by Lucy Gage
“What are you going to do?” Em asked as she leaned back to look at Meg.
Taking a deep breath and pushing away, Meg said, “Endure the next eighteen months as best I can.”
“Oh, Meggie. I’m so sorry.”
As she dried her eyes and fixed her makeup, Meg said, “Don’t be, Em. It’s not your fault. You tried to warn me about Toby, but I didn’t listen. And now I’m paying for it. That’s the last time I pay attention to a guy who is more brawn than brains. You can practically guarantee that any guy who looks like Toby Hill is going to be a carbon copy.”
“That’s not fair, Meggie. Not all guys who play sports are jerks like Toby. He’s a sleazy pig. That has nothing to do with being an athlete and everything to do with being an arrogant jackass.”
Meg laughed, both at Em’s language – she wasn’t much for swearing, unlike Meg – and for her naivete.
“Billy isn’t any better, Em. Neither are any of the rest of them.”
“So, what, you’ll never look at another man with muscles?”
“I’m not that shallow. But I’m not going to be seduced by them. From here out, I’m going to be selective. I’m going to make every man work for it and then some. And if he’s worthy, then he’ll get to sleep with me. I don’t know a single guy in this school who’d fit that bill. It looks like I’m spending the rest of high school celibate.”
“But you like sex,” Em said.
“Not enough to let them keep trashing me. They can say it, but I don’t have to be it.” Meg sighed. “I’m going home. You want me to call your mom to let her know you’ll need a ride?”
“No. I’ll go with you. We’ll hang out tonight, just you and me.”
“But you’re meeting Billy.”
“So what? He’s not more important than you, and he’s not worth my time if he can’t understand that.”
And that was why Em had always been her best friend in the world, because the girl knew what it really meant to be a friend. She didn’t need to be reminded. She just knew.
**********
Neil looked around as they stood in line for the dance. They were a few spots from paying when he noticed Meghan and Emily walking toward them.
“Danny,” he said under his breath.
“What?” Danny replied, turning.
Just then, the two girls walked by them, quickly passed the line and disappeared into the parking lot.
At Danny’s confused expression, Neil quietly said, “Beats me. But they both looked like they’d been crying. What do you think that’s about?” He hoped it wasn’t anything bad, like an accident or death in the family.
Behind them, he heard a guy say, “Bet she has another hot date. Gotta show Toby who’s boss.”
“That’s not what I heard,” a second voice said. “I heard she gave him the boot.”
“No way. Girls don’t dump Toby Hill. He does the dumping.”
“First time for everything. I wouldn’t want to piss off that girl. She’s likely to pull a Lorena Bobbit.”
Neil looked at Danny, trying to assess what he was hearing. His best friend looked shifty. “What?”
“Not here,” Danny said grabbing his arm and pulling him out of line, walking away, but not in the same direction as Meghan and Emily. Neil was thoroughly confused.
Out of ear shot from the line, Danny said, “I heard a rumor, but you can’t say anything.”
“About who?” Neil asked. “And as if I spread rumors, Danny.”
“I know, and I can’t see you saying anything, but don’t, okay?”
“Fine. What did you hear?”
He took a deep breath. “I heard that Toby broke up with Meg before break because she wanted him to do a bunch of kinky stuff and he said no.”
Neil’s eyes grew wide. “You don’t honestly believe that?”
“I don’t know, Neil. I’ve heard things before about her. I don’t pay much attention to it, really, but there were a lot of people talking at the game the other day.”
Danny had attended their team’s tournament games at the Bangor Auditorium a couple days ago.
“It sounds like her idiot ex is spreading trash because she bruised his ego.”
“You’re not exactly objective. You’re infatuated with her. Like you want her to be some kinky sex fiend.”
“You know what, if you want to believe the rumor mill, go ahead. I thought you were a better guy than that.”
“I’m not saying I believe it. I’m just saying that you want it to be false whether it is or not.”
“And I’m saying that if you think some asshole football player isn’t lying about why his relationship ended badly – which it obviously did – then you’re either crazy or not the guy I thought you were.”
“You really think it’s him being a prick?”
Neil rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter if that’s the whole story. The point is, she and Emily left here in tears. Something happened. I’m willing to bet that the rumors you heard found their way to Meghan. If she’s upset by them, then what do you think?”
“I think if they’re false, she’ll make waves about it.”
“Wrong.”
“How do you know?”
“It’s high school. It doesn’t matter what she says. The rumors are already out there.”
“But you don’t believe them?”
“No, I don’t.”
Danny sighed. “Okay. I trust your gut. It’s usually right. You still want to go into the dance?”
“Not really, no. It’s not just that Meghan is gone. If people in there are spreading rumors about her, I don’t know if I can keep my cool. And I don’t want to be writing checks my body can’t cash yet.”
Nodding, Danny said, “Good call. Maybe by the time you start school next fall, they’ll have calmed down.”
“And maybe I’ll look like The Hulk,” Neil said sarcastically. “At least by then I’ll have calmed down. Right at the moment, I want to rip apart that jackass, and I know I’m not capable without a gun.”
“You wouldn’t…”
“No, dumbass. But my fists are a long way from being weapons. Someday, they’ll be as lethal as my shooting skills. For now, I’m a 200-pound guy in a 120-pound body, and I’m smart enough to stay away.”
“Let’s go call my mom, then. Movie night?”
“As long as you don’t make me watch Pulp Fiction again.”
Danny laughed. “I’ll let you pick. Even though we didn’t go to the dance, you were willing, so I owe you.”
“Yes. You do. Comedy is okay. I could use a laugh right now.”
Chapter 3
Bucksport, Maine, Twelve years ago…
Feet crossed at the ankles, Neil leaned against the trophy case in the gym lobby. Engrossed in Tom Clancy’s Patriot Games, he was oblivious to his surroundings. The headphones on his ears drowned out any background noise, with Bono crooning that he still hadn’t found what he was looking for. Neil couldn’t sympathize; he’d found what he was looking for, but he couldn’t have it. Not now, anyway.
A swift kick to the bottom of his size 11 running sneaker jarred him out of Jack Ryan’s head and into the lobby of the Bucksport High School gym. He glanced up, visually and verbally confronted by a gigantic running back, senior Toby Hill. Meghan’s asshole ex.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Toby shouted.
Neil raised his eyebrows and paused the CD. Despite his still-small stature, he’d grown up in a military household, and his dad had taught him to be confident during confrontations, particularly when the other person was bigger. He slipped the headphones off his ears and let them rest on his neck.
“Reading a book,” he replied.
“You think you’re funny, nerd?”
Neil opened his mouth to reply when he heard a female voice say, “Leave him alone, asshole.” Meghan Miles. He wasn’t sure if he should be thrilled or horrified. It was as if he’d conjured her by thought alone.
Toby t
urned toward her voice. She had just stepped into the lobby and was setting her bag down near where Neil lounged against the trophy case.
“He your new boyfriend, Meg? Thought you liked beef and big dicks? This kid is so small, you could probably bench him with your skinny noodle arms.”
She shoved Toby and he let her, just a little. “Fuck you, Toby. I figured out the hard way that I don’t care for beef. And what would you know about big dicks?”
Toby smirked. “I don’t need to tell you, do I baby?” He reached for Meghan’s hair and tried to brush it from her face, but she slapped his hand away. Neil was ready to jump up and punch the guy, ass-kicking be damned.
“No, you don’t.” She sneered and Toby grinned wider.
Meghan looked down at Neil and then laughed. He thought she was laughing at him, but then she said, “Ever heard that you can tell the size of a guy’s dick by the size of his hands and feet?”
Still grinning at her, Toby thought she was complimenting him.
Neil stifled a smile. He knew she wasn’t.
“See this small nerd, as you called him? He has huge hands,” she said, bending down to grab Neil’s hand and show it to Toby. Neil tingled where she touched him. Her skin was soft and she smelled like strawberries. “And see those feet? I have no idea what size they are.”
She looked at Neil.
“Eleven,” he croaked. He cleared his throat. “They’re an eleven.”
Meghan nodded. “Well, they’re at least as big as Toby’s. I’d say bigger. And you’re how tall?” she asked, looking at Neil.
“I’m 5′6″. And a quarter.”
Toby laughed. “A shrimp compared to me. I’m 6-foot.”
“No. Your football stats say you’re only 5′11″ and I know they’re right, since your nose hits my forehead. But who’s counting? Oh. You were. See, the way I figure, this guy isn’t done growing by a long shot. You’re a freshman, right?” Neil nodded. “He’s got a good five or six years to grow into those hands and feet. You, on the other hand, are probably done. I’ve seen your dad, remember? Which means you’re only going to get bigger one way, and it’s not taller. Someday, this guy is probably going to be bigger than you. And even if he’s not, I’d bet good money he’ll always be bigger in one way.”
Toby snorted. “What, a bigger brain?” As if that was irrelevant.
“No, Toby. You forget that I’ve seen your goods. And based on a comparison between your hand and foot size and his, I’d wager that he’ll be more impressive than you in the bedroom.” She chuckled. “Then again, it wouldn’t take much. I don’t recall being particularly wowed. I don’t think it ever hurt. Isn’t it always supposed to hurt girls the very first time?”
Meghan was glaring at Toby and he looked like he wanted to punch someone. Possibly Neil. It might be worth the agony if it was because this girl had defended him. Hell, she’d ripped Toby to shreds and fed him the little pieces while Neil watched. He wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of that anger.
“You’re a real bitch, Meg. And you,” he said, pointing at Neil, “better watch yourself. Give me a reason to pulverize you and I will.”
“You sure about that?” Meghan asked. “Funny, Michigan will pull your scholarship if word gets out that you’re violent and you threaten guys younger and smaller than you. Right?”
A mischievous grin said she had him between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, if he took out his anger at Meghan on Neil, she’d expose him and his football dreams would go up in smoke. On the other hand, if he let it lie, he’d be admitting that she was right.
And Neil couldn’t speak for Toby, but the girl wasn’t wrong about him. It was all sorts of frustrating to have grown everywhere but in height and muscle tone. Especially when the girl of your dreams was still two inches taller than you. He’d love to show her how right she was, but she’d never give him the time of day.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Meghan asked Toby.
He grumbled, “Bitch,” and left, shooting dirty looks at both Neil and Meghan.
As soon as Toby stormed out the door, Meghan sank to the floor beside Neil. “Sorry about that,” she said. “I didn’t mean to emasculate you by jumping in there.”
“No worries,” Neil said. “I have no idea what his problem was, but I’m not disappointed to have avoided a random ass-kicking.”
Meghan smiled. “He didn’t like that you’re leaning against the trophy case. That’s reserved for athletes. Or so he thinks.”
“I’m on the track team. That means I’m an athlete.”
She chuckled. “I agree, but Toby wouldn’t. Unless you play football or maybe basketball, hockey or baseball, you’re not really an athlete to him.”
“That merited kicking my ass?”
“I doubt he’d have done anything. He likes to talk big. He’s a bully asshole and I have a personal problem with him and his attitude. I shouldn’t have involved you. Sorry again.”
“Stop apologizing. Really. After all, you told one of the biggest guys in this school that his dick was smaller than mine. I think I can forgive you for stepping in front of me.”
She quirked a smile. “I’ve heard it’s true, you know, what I told him. I really have no idea, to be honest. I don’t have much personal experience, but it felt good to tear him down a notch.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“With Toby? Why? What have you heard?”
“Nothing. Should I have heard something?”
She frowned, an uncertain look crossing her face. Neil wanted to take her hand, tell her that whatever it was, it didn’t matter, that she had always been the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen and couldn’t care less about what other people thought.
But he didn’t.
“He spread rumors about me. Told everyone I was easy and a kinky freak after he took my virginity.”
“What an ass.”
Meghan gave him a small smile. “Thanks for saying so. And to be honest, it wasn’t horrible and I lied when I said it didn’t hurt. But he doesn’t deserve to hear that.”
Neil cocked his head and feigned ignorance, saying, “Hear what?” to indicate that her secret was safe with him.
“You’re all right, kid.”
That earned a grimace. “Man, it sucks when you look like you’re still in junior high. No one takes you seriously.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I meant what I said about you. That deep voice and those hands and feet show promise. You’ll grow into them someday. How old are you?”
“I’m fifteen. Stayed back in kindergarten. Lucky me. I’ll get my license before everyone else in my class, at least.” He braced for the inevitable teasing.
It didn’t come.
She furrowed her brow. “Was your dad in the military?”
“Yeah, why?” Did she actually remember talking to him that day at the book store?
“Did he go to Iraq during the Gulf War?”
“Yeah. He was deployed the year I started school.”
“It’s no surprise you had a hard time in kindergarten, then.”
Touched, Neil quietly said, “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For not making fun of me. Most people give me a hard time.”
“Well, that’s just stupid. As if you can help that your family was in upheaval when you started school.” She bit her lip, hesitating for a moment, as if she was afraid to say more. “Did he…was he okay?”
“My dad? Yeah. He was fine. Career military. Served for a while after that. He’s out now.”
“Good. I’m glad.” She gave him the sweetest smile, and if Neil hadn’t already been infatuated with her before, if her beauty and her love of Ireland hadn’t swayed him, he’d have fallen for her right at that moment.
“Thanks.” He took a deep breath, unsure of what to say next.
Nina Jacobs, one of his classmates, poked her head through the doorway. “Oh, good. There you are. Let’s go. Mom is waiting.”<
br />
“Just a sec, Nin. I’ll be right there.”
Nina rolled her eyes and disappeared behind the door.
Meghan stood and he followed. She grabbed her bag and stuck out her hand. “Thanks for the company,” she said as she shook the hand he offered. He held on for a second too long and she gently pulled her hand away, the corner of her mouth flirting with a smile. She walked backwards to the door. “I have to go. My aunt is waiting.”
Neil nodded, tongue tied. He swallowed. “Bye,” he manged to whisper as she slipped out the door.
Yep, he was a goner.
**********
“What was that all about?” Nina asked as Meg slid into the back seat of her aunt’s beat-up old Subaru.
“Nothing.”
“You looked pretty cozy.”
“Drop it, Nin. It was nothing.”
“You do know he’s a freshman. And a total geek, right?”
“Will you drop it, for Christ’s sake?”
“Meg, watch you language,” Aunt Hannah said, looking at her niece in the rear-view mirror. “And Nina, leave her alone.”
“I just wanted to know why she looked so chummy with Neil.”
“Neil? He’s such a sweet boy.”
“Exactly,” Nina said. “He’s a boy. And Meg might as well be a woman. He’s a little young for you, Meggie.”
“There’s nothing going on, Nina! Jesus. Will you drop it? We were both waiting for rides. Toby was there.”
“Oh, Meggie. I’m sorry. Was he a jerk to you?”
Meg smiled. “He was, but I put him in his place. Neil? Is that his name?” Nina nodded. “He was a good sport. Toby was being his usual asshole self, and Neil let me eviscerate him.”
“How’d you do that?” Nina asked. Toby was a subject of mutual hate between the cousins, since he’d slept with them both. Meg first, then Nina earlier this year. He’d taken advantage of each of them for different reasons, but the end result was the same: he’d trashed their reputations.
Meg grinned widely when she thought about Toby’s response. “I made it quite clear that I thought Neil probably had a much bigger dick than he does.”
Nina laughed so hard she snorted. “Oh, my God. I’d have loved to see that. Seriously? Neil is tiny compared to Toby. He must have been pissed.”
