by Adams, S. C.
I picked up the phone and dialed Mary’s number, feeling calm and clearheaded, like a giving Earth Mother.
“What’s the word?” Mary asked.
I smiled at my own reflection, shaking my head. “I’m pregnant.”
I wasn’t sure if it was my serene calmness or the news that I was going to have a baby that broke Mary into tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry,” she snuffled.
“Are you crying because you’re sad or happy?” I asked my friend.
“I’m crying for whatever reason you want me to cry for,” she replied. “And I feel like this whole conversation is backward. I feel like you should be the one crying and I should be the one asking the questions.”
Chuckling, I turned around and rested my butt on the bathroom counter.
“You know us, we like to do things completely backward. But I don’t know how I feel. I’m not unhappy. I’m at peace. I know I’m going to keep this child, and I didn’t really even have to think about it. I guess there really are some things in life that reveal themselves to you like a miracle.”
“Oh my god, you sound like Deepak Chopra. And I’m going to be an aunt!” Mary giggled. “I’m going to teach your child all about my ninja skills.”
I raised my eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure I remember you talking about your ability to pick up men and calling it your ninja skills. So regretfully, I’m going to have to say no until she or he is sixteen.”
“Dammit,” she giggled tearily. “I really thought you didn’t listen to me when I talked. Fine, but I get to be the cool aunt. I get to give them cookies and sugar and take them to bouncy houses and then give them back to you. And I get to be the aunt that buys inappropriate baby clothes like this onesie I saw one time that said, ‘Gimme those tatas.’”
I started to laugh loudly, so thankful that Mary was in my life.
“Okay, it’s a deal. But you can’t cut a mohawk into my child’s hair until they’re old enough to ask for one.”
Mary groaned. “Party pooper.”
We both giggled loudly until it faded out into a silence. I felt oddly peaceful. There was so much that I didn’t know, and so many things to contemplate. I was overwhelmed and yet strangely calm too. It was a nice break from my recent emotional turmoil.
“Are you hungry?” Mary asked. “I can treat you to your favorite waffle place.”
I swallowed hard, still tasting the vomit in the back of my mouth.
“Maybe later tonight. We can do dinner or something. I just stopped throwing up so I want to make sure that it’s not going come back before I start putting waffles into my body. I think I’m going to take a shower and then a nap, and I’ll call you when I wake up and let you know how I feel.”
“Okay,” she said with her normal chipper voice. “And Abby?”
“Yeah?”
Mary paused for a moment. “You’re probably going to feel a lot of emotions in the coming days. I’m always here for you to talk to. I don’t want you to think that you’re ever alone.”
It was a sweet thing for her to say. “Thanks. And trust me I know I’m not alone. I just found out that I have a small human leasing my uterus for the next nine months.”
Mary laughed. “And your soul for the rest of time. Better you than me, my friend. I will love them, but only because I can give them back.”
I chuckled and shook my head, glad of the humor in this world. “I’ll call you later. Love you.”
She blew me a loud kiss before we hung up. In the silence of the bathroom, I glanced over at the pile of tampons scattered around the toilet, and the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter. I figured it would probably be a good idea to clean that up. I wasn’t really sure how I would explain that to someone if they came into my bathroom.
I put the tampons back in the box neatly, closed the lid, and put it away in the drawer figuring I wouldn’t need them for quite a while. I stuck the pregnancy test back in the box and looked back and forth unsure of where to put it. The trash wasn’t safe unless I took it to the dump and heaved it into the pit myself. Belinda has an uncanny sense for such things, and I was sure she would find it somehow.
But for now, I put it back into Mary’s drawer, figuring if nothing else, I could bribe my friend into saying it was hers. I knew though, that I was going to have to tell my mom at some point.
Lists started to build in my mind of all the things that I would need to do to prepare for a child. Telling my mom was just the tip of the iceberg. I was going to need a place big enough for the two of us, I was going to need clothes, diapers, strollers, cribs, and probably about a million other things that I didn’t even know existed for babies. I would have to scour baby registries for hours making a list of items.
Then there was the whole problem of money. I barely made enough money to take care of myself and I lived in a garage apartment that I paid next to nothing to live in. Add another person to that and I wasn’t sure that my call center job would support us. Then again, my mom did it and continued to do it. She’s been a single mom for a long time, and managed to raise me and Melody on her meager salary. If she was able to support us, then I could do it for my child too.
My child. That was such a strange concept. I felt like I was dreaming, and that nothing was real. My heart was already beating with love for the unborn baby inside of me, and without thinking, my hand slid over my belly and rested there. I wondered if the baby could tell that I was cradling it with my palm.
Staring in the mirror at my hand on my stomach, I felt a flutter in my chest. I whispered to the baby, hoping that it could hear me.
“I promise, no matter what, I’m going to give you the best chance that I can give you and I will love you more than anything in the world, always and forever. Love, Mommy.”
It felt a little cheesy calling myself “Mommy” just like that, but it was true. I was this child’s mother, and suddenly I wanted him or her with every fiber of my being.
22
Ryder
A year later …
“So, you know where everything is? The same nurses are still working at the office, and you’ll probably see most of the same patients,” Dr. McNamara explained.
“Yeah. It was a really smooth sailing last time I was here, so I’m glad to be back,” I said. “I was really happy to hear that you were calling to have me cover for your vacation this year. Go, have fun, get a tan, eat some lobster, and drink far too many margaritas on the beach with your girlfriends.”
She sighed. “Yeah, it’s kind of different when you’re divorced. Maybe I’ll meet a hot foreign man and never come back. I’ll just live on the beach and build a hut for privacy. You can take over my practice.”
I laughed loudly. “While that seems absolutely awesome, I think you’ll miss being a doctor. You’ll be back in Farmington soon enough.”
“You’re probably right,” Colleen replied. “Besides, I would miss my grumpy, know it all, irritating patients. I will see you in a week or two and you know how to reach me if you have any questions. But unless something is burning or someone is dying, don’t call me.”
I chuckled as I hung up with Colleen, clicking the side button on my phone and sliding it in my back pocket. Reaching down, I picked up my bags and strode into the apartment. In a weird coincidence, it was the same place I stayed last time with all the same furniture and décor. This must be a popular extended stay residence. Plus, as I headed back out to get the rest of my stuff, my next door neighbor from last time opened her door and smiled widely at me.
“You’re back!” she exclaimed. “Dr. Rivington, right? I’m Edna. You were so nice and quiet last year. If you need anything let me know. By the way, will that nice young lady be coming over to visit?”
I tilted my head to the side wondering if she had mistaken me for someone else. “Who do you mean?”
She snapped her fingers, putting her other hand to her chin.
“What was her name? She came over here and had just missed you after you left
last time. She looked so sad about it. Sat out here all night until I finally let her know that you weren’t coming home. Oh right, it’s Abby.”
My breath caught in my throat and I shook my head. “No, I don’t think she’ll be visiting. I’m not even sure that she knows that I’m in town.”
“Well that’s a shame,” the old woman said as she headed for the door. “I could tell that she was in love, but then so was half the town. You were the talk of the gossip circles for about a month after you left. All the women were so sad that they couldn’t see their doctor anymore. I thought it was adorable.”
I helped Edna down the steps and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before turning and making her way down the block. That same unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach surged, just thinking about the fact that Abby had been here sitting on the steps completely destroyed after finding out that I had left her without a word.
But now, things are different. It’s been an entire year since I left Farmington, Maryland. I had no intention of coming to this city again, but of course, the agency didn’t actually tell me until I was halfway through my last assignment. I still felt absolutely terrible about leaving Abby without saying goodbye, but then again, there’s no sense in crying over spilled milk. It happened last year, and I made myself leave her and not look back. It didn’t feel good, and I hate myself for it.
But my heart still ached for her. It hasn’t stopped aching for the curvy girl. I’ve spent the last year choosing books over bars, and movies over women. I tried to move on, but every time that I chatted up a woman, I merely felt worse about Abby. So instead of subjecting myself to torture, I opted for a quieter life.
Plus, I used to travel but never see the cities I stayed in. Instead, the only things I saw were the bars and the women. So this time, every place I went I made sure to find out what the most popular destination was, and then I visited. Now I’ve seen everything from the biggest ball of yarn to insanely tall skyscrapers. I’ve visited stamp museums and watched a Civil War reenactment. I’ve gone to comedy shows where I laughed my ass off, and I’ve visited patients in rural settings who had no way of getting to a hospital.
But no matter what, no matter how many things I filled my life with, there was still a longing for Abby. I couldn’t escape it. The curvy girl haunted me, even when I sat in the middle of a loud comedy club, listening to jokes. All I knew was that I had these intense feelings for Abby, and that they wouldn’t go away.
Shaking my head, I left the rental and drove to Colleen’s office. The brick building looked the same as always, and I let myself in the back door. The office was exactly the same, and it was kind of nice coming back a second time. Despite the painful memories, it was almost like returning home after a long trip.
“Well, look what the cat drug in,” Alex said with a big grin. “Word got out that you’re in town. We are now booked up all week long. Hope you brought your running shoes.”
I chuckled and gave her a hug.
“No, but I brushed up on my herbal teas and tinctures.”
Alex gave me an impressed look.
“Look at you. Preparing for the patients. I like it. But aren’t you tired of traveling yet?” she asked.
I turned with a grin and shrugged my shoulders.
“It’s definitely different from the last time I saw you. Hey, did you ever get married?”
“It’s sweet that you remembered, but that wasn’t me, that was one of the other girls,” she chuckled. “I was the one already married. Have you gotten married yet?”
I laughed and shook my head.
“No. This really isn’t the kind of job that is conducive to a marriage. But I’m sure it will happen one day.”
“I’m sure it will. My husband and I, well, we just celebrated ten years,” Alex said proudly. “He took me out to Breaker Villa, a little bed and breakfast, to celebrate. It was adorable.”
I had to do everything in my power to keep a smile on my face and not show how my heart had just dropped into my stomach.
“That sounds great. I could use a vacation too. Maybe next year.”
Alex grinned as she walked toward the door, looking back at me over her shoulder.
“Don’t forget, life is short, Dr. Rivington. Before you know it, you’re ready to retire, and you don’t want to have regrets. But better get your white jacket on because your first appointment is in twenty minutes. Actually, she’s out in the lobby already, but take your time.”
I nodded at her as I walked toward the break room.
“Give me ten and I’ll be ready. It’ll give me a head start on the day. You know how my patients like to talk a lot.”
Alex laughed and gave me a thumbs up. I pulled on my jacket and poured a cup of coffee, standing at the window and looking out at the cars passing by. The parking lot was already starting to fill up and there was a pizza delivery guy yawning as he climbed into his car. I didn’t even know they delivered pizza this early in the morning.
I turned my head, looking pensively at the sky. The cold hard truth was that there would be no Breaker Villa, deep conversations, crazy hot sex, or falling for Abby this time around. She probably wanted me dead. I know that’s what I would want if I were her.
I slammed my fist down on the windowsill and shook my head. Dammit, Ryder, what is wrong with you? You fucked up. Get over it.
Why did I have to think about Abby all of the damn time? It was like I couldn’t control my own mind. It’s been a year and I’m still obsessing over her. I kept seeing those lush, bountiful curves in my mind. Her innocent brown eyes. I could hear the way she moaned my name as she came. It was delicious and the truth is, I didn’t want to forget.
Suddenly, Shelley walked back in the room with a clipboard tapping against her leg. “Here’s your patient list for the day. All the files are stacked in their normal spot and if you need anything just let me know.”
I took the clipboard from her and nodded my head. “Thanks.”
I shook my head, knowing I needed to focus. Today was packed. I scanned my finger down the list just to see if I noticed any familiar names from the year before. When I got to the late afternoon appointments, I skimmed quickly, suddenly slowing down and moving back up the list. I blinked and looked at the page harder, thinking I was seeing things.
“Abby…?” I whispered.
Holy cow, Abby was coming in. Did she know I was filling in for Dr. McNamara? Likely not because word doesn’t travel that fast. I looked up at the clock, slightly disappointed that it was still morning. I couldn’t wait to see the curvy girl, even though she might storm out. Even though she might curse my name to holy Heaven, and wish that we’d never met.
I was going to see Abby again, and in my heart, I prayed for a second chance. Maybe, just maybe, there would be some way to make her love me again.
23
Ryder
It was time. Time to face her, to see the beautiful woman that I haven’t seen in a year. I was nervous and hopeful all at the same time. Flashes of our time together a year before were flying through my mind, trying to find a place to land. I clutched Abby’s files hard in my hands, attempting to keep myself from shaking.
Reaching for the door handle I said a silent prayer to myself, reminding myself to keep my other “excitement” in my pants. This wasn’t going to be a replay of the first time I walked into the room with her. I also had to be prepared for backlash. I didn’t know how angry she was or if she was going to take it out on me or not.
I pushed open the door and immediately walked in, closing the door behind me. We stared at each other for a moment, the look on Abby’s face one of pure shock. Clearly, my presence was unexpected.
“Dr. Rivington?” she asked with disbelief. “What are you doing here? Where’s Dr. McNamara?”
I didn’t answer, and instead cleared my throat and walked over to the counter, washing my hands like normal. She was just as beautiful as I had remembered her. Even more so, actually. She had more curves, more lusc
ious waves to her body, and she was so damn gorgeous. I wanted to scan her file. Had she gained weight since I last saw her?
Drying off my hands, I flipped her chart open and looked down to her weight. She had put on some pounds. Good. I loved curvy women. There was just something about the extra weight that made her even more damn delicious. She had put on about thirty pounds which was perfect for me. More than perfect. I wanted to take her right then and there.
The silence in the room, though, stopped me in my tracks. I had to remember that I was a doctor, and she was here for a visit. There could be something wrong with her. Instantly I felt a strange twinge in my stomach, the kind that made me want to scoop her up and protect her from the rest of the world.
I picked up her file and turned, my eyes on the information but not actually focusing in yet. I spoke with professionalism, even though my cock was rock hard beneath my white coat.
“Abby, it’s really good to see you. How are you?” She was still staring at me. She looked bewildered like I was some sort of animal at the zoo. I smiled at her and continued. “How can I help you today? Are you feeling ill?”
I really wanted her to say no. I wanted her to raise up off the bed and wrap her arms around me, whispering that it would be okay. I wanted to then take off her gown and gaze at that sumptuous body beneath. I wanted to taste her skin, her juices, and to smother her pussy with my tongue like I had done before. It felt like it had been centuries ago, but in reality, it had only been a year. The most agonizing year of my life.
With shock still evident on her face, she looked down at her hands with her cheeks glowing red.
“I…uh…no…I mean yes. I…though Dr. McNamara was going to be here. Maybe I should…?”
