by Cole Lepley
I find her clit between us and rub it as my balls clench tighter. I’m so fucking close and I don’t want to be the one who comes first. Her moans become louder and her kisses more desperate. This causes my thrusts to quicken and I go deeper, hooking one of her legs around my middle.
Tess cries out and then my name rushes past her lips in a strangled moan. That’s when I lose it. I come so hard and so fast, my body jerks as I fill the condom to the hilt. I pull out half afraid it burst with all the pressure.
I lower my lips to her shoulder and then to her cheek. She releases a lengthy breath while I try to regain some of my air.
“Was it worth the wait?” I grit out, still breathing like I’m being chased.
Tess smiles again and it’s the sweetest one she’s ever given me. She grabs my face and drags my lips back to hers. “You have no idea.”
A satisfied smile is still plastered on my face when I open my eyes the next morning. Tess’s side of the bed is already empty. She doesn’t bother trying to wake me up before sunrise anymore and I love her more for that.
The smell of coffee lures me out of bed several minutes later and I slowly pull on my sweatpants before walking out to the kitchen. Tess has her back to me as I enter, stirring a pot on the stove. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her middle, kissing her neck.
“Good morning,” I rasp, my voice still thick from sleep.
She tilts her head and kisses my cheek. “Good morning to you to.” She nods to the pot in front of her. “I hope you like oatmeal. I promise it’s good.”
I kiss her once more. “I would like anything you cook for me.”
Tess laughs. “Don’t get too excited. Jeremy used to have me make this for him when the mornings were cold. He was a picky eater and he always said mine was the best.” She turns to me. “I never could tell if he didn’t want to hurt my feelings or not.”
I kiss the side of her head before walking to the coffee pot. “I’m sure he loved it. Jeremy wouldn’t lie to you.”
As soon as I say the words I wonder if I’m telling the truth. All of us have been less than truthful at one point or another. Most of the time it was to spare some of the inevitable heartache we would cause. Little good that did us.
Tess turns the burner off and begins to scoop portions into bowls. I grab a spoon and fill her coffee for her before taking a seat at the table. It’s nice to have these mornings together. It feels natural to be spending time with her like this. I’m not worried she’ll get mad about something I can’t control and leave me or pick a fight just so I have to spend the next week or so kissing her ass. What you see with her is what you get—and what I see, is pretty fucking amazing.
We eat in silence for a while, Tess scrolls through her phone and I sit deep in my thoughts as usual. The step we took last was a big one. Casual sex is okay for some, but for Tess and me, it meant something. What we have is so much beyond love I’m not sure what to call it. She’s a part of me. The other half I can’t live without. Now that she’s mine, I have to make sure to keep it that way.
The buzzer from downstairs rings and Tess moves to get up from the table. I place my hand on hers. “Finish eating, sweetheart. I’ll get it.”
She smiles as I take one last bite and a sip of coffee before heading down to the office. The face that greets me through the side window sends a chill through me. I contemplate going back upstairs and grabbing Tess, taking her as far away from here as possible, but I can’t do that. I can’t run from something when I have no idea what it is.
I unlock the deadbolt and pull the door back. Robby greets me with his signature sneer and I give a forced smile back.
“Rob, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
He slinks around past me and takes in the photos spread across the walls. “Nice place you got here.” He turns back to me. “I’m glad Tess found someone to play house with since Walker’s gone.”
I clench my fist. “Why don’t you just tell me what you want so you can get the fuck out?”
Robby slips his sunglasses to the top of his head and his dark eyes lock on mine. “It seems I was mistaken when I said business was taken care of. Walker may have left out a few details when you two discussed it last.”
My eyebrows pull in. “There was nothing to discuss. We’re done.”
Robby smiles. “Is that so?”
38
Half Of Me
Perry- Then
My sentencing is today. My attorney said that due to the nature of the crime—and my prior criminal record—I would probably get the maximum. Sean turned eighteen last week, and usually that wouldn’t matter, but there seems to be some extenuating circumstances that are in my favor. The secretive nature of them is what worries me the most.
Last week Mack had to go in to sign a statement preventing her from ever speaking or seeking charges for the alleged incidents. Incidents? I’m pretty sure I only beat him half to death once, I can do it again if they need accuracy.
My parents are the worst. They’re convinced I destroyed my future because I couldn’t keep my temper under control. If they would have seen what he did, maybe they would have a different opinion. But that’s my life I guess. I’m always the bad guy no matter how much I try to do the right thing.
Sloan’s been by my side ever since I made bail about a month ago. There’ll be no trial. With outside deals in place, there will be no need for it. I pled guilty and get five years with the option for parole in eighteen months.
I’m adjusting my court tie in the mirror while Sloan watches me from the edge of my bed. Tears are stained on her cheeks and I doubt either one of us slept for shit last night. Every time I tried to roll away a little or get up to go to the bathroom, she gripped me tighter. She’d whisper how much she loved me and how she couldn’t bear to be apart even for a moment. We even showered together—that part I liked. Seeing Sloan this upset though, guts me. It really doesn’t seem fair that I have to lose everything while he gets to walk away, not only free, but living the dream playing for Yale next year. Not that football has ever been a dream of mine, but it’s something only a handful of people get to achieve and that fucking piece of shit shouldn’t be one of them.
I shrug on my suit jacket and Sloan stands to help me with the buttons. I’m pretty sure I don’t need help, but I think she just needs a reason to touch me. She kisses me after fastening each button and when she finishes she slips her tongue in my mouth and locks her arms around my neck. Her kisses are urgent, like she’s banking them up for the next five years until she gets to be close to me again. I allow her to continue, gripping the fabric of her dress that bunches in the small of her back to bring her closer. When I pull back, she pouts, her lips swollen.
“Baby, it’s going to be okay,” I whisper.
Her eyes are desolate and she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she leans into my chest and places her ear over my heart. Her arms wrap around my waist next and I can feel my own emotions slowly slipping out. I fight a tear and rest my head on hers.
“I love you, Sloan. You understand why I did what I did, right?”
She nods into my chest but doesn’t look up.
“And I understand if you can’t wait for me. Five years is a long time and you’re so…”
Her head perks up immediately.
“So, you think I would leave you?”
I shake my head. “I’m just saying that I would understand if you did.”
“How can you say that?” she whispers. “How can I possibly imagine a life without you in it?”
It’s true Sloan and I have had our fair share of separation, but we’ve never really been apart. Even when we were broken up, I still saw her, talked to her, occasionally had sex with her—either way, together or not, we always remained somewhat intact.
She grips the lapels of my jacket. “It’s not fair to have you ripped away from me like this. I don’t know who I am without you.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and kiss her once.
“Sure you do. You’ll finish school and get a job. Time will fly by.”
She cries harder. “But what about you? You were supposed to do those things and now you can’t. You’ll never been able to get into a good school or get a decent job with a felony on your record. This wasn’t supposed to happen.” She buries her head back into my chest. “You don’t deserve this. You’re a good person, Perry.”
It’s sad to say that this is probably one of the only times she actually told me she thought I was a good person. For so many years the way she spoke about me and our futures made it seem like she thought I was a nobody and that’s all I’d ever be—and now, now she believes in me. Too bad it’s too late.
Sloan drives me to the courthouse, and my parents and Mack follow. Typically, I’m the one who drives her car when we go places, but today I don’t think I can. I’ve been chain smoking and staring out the window at the town I won’t see for such a long time. I watch neighbors walk their dogs and have morning runs. I see store owners put out fresh flowers and signs for the upcoming summer events. All of which I’ll miss. I’ll be locked in cell and if I’m lucky, will get an hour or two of daylight each day. There will be no Sloan, no Walker, and most of all no Tess to talk to.
I love Sloan with all my heart, but being apart from Tess will be the hardest. She’s two years younger than me, tiny as hell, but she’s still my rock. When my world feels like it’s crashing, she always finds a way to fix it or is fully prepared to burn in flames with me—no questions asked. She’s my ride or die and I wouldn’t trade her for anything. I know she’ll be okay. She has Walker.
Sloan won’t have anyone. A few of her girlfriends went to State with her, but for the past year she’s spent most of her time with me. We finally reached a place where things were turning out like they should be and now that’s all gone. It was worth it though. I’d serve two life sentences if it meant that son of bitch could never hurt my sister again.
When we pull into the parking lot beside the grand stairs leading to the courthouse, Sloan keeps her hands on the steering wheel. She remains motionless for a moment and I reach over and shut off the ignition.
Her eyes flick over to mine, hazy and not quite focused. I grab her hand and bring it my lips. “We have to go in soon, baby.”
“I know,” she whispers. When she closes her eyes a tear slips down her cheek.
I catch it with my thumb and kiss her softly. Moving my lips below her ear, I speak as gently as I can. “You may think things are pretty bad, but not everyone is as lucky as me. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and that alone will get me through this.” I kiss her neck and move back to her face to kiss her lips. “You will always have half of my heart with you no matter what you do or where you go. It’s yours forever, Sloan.”
A sob racks through her. “I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here with me.”
I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “I know, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She unfastens her seatbelt and crawls into my seat with me. I pull her dress down in the back so she doesn’t give anyone else a show and hold her close. She cries silent tears into my chest as I rub small circles on her back.
“Sloan, I’m not sure I want you to wait for me.”
She stiffens in my arms, pulling herself up to face me. “What? Why?”
I fix the hair around her face. “I hate the sadness on your face right now. It would kill me to know you’re walking around like this for the next couple years.”
Sloan smiles a little. “I’ll put on extra concealer. I’ll mask my sadness.”
Her humor cracks a smile on my face too. “But you won’t be happy. I want you to be happy.”
The determination that flashes in her eyes catches me off guard. “I won’t ever be happy without you. I’ve tried to get over you, move on from you—I can’t.”
Her voice cracks and so does my heart. I close my eyes for a moment and prepare to say the one thing in this world that I don’t want to. I kiss her once more. “Try.”
Her eyebrows pull in and before she can respond, my father knocks on the passenger window and gives me an angry look. I can only imagine how it looks to have the defendant in the parking lot with his girlfriend straddled on his lap moments before sentencing. Pretty fucking badass—but inappropriate nonetheless.
Slowly, she lifts herself off my lap and I help her out of the car. My parents and Mack walk on ahead of us along with my attorney. Tess and Walker are already seated in the courtroom because she texted me a few minutes ago.
When we make it to the bottom stoop, Sloan pulls me to a stop.
“You don’t really mean that, do you?”
I lean down and kiss her forehead. “I do. You deserve better than me.”
Without waiting for an argument, I pull her forward. We enter the oppressive building and dozens of heels echo through the vast hallways. My room is the first one. I release Sloan and go with my attorney to take my seat at the front. On my walk past, all the eyes of the ones I love are on me and it tears me apart with each step I take. Each step taking me farther away when I know they need me the most.
It’s hard to pay attention to what the judge is saying when all I can hear is Sloan quietly crying behind me. I want to reach for her so badly, but I remain stoic. I hope this judge sees through the act Sean is trying to portray. Sitting at the table next to us, looking all pathetic and victimized. It’s bullshit.
When the verdict is read, I’m not surprised. Five years with eligibility for parole in eighteen months. Exactly what they said it would be. This whole show was a formality and a way to deter delinquents like me from going ape shit on star quarterbacks.
I’m already being pulled away when I turn back for Sloan. She throws herself over a chair to get to me and clings to my neck. “I love you, Perry. I love you so much.”
I can barely make out her words because she’s crying so hard. My own voice breaks when I finally speak. “Love you too, baby.”
I get one last kiss before I’m completely dragged away from her. I don’t look back at her face. That’s not how I want to remember it. Tess is in the corner by the door that I’m being walked out of. She mouths to me with tears flowing down her cheeks. “I love you.”
If I open my mouth again, I’ll break. That won’t be a good look for me strolling into the pen bawling like a pussy. So instead, I bring my hand to my heart and she does the same. That’s the problem. Of the two halves of my own heart, none of them belong to me. One belongs to Sloan, and the other to Tess. One of them breaks it, the other heals it. I just don’t know how long it can hold out before it’s completely destroyed.
39
Tick, Tick—Boom
“The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long” –Tom Hardy
Walker
(1 year earlier)
Perry has been in prison for over a year now and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I miss that guy. Even though we’re not blood, he’s my brother. I know I piss him off a lot, but I guess that’s to be expected when you spend so much time together.
I also know how much I put on him. It was everyone’s choice to start doing this shady shit, but Perry has always been the one to keep it all straight. With Tess and I married, it makes having time apart without a decent explanation difficult. He tends to take the brunt of the risk and it isn’t always fair.
The worst part about him being gone is that I’m alone in this. He makes me feel safe. That’s not exactly a dude thing to say, but Perry is hardcore through and through. If I was the one who had gotten stabbed, I would have curled into a ball and died, right there in that alley—but not Perry. He talked my sorry ass the whole way through it and made sure I got him to the hospital before he bled out in my jeep.
Tess is taking his absence particularly hard. I’d be lying if I said their relationship didn’t make me jealous. Even though I know neither one of them would never cross any kind of line, it still makes me wonder if she loves him more than me.<
br />
I’m in the waiting room at the prison leaned back in a chair people watching. It’s a depressing place to say the least. I never want to make Tess go through this with me. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to tell Perry in person that I’m done. I’m going to start living my life right so Tess and I can have the future we planned on. I should have made this decision a long time ago, but better late than never I guess.
The guard waves me back after another couple of minutes and I empty my pockets into the small bin by the metal detector. I’ve been here so many times over the past year they all pretty much know me by name.
After successfully passing through, I’m led into the visiting room. Perry’s seated near the back at a small table by the window. He grins as I make my way to him, standing when I get close. He pulls me in for a hug and pats me on the back.
“You don’t have to keep coming all the way down here, man,” he says with a laugh. We both take a seat and he smiles again. “But it’s good to see you.”
“You, too. You look good.”
He smirks, flexing his arm through the thin material of his prison scrubs. “Yeah, not much to do to pass the time in here.”
“I hear that.” I bite my lip, glancing out of the window for a moment. I lean in across the table. “Listen, man. I know I’ve been an ass lately, but I’ve decided to change that. I’m going to tell Robby I’m out.”
He raises an eyebrow, releasing a low whistle through his teeth. “Wow. I never thought I’d hear you say that.”
I laugh once, running a hand back through my hair. “Yeah, me either. I think it’s time though. I’ve been pushing my luck lately.”
He gives me a questioning look. “You run into trouble?”
