by Aj Harmon
First Class to Portland
by AJ Harmon
http://www.firstclassnovels.com
First Kindle Edition, December 2012
Copyright 2012 by ABCs Legacy, LLC
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in any form, in whole or in part, without written permission from the author.
Table of Contents
Chapter
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
EPILOGUE
1.
The flight to Portland from Denver was only about two hours. It went by relatively quickly. Janie recognized the Columbia River as the plane slowly descended and she felt relief to be home. She could be back in her own bed in just a few hours where she could put this trip behind her, and somehow let Matt become a fond memory instead of feeling the pain in her heart every time she thought of him.
She walked down the concourse and headed for baggage claim. It was only two o’clock local time, but she felt as though she’d been up for days. She was so tired, physically and emotionally. Standing at the conveyor belt, she waited for the bell to sound and the suitcases to appear. People began filling up the area and Janie moved over to have a better view of the suitcases rolling by. Several bags came and went, and Janie waited. Her dad had taught her to wrap yarn around the handles to help identify her bags and she watched for the pale green color to catch her eye. Other passengers were grabbing bags and leaving and she took a step closer to see if hers were coming.
I thought first class bags were supposed to come off first, she thought. Katy will be waiting.
More passengers left and Janie looked over to the where the belt ended. I can still smell him. Tears immediately filled her eyes and spilled over as she turned to walk in the other direction to the beginning of the conveyor belt. She looked down and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. Taking another step she ran into somebody in front of her.
“Excuse me. Sorry,” she choked, not looking up.
“No problem,” came the voice.
Janie froze. His smell was strong, the voice deep and silky. Janie peaked up to see dark blue eyes focused on her.
“Matt,” she mouthed, her chin quivering, tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Janie,” he whispered. “Janie.” He tenderly held her face in his hands and wiped her tears with his thumbs. “You left me.”
“You asked me to go,” she sobbed.
“I’m an idiot,” he grinned. “I love you Janie. Don’t leave me again. I couldn’t bear it.”
Janie’s mouth gaped open and she gazed into his eyes. “I love you,” she said.
Matt lowered his lips to hers and kissed her with all the love he felt for her, tasting her salty tears.
“You didn’t look back,” he whispered. “I willed you to look back so I would know you wanted me and you didn’t look back.”
“Matt,” she sobbed. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“I want you. I love you.” And he kissed her again.
Feeling very aware they were being watched, Janie pulled back and took a deep breath. Then, questions formed in her head, her forehead wrinkling.
“How are you here? I left you in New York and you’re here. How…”
Matt chuckled. “I tried to get on another flight but nothing would get me here quick enough so I chartered a plane. I knew you had a three hour layover in Denver.” He seemed quite pleased with himself.
“It turned out to be four,” Janie muttered. Then with cautious eyes, she asked him the hardest question. “Beth?”
“Janie, no, Beth is nothing. What you overheard was not what you think. Please believe that. I am so sorry you heard it. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Janie knew he was telling her the truth. She saw the pain and the love in his eyes and she knew she had been right that it was out of character for him. He was all that she imagined him to be and he loved her.
“It doesn’t matter now, does it?” she smiled.
“No, it doesn’t matter at all. Come on. Katy’s here with the car and you wouldn’t want me to deal with cabs on my first day in Portland, would you?” Matt grinned.
“My bags!”
“I’ve got them”, Matt smiled and winked at her.
“Oh.”
Matt held out his arm, offering Janie the lead through the giant revolving doors, pulling her suitcase behind him.
“What have you got in here? Bricks?”
Janie smiled. She blinked, and slowly opened her eyes, startled as darkness enveloped her. She was in her bed, in her house, alone. She sat up and looked through the darkness, the realization dawning on her. It had all just been a dream. She was back in Portland and Matt had let her go. She laid back down and curled her knees to her chest and cried herself back to sleep.
*****
May was Janie’s favorite month of the year for a myriad of reasons. Her boys arrived home from college and she got to play ‘mom’ again. The flowers were all staring to bloom. The weather was perfect in Portland. And it was her birthday month. Yes, she was happy it was finally May.
Since the day she returned from New York, she had been fully occupied with emptying closets, cupboards and the attic, creating three massive piles in the garage. There was the garbage pile that grew increasingly with each new box she sorted. There was the donation pile that she would need a receipt for because this was going to make a difference on her taxes this year. And the last pile was to keep. It was the smallest pile but the most important. There were photos and memorabilia from the boy’s childhood and a box that held the few treasures of Robert’s that she was going to keep.
Amanda, her realtor, had been by earlier in the week and the house would be listed as soon as the painters had finished the last bedroom, in a day or so. Where she would go, she hadn’t decided, but she was moving forward with the list she had made in New York as planned.
TO DO:
1. Donate Robert’s clothes to Goodwill
2. Sell Robert’s truck
3. Find a realtor and put the house up for sale
4. PURGE! Go through everything and get rid of stuff I don’t use. SIMPLIFY!
5. Join a gym
6. Get a new wardrobe – Katy will help
7. BE OPEN TO ALL POSSIBILITIES!
Robert’s clothes were all boxed and in the donation pile and his truck had been bought by one of her best friend Katy’s co-workers at the hospital. Janie was at the end of her sorting and purging and actually enjoying the release of letting go of all the stuff that helped to weigh her down. It was all very liberating for her.
Numbers five and six on the list hadn’t been started yet, but number seven was at the forefront of her mind. She needed to be open and receptive to all good things that came her way. Like Matt. Yes, she thought of Matt as a good thing, even though her heart was still broken. It had only been ten days after all; ten days and ten long nights. It really was the nights that were the hardest. Dreaming was the worst. During the day she stayed busy with the painters and the sorting, but at night it was quiet and she was left alone with her thoughts and the memories of one Matthew E. Lathem.
He had texted her the day after she got home. It was brief, ‘Hope you made it home okay’. She had sent an equally brief response, ‘Yes. Home and unpacking.’ It had taken her three hours to come up with those four simple words. And since then? Nothing.
Trying not to think about him only seemed to make her think about him more. Even though she was no longer in New York, everyth
ing she did reminded her of him. She was in the grocery store and she walked past the wines and decided to pick up a Cabernet, like the one they had drunk in his apartment. She had been at the gas station and saw a BMW. It was difficult to take a shower without several memories flooding her mind; the shower in his apartment, making love with him in the shower, Matt finding her huddled in the corner of the shower and comforting her. But the days kept coming and she managed to make it through each one and for that she was grateful.
Saturdays were usually spent with Katy and they had made plans for today to go shopping at the mall. Janie hadn’t spent any time with her since she’d been home, except the drive back from the airport where Katy had been unusually quiet and a tad irritable. She hadn’t asked at all about her trip and didn’t want to talk about Matt either. After asking repeatedly if she was okay, Katy had said she thought she had picked up a bug, an occupational hazard working as a nurse. So Janie was pleased to be finally spending the day with her best friend.
In the driveway moving boxes when Katy arrived, Janie abused their friendship and got her to help pull down the small kayak from the rafters of the garage.
“Is this going too?” she asked.
“Danny from next door likes it so I’m giving it to him. He had gone with Robert a few times out on the river so I figured he’d appreciate it.” Janie was pleased with the progress she had made cleansing her life, so to speak.
“Speak of the devil,” muttered Katy as Danny walked across the lawn.
“Why Katy! So nice to run into you. How are you?”
“Danny... I’m fine. Janie and I were just leaving.”
Janie shoved the stack of boxes into the garage and pushed numbers into the key pad to close the door. “There it is Danny.” She pointed to the kayak lying on the lawn. “All yours.” Janie smiled and grabbed her purse from the small bench in front of the flowerbed. She and Katy got into Katy’s Subaru and Danny waved.
Backing out of the driveway, Katy grimaced, “He’s weird Janie. I’m glad you’ll be moving. I don’t like you here by yourself with him around.”
Janie laughed, “He has been our neighbor for five or six years Katy. He’s alright. He has been nothing but kind since Robert died and before that he and Robert hung out quite often.”
“Well he gives me the creeps.”
“That’s because he likes you and you won’t talk to him, let alone go out with him,’ Janie smiled.
“I don’t want to talk about Danny! Let’s go do some damage at the mall.” And they pulled onto the I-205 and headed for Clackamas Town Center.
*****
“Mom! He doesn’t care!” Matt stated for the third time in the last half hour.
Maureen stood in the kitchen with her hands on her hips frustrated with her sons. “I know this wedding is a ten minute visit to City Hall. And I know they are having a small group of friends over next weekend to celebrate, but I thought it might be nice to do something after they are officially married.”
Matt’s younger brother Andrew was finally marrying his long-time partner Rory on Tuesday and his mother was bound and determined to turn it into something Andrew would abhor.
“Mom, I know you want to make this special for them, but all they want is a simple ceremony with immediate family and then dinner at home. Please, let them have it their way,” Mark, another one of Matt’s brothers, pleaded.
“How is it that I have seven sons and not one of you have had a real wedding?”
Matt rolled his eyes, knowing she was talking about him, seeing as though he’d been the only one of the brothers to get married, the first time at City Hall just like Andrew was doing, and the second, a three-day trip to Las Vegas, neither one pleasing his mother. But then they both ended in divorce so it didn’t matter anyway.
“Fine!” muttered Maureen. She headed upstairs leaving the two brothers to their beer and a ball game on the TV.
“So,” began Mark, “how are you doing?”
“Fine.” Matt took a drink from the bottle.
“You’re not fine,” Mark sighed. “You had one of the accountant’s almost in tears on Thursday and Angela says you cancelled the trip to Buenos Aries.”
“I don’t want to go. Ben can go instead,” Matt shrugged.
“Yes, Ben can go and I’m sure he wants to, but that isn’t the point. You know what I’m talking about.”
“I fucked up. She left. Not much more to it than that.” Matt took the last gulp of his beer, finishing the bottle. He stood and walked to the fridge and took out two more.
“I thought the best friend said that she only left cuz you told her you weren’t interested in any relationship?”
Matt shrugged his shoulders again.
“Shit Matt. You’re an ass if you don’t call her and tell her that you were an idiot,” Mark felt like he was talking to a wall. He’d had this same one-sided conversation with Matt twice already in the past week. It was getting old.
“If I need Dr. Phil I’ll give him a call.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing she left.” Mark grabbed his keys off the counter and went upstairs to say goodbye to his mom.
*****
“It’s a bit low don’t you think?” asked Janie, who was trying on summer dresses in Macy’s. Katy had given her a selection to start with.
“No! You look great!” Katy grinned. “That color brings out your eyes and looks nice against your skin.”
It was a pale apricot wrap dress. Janie hated to admit that she really did like it. She spun around and watched the flutter of the skirt in the mirror. It was what she would call a ‘flirty’ dress.
“Come on, Janie! You’re forty-two not eighty-two! Dress your age. No more mommy jeans and sweaters with cats on it!”
Janie laughed, “I do NOT have cats on ANY of my sweaters, thank you very much!” She tried on a few more things and was secretly thrilled Katy had picked out some more daring pieces for her. If she was starting a new life, a few new clothes couldn’t hurt. And Matt had liked her showing a little skin.
“What?” Katy asked. “You’re frowning. What is it?”
Janie lowered her head and bit her bottom lip, willing herself not to cry, again.
“Aw, Janie. It’s him. You’re thinking about Matt.”
Janie looked up at her friend, the saddest expression Katy had seen in a long time.
“Call him then!”
“I can’t! No commitment! Just sex and then we move on, remember?”
Katy shook her head. She was furious that Matt had not pursued her friend. He had admitted to her on the phone that he loved Janie but he hadn’t done anything about it in the ten days since Janie had been home. And she couldn’t tell Janie that she called him. She would be furious. And Katy certainly couldn’t tell her what he’d said. That would break her heart all over again.
“More retail therapy, then.” Katy took Janie and her pile of new clothes and headed to the nearest cash register.
2.
By Monday morning, Janie was ready when the Goodwill donation truck backed into her driveway. They loaded the great big pile of boxes containing clothes, sporting equipment, household items, tools, and then loaded some furniture. Janie decided if she was starting over, she was going all the way.
After half an hour, the truck drove away and Janie felt like a huge weight had been lifted. She felt considerably freer than she had when she awoke that morning. With that project completed and now checked off her list, Janie decided to enjoy the beautiful sunshine and headed off down the street on foot. A nice walk would be good. She had come to appreciate a good walk while in New York City.
As she passed familiar landmarks as she wandered around her neighborhood, a state of melancholy washed over her. She would miss it here. It had been her home for the last twenty years. Her boys had ridden their bikes through these streets, they attended the schools here, and her husband was buried here. But Janie knew that her life couldn’t be about the boys anymore. They were almost twenty-o
ne and had embarked on a life of their own. They didn’t need her anymore and her husband had died. There was nothing holding her here.
Janie turned the corner and had walked about a hundred yards when she found herself stopped in front of a church; a big Catholic church. Once again, pictures of Matt inundated her mind and she could almost feel her hand in his, his thumb caressing her skin. Janie walked up the steps and pulled open the large door and stepped inside. It was cool and quiet and the stained glass windows allowed colored light to dance across the wooden pews. Taking a few steps inside she was engulfed in sadness and moved to the closest bench and slid down burying her face in her hands. This is how it had been the last several days: fine one minute and totally depressed the next.
How can I feel like this? I only spent two weeks with him! The tiny taste of happiness she felt with Matt had been ripped from her when she left New York and instead of slowly healing, she was only becoming more despondent.
After several minutes, something was placed next to her on the bench. Startled, Janie looked up to see a box of tissues and the kind face of a priest.
“May I sit with you?” he asked.
Janie nodded and grabbed a couple of tissues from the box and blew her nose. She took a deep breath and thanked the priest.
“I’m Father Brian,” he smiled.
“Janie,” she whispered.
“Hello Janie. Maybe you’d like to talk?”
Janie shook her head, “I don’t think talking will help, but thank you.”
“Well then maybe I could just sit here with you.” His eyes were kind and his presence actually made Janie feel a little better.
Sitting in silence for a few minutes gave Janie an opportunity to blow her nose again and wipe her eyes. She hadn’t cried that hard since the night she arrived back from her vacation. Since then she had tried to keep busy, keep her mind and body focused on tasks, any diversion available.
“I met someone and I fell in love with him but he isn’t interested in any form of commitment and so there isn’t a future and he lives in New York and I live here so it wouldn’t work anyway, but I didn’t think I could fall in love with him but I did and now I’m here and alone again and it’s just hard,” she sobbed. Janie took another deep breath and tried to stop the tears.
