Inner Diva

by Laurie Larsen

  “Shhh, shhh, carina. It’s okay. Let me explain.”

  She shook the sudden emotion off and looked up into his beautiful face. He loosened his grip around her, still holding her in a loose circle against his chest. “They wanted me to join them. I thought I wanted it too. I saw it as my acceptance – the place where I was appreciated. I went through all the rituals. They offered me a spot in the gang. The last step was the tattoo.”

  Monica shuddered, thinking of the pain he’d endured.

  “But I came to my senses. The next few days I realized, I didn’t want that kind of life. I couldn’t put my mother and baby sister in danger, and I didn’t want my life to take that turn. If I’d stayed in the gang, my way would be paved – crime, arrests, jail.”

  He let his arms drop and took hold of Monica’s chin, directing her to look into his eyes, inches from his face. “My parents didn’t raise me like that, and now my mother needed me. I knew my father would want me to take care of them, not cause my mother more heartache.”

  “So you walked away from the gang.”

  He nodded.

  “Just like that?”

  He paused, considering her question and maybe how much he wanted to tell her. He shook his head. “It wasn’t easy. Once you’re in, they make it tough to leave.”

  “So what did you do? How did you leave?”

  Carlos brushed his knuckles against her cheek. “It doesn’t matter. It was years ago, and now I’m free of them. My family is safe.”

  She gripped his hand and squeezed it. “They never bother you anymore? You never see them?”

  He took a deep breath and released it. “I wouldn’t be honest if I said that. They have long memories. They have nothing else to live for, so they dwelled on me for a long time. But when I occasionally run into them I can take care of myself.”

  She gasped. So the gang was still a part of his life, however distant. Could she deal with that?

  “Carina, I wanted to be honest with you. You wanted total honesty, remember?”

  Yes, she’d told him that. But did she mean it? Could she deal with total honesty if it threw her entirely out of her comfort zone? Or would she rather be blissful in her ignorance?

  She sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so far out of my zone I don’t even know my way back.”

  He pulled her close and for a few moments, her whole world consisted of Carlos, his beautiful bare skin and his scent of soap and cologne. She laid her head against his shoulder and ran her fingers along his back, knowing she was caressing the letters that marked him in a world foreign to her. A world he entered tentatively, yet left behind because he craved his family’s safety more than acceptance into a violent gang.

  He leaned down and kissed her cheek, his lips moving quickly to her lips. She grasped his shoulders and rubbed her flat palms over his back. He’d courageously given her the truthfulness she’d told him she wanted, despite the possibility that it would scare her away. He’d bared his soul about his past, and trusted her that she wouldn’t betray his confidence in her by walking away.

  In that moment, she realized she loved this man, despite the miles apart of their past and present lives.

  Monica pulled away from his embrace and gazed at his dark eyes. Then, she leaned into him, her lips connecting with his. Her hands cradled his face, her thumbs massaging the lean chisel of his jaws while her tongue conquered his mouth. A low moan erupted from his throat as he ravished her hair with his fingers, then ran them down her back and practically lifted her off the ground with his ardor.

  Her heart beat so fast she ripped her mouth away from his to suck in air, then she landed them on his skin, placing kisses on his cheeks, his jaw, down his neck. Next she made her way onto his broad shoulder. His eyes closed, his head tilted back, he drew in the sensation of her adorning his torso with her ardent kisses.

  His carnal acceptance gave her the confidence to continue. She dipped her head and made a trail of kisses over his chest, lingering to suck avidly on each nipple. He moaned when she lapped her tongue over each one, and a burst of adrenaline filled her at his expression of pleasure. Moving lower, she tasted his stomach and marveled at the tautness of his muscles. His skin tasted wonderful – a musky scent now on her tongue that she would remember forever. She skimmed her fingers over the wonderful firmness of his stomach, and swooped them around to explore his back and shoulders.

  She couldn’t get enough of him. She marveled that he was hers for the touching and the tasting – a beautiful specimen of male she’d never before had the pleasure of sampling. No matter how scary his past, no matter how uncertain she was about a future with him – he was hers for now. They couldn’t look beyond the here and now, and for the moment, she didn’t care. She was going to extract every ounce of excitement out of now that she could.

  When she reached his belly button she stuck her tongue in it and he shivered and gasped a deep breath. He grasped her shoulders, tugging her to a standing position. He’d evidently had enough of her being fully dressed, and when he unzipped her jacket, she realized she was still garbed for the outdoors. She quickly shed her coat and he yanked off her sweater in one swoop.

  But that’s where she stopped him. She’d been close to a prize she’d wondered about but never seen and she wouldn’t be deterred. She pushed his hands away and kneeled on the floor in front of him. She put her hands on his slim waist, then smoothed her palms across his abdomen. She could hear his sharp intake of breath and the resulting tremor through his torso.

  She unbuttoned and unzipped his fly and his arousal popped forward, sheathed by the cotton of his briefs. She barely stopped to think about what she was doing, however, a persistent thought invaded her brain – this was the point of no return. There was no turning back if she pursued her intention. If she went ahead tonight, she’d be joined with him in more ways than just a physical joining. She wasn’t the type of woman to throw intimacy around casually. They would be connected, body, mind and soul.

  Was she ready?

  Her hesitation only lasted a split second as her heart screamed, “Yes!” She tugged on his briefs and when they fell, she gloried in the sight of him, fully aroused and ready for her. A shimmer of jitters passed through her and she nudged it away by reaching out and taking hold of him. She squeezed his manhood, then brought her mouth close and brushed her lips over its tightness. She ran her tongue up and down his long shaft before attempting to put his length into her mouth. She couldn’t come close to absorbing it all but she heard a low moan deep in his throat and his whisper, “Monica.”

  She looked up and found his cheeks flushed with color. His head tilted back and his mouth opened to release a groan of pleasure. He knelt down to her height, lifted her into his arms. Rising, he kicked his jeans free of his legs. He carried her a few steps and deposited her on the couch, then knelt beside her and plunged his lips onto hers.

  The man was talented, that much was clear. As his lips assaulted hers and caused ripples of excited sensations to cascade through her upper body, he used his fingers to relieve her of her pants and plummet into the tender folds between her thighs. Her body bucked with unexpected pleasure and she squealed, her sound captured in his mouth. He chuckled in response and she realized she could not have stopped or controlled the sound. Her body responded to his actions without any input from her.

  The sensational tidal wave he created in her body was so consuming that she found she was just clinging along for the ride. Her preliminary attempts to provide lovemaking to his phenomenal body were momentarily halted, so consumed was she in experiencing the many delicious feelings he created in her. The excitement grew and grew like water rushing under a bridge, fighting to be the first wave through. Seconds passed, or long minutes, but eventually it became almost unbearable, and she knew she couldn’t sustain the intense emotions much longer. Her body reached an undeniable climax and the waters came crushing down on her along with a loud primal scream. Her body bucked and th
en became limp.

  A crushing exhaustion came over her but Carlos wouldn’t let her stop. He covered her body with his own and inspired her to pull herself from her need to rest. He had more pleasure in store for her and she needed to be in her right mind to experience it. She responded to his deep kiss and then she felt a pressure in the very spot that was so spent – the spot he’d been focusing on with his magic fingers.

  She heard the sound of plastic ripping and she saw that Carlos had sheathed himself with a protective wrap. So thoughtful he was, in the midst of their passion to remember the necessities. Then, a firm tip attempted entry, persistent in its efforts. Her body yielded and suddenly, she felt completely filled. She gasped at the thought that her own inner cave could accommodate something so large and imposing. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe. Then she convinced herself to calm down and enjoy this incredible experience with Carlos, and her breaths returned to normal.

  She felt the stretching and her body adjusted to the desired intrusion. As he pulled out and thrusted back in, she gasped in little sensations of pain at first, but soon enough she conformed to his motion and rotated her hips to provide friction for him.

  They were truly one now, linked by the most intimate of connections. She looked to his face to find he was gazing at her, his eyes dark with passion. Their eyes connected and when his climax was complete, they stayed together, unblinking.

  He held her close afterward, not moving, and she heard him whisper. “What?” she said softly. “What did you say, Carlos?”

  “Te amo,” he whispered against her ear.

  She wasn’t a Spanish-speaker, but she was pretty sure she knew what that one meant. Her heart thrilled as she returned, “Te amo, Carlos.”

  Chapter Ten

  Work on the theater’s advertising campaign was exciting but demanding. Monica spent most of her days, bleeding into her evenings driving through her To Do list, overseeing her teammates’ work and tying up loose ends. Monica refused to fail. She fully intended to squeeze every opportunity out of her team’s charge of providing top-rate advertising, until it was wrung dry. The advertising would attract new audience members, and the theater would be guaranteed more years of presenting plays to the people of St. Louis.

  The phone on her desk rang as she proofread this week’s newspaper ad. She answered it.

  Monica?” The male voice knocked her attention away from the newspaper copy.

  “Yes.”

  “It’s Dave.”

  Dave, the director. Dave, who never, ever called her at work. Dave, who must have some really big news.

  “Hi, Dave.” She worked at keeping her voice sounding normal. After all, she was an actress, wasn’t she? Wasn’t she?

  “Trina needs throat surgery.”

  Monica gasped. Leave it to Dave to give it to her straight.

  “You’ll need to take the Victoria part. You up for it?”

  Monica took a deep breath and exhaled. “Yes, of course.” There, she even sounded like she meant it.

  “Great. See you tonight. Dress Rehearsals the rest of the week.”

  Somehow she managed to disconnect the call and send Dave on his merry way under the delusion that she could do this. That she could step in for Trina and carry this poor show as the leading lady. The lights shining on her, the mikes magnifying every word she said.

  The old cliché, Be careful what you wish for, floated through her consciousness. This is what she’d always dreamed of. She’d always wanted the chance to be an actress.

  Right?

  If she could remember her lines. What if she got up there and froze, unable to remember anything they rehearsed over the last few weeks?

  What was she thinking?

  After work, she swung by Barbie’s house, pleased to see Mom’s car in the driveway. She could share her big news with both of them at the same time.

  She tapped on the front door before pushing it open. Mae rode her four-wheeled rider, completing a big circle before spotting her. “Auntie!” She stumbled over, and almost fell.

  Monica retrieved her and swung her high in the air. Heading to the rear of the house, she found her mom and Barbie deep in discussion at the kitchen table.

  “My, my, the prodigal daughter has returned.” Her mother spoke with a smirk, sarcasm dripping.

  “I believe it was a son, Mom.” Monica leaned down to give her mother a kiss on the cheek.

  “Long time, no see.” Barbie smiled.

  “I’ve been busy,” Monica said and realized she had been. Very busy. Between her accomplishments with the ad team, her daily play practice, her relationship with Carlos and her work with Luisa, her life was positively rewarding these days. She’d created her own meaningful life outside her mother and sister. Mission accomplished.

  “I have great news,” she began. “You know how I’ve been understudying the lead female role at the theater?”

  Mom and Barbie nodded.

  “Well, I’m getting my chance. Trina, the lead actress, needs surgery so I’m going to play Victoria.”

  Barbie shrieked and jumped up, throwing her arms around Monica. Even her mother produced a smile. “Through the whole run of the show?”

  “I have no idea how long. But at the very least, opening weekend.” Barbie released her and her mother pulled her into a hug.

  “I’m so proud of you, sweetie. Good job.” Mom patted her on the back.

  “Did you do something to require surgery for Trina?” Barbie joked.

  “Are you scared?” Mom asked.

  “Sort of.” Understatement of the year. “But I’m prepared. I’ve been rehearsing and I know all the lines.” Until she gets up in front of hundreds of people. Then it’ll be anyone’s guess. Monica took a deep breath and sank into a kitchen chair.

  “A celebration is in order!” Barbie dashed to the refrigerator and pulled out a half-full bottle of Zinfandel. She grabbed three stemmed glasses and filled them. “To my sis, our very own diva!”

  Monica smiled and downed a gulp. “So, can I count on you both to be at Opening night?”

  Barbie and her mother exchanged glances. “When is it?”

  “Saturday night.”

  Barbie’s face crushed into disappointment. “This Saturday?”

  Monica nodded and shifted her gaze over to her mother, who looked equally forlorn.

  “We can’t possibly make it this Saturday, Mon. It’s Rick’s party fund-raiser. You know re-election time is coming up. All the state representatives will be there, and it’s black tie. Mom’s watching the kids while I attend with Rick.”

  It was a perfectly good excuse, something they’d been planning for months. Monica knew she’d thrown this on them spur of the moment. But she couldn’t stop the tears pricking at her eyes.

  “Oh Mon! I’m so sorry!” Barbie gave her a tight hug. “I’d be there if I could. You know I would.”

  “No, it’s okay. I understand.”

  Barbie studied her carefully. “Tell you what. I’ll get on the phone and see if I can get a babysitter. That’ll at least free Mom up so she can go to your opening night. Then I’ll come to the very next show. How about that?”

  Monica nodded, sniffed, mopped her eyes. Her emotion was ridiculous. Her family would be there eventually, just not for Opening Night. The chances of Barbie finding a replacement babysitter were slim to none. The only babysitter those kids had ever had, besides Grandma, was Aunt Monica.

  “Okay. I better get to practice. Thanks for the wine, Barbie.” She hustled to the door amid shouts of “Break a leg!”

  In the car, she scrubbed her face with her palms. Life was going too well to succumb to tears for long. Besides, maybe she wouldn’t be alone after all. Just maybe she’d have a tall, dark and extremely handsome man cheering for her in the audience. After what they’d shared last night, she fully expected Carlos would want to attend Opening Night.

  Recalling last night, warmth dissipated through her, causing her heart to beat a little faster unt
il her sadness became a distant memory.

  Rehearsal wrapped up as Monica’s cell phone rang. She’d made it through the whole play without an incident – no forgotten lines, no botched staging. Whatever problems they had up there on stage tonight hadn’t been her doing.

  “Hello?”

  She heard her favorite little-girl voice in the world. “Monica! Guess what? You’ll never guess. I won tickets to an international dance show for Friday night! It’s downtown and I get to dress up and go watch the beautiful dancers, and see their costumes. I won by writing an essay!”

  The excitement in her voice was contagious. “That’s fantastic, honey. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Do you want to go? Me, you and Carlos. How about it?”

  Dress Rehearsal was scheduled to end early Friday evening to allow the actors to relax before Opening Night. “I’d love to go.”

  The week passed quickly and the night of the dance, Monica studied her face in the mirror and brushed on the finishing touches. When the doorbell rang she pulled it open. Predictably, Carlos looked fantastic – his dark hair slicked back, face shaven. He’d even dressed in a dark suit the first time she’d ever seen him in one. Along with the spicy scent of cologne, he could’ve stepped right out of one of her dreams.

  She knew she looked good, too. Carlos took a long, appreciative look, his face beaming as he gripped her shoulders and pulled her close for a long kiss.

  Monica relaxed into the feelings his kiss caused in her heart. When they parted, she caught a glance of Luisa, standing beside him on her front step. Funny how the sight of Carlos in a dark suit made her unaware of the rest of her surroundings. The little girl stared, open-mouthed, wide-eyed.

  Monica knelt beside her, stricken by their carelessness. “Luisa, see, it’s like this …”

  Carlos joined her in a kneel. “Hermana, Monica and I like each other. That okay with you?”