by Aj Harmon
“Sometimes a good cry is needed,” Father Brian smiled.
“I’m sorry,” Janie said. “I’m not even Catholic.”
Father Brian chuckled and patted her hand, “That’s more than alright. All God’s children are welcome here.”
“I went to a Catholic service in New York a couple of weeks ago,” she added. “I guess that’s maybe why I came in here.”
“You attended mass with this man you are talking about?”
Janie nodded, “And his family.”
Father Brian tilted his head. “Janie, tell me about this man?”
“His name’s Matt. I met him on my way to New York and we spent the two weeks I was there together, but he said right up front that he didn’t do commitment, just sex.”
Janie immediately blushed at her uncensored statement. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
He chuckled again, “That’s quite alright. I understand.”
Janie continued, “I didn’t think I was going to fall in love with him. It was all so fast, but I do love him, but it doesn’t matter.”
“Did you tell him how you feel?”
“Oh heavens, no! He made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in anything more than the two weeks I was there!”
“Well I don’t have any experience in these matters personally. But I do know that we should listen to our hearts. Let yours tell you what you should do.”
*****
As Janie walked back down her street to her house, feeling better after her talk with Father Brian, she saw her realtor, Amanda, hammering the ‘For Sale’ sign in the front yard.
It’s really happening! I am selling the house!
Amanda greeted her warmly and handed her a flyer to look over.
“Wow! This makes my house sound wonderful,” Janie laughed.
“It is wonderful! This is a very desirable neighborhood. You are in a great school district and have a low crime rate. I am confident it will sell very quickly, even at the asking price.” Amanda sounded very optimistic. “And we are going to have the Open House on Saturday, like we had talked about. Let’s hit the ground running, shall we? And don’t forget the realtor’s tour is tomorrow at nine. You probably don’t want to be home for that.”
“Right,” Janie remembered. “I’ll be gone by the time you get here. And on Saturday? Should I be gone for that too?”
“Oh, yes, definitely. Potential buyers don’t want the owners here. It makes them uncomfortable.”
Janie nodded and said goodbye to her realtor. I guess I will be scrubbing with a toothbrush for the next four days, she thought. Better get to it!
*****
Matt sat behind his glass desk, the official partnership documents spread out with several ‘Sign here’ tags marking the pages. He lifted his fountain pen and unscrewed the cap.
“You don’t have to give me half your company, Matt,” Mark pleaded for the umpteenth time. “Especially now, after Janie has gone back to Portland and you seem to be content with letting that be the end of it.”
Matt looked up at Mark, sitting in the chair in front of him. “First off, it’s only thirty-five percent. I still and will always maintain controlling ownership. I have told you for years that it is your company too and this just makes it official and you a ton richer,” he smiled. “And secondly, I am not content that she left; I’m pissed off. But she did leave. I have no control over that.”
“I’ve never seen you like this.” Mark was worried. “I saw the way you looked at each other. Whatever it is you feel it is definitely mutual. I don’t understand…”
“It’s not fair to her,” Matt interrupted. “If I had known from the beginning that her husband had died of cancer I would never have asked her out. She is too emotional and vulnerable and I should never have messed with that. But after I found out it was too late and I was selfish and indulged. I’m not proud of it.”
“He’s been dead for over a year! She was obviously ready to move on because she did go out with you. I don’t get why you’re being so stubborn.”
“Because I would rather die than hurt her,” Matt admitted.
“Maybe you should have told her how you feel and given her the opportunity to decide. She left not knowing all the facts and that’s not her fault.”
“No, it’s mine.”
*****
Tuesday morning Janie was up and out of the house by 8:30am. She had planned several errands to make sure she gave the realtors plenty of time to critique her house. It would never make it into a design magazine, but it was homey and comfortable. Most of the furniture was gone, thanks to the Goodwill truck, leaving the house simple and open and uncluttered. There were no photos of the family and no trinkets or knick knacks to personalize it. Amanda had said it would be easier to sell if the potential buyers could envision themselves there, and photos were an obstacle in that process. Janie felt okay about boxing all of it up; it helped with her physical and emotional cleansing. She hoped Amanda would be pleased with her efforts.
She pulled into the dry cleaners and dropped off the two black dresses she had worn in New York. As she handed them over, she was filled with the memory of Matt undoing the zipper and slipping his hands underneath the fabric. She closed her eyes and tried to stop her mind but she could smell him, taste him, feel him and it was all a bit too much. Her eyes filled with tears and she hurried back to the car before she made an idiot of herself.
Will I ever be free of him? she thought.
Her next stop was at the bank. Drive thru this time. Less embarrassing! She transferred money from the money market account to her checking account. She could have done it at home on the computer, but she needed to find errands to run and it took up ten minutes. Plus, she needed to pick up a new car charger for her cell phone and the electronics store was right next to the bank.
After an hour, her errands were completed so she headed over to her mother’s house. She only lived about fifteen minutes away and she needed to talk to her about the boys anyway.
She found her mom in the backyard on her hands and knees planting rows of pansies. Every spring, Patricia, Patty to her friends, spent hours and hours and hundreds of dollars filling all the flower beds with annuals. It was obvious where Janie’s love of flowers came from.
“Hi, Mom,” she called, as she walked into the yard.
“Hi, honey. I’m so glad you stopped by. I need to hear all about your trip!” Patty stood and wiped her hands on her pants. “I’ll grab some coffee and we can sit out here. It’s supposed to rain this afternoon, but I’d like to enjoy the sun while we can see it,” she chuckled.
Patty stepped inside for a couple of minutes and came out through the sliding glass door with a tray holding cups of steaming coffee and some mini chocolate donuts, her weakness. Janie smiled when she saw them and took the cup from her mom.
“So, tell me all about it!”
Janie smiled and looked out at the garden. “I think one of my favorite things was Central Park,” she said. “I spent hours wandering, not heading anywhere specific. It really was amazing.”
“We have parks here, you know,” Patty grinned. “What else did you do? You texted me about the baseball game and I talked to you after the bus tour. Did you get to see the Statue of Liberty? I know it was on your list.”
Janie closed her eyes and didn’t want to talk about it. ‘The Lady’ brought back a flood of memories of Matt and being in his apartment and the amazing time she’d had there. It wasn’t just the sex, although that had been insanely good, but more of the feelings and emotions while she had been with him. He had opened up to her about his friend Wes that had died on 9/11 and he had trusted her with talking about the painful loss of his unborn baby. It was definitely more than just sex. There was a connection she felt to him after that and it was so hard to let go of that.
“Yes, I saw it. I actually had a harbor tour. If you had Facebook you could look at all the pictures,” Janie teased her mom.
“Oh I am too old to be mes
sing around with the computer. I can barely check my email!” Patty laughed.
Janie finished her coffee and confirmed with her mom that it was still fine for the boys to stay with her while they were home for the summer. They had offered to stay with their Grandma so Janie’s house would stay clean and tidy while it was for sale. She had appreciated them being so accommodating and amazed that they had finally recognized they were slobs.
Janie kissed her mom goodbye and figured the tour of her house should be over so she headed home.
*****
At five minutes to two, Matt stood outside City Hall. He didn’t want to be late to his brother, Andrew’s wedding, so he headed up the steps and made his way to the wedding party. All his brothers were there, except Paul, of course, who was still on some secret mission as a Navy Seal. He sat down next to his dad, who was holding his mom’s hand, as she had already begun crying and the ceremony hadn’t even started. Andrew and Rory were at the front of the room talking to the City Clerk. Matt was the last one to arrive so they got started.
They had decided to write their own vows and keep the ceremony short and simple. Matt was trying to focus on what was being said but his mind wouldn’t let him. All he could think about was Janie and how much he missed her. He knew that she had been the one woman who had let him be who he really was. He didn’t need to put on a show for her or pretend to be something he wasn’t. She listened to him because she was interested in what he had to say and their bodies melded together perfectly. He could see himself never getting bored of waking up next to her, of sitting eating Thai food in comfortable silence, or cuddling on the couch listening to music. He knew he’d become sappy but he didn’t care. He really did want all those things, but he only wanted them with Janie.
He was pulled from his own thoughts as Andrew spoke.
“I was happy and content before I met you, Rory. I had a promising career and a loving family. And my life was good. And then I met you and I realized that life didn’t have to be just good. Life could be joyful and sweet and I understood what people meant when they said they were head over heels in love.”
Matt listened as his brother bore his soul to the one person he trusted completely, the one person who knew him better than anyone else, the one person he loved unconditionally.
“You have completed my life in a way I never knew was possible and today I promise you that I will love and cherish you until the day that I die.”
Matt heard those words and an overwhelming feeling of loss washed over him. He knew that he had been a fool to let Janie leave without telling her how he felt. Mark had been right. He had to tell her. He had to lay his heart out for her. And then the ball would be in her court.
3.
The next few days went by very quickly for Janie. There was nothing like an Open House with strangers critiquing your home to make you want to scrub every surface, every nook and cranny, every inch of the house. Janie did nothing else but clean, clean, and clean some more. By Friday evening, Katy told her the house was cleaner and more sterile than the operating rooms at the hospital.
“Well, now that I’ve made the decision to sell and start over, I want someone to buy it before I change my mind,” Janie explained as they sat at the Mexican restaurant enjoying chips and salsa before their dinner arrived.
“Are you worried you’ll change your mind?”
“No. I’m just ready for the next chapter to begin.”
“So, if you could be anywhere, doing anything, what would it be?” Katy asked.
Janie’s eyes dropped to her hands and she closed her eyes. I’d be with Matt, she thought. Anywhere he was.
“You know, you could call him,” Katy said.
Janie looked up at her friend, a sad smile on her face. “You know me too well.”
“I’m serious. Why don’t you call him?”
“I’ll need several more drinks before that will ever happen. And you know he could have called me if he’d wanted to, but I know that he’s already moved on. What we had in New York was just fun entertainment for him. It didn’t mean anything. He told me up front, Katy. He wasn’t looking for anything more.”
Katy took a sip of her drink, knowing full well that it did mean something more than that. Matt had told her. He’d said he was in love with Janie, and Katy didn’t understand why he hadn’t done a damn thing about it. He still hadn’t called Janie once and it had been over two weeks. Maybe he was just a coward. Maybe he didn’t deserve her friend.
The waitress appeared with their food and Katy picked up her fork and took a delicious bite of her seafood enchilada just as her phone rang. She didn’t recognize the number but answered anyway.
“Katy?”
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“Matt. Matt Lathem.”
Katy choked on her food and dropped her phone on the table. She coughed and sputtered and finally swallowed and grabbed the phone.
“What the hell?”
“Dropped the phone. What do you want? Why are you calling me?” Katy snapped.
Janie looked up at her friend with concern in her eyes. She mouthed something to Katy but she didn’t see.
“Katy, I’m in Portland.”
*****
With his brother’s wedding over, Matt headed back to the office and tried to work, but he couldn’t concentrate at all. All he could think about was figuring out his next step with Janie. He needed to tell her how he felt and see if she felt the same. Katy said she did but he needed to hear what Janie had to say. He needed a plan.
“Angela, can you come in here for a minute, please? I’d like to try and clear my schedule for the next few days.”
Angela appeared with her tablet in hand, and Matt explained that he needed to leave town for a few days.
“Well, you have the meeting with the City Councilman on Thursday regarding the Brooklyn conversion. If we cancel that, I’m not sure I can get it rescheduled within the window of time you are hoping for in order to get that project started. It could be months before he will agree to meet again. You know how long it took to get this one.”
Matt rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. Is two days going to make a difference? “Okay, let’s cancel everything after that meeting then. I will definitely be back by the 19th for the Harlem walkthrough with the inspector.”
Angela nodded and made some notes. “Do you need travel arrangements?”
“Yes please. To Portland on Friday, returning the following Thursday, the 18th. I’ll need hotel and car, the usual.”
Angela’s head whipped at ‘Portland’, eyes questioning her boss.
“Yes. I’m going to see her.”
“Oh that’s good,” she smiled. “You have been rather intolerable the last few days.” And she stood and left Matt’s office.
*****
“What was that all about?” Janie questioned Katy. “You okay? I thought you were going to fall out of your chair!”
Katy was obviously texting and not paying any attention to Janie.
“Hey! You’ve got me worried,” Janie raised her voice.
“Oh,” Katy looked up. “It’s, um, just a guy I used to know ages ago. I’m kinda freaked out he called me after all this time. I, uh, didn’t think it had ended real well and assumed I’d never hear from him again but I guess I was wrong.” Katy hoped Janie wouldn’t push it much further.
“Well, you do leave a lasting impression,” Janie grinned.
Katy shoved her phone back into her purse, the text to Matt sent. It appeared Janie believed her big fat lie. But it was for the best. Hopefully this would be a wonderful surprise for her best friend. “You know, I’ve gotta get going.”
“What? You’ve had one bite of your food and I thought we were going to see a movie later,” Janie was stunned at Katy’s hasty exit.
“I have to work the early shift,” Katy lied. “I just got texted. That’s what I was doing, just now.”
“Oh,” Janie sighed. “Well, okay. Call me tomorrow then a
nd we can plan something for next weekend.”
“Sure thing.” Another lie! Katy thought. She grabbed her purse and squeezed Janie’s shoulder. “Have a wonderful day tomorrow,” she smiled.
“I can’t imagine it being wonderful,” Janie frowned. “But maybe someone will be interested in the house.”
“Oh yeah, the house,” said Katy. “Good luck with that too.” And Katy hurried out of the restaurant, leaving Janie very confused.
She finished her taco salad and had the waitress box up Katy’s dinner. If she wasn’t going to eat it Janie wasn’t about to let it go to waste. She paid the bill and headed to her car.
“Janie!”
She turned to see Danny walking up the sidewalk. “Hi! Small world, huh?”
Janie smiled at her neighbor.
“I was just coming to grab some dinner. You all done?”
“Yeah, heading home now,” Janie replied.
“Is, um, Katy with you?” Danny looked around Janie.
“She was, but she had to leave. Enjoy your dinner.” Janie smiled and walked the last few feet to her car. Danny was a nice enough guy, although she didn’t know him that well. He and Robert had gone out kayaking a couple of times on the Willamette River and had gone fishing in the Columbia River once or twice, but since Robert died, Janie had really only seen Danny if they happened to be in the yard at the same time, or when Katy was over. Danny obviously liked her and always seemed to be outside when Katy was leaving. But Katy wasn’t interested. Danny wasn’t her type. He was short; about 5’8” and Katy liked to wear high heels, so 5’10” was her minimum. He was thin; Katy liked some muscle on her men. He was blonde; Katy always dated dark-haired men. And Danny wasn’t overly intellectual. Not that Katy was brilliant or anything, but she liked to be able to have intelligent conversations and Danny didn’t fit that bill either. He was more of a let’s go bowling and talk about beer and the NFL. There’s no way Katy will ever go out with you, thought Janie as she pulled out of the parking lot as he stood on the sidewalk.
