the terrible story Carlos had shared came back to her. This woman had survived tragedy, losing a husband and a son. Yet, she was a happy, positive woman with a strong work ethic and the desire to raise her little daughter right.

  “I come for an hour, then I go to work.”

  Monica smiled. So it would be the three of them. Carlos hadn’t emerged. That in itself was a strong statement. He had made it clear at the beginning he wouldn’t allow Monica to take Luisa out without him. His absence showed how strongly he must want to avoid her.

  She sighed. Would this romance end as quick and fierce as it had begun? She hoped not, but by all appearances it was true. Would she get the chance to talk to him and get to the bottom of it? For a moment, she was sad, mourning the loss of … what?

  Potentially mind-blowing sex.

  The uncharacteristic thought caught her by surprise and she coughed. Mrs. Garcia patted her on the back, bustled away and returned with a glass of water. “There, there. Drink.”

  Monica sipped the cool water and took a deep breath. She peeked at the older woman over the rim of her glass and felt her face flush. If Mrs. Garcia knew how attracted she was to her son, would she approve of them dating? Or would she prevent her from spending time with Luisa? Not that it mattered now.

  “I’m fine, thank you. I must have swallowed something wrong.” Monica took the glass back to the kitchen and returned.

  Luisa emerged wearing different clothes. “I wasn’t sure if Brittany was going to wear the same outfit so I decided to change just in case.”

  Mrs. Garcia clucked her tongue and shook her head. “Ay, Dios mio, that child.”

  Monica ruffled her hair. “Ready to go?”

  Luisa smiled and nodded, her eyes sparkling. They headed toward the door while Mrs. Garcia slipped into her coat. Before Monica could touch it, the door opened and Carlos walked through. Monica’s heart jumped at the sight of him. She felt like she sat on a roller coaster, her heart along for the ride.

  “Oh, hello.”

  Luisa saved her from coming up with anything else to say. “Carlos! We’re going to the School Carnival. My poster was picked to go in the hallway. Do you want to go?”

  He squatted down to her height and she looked at him expectantly. Monica didn’t know about Luisa, but the suspense was killing her. “Of course I want to go, sis. That’s why I came home early from work.”

  Luisa jumped into his arms. Monica watched his eyes squeeze shut as he hugged her. She was so enjoying the sight of this beautiful man savoring a simple hug from his little sister, it took her a moment to recognize the impact of what he’d said.

  He was coming with them. Carlos opened his eyes and made contact with hers, still holding on to Luisa. His gaze seemed to pulse with electric heat.

  Hmm. Let the games begin.

  Mrs. Garcia wrapped a woolen scarf around her n
eck. “Luisa, you come with me in my car. I only have a little time with you.”

  “Okay!” Luisa gave Monica a quick wave. “See you in a few minutes.”

  Monica glanced over at Carlos. He pulled his keys out of his pocket, held them up and shook them like a bell. “I’m game if you are.”

  “Fine.”

  They locked up the house and walked to the car in silence. He unlocked the passenger door first and stood by like a sentry while she settled in. After he came around and got in the driver’s side, he started the car and pulled away from the curb.

  The drive to school was not far, and Monica was desperate to break the ice before they arrived. “Did you have a nice day?”

  He darted a quick glance at her, then back to the road. “I suppose.” He drove for a moment or two. “How about you?”

  “Uh huh.”

  Silence loomed. Enough was enough.

  “Car –“ she began.

  “I don’t –“ They both stopped and looked at each other, a conversational traffic jam.

  “Go ahead.” Carlos inclined his head.

  The only thing she could think to say to him was, “Why haven’t you called me?” But of course, she didn’t. That sounded needy, even to her.

  “I’ve missed talking to you this week.” Same message, less desperate. She hoped.

  Carlos sighed. “I’m sorry I haven’t called.”

  Monica half-expected the tired old line, “I’ve been busy,” but he didn’t say it. In fact he didn’t say anything further. “Oh, it’s okay. Really.”

  As they rode, Monica knew she had to kick it into high gear to bring them to some kind of resolution before they got to the school. “Carlos, does the reason you haven’t called me have something to do with our last date?”

  He looked over at her and the creases that formed on his forehead told her she had hit the problem on the head.

  “Because I had a really good time.”

  He evidently hadn’t, or he would’ve called her.

  They arrived at the school, parked in the lot next to his mother’s car and got out. Luisa raced over to Monica, grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the school. Conversation with Carlos would just have to wait till later.

  Or not.

  “Hermanita, go into the school with Mama. I want to talk to Monica alone.”

  His demanding tone stopped Luisa cold. She raised a questioning brow at Monica. Mrs. Garcia approached and reached out for her daughter’s hand. “Come, hija. They be along later.”

  When they moved on, Carlos faced Monica and drew a breath. He puffed it out and his eyes captured hers until she shuddered from the intensity. “I’m out of my league, Monica.”

  Monica nodded, although she had no idea what league he was referring to.

  “I’m not sure what to …” He gave his head a fierce shake. “I never should have told you all that the other night. My problems are my problems and I shouldn’t have burdened you.”

  Monica shook her head, spinning from his revelation. “No, Carlos. I’m glad you told me. Your past is part of you. It helped form you into who you are.”

  The crease between his eyes deepened.

  “What you told me. It was an incredibly painful story. But it’s part of your past, and you moved beyond it. In fact, I admire you and your mother so much for that.”

  “No.” He turned away, ran his hand through his dark hair, leaving a trail of crevices through its waves. “Not that. I know it’s sad, but I’ve told people the story before. I’m not talking about that.”

  Monica placed her hand on his back. She knew he was struggling and maybe she could fortify him.

  “I never should have told you the other stuff.”

  Monica’s mind raced. What other stuff?

  He faced her. Her fingers trailed over his stomach. The firm ridges under his sweatshirt unleashed a flutter to invade her insides. “I appreciate your openness. In my opinion, we should be as open with each other as possible.” It was getting harder to form a coherent thought, let alone a spoken sentence, with her hand feathering his waist, close to his belt. In her imagination she was ripping the shirt out from his waistband and running her hand over his soft skin.

  “I’m not the type to bare my soul.”

  She stopped the wandering of her hand. “Are you talking about your anger with your mom’s decision to get Luisa a Big Sister?”

  He nodded and turned away, putting just enough distance between them that her hand dropped. She missed the delicious contact, but it gave her the chance to get her head together enough to respond intelligently. “Carlos, I’m glad you told me. I’d always sensed you were angry, but I had no idea why. Now at least I know.”

  He turned to look at her and she could see a firestorm of turmoil in his eyes.

  “You’re not still angry, right?”

  He gave his head a brisk shake. “No. I think you’re great with Luisa. You’re a good role model. She’s lucky to have you.”

  “I’m the lucky one. She’s a sweet girl. So bright, enthusiastic, eager.” She shook her head, thinking about the good time she had with Luisa. “Reminds me of myself at her age.”

  She let the statement float for a moment before she peeked up at Carlos, concealing her grin. He laughed. “Modesty: one of your best traits, right?”

  When the laughter subsided Monica said, “Carlos, don’t ever worry about telling me too much or revealing too much. You don’t have to worry about telling me something that makes me see you in a bad light. I believe in total honesty in relationships. It’s the only way.”

  He stilled, his eyes glazed for a second while he pondered her words. Then, he looked up at her. “We okay?” he asked softly, his eyes expectant.

  Her heart jumped with a thrill that he actually encompassed him and her in the word “we.” “Better than okay.”

  He smiled, and they joined hands and headed toward the school.

  At the end of the evening, Carlos and Monica led Luisa back to the car, tired but excited, and burdened down with her prizes from the carnival booths. Luisa had played each of the carnival games twice through. Making frequent visits to the Chip Redemption room, she selected a wide array of cheap-o toys: lipsticks, stickers and toys. Junk, in other words. Or, to Luisa, treasure.

  They located her award-winning poster. It occupied what Luisa decided was a place of honor, right beside the popcorn machine in the cafeteria. It would continue to hang there for another week before she was allowed to bring it home.

  They loaded Luisa’s stuff into Carlos’ trunk. “How about ice cream?” Carlos asked.

  Luisa grinned and nodded. Who was Monica to argue?

  Carlos turned to her. “How about that place near your house?”

  “Ellis’ Ice Cream Emporium?”

  “That’s the one.”

  She knew almost instantly which one he meant because she’d been a primo customer there for years. It was like an ice cream buffet line – you started at one end with a plain scoop or two of ice cream, then you moved through the line adding your choice of a thousand toppings till you reached the end with your concoction and realized that you had to eat it somehow. A perfect way to top off the evening.

  A short time later, they pulled into the parking lot. After going through the line, they headed to a table, Carlos holding Luisa’s bowl while she selected a seat. Monica slid into the chair beside Luisa.

  “Monica?”

  Without looking, she knew who’d said it. After all, she’d grown up with that voice: it was Barbie.

  She looked up and saw not only Barbie, but Mae, Spencer and Rick. The Jefferson family, out for an ice cream treat. Monica painted a smile on her face. Her stomach knotted as she awaited Barbie’s approach. She felt like a duck caught in a hunter’s sights.

  She gave her sister a quick hug, and then turned to her guests. “Luisa, I’d like you to meet my sister, Barbie.”

  Luisa looked up and smiled, her spoon hovering over her ice cream delicacy. “
Barbie? Like the doll.”

  Barbie chuckled. “Yes, just like the doll.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Luisa said and dug into her ice cream.

  A scraping of chair legs on floor, and Carlos scooted his chair back and half-rose. He held his hand out to Barbie, who now turned her gaze in his direction.

  “This is Carlos, Luisa’s brother,” Monica said. She was sure she could have thought of many other ways to describe him – the man who makes my knees wobble, the man I want to end my long-term abstinence with – but ‘Luisa’s brother’ seemed the safest.

  “Very nice to meet you,” Barbie said. She let her gaze linger on Carlos’ face a second longer than was polite, then moved it to Monica. “Fancy meeting you here.” Her tone sounded secretive, like the chance meeting there was clandestine.

  “We went to Carnival Night at Luisa’s school and Carlos thought we’d enjoy Ellis’s before we all called it a night.”

  Carlos took a side step toward Monica and rested a hand on her shoulder, pulling her a little closer. She leaned into him. His aroma tickled her nose. The intimate motion was not lost on Barbie. She raised her eyebrows.

  “So, Luisa must be the little girl you meet with every week.” She turned back to Luisa, who was making excellent headway eating her huge sundae.

  Monica nodded. “Yes, of course.”

  Spencer and Mae made their way over. Monica saw Rick waving from his solo spot at their table. She smiled and waved back.

  “Aunt Monica! Are you getting ice cream?” Remnants of Spencer’s creation decorated his shirt and his tongue lapped his lips, but a visit with Aunt Monica was evidently a smidge more important than finishing the melting mess.

  “Yes, I’m here with my friends, Luisa and Carlos. Luisa, this is Spencer – he’s four and he’s my nephew.” Luisa grinned happily and waved at him. “And this is Mae. She’s just about to turn one.”

  Barbie gave a good-natured moan and reached down to pick up her daughter, scrubbing at her face with a napkin from a nearby dispenser. “She’s a mess. I better head them back to finish their ice cream.” She turned to Luisa first. “Nice to meet you, Luisa. I hope we get to see you again. Maybe you can come to our house to play with Mae and Spencer sometime soon.”