Silly Jokes for Silly Kids. Children's joke book age 5-12

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Silly Jokes for Silly Kids. Children's joke book age 5-12 Page 3

by Willy, Silly

A: Fingernails!

  Q: How do locomotives hear?

  A: Through the engineers!

  Q: Why is tennis such a loud game?

  A: Because each player raises a racquet!

  Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?

  A: Lunch and dinner!

  Q: Why did the belt go to jail?

  A: It held up a pair of pants!

  Q: What did the light bulb say to its mother?

  A: I wuv you watts and watts!

  Q: How can you tell that a train just went by?

  A: It left its tracks!

  Q: Why is it not safe to sleep on trains?

  A: Because they run over sleepers!

  Q: Why was the mushroom invited to lots of parties?

  A: Because he was a fungi to be with!

  Q: What’s the tallest building in the world?

  A: The library, because it has the most stories!

  Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

  A: I better not tell you, it might spread!

  Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

  A: At the forks in the road!

  Q: Why was the calendar worried?

  A: Its days were numbered!

  Q: What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

  A: Parachute school!

  Q: What kind of phones do people in jail use?

  A: Cell phones!

  Q: What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

  A: A screwdriver!

  Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

  A: Hot, because you can catch cold!

  Q: How does the ocean say hello?

  A: It waves!

  Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?

  A: Because if it lifted up both legs it would fall over!

  Q: What kind of underwear do reporters wear?

  A: News briefs.

  Q: What did one wall say to the other?

  A: I’ll meet you at the corner!

  Q: Why didn’t the girl take the bus home?

  A: Because her parents would make her take it back!

  Q: What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

  A: One minds the train, one trains the mind!

  Q: Why did the thief take a shower?

  A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!

  Q: What does one bucket say to the other?

  A: I am feeling pale today!

  Q: Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was the biggest?

  A: The son, because he was a little Bigger!

  Q: What is worse than having one baby screaming?

  A: Two babies screaming!

  Q: Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

  A: To see how long he slept!

  Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake?

  A: It wanted to be a watermelon!

  Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

  A: Because he wanted to be on time!

  Q: Why can’t a bicycle stand up?

  A: Because it’s two tired!

  Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

  A: The dentist is taking me out tonight!

  Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?

  A: Meet Patty!

  Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?

  A: Sue!

  Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

  A: No thank you, I’m stuffed!

  Q: What did the calculator say to the math student?

  A: You can count on me!

  Q: Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

  A: She was caught taking a brake!

  Q: Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

  A: They make the little things count!

  Q: What letter can you drink?

  A: T!

  Q: What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

  A: It was in shock for a week!

  Q: When is a car not a car?

  A: When it turns into a garage!

  Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?

  A: It needed a root canal!

  Q: What is always hot in the refrigerator?

  A: Chilli!

  Q: What did one flower say to the other flower?

  A: Hey, bud!

  Q: Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

  A: He had no patients!

  Q: How do you cut a wave in half?

  A: Use a sea saw!

  Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

  A: Wet!

  Q: What kind of dress can’t be worn?

  A: Address!

  Q: What has legs but doesn’t walk?

  A: A bed!

  Q: What kinds of balls do dragons play soccer with?

  A: Fireballs!

  Q: Where do all the letters sleep?

  A: In the alpha-bed!

  Q: What has a bed that you can’t sleep in?

  A: A river!

  Q: What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

  A: A scale!

  Q: Where do computers go to dance?

  A: The disk-o!

  Q: When is a door not a door?

  A: When it’s a-jar!

  Q: Where do soldiers keep their armies?

  A: In their sleeves!

  Q: Why don’t honest people need beds?

  A: They don’t lie!

  Q: Why did the drum take a nap?

  A: It was beat!

  Q: What kind of band can’t play music?

  A: A rubber band!

  Q: What room can you not go into?

  A: A mushroom!

  Q: What did the candle say to the other candle?

  A: I’m going out tonight!

  Q: How are doughnuts and golf alike?

  A: They both have a hole in one!

  Q: Why did a boy throw a clock out the window?

  A: To see time fly!

  Q: Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

  A: She wanted to see a butterfly!

  Q: What has four legs but never stands?

  A: A Chair!

  Q: What did the clock do after it ate?

  A: It went back four seconds!

  Q: What goes up and down but never moves?

  A: Stairs!

  Q: Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

  A: Because there are too many ears!

  Q: What goes on and on and has an ‘i’ in the middle?

  A: An onion!

  Q: Where does a boat go when it is sick?

  A: To the dock!

  Q: Why is a horse like a wedding?

  A: Because they both need a GROOM!!!

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I think I need glasses.

  Yes you do, Sir, this is a butchers!

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!

  Didn't I see you yesterday?

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a sheep.

  That's baaaaaaaaaad!

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a mosquito.

  Go away, sucker!

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee.

  Have you tried taking the spoon out?

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Have you got something for a bad headache?

  Yes. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Can I have second opinion?

  Of course, come back tomorrow!

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me out!

  Certainly, which way did you come in?

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m invisible.

  Who said that?

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I feel like an apple.

  We must get to the core of this!

  Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I'm a burglar!

  Have you taken anything for it?

/>   Q: What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?

  A: A dino-snores!

  Q: How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?

  A: Just one if it's long enough!

  Q: What do elves do after school?

  A: Gnomework!

  Q: What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?

  A: The full moon because it's lighter!

  Q: What is the best hand to write with?

  A: Neither - it's best to write with a pen!

  Q: Did you hear the joke about the pencil?

  A: But it doesn't have any point!

  Q: Why do nutters eat biscuits?

  A: Because they're crackers!

  Q: Who invented fire?

  A: Some bright spark!

  Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?

  A: Because it's too far to walk!

  Q: What is "out of bounds"?

  A: An exhausted kangaroo!

  Q: Where does success come before work?

  A: In the dictionary!

  Q: What is the strongest bird?

  A: A crane!

  Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?

  A: A snowball!

  Q: What kind of fish can't swim?

  A: Dead ones!

  Q: How do you make milk shake?

  A: Give it a good scare!

  Q: Do you know the time?

  A: No, we haven't met yet!

  Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?

  A: A nervous wreck!

  Q: What sort of animal is a slug?

  A: A snail with a housing problem!

  Q: What is a "Minimum" mean?

  A: A very small mother!

  Q: What does "Maximum" mean?

  A: A very big mother!

  Q: What holds the sun up in the sky?

  A: Sunbeams!

  Q: Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?

  A: Because they couldn't spell their names!

  Can I have a hair-cut please?

  Certainly, which one!?

  Q: What kind of bee drops things?

  A: Fumble bee!

  Q: What did the bee say to the flower?

  A: Hello honey!

  Q: What did the confused bee say?

  A: To bee or not to bee!

  Q: What are the cleverest bees?

  A: Spelling bees!

  The End

 

 

 


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