First Class to Portland

by Aj Harmon

  He walked back to the car and got in and sat, waiting, again, for the woman who had stolen his heart to come home so he could tell her he couldn’t live another minute without her.

  The drive from his hotel to Janie’s had been interminable. He had gone over in his head what he was going to tell her, how he was going to kiss her, how he wanted her to react. When he had pulled into the driveway his heart had sunk at the realization that he was going to have to wait, again!

  Pulling out his phone, he figured he would try to keep his mind occupied with email as he waited.

  *****

  “I swear to God I almost punched him!” Katy laughed as she told Janie about Danny’s offer of drinks just an hour before. “He will not get the message through his thick head that I am NOT interested!”

  Janie shook her head. “You’ve always had to fend off the men,” she smiled. “You should be used to it by now.”

  Katy laughed and said, “But they’re all toads! I need to find my prince!”

  “Fairy tales don’t always end well, you know. Just look at my prince! He died at the ripe old age of forty-one. That isn’t happily ever after in my book.”

  “I know,” Katy sobered. “But there is another great guy out there for you, you know. And I think you should give him a chance to say what he has to say.”

  “I don’t know that he has anything to say.”

  “Just wait and see what happens. Life isn’t set in stone Janie.”

  The waitress dropped off their check and Katy grabbed it. “This one’s mine.”

  “The gifts just keep coming,” Janie laughed.

  “Sorry I have to call it an early night. Working the weekends suck but I love the extra money.”

  “You don’t have to apologize,” Janie said. “I have some cute little Victoria’s Secret outfits I want to try on anyway,” she giggled.

  “I am so glad you bought some fun stuff today. You need to embrace this whole shopping thing,” Katy said. “It really is a lot of fun.”

  Janie laughed and had to admit that she was starting to enjoy it. Now she needed some fun places to wear her new purchases. As they walked out to the car, Janie looked down at the new outfit she had put on this evening when Katy had ordered her to get dressed. Her black jeans were snug on her hips and in combination with her black pumps made her feel tall. The blue sequined, top hung off her breasts and she noticed a couple of the men at the bar watching her as she walked past them to her table. It was a significant change to the way she would have dressed if she had been able to coax Robert out of the house for dinner. Her mom jeans and a sweatshirt with tennis shoes would have sufficed. But it was a new Janie now and she was going to embrace her.

  Katy drove them back to Janie’s house and as they turned the corner onto her street, Janie grabbed her best friend’s hand and squeezed.

  “Thank you for always being here when I need you,” she said.

  “Of course! I am ALWAYS here for you. And I know you’re here for me too.”

  Janie smiled and was grateful they had remained friends all these years. They turned into the driveway and Janie was immediately overcome with curiosity, as they pulled up next to a Lincoln Navigator. She racked her brain to think if she knew anyone that drove that make of car and came up with nothing.

  “Who’s here?” asked Katy.

  “No idea.”

  The Lincoln’s driver’s door opened and long legs stretched out and Janie’s heart lodged in her throat when she recognized Matt standing and closing the door.

  “Oh shit!”

  “Janie? Hear him out. Please?” Katy pleaded with her friend.

  “Don’t leave me,” Janie panicked.

  Katy smiled and knew she couldn’t stay. “It will be okay. Just let him talk. I am sure there are things he needs to say.”

  Janie looked at her friend and opened the door. She nodded and got out, slowly closing the door behind her.

  “Matt,” she said, standing a few feet from him. “This is a surprise.” She walked past him and headed for the front door. She saw the headlights of Katy’s car back out of the driveway and turn into the street. She was alone with him and she was petrified.

  *****

  Janie unlocked the front door and walked inside, holding it open for Matt to follow. Once he stepped into her house, she realized that it was a bad idea. His smell engulfed her and she had to close her eyes it was so potent. She felt him brush past her in the small hallway and her body stiffened at the slightest touch. She didn’t want him this close because she was afraid of what she would do. She was afraid that her heart would be broken all over again. She was just plain afraid.

  “Can I get you a drink?” she asked in her most casual voice.

  “No thank you.” He seemed stiff and uncomfortable.

  Janie led him into the living room, instantly aware of the small room and the sparse furnishings.

  “Um, most of the furniture has been donated to Goodwill,” she explained. “I’m selling the house and it seemed an appropriate time to get rid of stuff.”

  Matt sat in one of the two wingback chairs in front of the window. “This is fine,” he smiled.

  Janie sat in the other chair and crossed her legs, swinging her foot.

  “You look good,” he smiled.

  “Thank you. And thank you for the bracelet. You didn’t need to buy me anything.”

  “I wanted you to have it, to remember your trip, to untie the white ribbon and open up the blue box.” He smiled and Janie’s heart all but melted.

  How she had missed that smile. How she had missed his smell. She was all but intoxicated. She straightened herself in the chair and willed herself to remember why she was mad at him. But her resolve weakened the moment he spoke again.

  “Janie, I know this must be a surprise, me showing up like this. But I couldn’t stay away. I had to see you again.”

  Oh? You needed to see me? Janie chewed on the inside of her cheek and looked down at her foot swinging in the air.

  “There were things I should’ve said before you left and I didn’t have the balls to say them. I was worried that you didn’t feel anything for me but after I talked to Katy I had some hope that…”

  “What? You talked to Katy? Why would you talk to Katy?” Janie’s foot stopped swinging and she turned to face Matt square on.

  “She called me but I didn’t get the message until after your flight had left and she told me that…” Matt stopped mid-sentence as he looked at Janie’s face and saw she was furious.

  “So she called you before I came home?”

  Matt was uncomfortable. This was, perhaps, the wrong way to have started this conversation.

  “Well that doesn’t matter now. I want you to…”

  “It does matter,” she interrupted. “What did you talk about?”

  “She told me I was an asshole and an idiot for letting you walk out of my life. And she was right. But I didn’t think that you were interested after you gave me the brush-off that morning and so I assumed you just wanted a little fling and then be done.”

  “You thought I wanted a fling?” Janie could feel all of the emotion she had been holding in check for the last three weeks come bubbling to the surface.

  Matt knew he was on dangerous ground by the tone of her voice. If this was going to go anywhere close to the way he had imagined he was going to have to choose his words very carefully.

  “Janie, I’m sorry. I’m the ass and I really screwed up in New York and it appears I am making a mess of things here now too. Can I explain? Please?”

  Janie exhaled slowly and relaxed her muscles. She nodded and Matt continued to speak.

  “From the moment you ran into me at the airport I have not been able to get you out of my mind, not while you were in New York and not since you left. I wanted to spend time with you, get to know you but I also wanted you to understand who I was and how I was with women. I didn’t want you to get hurt, I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea and so I
laid down the ground rules and you said you would abide by those rules. Katy explained that’s why you said the things about it being just a fling, and if my memory serves me right, that ‘it would be unbearable if one of us held some kind of ridiculous notion that this could be anything more than just a brief interlude’, because you were protecting yourself.”

  Janie closed her eyes and remembered the pain she had felt as she had spoken those words to him, knowing that she didn’t mean it, any of it, that in fact, she was already in love with him. It had been one of the hardest things she had ever done, pretending to be nonchalant about their time together.

  Matt kept talking. “Janie, when I told you that we could have a good time with no commitment, I meant it. But that was before I got to know you and before I realized that I wanted to keep seeing you, even after your time in New York came to an end. I should have said something, and in fact, I was going to, but then you spoke first and I believed you. I had that bracelet with me to give to you, but decided not to after hearing your speech. It seemed inappropriate.”

  He closed his eyes and lowered his head and Janie wanted to pull him to her and tell him it was okay, that she loved him and she forgave him. Instead, she chewed on the inside of her cheek and remained in her chair, unable to rescue him because she was still so unsure of her own feelings and emotions. She did love him but she was also angry and the last three weeks had taught her that she needed to take care of herself first. She had never done that. When she was a child, she had helped to take care of her two younger sisters and as an adult she had taken care of Robert and the boys. It was time she took care of herself. And she was starting now. If they had any hope of a relationship, as she was beginning to think that’s what Matt wanted, then she needed to be honest about how she felt. They needed to start off on the right foot.

  She mustered all the courage she could and spoke softly. “I did say that. And yes, Katy was right. I was protecting myself. You had told me you weren’t looking for any commitment and I opened myself up for heartbreak anyway.” Janie stared at her shoes, not able to look at Matt. Her memory of him had not done him justice. He was beautiful and his dark blue eyes were piercing her and if she gazed into them she would be lost. “All I had needed from you was one word at the airport and I would have done anything you asked,” she continued. “But I walked to the gate and knew you were not interested in anything more.” She was so close to tears she could feel her throat tightening and knew she would crack at any moment.

  “Janie,” he whispered and slipped off the chair to kneel at her feet. “I am so sorry. I thought I was doing what you wanted.” He stroked the top of her foot and she froze. Then he bent over and kissed it.

  Once again his touch sent shivers all the way through her body and she held her breath as he looked up and their eyes locked.

  “Please forgive me,” he pleaded. “I love you Janie.”

  Her jaw dropped and she thought she must have misheard him. Matt searched her face for a clue as to what she was thinking but she didn’t speak.

  “I love you,” he repeated. “I don’t want to live the same old life I had. I want a new life with you in it, with you at the center of it.”

  Janie’s resolve disintegrated and she reached for him, her fingers caressing his cheek. Matt covered her hand with his and kissed her palm.

  “I love you,” he whispered again.

  *****

  “And then you said what?” Katy yelled into the phone.

  “I told him I was tired and that it had been a very emotional day and could we continue tomorrow.”

  Katy was floored by Janie’s response.

  “I can’t believe you did that!” she said.

  “Well, I still can’t believe you talked to him and never told me,” Janie replied.

  “I’ve already explained that. I knew you would be mad but I thought he should know he can’t be a prick and get away with it. That’s when he told me, you know, that he’d been wrong, but you’d already left.”

  Janie sighed, not wanting to yell at Katy again in the same conversation. “We are meeting for brunch tomorrow.”

  “And then what?” Katy asked.

  “I don’t know. I love him but there are still questions I have about Beth.”

  “I told you he didn’t sleep with his ex-wife,” Katy was emphatic. “Beth is not in the picture.”

  “You weren’t there Katy. You didn’t hear them. I need to hear him say it to my face.”

  Katy sighed into the phone. This was definitely not the same girl she put on a plane over a month ago. Janie was stronger, and also a little wiser, and definitely had more backbone. She was going to be okay. But Matt was going to need to fight for her, something he had probably never done before. But once Janie committed to him, she would be his for life. Janie could have her fairy tale ending. She just needed to realize that she deserved it.

  5.

  Matt had barely slept. He didn’t know what to make of Janie’s reaction to his apology and subsequent declaration of love for her. Once again, she seemed wounded, scared. He had left when she had asked him to, hopeful when she had agreed to meet him for brunch. He had arranged with the hotel to have it served in his suite, so that they could continue their conversation in private. And he acknowledged to himself that he wanted her in his hotel room because he desperately wanted to make love to her. Foolishly, he had hoped that’s how last night would have ended. But he realized, once again, that Janie wasn’t like any other woman he had ever met. He could not assume anything with her. So this morning had to go very well. He was not leaving anything to chance.

  He met her in the lobby of the hotel at precisely ten o’clock. She was a vision in a pale peach dress that showed off her cleavage and she wore strappy heeled sandals. She had straightened her hair, making it look considerably longer than he was used to seeing and around her neck was the diamond pendant she had worn to the charity fundraiser in New York. She took his breath away.

  “Good morning,” she smiled.

  Matt reached for her hand and kissed her cheek, lingering, reveling in the softness of her skin.

  “You are stunning,” he whispered into her hair.

  Janie blushed and chewed the inside of her cheek.

  Matt looked down at her hand in his and smiled as he saw the Tiffany bracelet on her wrist. That’s gotta be a good sign, he thought.

  Matt left her hand in his and led Janie to the elevator. She looked up with a little hesitation in her eyes.

  “I have ordered room service,” he explained. “I thought it would be best to talk in private.”

  The elevator bell rang and the doors opened in front of them. Stepping inside, Matt pushed the button and then turned to face her. He placed his free hand gently on her cheek and caressed it with his thumb. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips, Janie closed her eyes and responded to him.

  “Janie,” he murmured into her mouth. “I’ve missed you.” And he kissed her again.

  The elevator stopped and the doors opened and Matt grudgingly pulled back and led her down the hall to his room. As she stepped inside, Janie was overwhelmed with the smell of flowers. There must have been half a dozen vases of beautiful floral arrangements. Taking a few more steps into the suite, she saw a table with a crisp white linen tablecloth set for two. Matt led her to it and pulled out her chair for her to sit. A buffet of food had been set that looked as though it could feed ten and Janie smiled.

  ”Hungry?” she asked.

  Matt chuckled. “I just ordered some of everything,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

  Not being shy about food, Janie dished up some of everything; pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, fruit and poured some orange juice into the crystal goblet. Matt followed suit and they began to eat.

  After several bites, Janie decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and lay it all out on the table. If he truly loved her, and he was serious about having a life with her, the air needed to be cleare
d and there was not time like the present.

  “I had a wonderful time at your apartment Matt.”

  Matt chewed his piece of cantaloupe and remembered her in his kitchen dressed in just his dress shirt making breakfast.

  “So did I,” he grinned.

  “And then I went back to my hotel and saw that you had left your laptop there and I figured you’d need it seeing as though you were at work and so I brought it to you.” Janie had put down her knife and fork and was staring straight at him.

  “Janie, I know that…”

  “Please let me finish, Matt. I need to tell you this.”

  Matt nodded and took a deep breath.

  “I came up to your office and there wasn’t anyone at your secretary’s desk so I was going to come in and see you but I heard voices so I stopped outside the door.”

  Matt knew what was coming and he would have given anything to go back to that moment and change what had happened.

  Janie continued, “I heard you and Beth talking. You said that I wasn’t your type and I heard you tell her you wanted to fuck her and it made me sick, physically ill, and I left. I ran out of the building so I wouldn’t vomit on your pristine marble floors. I had convinced myself that what we had was special, that you enjoyed spending time with me, and I stupidly, naively, thought that you wouldn’t leave me in your bed and then go and screw someone else.” Janie surprised herself with her bold words.

  Matt cringed at her words and he wished that she had not heard only part of the conservation. He wished she had heard it all.

  “I went back to the hotel and if I could have changed my ticket home I would have packed and left right then. But I couldn’t so I stayed and I tried to tell myself that you hadn’t promised me anything, especially fidelity, and so I couldn’t be mad at you, that you hadn’t done anything wrong. But the thing is… I deserve better than that, Matt.” She picked up her fork and took another bite of her scrambled eggs, shocked at her boldness, shocked that she had spoken without cracking.