by Cole Lepley
He sighs. “I wish I could. I tried to walk away from her, but every time I see her face, I break. Once someone gets to you like that, I don’t think you can walk away.” He sighs again, reaching for another cigarette. “At least I can’t.”
I hesitate on my next statement, but I say it anyway. “If you really are done this time, could you do something for me?”
He laughs, blowing out a cloud of smoke with his next breath. “What’s that?”
“Could you try? Just a little.”
I look up at him and his eyes are still so sad my own heart twitches.
“I’ll try.”
He forces a smile and my heart almost breaks completely. His pain, is my pain. That’s how it’s always been whether he knows it or not. For someone who takes such pleasure in seeing me happy, he sure does neglect his own feelings. I hope he does try—but I doubt it.
25
Muddy Waters
Perry- Now
Before I leave, there’s one last thing I need to do. I get up early the following morning and make the drive to Robby’s.
It’s hard to focus on the task at hand when my mind is spinning.
I proposed to Sloan.
Tess kissed me.
Tess fucking kissed me.
That’s about where the processing stops for me. It was like every dream I’ve had about us was finally coming true and I didn’t know how to react. We were standing in her parent’s garage, collecting the money her dead husband died for. Our situation couldn’t be any more fucked up.
Unless you count the proposal I made to my ex twelve hours earlier. If this were a movie, viewers would be calling bullshit. You can’t make this shit up.
But it’s my reality and I know I need to deal with it. If I’m really being honest, asking Sloan to marry me was bullshit. A large part of me knew she would say no, and that made it less jarring. I’m used to her ripping my heart out and shoving it back down my throat. It eventually stops hurting so much when you finally realize you can have better.
Or at least, it’s what I’m hoping for now. Tess has never been an option for me. I’ve spent the better part of my life protecting her and preventing anything from happening between us. She’s never once told me she had feelings for me in a way that wasn’t friendship. Even at her birthday party, when I threatened to be the one who kissed her, she seemed offended more than anything. As if it was insulting I didn’t want to.
She’s told me she loved me a million times, but has never once said she was in love with me. That’s an entirely different thing.
I do my best to push those thoughts aside as I pull into a gated driveway. After Sugar passed away suddenly, Robby and Sam basically took over. That’s when all the trouble began. Making deals with Sugar was easy. Making deals with Robby, after we fucked him over—not so much.
I’m buzzed through the gate and pull along the circular driveway. Even though dealers should keep a low profile, this is a typical house for our neighborhood.
We’re affluent thugs.
A large man stalks out and opens my door for me. I hand him my keys and take tentative steps toward the stairs. I pause when I reach the bottom step, calling back to him.
“The bag in the back is for…”
He grins back, his white teeth contrasting his darker skin. “I know what it’s for.”
I nod and continue up to the door. Robby pulls it back before I get a chance to knock. His shoulder-length brown hair is slicked back and he’s casually dressed in khakis and a polo shirt. He looks more like he’s about to play nine holes then make some sort of deal.
He clasps me on the shoulder. “Michaels. So good to see.” He steps back and waves me inside. “We’ve been expecting you.”
I give a tight smile and step inside the grand foyer. There are several workers scurrying around cleaning things or bringing trays of food and drinks. Off to the side there is a large table with men gathered around. Although the table isn’t sporting a cocaine buffet and a collection of illegal guns—they’re actually eating and laughing.
I raise an eyebrow. “What is this?”
Robby smiles. “Family.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and leads me farther into the room. “You see, Michaels. Every organization is like one big family.” He stops to give me a pointed look. “And you are our brother.”
I scoff and remove myself from his grasp. “So you stab and kill your brothers?”
He shrugs. “If I have to. I don’t want to, but sometimes people step out of line and they need to be taught to stay in their lane.”
My teeth clench. “So, you admit it.”
Another coy smile. “Admit what?”
“That you killed Walker.”
Robby glances around the room and nods to a hallway before turning back to me. “This is a conversation we have in private.”
I cross my arms. “Okay, just you and me.” I motion around to the various gangsters seated at the table. “No shady shit either.”
Robby crosses his finger over his heart. “I promise.”
I roll my eyes before I follow him to my inevitable death. I’m sure he planned this all along. Brothers? Who is he fooling?
We enter a large office and he closes the door behind us. There’s a big wooden desk in the center and shelves lining the walls. By all intents and purposes, it looks like a normal house.
Robby walks over to a small bar and pours two whiskeys. He hands one to me.
“First of all, we didn’t kill Walker.”
I almost choke on the drink I was trying to swallow. “You expect me to believe that?”
Robby shrugs. “That’s up to you.” He takes a drink of his own and set his cup down on the desk before leaning back against it. “Walker went a little off on his own toward the end, but we never retaliated. He always came back when he knew was wrong.”
“Except the last time, right?” I slam my cup down and take a step closer. “When you put a bullet in his head.”
Robby smiles and it makes me sick to my stomach. “Walker was mugged. He got too cocky. People knew who he was and that made him a target.” He tilts his head to me. “We’re still looking into it.”
I laugh. “Oh please, don’t act like you care. Walker was my brother. Not yours.”
“That’s what you don’t understand. We’re all brothers here.” He steps closer and meets my gaze. “You need something, you just ask.”
“I want to know who killed him. I want… I want revenge.”
My fists clench so tight I fear the skin may break. Robby sees the pain in my eyes and I catch rare sympathy is his expression.
“The deal still stands. You made it even and now you can be free to go about your business.” He pauses and reaches for his glass again. He holds it to his lips for a moment. “Unless you want to stay in. There’s always room for you at the table.”
I shake my head and down the rest of my drink. “No fucking way. I’m out.”
Robby reaches across the desk and presses a button on the intercom before turning back to me. I’m not sure if he just signed my death warrant or ordered lunch.
Moments later the large man from earlier enters and tosses me my keys. I catch them in my hand and look to Robby.
“That’s it?”
He nods.
I laugh again. “Sure you don’t want to teach some kind of lesson?” I’m fully aware I’m pushing my luck right now, but I blame it on the mood I’ve been stuck in all day.
“Michaels, it’s understandable for you to be feeling some kind of way about your friend, but a deal’s a deal. You want out, you’re out.”
I grip the keys in my hand, Walker’s face flashing in my mind. “And if you find out who did it?”
“You’ll be my first call. I’ll even let you take the shot yourself.”
This makes me smile.
26
The World According To Sloan
Tess- Now
A whirl of blonde curls comes barreling through the door of my shop
on a mission. When she brushes the hair back from her face, I see this won’t be a social call.
Sloan proceeds to drop her over-sized handbag on my counter with a huff. “Perry is such an asshole.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Trouble in paradise, cupcake?”
The guy in my chair laughs, but Sloan glares at me. Her typically perfect make-up is somewhat smeared around her eyes.
She reaches into her purse for her compact and lets out a gasp. “Oh my God. I’ve been such a mess these past few days.”
She proceeds to smear concealer around her eyes and cheeks. When she’s finished, she leans against the counter and taps her manicured nails on the edge. It grates on my nerves within seconds. She wants me to ask her why I think Perry is being an asshole. What she doesn’t know is that I couldn’t care less.
I finish shading in the edge of the tattoo I’m working on and set the machine down. “Take ten, Roy. I need to deal with that.”
I nod to an irritated looking Sloan and he laughs. “All right, I’ll be out back.”
He stands and gives her an appreciative once over before stepping out the back door. Sloan ignores him completely and crosses her arms when I approach. After removing my gloves, I wash my hands in the sink behind the counter.
“What’s up? I’m busy.”
She twirls a strand of bleached blonde hair around her finger and pouts. “I’m bored. Want to get coffee or a drink?” She shakes her head. “No, a light cocktail. I have Pilates later and I don’t want to feel bloated in my new yoga pants.”
“That would tragic,” I mutter under my breath.
She ignores my sarcasm and keeps going. “So, will you? Please, pretty please.”
I lean forward on my elbows toward her. “Sloan, this may come as a surprise to you, but some of us aren’t marrying doctors and we need to work for a living.”
Sloan scoffs. “He’s not a doctor yet and I did go to college. I work part time in the Human Resources department at the hospital.”
“Today must be your day off,” I deadpan.
She smiles. “It is.”
“And you decided that I’m the lucky person you want to spend it with?”
She bites her lip. “Johnny is busy with his residency and Perry is mad at me.”
I laugh bitterly. “Okay, I’ll bite. Why is Perry mad at you?”
Her eyes cast downward for a moment. She trails her finger along the edge of the distressed wooden counter Jeremy made in shop class.
“He asked me to marry him.”
My brain just exploded.
“Say that again. I thought I heard you, but Perry can’t be that stupid.”
Sloan looks taken aback. Honestly, it was a little harsh, but marry Sloan? That’s just fucking bananas.
She fluffs her hair over her shoulder and straightens her posture. “He did.” She shakes her head again. “And then he kicked me out of his car and I had to walk two blocks until the Uber came.”
For some reason my heart begins to pound and my hands get shaky. He was angry enough to kick her out of his car, but he did ask. What if he forgives her—again? What if when he gets back from Cornell, they ride off into the sunset together and I lose him forever? I know it’s irrational for me to feel this way, but Perry is mine. Maybe not romantically, but I get to stake a claim to him that no one else can. I want him to be happy of course, but not with her. Anyone but her.
“I fucked up,” Sloan cries. She shuffles through her bag for a tissue. I grab a paper towel off a dusty rack and hand it to her. She cringes at first, and then blots her eyes with the smallest piece of the corner. “I love him, Tess. I have loved him for so long I can’t imagine a life without him.”
I’m already getting a headache. Roy is my only scheduled appointment today. I could finish him up and take care of Sloan. Take care of Sloan. What is happening to me?
I walk around the counter as she starts to cry harder. My intention is to lightly pat her on the shoulder, but she throws her arms around me like she’s clinging to life.
“I know we haven’t always been the best of friends, but you’re all I have. Please, Tess.”
With a heavy sigh, I hug her back. “Okay, Sloan. There’s a tavern around the block. I’ll meet you there in an hour.” I pull back and look at the excitement on her face. “I’m going to need something strong.”
Sloan was too nervous to wait in a bar by herself, so she’s been messing with her phone in my waiting room the entire time. Occasionally she asks dumb questions or reiterates the fact that she’s bored and that this is longest hour ever. I’m so happy I decided to do this.
I clean up as quickly as I can and take a glance in the mirror in back. My dark hair is still relatively in place and my basic tank top and jeans will have to do. Sloan would out dress me no matter where were going. I step back out in the lobby and she stands.
“You ready?” I ask.
She nods happily and I internally cringe. After locking up, we take the two blocks around the corner and surprisingly she doesn’t complain about her shoes once. We grab a booth in the back.
“I’m having rum,” I say with a serious expression. “It’s the solution for situations like these.”
Sloan looks confused. “Situations like what?”
I stand up and lean my hand on the table. “Situations where everything is fucked. What are you drinking?”
“I’ll have rum too then.” She holds up a finger. “Diet coke.”
I suppress a laugh. I called that one. Just as I’m walking away I hear her yell, “With a lime too, please.”
She gives me a sweet smile and I grit my teeth. Perry is a stronger man than I’ll ever know. When I return with our drinks, she immediately takes large sips through the tiny straw. I however, drink it like a man and tilt it back in two gulps.
I motion forward with my hands. “Okay, let’s hear the story.”
She twirls the straw in her drink. “There’s not much to tell. He said, take off that fucking ring and marry me instead.”
I laugh out loud this time. “That’s amazing. That’s exactly how he’d say it.”
Sloan narrows her eyes. “That’s exactly how he did.”
“And you said no, right?”
She hesitates. “I said I needed more time.”
I shake my head. “No, that won’t work. You two have been at this for almost a decade. If you don’t know by now, then you’re answer, my dear, is no.”
She twists her hair around her wrist and then throws it to one shoulder, avoiding my eyes. “It’s not that simple.” She catches the look on my face and holds her hand up. “And I know that’s a poor answer, but it’s true. I’m not strong like you, Tess. I can’t live the life he does. Constantly worrying about what’s going to happen. Will he go to prison? Will he get stabbed? Will he—so many things can happen.”
Will he die? That’s what she wanted to say. I know how difficult it’s been to love these boys, but I wouldn’t trade a moment of it. Underneath all the toughness and attitudes were three guys that loved with their whole hearts. They protected the ones that meant the most to them with their lives, and the one that remains is the one I need to protect.
I motion for another round and Sloan agrees. Pilates will obviously have to wait.
“Listen,” I say, softening my voice. “Perry is stubborn and strong, and sometimes kind of a dick, but every guy like that has a weakness.”
“What’s his?”
I roll my eyes. “You, Sloan. You’ve been torturing him for years and he keeps coming back for more.” I lean forward and lower my voice further. “I have never seen Perry cry and he lost it over you—more than once. I refuse to see him like that anymore. He’s been through too much.”
Sloan brings her hand up to cover her mouth. “I made him cry?”
“Not recently, but you have. I may never understand the bond you two have, and maybe nobody should, but you can’t keep doing this. There’s going to come a time when he finally snaps and the
n he’s going to hate you. Is that what you want?”
A tear slips down her cheek and she shakes her head. “No.”
Another set of drinks is placed before us and neither of us move for a moment. Sloan sniffs and checks her make-up again.
“I don’t want to stay here,” she says finally. “I pushed Perry to do better so that we could leave, not because I wanted to change him. My mom moved to Arizona with her new husband and my dad barely has time for me with his new girlfriend and the business. I wanted to make my own life far away from here with the person I love. Someone who wouldn’t leave me just because they thought they found something better.”
“That’s the thing, Perry would have never left you.”
She runs her hand through her hair before taking another drink. She throws the straw on the table and tilts it back like a champ. “But, then we’re right back to what’s going to happen to him? Can he lead a normal life without all this drama and danger? It’s fun to date the bad boy in high school, but what kind of future does that leave us with? I need security.” She shrugs. “I’ve never had that.”
As much as it pains me to admit, I get where Sloan is coming from. Marrying Johnny will give her a life that she can feel safe in. He obviously loves her, and she’ll never have to worry about shit hitting the fan—at least not in the legal sense. But what she doesn’t realize is that love doesn’t always work that way. It’s the ones where you have to take the biggest risk in order to get the biggest reward. That’s the only kind of love that’s worth it to me.
As our hour turns into two, Sloan orders tequila. After a while, we forget about what we were talking about and end up closing down the place. I don’t remember exactly how it ended, but she’s passed out on my couch. I wonder if the pillow still smells like Perry? I haven’t washed it since.
27
Now Or Never
Perry- Now
I made it to Cornell a day later than planned. The game was last night and apparently there was some big party at a frat house down the street. When Mack transferred to Cornell from Yale, I assumed that would be the end of Sean. I had no idea she’s date another football player and put herself right back into his world. But I guess you can’t choose who you love.
