He runs his hand over his head before letting out a sigh.
“She came for you. So maybe you haven’t completely lost her yet,” he says putting his hand on my shoulder, the same way Beth’s father had the day after she left.
“She didn’t have to, and apparently she didn’t want to. But all I texted was ‘he needs you’ and she came.”
“Thanks,” I mumble to coach and the team starts pouring in.
“You should tell her.” He winks at me. What exactly is it that I should tell her?
My mind is far away as I drive behind the rest of the team to a food joint we have no business being at. It’s the same place Beth used to work at. Maybe I should have listened clearer to their plans or at the very least, paid attention to where it is I was driving to. Doesn’t fucking matter. Chances are, that Tyler dude won’t recognize us especially since I have all intentions of keeping my damn head down. And even more of an intention to leave early.
As we pull into the parking lot, I feel my heart pounding inside my chest and my palms getting sweaty. None of which make sense because my team just freaking won the semis and I’m supposed to be on top of the god damn world.
I watch as the team and just about everyone from the game hustles towards the door, the high of the win still loud and ripe. Ethan does a back flip off Marco’s truck and a group of nearby girls cheer in loud shrieks.
I used to be that guy - the one doing unsafe stunts to celebrate an unlikely victory. Lately, not a damn thing feels worth celebrating and I know exactly why.
I watch the team wade in and take their seats.
“You’re being a complete wuss, Williams. Get yourself together and go celebrate with your team,” I chastise myself before opening the doors and heading for the building. I put on my best smoldering smirk and climb into my best swagger, but that facade doesn’t make it into the building.
She’s here.
Her back is turned to me, but I would know her from a shadow of her silhouette cast on the bloody moon.
I freeze for a moment before retreating to my car.
“You’re not being serious.” I scowl at my reflection in the rearview mirror. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Man up, mate. You can’t possibly hide from her forever.”
My legs seem stapled to my car seat despite my inspiring speech and I lean back with my eyes closed, trying to figure out at what point along the way to the state championship I lost myself.
I mean, she is my wife. I could technically barge in there and demand that she leave with me. I could threaten her, but we’re way past that now. Beth has always been a tough cookie to crack. Set in her ways. Strong. Independent. Back then, she had a reason to budge and even then, she gave me hell with every inch she moved. Right now, she’s not just angry, she’s hurt and that fucking changes everything because I’m the one who hurt her.
I press my fingers to my temples and lean back into my seat. A small smile creeps onto my face as I recall the last time we were here together. It seems like centuries ago. Her eyes were wild with fury and I felt entitled to her respect. Oh, how the mighty have careened off their high horses and come crashing down.
I should call her. God, do I want to, but I fear the razor sharp sound of the rejection in her voice. With a pained sigh, I look away from the phone and stare out into the parking lot and… there she is. She’s wearing an apron again, but she looks so refined as she tries to find a signal on her phone.
I watch as her body sways with each movement, captivated by everything about her. I want to rush over to her. To pick her up in my arms and spin her around like those ballet dancers she seemed to love so much. I want to squeeze her to me and beg her to come back home.
Home?
I feel the word out in my mind and the more I say it, the better it feels. It’s a flat when it’s just me, but it’s a home when we’re together.
I climb out of the car and start walking over to her, appreciating the curve of her back and the way her ass looks in those tight jeans I got her. I imagine Tyler got an eyeful of her all evening and the sleeping caveman inside me rolls off his rock and stands at attention. If Beth finding Selina in my room that morning feels anything like what it feels to imagine her with Tyler, then I don’t fucking blame her. Hell, she might be a stronger woman than I am because the rage it fills me with makes me want to burn the damn place down.
I shift my eyes back to Beth. I don’t know what I’m looking for – maybe a sign that nothing happened between her and Tyler.
She’s holding her phone up, as though still trying to get a signal. I take another step closer. I can sense her frustration as I approach her. The fact that she has no idea I’m behind her speaks to how much she’s in her head. She spins around, still not noticing that I’m close to her and her breasts crash into my chest. My heart stutters and the only urge I feel is the one that wants my lips against hers, right here, with the stars bearing witness, but I shield myself from her. She has no idea just how powerful she is or how much impact her words have and I’m afraid she’ll wield her weapon out here in the open and that the fool that I am will retaliate.
When her eyes lock on mine I feel an unmistakable stirring in my heart, but I keep a straight face. She looks surprised to see me. Almost relieved.
“Hi,” she says softly. She’s just as guarded as I am.
“Hey.” I can only hope I don’t sound as pathetic as I feel.
We stand there awkwardly, the annoying chirping of crickets somewhere in the distance adding fuel to the ridiculousness that is this “interaction.” The door to the restaurant opens and Ethan pokes his head out. Beth looks at me as though she expects my eyes to widen and for me to go running from the hills. I don’t. Maybe she can’t remember, but this whole thing started because I didn’t want to hide her from my friends anymore.
She seems to be of the same mindset she was the night of the party and turns to leave. Before she’s even an inch away, the words spring from my mouth. “Were you trying to call me?”
Smooth. It sounds far more hostile than I want it to, and I see her brows crease before she answers. The door closes, stealing our attention away, but just as quickly as it clicks just is as quickly as it opens again.
“Hey, Beth? Everything okay?” This time, it’s not Ethan standing there. It’s that Tyler guy. I really can’t stand this bloke. Why won’t he just piss off?
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” she calls back, looking at me and for a split second I think I see a question in her eyes.
“I’m gonna go. Congrats on your game by the way. I know it’s a big deal for you.” She starts to walk away, and I know I’ll hate myself forever if I don’t stop her. I need to win her back, but I don’t know how.
“Beth wait,” I sigh, and she slows down, but doesn’t stop. “Please don’t go.”
She turns to look at me with her arms tightly folded across her chest. Having her this close to me again is everything I’ve ever wanted and yet it still does nothing to patch the punctures in my heart.
“Why?” she asks, and I can feel the challenge in her simple question. There’s a right answer to this question. I know there is, and I’d be damned if I don’t find it.
“I miss you,” I say, and she scoffs.
“Yeah. I got that from your texts.” There’s no venom in her voice. There’s no acceptance either. So I try again. I’ll reach for every single angle until I find the right one. “I really want us to fix this,” I whisper and she narrows her eyes. I can’t tell if she thinks I’m crazy or lying.
“There’s nothing to fix Maverick. We’re married. And I know that eventually I’ll have to suck things up and carry out my end of the deal. I’m very aware of that. You’ll get your visa. You’ll get drafted. There’s nothing else left to fix.”
All I texted her was ‘he needs you’ and she came. Coach’s words ring in my ear.
“Coach said he texted you.”
“And, as per our agreement, I showed up to your game.”
“That’s not the only reason you showed up, Beth. I know it isn’t.”
She shakes her head at me. “You have some nerve.”
I cringe at the impact of her words, turning my palms up at her. I’m not her enemy. Not anymore. Not ever again. “I don’t want to fight.”
“We’re not fighting. There’s nothing to fight about. Have a great night, Maverick.”
“I need you,” I whisper and I see the slight tremor in her lip before she bites down to get control.
“You don’t need me, Maverick.” Her voice sounds less icy than it did just moments ago. Maybe I’m reaching, but there’s a part of me that thinks she fucking needs me too. Sometimes it’s the most unlikely pieces that complete the perfect puzzle. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t believe in that shit. Once upon a time, I thought I was as whole as I would ever get. Loving Beth has taught me that there’s a world where I’m better, happier, loved. I can’t lose that now.
“I need you.”
“It’s not enough,” she says, and I search her eyes for the answer. What does she want from me? She has my every thought. My mind. My heart. What the hell else is there left for me to give her?
“What do you want from me Beth? Please, just tell me and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything fucking thing you want me to do.”
Her brow creases as she shakes her head. “I don’t want anything from you, Maverick. I never wanted anything from you.”
“Then what do you need me to do?” My voice breaks, but I don’t care because this maddening woman is about to walk away from me again and I know for sure I can’t handle it. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.
She sighs when I go quiet and turns to head back to the restaurant. I see Tyler coming back to the door. If I let her go back inside, I’m going to lose her forever. I can feel it in my bones. Maybe she’ll be happy with that Tyler dude. Maybe he’ll say all the right things and do all the right things – be who she needs him to be. But that’s all just a maybe. The one thing I know for sure is that I won’t be happy without her.
“We won the game!” I call after her and she pauses, but doesn’t turn around. The entire team is inside the restaurant, so I’m pretty sure she knows that, even if she didn’t stay to see the final shot. “We’re going to the state finals. Just one more game and I’ll get the one thing I’ve wanted my whole life.”
And just where the hell are you going with this Williams? Somewhere in the universe there’s someone impatiently tapping their feet, desperately waiting on me to start making sense. That makes two of us.
She sighs and continues to walk away and then it hit me.
“I haven’t been able to celebrate, Beth.” Her steps slow and a sigh of relief rushes from my lungs. When she stops walking, I feel like I’ve taken my first real breath in a while. Her shoulders seem less rigid and I know she’s listening. For the love of God I hope I say the right thing next.
“Everyone else is celebrating. Everyone else is congratulating me. I scored the last goal. I won the game. But I lost something a hell of a lot more important.”
Beth lowers her head and shifts her weight from one foot to the next, but she still doesn’t face me.
“I want to celebrate with you, Beth.”
“You have your team,” she says and her voice sounds shaky.
“You are my team. I thought being drafted and playing pro-hockey was the thing I wanted the most in the world. And for the longest time, it was. But then you left me, and I’ve realized that…I don’t just want you, Beth. I fucking need you.”
“You cheated on me,” she hisses, emotion ripe and raw in her tone. If I wasn’t sure that I broke her before, I’m sure of it now. I want to reach out. Scoop together all the pieces I knocked out of place. Fix all the things I broke. Prove to her that there’s no reason to be afraid.
“I would never,” I tell her.
Beth shakes her head. I can see anger replacing the pain and so I speak up, throw my words at her before she has a chance to run away from them. “I wrapped up the party, Beth. I didn’t kick everyone out because…I dunno… I guess I should have. But I didn’t think it mattered if they finished the liquor. Turned the place upside down. I just didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. Not without you. But you’d turned your phone off. And even if you’d picked up, I knew that you weren’t going to come back. You’d made it clear before you left that you didn’t want our relationship out in the open. But I couldn’t be around them anymore. I couldn’t watch everyone be happy, couldn’t laugh at their jokes or lie to myself that I was happy being there without you.” She’s listening to me now and the look of tension on her face is slipping just that much more. “So I turned in,” I continue. “I told everyone to have a fucking blast and went to my room. The party toned down. Everything was quiet. I fucking fell asleep and then…”
“And then what, Maverick?”
“I don’t know when she weaseled her way into my room. I don’t know if she slept in our bed. I was drunk and angry and fucking tired, Beth. When I woke up, I saw her and then I saw you and…everything just fucking fell apart.”
“You didn’t touch her?”
I pull her hand into mine and I hold it, squeeze it, like I have no intentions of ever letting go. “I swear to you, Beth. I didn’t consciously touch her. Everything is still my fault, though and I get that. Trust me, I do. I should have kicked her out the minute she walked into my condo. I should have locked my bedroom door. I get that. And if I were you, I wouldn’t believe a damn thing that comes out of my mouth. You saw what you saw, and it looked pretty damn bad. But Beth…we had a pretty good thing going, why would I fuck that up?”
“Because you didn’t think I’d find out.”
“You know me,” I tell her. “You know when I care and you know when I don’t. You know how easy it is for me to wreck things. Do I look like this is easy on me, Beth?”
Beth swallows and her eyes pool with tears.
“I’m fucking in love with you. And I was so mad at you that night. So fucking mad. But I didn’t touch anyone. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.”
She shakes her head and I put my hands at either side of her face and pull her closer. “I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now. Can’t you see that?”
“I’m terrified of loving you, Maverick,” she says and the sounds of her voice cuts deep and burns raw.
“I’m terrified of not being able to love you, Beth.”
“Maverick,” Ethan’s voice comes tumbling out of the restaurant, but I pay him no mind. The look on Beth’s face is the same one she had earlier. I know she’s expecting me to shy away from her because my friend’s watching.
Instead, I don’t honor Ethan with a response. I pull Beth flush against me, breathing her in, tasting her lips. Her tongue. Her love.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper against her. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
54
Life returned to normal – if you could call Beth and I together, normal. Two weeks ago, we walked into school hand in hand, her heart holding mine, shocking the entire school into a state of silence. I’d never felt more like a rebel before. The look of horror on Beth’s face as I pushed her against my locker and stole her breath away was nothing but the icing on the cake.
Nothing went without a hitch, however. Suzanna puffed and Suzanna pouted and all the other girls who had had their sights set on me pouted right along with her. Jared looked like he was seconds away from blowing more than just the regular gasket. All of that would have been a cause for concern if my boys didn’t have my back. For the minutes I didn’t have my eyes on Beth, they guaranteed me that they’d keep watch. Beth was there when I made the phone calls. And, in typical Beth fashion, she rebelled and rebelled, convinced that she could tackle the lackeys all on her own. She had her fears before and I had no intentions of having those fears come to light. She was mine to protect and I’d bend back over heel to make sure that that’s just what I did. And I’d got it right. For weeks I’d gotten it right.
But one second was all it took for shit to fucking go sideways.
Bridgette is staring at Beth’s hair now, something above and beyond horror in her eyes. “Who did this to you?” she gasps. The words are said to Beth, but Bridgette’s eyes are pinned on mine. I know she blames me and I one hundred percent accept that blame. If you promise to protect someone that is just what the fuck you should do.
I cringe and shake my head. My teeth are gritted so damn hard that I’m sure to crack my jaw.
Beth doesn’t answer Bridgette’s question. She also hasn’t looked in a mirror since we got home. I feel guilty. I feel angry. I feel like I’m five minutes removed from pummeling Jared’s face in.
“Can you fix it?” she asks quietly, and Bridgette hugs her, pulling her into her arms like they’ve been friends for a decade. Beth has that effect on people. Ten minutes in their presence and she’s sure to win them over. Except in our school. The only thing she invokes there is jealousy. Needless to say, ever since that first time meeting Beth, Bridgette was convinced the girl was an angel. I can’t blame her. I didn’t want to see it then, but I have no choice but to see it now.
“Yes baby girl, I definitely can,” Bridgette promises.
That’s the first sigh of relief I’ve felt since I found Beth reduced to tears. I’d practically ripped the door off the bathroom stall to get to her, making sure that everyone on the outside knew that if they snapped one more fucking photo, I’d shove their phones up their asses.
Neither Suzanna nor Jared were to be seen, then, which told me all I needed to know. It also told me who would be on the receiving end of my fury. I told Beth as much as I cradled her in my arms and walked her out of the bathroom stall. Right then, her voice was lost in the hiccups of her tears, but as I parked her in the front seat of my car, she found the strength to tell me to let it go. That was over an hour ago and my temper still hasn’t found its bottom.
Beth’s eyes shift to mine and I can see her pleading with me. Not right now. She doesn’t get to win right now. She said she’d be fine, but I can still see the tears in her eyes. She said I’d cool down, but I can still feel my blood boiling like lava in the barrel of a gun.
Vile Intentions: A Dark Sports Bully Romance Page 28
