by Lisa Shelby
“Oh, don’t act all coy. You know exactly what I mean. Name a time when you, Miss Thang, ever had an easy time asking for help, accepting help, or admitting you couldn’t do something by yourself.”
My mouth drops open to argue his point, but he takes me by the shoulders and doesn’t give me a chance. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Cam. You are the most capable woman I have ever known. You can do anything you put your mind to, and being strong and independent isn’t a bad thing…”
“Hello…” I hear Emily chime from the front door.
I walk as fast as my three-inch heels and tight, black sheath dress will allow. I round the corner that leads me to the foyer and the front door where my girls are waiting for me.
“We’re here for our private tour!” Alex sings with open arms, and I run straight into them.
“I’m so glad you guys are here!” I say, letting go of Alex and giving Gabby and Emily hugs as Gabe rounds the corner.
“Ah, the other half of the dynamic duo,” Gabby squeals as she puts her arms around him. “We are so excited for you two, and we got here early to get a tour before the big guns show up. The men will be here in an hour or so.”
I feel myself start to glisten with a light sheen of perspiration. Now that the moment is here and my girls are going to see what I’ve been working on all of these months, it all feels so real.
“We’ve got about twenty minutes, ladies. Let’s get started.” Gabe leads the tour, and I hang back and walk behind the group, uncharacteristically quiet.
When they start to head upstairs, I make an excuse to stay behind in case there are any other early arrivals, but I really just need a moment to myself. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. There isn’t a thing I would change about the house, and I couldn’t be more proud. But…I’m out of my comfort zone. Something in my gut has me worried.
I wish Liam was here.
He’s my person.
Yes, I have my girls, and I couldn’t love them more, but I would give anything to see him walk through the front door right now. I am not a needy girl, but today…today I need a security blanket to hold on to.
Today…I need my man.
My man, who has seemed off the last two or three weeks. I can’t help but notice that he’s been a little quiet since our conversation about children. He says he’s fine, but I can tell he’s not. He’s been in bed by the time I get home from work and this house every night this week. I haven’t really been able to talk to him.
After tonight, we need some alone time, and we need to talk this out. I feel like he’s drifting away. Like I’m losing him. But he did send me flowers wishing me luck, and he texted me this morning with his daily reminder telling me he was proud of me. The flowers and the text eased my fears, and I’m hoping I was just being overly sensitive. Now, I just want to see him in the flesh and not via text.
I’m standing in the hallway, staring at the open door as if it will make him appear.
It doesn’t.
Slowly but surely, the first batch of realtors arrive, and Gabe and I work the room for the next hour. I answer questions about my design aesthetics and schmooze to the best of my ability, but in the back of my head, I can’t help but wonder where Liam is.
I know he isn’t here. There is no way you can miss the man. It would be like Jason Mamoa entering the room and not noticing him.
Not possible.
I find the girls chatting on the back patio, and right as I am about to ask them where the guys are, I hear his voice.
“How’s the big night going, little lady?”
Finally!
Feeling elated that he’s arrived, I spin around, following my favorite sound—his voice—but the feeling of elation is fleeting when I take him in.
His cocoa eyes are rimmed with red, and he isn’t dressed quite as I would have expected. He was clearly at a site meeting today because he’s still in his jeans and work boots. This wouldn’t really bother me except that it’s clear he isn’t himself.
Jonathan, Mick, and Devon each kiss their wives hello but their attention is all on Liam. They look worried. Something is up.
“Things are great now that you’re here. How is your night going?” I ask with apprehension.
He’s standing in front of me with dark, stormy eyes, and there is an aura of anger or maybe pain, pouring off of him. I can smell the sweet stench of Fireball, and when I look over my shoulder at Mick, he shakes his head and looks down at his feet.
“How’s my night, Cami? Well, my night has been fucking great,” he says a little too loudly with slanted eyes that are so pissed off I swear I can see smoke billowing from them. He doesn’t slur his words, but he’s close to that point. One more drink, and he’s a goner.
We aren’t the only people on the patio, and his entrance has sparked the interest of several onlookers.
I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this.
“You see, my afternoon was pretty shitty, but then I spent some time with my old friend, Whiskey, and I’m almost as right as rain.”
I haven’t seen him like this since he got Hannah’s wedding invitation. I step into him and put my hand on his chest, hoping my touch will calm him and my pleading eyes will make him realize he is starting to cause a scene.
“Dude, I knew we shouldn’t have come. Come on, let’s get you out of here before you ruin Cam’s night and make a bigger idiot of yourself,” Jonathan says, clapping Liam on the shoulder.
“Nah, bro, I’m all good.” He steps away from Jonathan and puts his arm around my shoulder, but he doesn’t pull me in tight to him like he usually does.
“I know she doesn’t need me, but I’d like to be here for my girl.”
What the hell?
“Liam, what do you mean I don’t need…”
“Cami!” Gabe yells from the other side of the French doors. “Get in here, hot stuff. It’s time!”
Liam releases me and says, “Go ahead, hot stuff. Good luck.”
I know Gabe is waiting for me, but it doesn’t feel right walking away from Liam right now.
Reaching up, I touch his face. He pulls away from me. Feeling like he’s just slapped me in the face, I feel my own face heat with embarrassment, but my insides feel cold and hollow.
“Baby, are you okay? Did I do something?”
“Nope, you’re perfect. It’s just been a rough day, and I need a drink. I’ll be fine, but Gabe won’t be if you make him wait any longer.”
He steps around me and heads inside the house, brushing past Gabe. Gabe, who is looking at me desperately. I can tell he feels bad for interrupting me. He’s also anxious because it’s time for us to speak.
It’s our big moment.
And I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“Don’t sweat it, Cam. Mick and I will get him home safe,” Jonathan says as he follows in Liam’s wake.
Mick pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear. “Sorry we let him show up like this. That’s our bad. He promised to snap out of it once we got here. We’ll take good care of him. Now go kick some designer ass!”
I don’t say anything as he follows behind Jonathan.
Am I the only person who doesn’t know what’s going on right now?
“Sweetie, I can tell this is a bad time, but I really need you to come inside and get this little speech over with.”
Reading my mind, Emily says, “We’ll find out what’s going on and everything will be fine. Don’t worry about a thing. We’ll get it sorted.”
Alex and Gabby give me words of encouragement. I turn on my heels, turn on my Holsted charm, and let Gabe guide me to the landing on the staircase that overlooks most of the downstairs floor.
Standing here, I should be taking in the moment. It’s a full house, we’re raising money for the Home Builders Foundation, and this home is stunning. Gabe, the builder, and I did this, but I am so far from taking in the moment I don’t hear a word being spoken.
Looking down at the house I spent tirele
ss hours designing and shopping for, I see my parents and Addison pressed up against one of the white, rustic living room walls topped by exposed wooden beams. Addison is beaming with pride and gives me a wave when she sees I’ve spotted them. My parents don’t look too miserable to be here so that’s nice.
My line of vision is diverted over to the right of my family. It seems Liam isn’t taking too kindly to Jonathan and Mick’s request that they leave. Mick has just taken Liam’s drink from him, and all the way up the stairs, I hear, “What the fuck? You’re not my dad, dude. I don’t need a babysitter, and I don’t need to leave.”
Of course, this is when Gabe acknowledges me, and there is a round of applause. I have no idea what he said to garner the attention being sent my way, because all of my attention is focused on Liam.
In a cold sweat, I watch as Liam puts two fingers in his mouth and lets out a whistle. He follows that up with, “Woo hoo! That’s my girl, y’all, and she doesn’t need any help from any of us.” Mick and Jonathan each take an arm and start moving Liam out the back door. “Especially, little old me!” He’s now outside, and just as Devon goes to shut the French Doors that lead out back, I hear him yell, “Oh wait, she did need me for something. I helped her out here, but I’m not good enough to…”
The door closes and I, my family, and the dozens of others in the house will never get to hear just what Liam is not good enough for.
Gabe apologizes for the interruption, skips over my time to speak, thanks everyone for coming, and wraps up his speech. We don’t say anything to each other or acknowledge that anything has happened and make our way down the stairs.
I am generally a pretty strong person, but walking toward my parents and Addison…it’s taking everything I have to keep it together and not break down in tears.
Addison skips toward me, beaming, and exclaims, “This place is drop-dead gorgeous, just like you in that dress!”
Still a few feet from my parents, she gives me a big hug. “You okay? Was that him? Liam?”
“It was, and I am.”
I step out of her hug and don’t go into any more detail because if I do, there is no way I will be able to keep my tears at bay.
“Mom. Dad. Thank you for coming. Did you get a chance to look around?”
“We did and it looks great, sweetheart,” my dad says with his hands in his pockets.
My parents and I don’t really hug, and I’m used to this. Tonight, it’s a good thing we don’t hug because I think it would be too much for me to handle.
“Thanks, Dad. Mom, what did you think?”
“Cameron, I must admit that I was shocked when I heard you were doing this. I simply had no idea that interior design was something you were interested in. It turned out very well, and you’ve done a really nice job. In fact, I have a co-worker in need of some design work, and I will have to give her your number,” she says, holding up one of my new business cards.
Wow, if I didn’t feel like dead weight from the pain, confusion, and sadness that feels like it’s pinning me to the ground, you could knock me over with a feather. My mother doesn’t hand out compliments easily, and even though it wasn’t gushing with adoration, that was a pretty great endorsement coming from her.
“Thank you, Mom, that means a lot to me.”
It really does.
“Of course, dear.”
“Oh, Cami, that fairy princess room with the castle is to die for! I’m twenty, and I’m thinking I want a castle in my room now. I love it all! Good job, big sis.”
I thank my sister, and Emily joins us and says her hellos. Emily knows I don’t like to be left alone with my parents for too long. But even though she’s come to my rescue, it doesn’t stop my mom from bringing up Liam.
“Cameron, was that Liam being escorted out the back door? Your Liam?”
“Oh, Mrs. Holsted, Liam is so sorry about that. He was so excited for Cami’s big night that he may have celebrated a little too much and then got a little overzealous.”
Emily, my sister from another mister, steps in and saves the day.
Thank you, chica.
“He wasn’t feeling well and had to leave. He was really looking forward to meeting you and said that he looks forward to the next time he gets the opportunity.”
“Pft…” is all my mother says.
“He may have been overzealous, like Emily said, but man was he hot. As long as he doesn’t get that overzealous all the time, I say nice catch, sister!”
I can see Gabe trying desperately to get my attention, so I excuse myself and spend the next hour meeting potential clients and receiving numerous compliments from stranger after stranger. Their praise is nice to hear after the months of self-doubt and hours of work I’ve put into the six thousand square feet surrounding us.
If only I wasn’t wondering what in the hell was going on with Liam, and I was actually taking in all of the positive feedback like I should be.
The house is empty of guests, and Gabby, Alex, and I are sitting on the plush rug under the castle in the princess bedroom sharing some champagne while Emily sips her alcohol-free punch. Getting her very pregnant body on the ground and in this castle was not an easy feat. I can’t help but wonder what getting her out will entail.
The girls have put forth a valiant effort of taking my mind off Liam, but I can’t fake it any more.
“You guys, what did I miss tonight with Liam? What happened that got him so upset and so drunk for that matter?”
I pick up my phone and check it again.
Nothing on my phone and no answers from my friends.
“Come on, I know the guys told you, and I’m going crazy. Is he okay? I’ve texted him, but he hasn’t replied.”
Sounding remorseful and heartbroken, Alex speaks first. “Oh, Cam…I am so sorry. It’s all our fault. Em and I were in Ava’s room chatting, and the baby monitor was on, and he overheard a part of our conversation. I. Am. So. Sorry.”
“What conversation! What were you talking about that would have upset him like this?”
Alex and Emily exchange guilty glances, and it’s clear they don’t want me to hear what they have to say.
I crawl out of the castle, and my bare feet pace in a circle around the whimsical room I so enjoyed designing. A room that is now heavy with anxiety and apprehension and not the whimsy and joy I poured into it.
Finally settling on the floor, I sit outside the castle, not wanting to see their faces. I can barely hear Emily’s voice coming from the other side of the thin material of the castle wall when she confesses her sins.
“Cam, we were talking about your relationship with Liam. He may have heard us say a few things out of context, and I think he may have misconstrued them.”
“What exactly did he take out of context, Emily?” I’m seeing red. I can’t believe my best friends were talking about Liam, and what he heard was so hurtful he would behave the way he did tonight. I tell myself to stay calm and to hear them out. These girls love me, and I know they would never purposely do something to hurt me, Liam, or our relationship.
“We may have been talking about the fact that you didn’t want kids, and he didn’t walk into the kitchen where the monitor was until right when I said that Liam better not think you would ever have his children.”
“Oh, Em. No.” I gasp, and the tears begin to fall.
My heart hurts thinking of how badly this must have gutted him. I wasn’t even sure he had been okay since our conversation about children and now to hear this…I can’t even imagine what he’s feeling.
“I know, Cam, but what he didn’t hear was the part about the fact that you had never wanted kids and not that you just didn’t want to have his kids.”
Alex climbs out of the castle in her dark blue maxi dress and sits cross-legged across from me with a tear in her eye when she bares her confession.
“Sweetie…that’s not all. We may have also been making fun of you just a little bit and talking about how independent you are. I may have said
that you didn’t need Liam and his money and that you’d be fine without him. Because he wasn’t in the room, he didn’t see my hands on my hips pretending to be you and totally making fun of you because in reality we know you are head over heels for the man, and you do need him, and you wouldn’t be anywhere close to fine without him. It was all sarcasm, but he was too upset to hear that when we tried to explain it to him.”
My heart is breaking. Liam has been made to feel he wasn’t good enough in the past. To think that he thinks he isn’t enough for me sends a shockwave of need to find him and reassure him that he is in fact more than good enough.
But when I look at his reaction to the situation, I can’t help but worry. He is a thirty-two-year-old man who gets drunk to the point of jeopardizing the night for Gabe and I and being escorted out of the house in front of a houseful of people that included business associates and my parents.
My parents.
I can’t believe this is their introduction to the man that their daughter is supposed to move in with.
Damn it, Liam! Why?
“You guys don’t know what you’ve done. The night after he asked me to move in with him we had a talk about me not wanting kids. He hasn’t been the same these past few weeks, and to hear you guys say these things must have sent him over the edge. It doesn’t excuse his behavior tonight, but I get where it’s coming from now.”
I look at my phone again.
Still no text or call.
“We are so sorry, Cam. We were just joking around and making fun of you, like we always do. We’ll talk to him and set him straight.” Alex’s eyes are pleading for forgiveness.
She isn’t the one who should be pleading for forgiveness, though. The way Liam behaved was inexcusable. Getting drunk and then causing a scene on a night that was so important to not only me but Gabe and everyone involved in the project is unacceptable.
“I know you didn’t mean anything by it, and it wasn’t intentional. I mean, you suck for making fun of me, but we’ll discuss that at a later date.” I can see the relief wash over Alex, and Emily pops her head out of the castle.
“You know we love you, right?”
