by Lucy Gage
“Hey,” he said. He leaned in to kiss her, as if nothing strange had happened that day.
“Why did you brush me off all day?” she asked.
“I didn’t. I was busy.”
“Busy, my ass. You don’t have shit for classes today.”
Toby sighed. “Okay, fine. I was thinking.”
“About?” Is this it? Is he finally bored and ready to end it?
He reached for her hair, which was covering her ears. He swept it behind her ear and rubbed his thumb across her ear lobe, in the space between her piercing holes.
“I want to ask you something and I’m not sure how you’ll take it.”
So, not breaking up? “What?”
He rubbed his hand over the shaved hair of his scalp down to the back of his thick neck. Pausing, he said, “I wanted to see if you’d be willing to try something new.”
“Like what? Snowboarding?”
Toby chuckled. “Uh, no. I meant in bed.”
“O-kay…”
She tried to be open-minded, she really did, but if it worried him to ask, Meg wasn’t sure she’d feel comfortable with his request. Which was strange, because she’d loved sleeping with him so far.
Toby hesitated for a moment, then he said, “I want to tie you up.”
Meg’s eyes bulged. “What?”
“You know, with scarves. You’ll give me control. Trust me. It’ll be sexy. You’ll like it, Meg.”
Do I trust him? No, she decided. She probably didn’t. But she was still trying to hear him out first. If she was going to be a therapist, she had to learn how to listen and not judge, right?
She calmed her features. “Is that all?”
He chuckled again and stepped closer, boxing her so that her back pressed into the truck. Leaning so that his lips grazed the sensitive spot on her neck, the one he knew drove her wild, he nibbled her ear, ran his hand down her side, around her hip and over her ass, pulling her pelvis toward his. As it always did, the action shot heat through her core and made her want him. Right now.
Groping her butt cheek, he let his fingers fall between the crack, along the seam of her jeans and he said, “I want to fuck you here.”
He used his finger to exert pressure exactly where he meant and Meg flinched, pushing him away, lust gone in an instant.
Realization dawned. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Toby looked annoyed. “No, I’m not.”
“Let me get this straight. You want me to let you tie me up and fuck me up the ass? And then what? Are you going to make a video of me? Show it to all your friends? Is that the plan, Toby?”
The way his eyes darted, she suspected she’d hit very close to home, if not right on the head.
“Jesus, Meg, you can be a bitch. I thought you’d like it.”
Meg was so angry she could spit. “I’m not a whore or a porn star, Toby! Just because I like sex, it doesn’t mean I want you tying me up and making videos!”
“Then maybe we’ve reached the end.”
“What?” she spat. She couldn’t believe his nerve.
“I’ve been getting a little bored lately and wanted to spice things up. But if you don’t want that, then maybe we’re at an impasse.
“Stop using big words or you’ll hurt your brain. There is no way I’m letting you make amateur porn with me. I might have considered other things, but you just shot yourself in the foot. I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am, but you are truly delusional if you think threatening to dump me will work in your favor. I’m done.”
“I never took you for a closed-minded shrew.”
“Closed-minded would be if I told you that you were a pig for wanting something like that. To each their own. But if I gave you the impression that I would be interested in being a porn star, then I’m sorry you misunderstood. I’m not. I have no interest in an X-rated career. Period. Asking for a little kink is one thing, but threatening to break things off is just low. And even if you were making an idle threat, it’s too late. There are plenty of other guys in this school who will want to go out with me and who won’t expect me to be a porn star out of the deal!”
With that, she pushed past him and stomped back toward the school, where she’d wait for her mom. Toby called after her.
“You’ll regret this, Meg.”
“I doubt it!” she shouted back without bothering to look behind her. He wasn’t worth the effort.
**********
At the end of February school vacation, which coincided with basketball tournament time, Bangor was a zoo on the best of days. Though he hated trips to the mall, Neil relented when Danny begged him to brave the crowds. His best friend had hoped to meet cute girls who’d be casing the mall out of boredom between games.
Figuring he had no chance of meeting girls, Neil went to the bookstore to buy the latest Tom Clancy novel. He’d meet Danny at the food court in half an hour.
Wandering back to the travel section, he hoped to find a new book on Ireland or Irish history, but the section was empty. That seemed odd until he saw the small sign. For materials on Ireland, please see the display in our seasonal section.
Right. This store liked themes. It was past Valentine’s Day, so they’d apparently moved on to St. Patrick’s Day.
As he stood in the bestsellers, looking for the latest Tom Clancy, he glimpsed a tall girl with wavy brown hair looking at the Ireland display. Meghan Miles. Neil’s heart worked its way to a trot.
He strolled casually toward the display and stopped near where she stood, reaching for a book on Irish history that he’d hoped would be here. It would be easier to tell the truth if she actually spoke to him.
Reading the back, he found the book was the one he’d wanted, so he tucked it under his arm. Then he reached for the latest U2 CD just as Meghan did. Their fingers brushed and she looked at him.
“Sorry,” he said as his heart rate escalated to a gallop. God, could she hear it? “Go ahead.” He quirked a smile.
“Thanks.” She added the CD to her pile and didn’t even look at it. Huh. A U2 fan like him. Either that or she was buying a gift for her boyfriend, since Danny told him she had one, a big football player.
“Have you heard it yet?” he asked.
She smiled. “Don’t need to hear it. I know I’ll like it anyway.” Glancing at the book under his arm, she said, “You like Ireland?”
“I was born there. I go back every summer.”
“Really? Wow. You’re so lucky. I always wanted to go there. What’s it like?”
“Green,” he said with a smirk.
She laughed. “You’re funny.”
He smiled. “It’s beautiful. Some parts are haunting, with ruins everywhere you look. And then there’s Dublin, which is modern, but there is history everywhere you go.”
“Do you have family there?”
Neil nodded. “Yeah. My mom’s whole family lives there. We’re the only ones who live here.”
“You don’t have an accent.”
Neil laughed. “My dad is an American. He’s a soldier. I’ve lived here most of my life.”
“Well, I’m very jealous that you get to visit Ireland all the time. I hope I get to go there someday.”
I’ll take you there, Neil wanted to say. Instead, he said, “I’m sure you will.”
Meghan looked at her watch. She wore it on her right hand, and he wondered if she was left-handed. “I better go. I’m meeting my friend. It was nice talking to you.” She scooted closer and reached for the Maeve Binchy novel in the fiction part of the display. “Secret vice,” she whispered, and winked.
As he watched her walk away, Neil smiled. Damn. If he hadn’t already been infatuated with her on looks alone, the fact that she loved Ireland would have swayed him for sure. And she was a big U2 fan, big enough that she’d buy an album without even hearing it.
Knowing he couldn’t buy the CD and the rest of what he had in his hands, he re-shelved the more expensive Irish history book for later. He reached
for the same album that Meghan had bought and grabbed the Maeve Binchy novel, wanting to see what she found interesting enough to call it a vice.
A few minutes later, as he walked toward the food court, he saw Danny waving goodbye to Emily, who was meeting Meghan. He should’ve known that was who she planned to meet. She had said friend and not boyfriend, after all. She had no idea he knew who she was or that Emily was her best friend.
Danny sported a smile from ear to ear.
“What has you so happy?” Neil asked.
“I was talking to Emily.”
“Yeah, I saw that. Did you ask her out?”
“No. But she’s going to the dance tonight.”
Dance. Right. Community fundraiser at the high school.
“And?”
“And I was thinking we should go.”
“Really? We’re stalking her?”
“It’s a community event! I could be there. She said she was going with Meg. Not with a date. Neither of them have dates. Do you know what this means?”
“You’re certifiable?”
“Shut up. They’ll be there without guys hovering. We might have a shot to talk to them! Maybe even dance with them. Both of us can actually dance. Girls like that.”
“Seriously? That’s all you’ve got?”
“Come on, Neil.” Danny rarely begged him to do anything. They’d been friends long enough that he knew just what Neil would and wouldn’t actually do. And a dance, while horrifying to most boys his age, didn’t bother him. He moved okay and he liked most pop music, though he’d probably submit to torture before he admitted that to anyone but his best friend.
“Fine. I’ll go. But you’re paying.”
“Aw, it’s a date.”
“Never mind. I’ll pay. You’ll owe me instead.”
Danny chuckled. “You want to go home and change first?” he asked as they headed toward the exit near where they’d meet Mrs. Williams.
“Nah.”
Then he thought about the fact that Meghan had talked to him at the store. Maybe she’d talk to him again.
“Um, on second thought, yes.”
“Why the sudden change of heart? You meet someone?”
Neil sighed. “No. Well, sort of. I talked to Meghan in the book store.”
“What? No way!”
“Way. We were looking at the Ireland display and we had a conversation.”
“Was she snotty and bitchy to you?”
“What? No. She was nice.”
“Huh. She gives off a snotty vibe at school.”
“Well, she was nice to me.”
“Probably thought you were a kid.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You still look young, Neil.”
“Thank God I don’t look Neil Young.”
Danny laughed. “You crack me up. Want my mom to swing by your house so you can get some stuff and spend the night?”
“Sounds like a plan. I’m sure my parents won’t care. You know they love you like a son.”
“That’s ‘cause I’m awesome.”
Neil rolled his eyes as they stepped onto the sidewalk. “Look, there’s your mom.”
As they discussed the plans for the evening with Danny’s mom, Kathy, nerves started to get the best of him. Talking to Meghan in the store had been easy, but how could he make an excuse to even be near her at a dance, let alone have a conversation?
“You okay, Neil? You’re looking pale,” Kathy asked.
“Yeah. I’m good. Probably just hungry, is all.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Danny said under his breath. “It’s not a big deal if you don’t act like it is.”
Neil nodded. But inside, he was thinking, Easy for you to say. You’ve talked to lots of girls. They usually ignore me. And this one, he didn’t want her to ignore him. He wanted the opposite. He’d be a wreck the rest of the day just thinking about talking to her again.
**********
They’d argued for half an hour about what they were wearing. Emily insisted skirts were appropriate, because this was a community dance. But Meg declined, convinced that there would be a lot of high school boys attending, and she didn’t want to send the wrong message. Wearing a skirt to a non-formal dance was an invitation for guys to slip their hands underneath. Em was blissfully ignorant of these things, or at least refused to believe they were true.
Meg knew better.
Nonetheless, Meg found herself wearing a black suede skirt and knee-high boots with a flowing, black sheer top and a red tank top underneath. Em’s skirt was a sophisticated, light-weight, Campbell plaid wool and her shoes were a practical black Mary Jane. The girl loved her Mary Janes. With a short-sleeved, black, cashmere sweater, Emily looked like she’d walked out of an ad for sexy schoolgirl outfits.
The girl has no idea she’s a bombshell, Meg thought.
“Why are we even here, Em? This looks like it’ll be lame. How is it that Billy will be here? Isn’t he still playing?”
“Yes, but he said he was coming after the game. Coach is letting the team be here because it benefits a team member’s kid brother.”
Right. This was a leukemia fundraiser. Good cause and all that. Meg tried to look at it that way, because she wasn’t looking for a guy. And she was here for Em. Billy had recently started paying attention to her in school and had been calling her often over vacation when he wasn’t playing in a basketball game.
“How long until he gets here? Because I don’t want to stay longer than necessary. Almost no one is dancing.”
“It’ll pick up. A lot of people are at the game.”
“And why are we here? Why didn’t you want to go to the game?”
“I don’t like basketball much, Meggie. You know that.”
“And yet, you want to date a basketball star. Go figure.”
“You don’t care about football, but you dated Toby.”
“I dated Toby because he asked me out and I thought he was sexy. Now, I’m beginning to regret that fact. I can’t believe the nerve of him. It’s been over a week and I’m still fuming.”
“I doubt he’ll be here tonight, but if he is, I’ll protect you.”
Meg laughed. “Okay, tiger.”
They danced a few fast songs, but when a slow song played, Meg decided it was time to hit the ladies’ room. Em wasn’t one to chat while she was sitting on the toilet, so it was quiet when they were in the stalls. Which was how they heard every single thing Amy and Jeanne said when they walked into the bathroom.
“Did you see what she’s wearing?” Amy asked.
Jeanne replied, “I know, right? Talk about slut. I heard Toby broke up with her because she wanted him to do all these freaky things and he said no.”
“Oh, I believe it. I heard he had to make her wait to have sex. She wanted him to screw her on their first date, but he insisted that they be together for a while. She pressured him into it, then, once he gave in, she asked him for sex all the time.”
Meg thought she might throw up. She was both mortified and at the same time, so angry she couldn’t see straight. Toby had the nerve to reverse their roles. You’ll regret this, Meg. He knew what he planned to do when he said that. What a fucking asshole.
With everything she had, Meg wanted to storm out of the stall, or at least flush to let them know she was there, that another person had heard their hurtful gossiping. But she felt frozen in place, unable to move or react. If Em flushes, I’ll do it, Meg thought.
But she didn’t, and neither did Meg.
“I always knew she was a whore,” Amy said. “Remember how she kissed Nate in middle school when he was my boyfriend?”
Right. She kissed Nate. More like Nate groped her, but leave it to Amy to make sure she’d been the wronged party. Just like in third grade when she’d told everyone that Meg had made her wait to wear this stupid pair of boots they’d gotten together during a trip to the mall over the weekend. They had said they would both wear them on Monday, and Meg wore hers, as promised
. But Amy didn’t. And when she wore hers the next day, she made sure to spread it around that Meg had suggested they wear them Tuesday, then wore them Monday to make Amy feel bad. She’d never been so hurt, had no idea why it was that Amy didn’t like her, but this girl had been her frenemy for years.
Now, it looked like the friends part was officially over and done. No way would Meg be friends with her now, and Em would never ask it of her.
“She’ll get her due someday,” Jeanne replied. “All those bitches do. Don’t worry, Amy. You know who your real friends are, and Meg Miles isn’t one of them.”
“Exactly. Sean has been pressuring me to have sex and I’m not ready. I hope he doesn’t turn to her instead.”
Oh, you can count on it that he won’t get anywhere, Meg thought. None of them will, the bastards. Not anymore.
“Let’s go back out and dance. She disappeared. Probably out screwing someone’s boyfriend. She has no shame, doing things like that at a fundraiser dance.”
“I know, pathetic, right?” Jeanne’s voice replied, muffled by the closing bathroom door.
For a minute, silence deafened the bathroom. Then Meg heard the toilet flush, so she flushed hers, too. The tears lurked, right behind her eyes. For the moment, the anger lay on the surface and she could hold it inside. But it wouldn’t be long. She couldn’t stay here, even if that meant Em would be left alone with Billy.
When she stepped out of the stall, she looked at Em, whose eyes had filled with tears of their own. That did it, the dam broke. Emily wound her arms around a sobbing Meg and held her.
“I’m so sorry, Meggie. They’re just awful. Do you want me to go out there and say something to them?”
“No, Em. It won’t make a difference. People will believe what they want to believe. And Amy is good at spreading the word. By the time school starts again on Monday, I’ll be known as a kinky slut.”
“But it’s not true! That’s wrong! You can’t just let them say that about you!”
“What choice do I have? As if telling them to shut up will work!”
“You can at least defend yourself!”
“Why? This is high school. Once you get a reputation like that, you could join a damn convent and it won’t go away.”
