by Lucy Gage
“Strongman still overseas?”
Jack had worked as a masseur for a little while after the Army, a recommendation from his therapist to find a low-key, relaxing career. But he’d transitioned into Hollywood stunt work as a way to honor the years he’d been a crazy kid with John and a means of getting his adrenaline high. They’d all been adrenaline junkies and runners.
“Somewhere. Not sure where at the moment. Traveling between shoots, I think. Said he’d be sorry to miss the race.”
They had a charity 5k to run in two weeks, a race which supported fallen heroes. Jack had run it with them for a couple years, but he was off to Greece or maybe it was Africa or India. Jack stayed busy to keep the demons at bay and to avoid seeing John’s fiancée, Sarah, who still blamed him for Tiger’s death. His friend hadn’t shared all the details of what went down before they’d deployed to Iraq, but Neil knew things between Jack and Sarah had grown more complicated than ever. He’d witnessed as much at Tiger’s funeral.
“Shame. I hope he’ll make it home before I leave.”
“Don’t know for sure, but chances are slim. He said something about a shoot in Russia or Kazakhstan this summer.
“Guess we’ll have to see,” Neil said.
As the time for deployment grew closer, he took stock of his life and the people in it. When he considered who he might leave behind – his parents, Danny, Owen, Jack, to name a few – Beth didn’t make the list. It was better that she did something stupid now, while he had six months to go. At least he could get past the humiliation before he had to stand in harms way. He wouldn’t fret over the loss, but it would irritate him for a bit, and it was better to get those emotions out while he was safe and sound at home.
And now, he could look forward to August, to seeing the lovely Meghan Miles. Now, he didn’t have to feel guilty when he dreamed about her instead of Beth.
**********
Gorham, Maine, six months ago…
The knock at the door came as a surprise to Meg. Nina planned to visit later, but she had a showing first. Maybe it had been canceled.
Opening the door, Meg found not Nina, but Justin on the other side. She tried to slam the door and he shoved his foot in the way.
“Just hear me out, Meg.”
“No, Justin. I told you it was over. I never intended it to last this long anyway. Go back to your hotel.”
“Please, I’m begging you.”
Meg blew air out her flared nostrils. “Fine,” she said, holding open the door. He stepped inside and she quickly shut it behind him. “You have two minutes.”
“Okay. Look, I know you think it’s pointless to keep going when we’re apart so much, but I love you. Please don’t throw away what we have just because of the distance. I’ll come to Portland more.”
“You don’t control that, Justin. Don’t think I forgot.”
“I’ll try. I promise. I’ll come when I’m not working, too.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“Can’t you at least give me a chance?”
“Why? You say you love me, but you don’t act like it.”
“What do I need to do?”
“I don’t know!” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “But whatever it is, you’re not doing it. I don’t feel loved. I hear you say the words, but I don’t feel it. I like to think that I’m smart enough to listen to my instincts. And they’re telling me it’s time to walk away.”
He stepped toward her. “Please, baby,” he begged. “Don’t walk away. We’re so good together.”
“We’re good in bed, Justin. That doesn’t make us good together.”
“Let me remind you, one last time. If you still want to walk away after that, I’ll leave you alone.”
The eyes did it, those eyes that always reminded her of Em, that made her want to trust him. “Don’t make me regret it,” she said.
He rubbed her arms. “You won’t,” he said, kissing her, “I promise.” Then his mouth devoured hers and she was lost in him all over again. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, something screamed to push him away, to walk, to leave this as a rebound thing and call it good. But she didn’t.
**********
Portland, Maine, Four months ago…
“It’s time, Justin. It really is time.”
“Meg, please don’t do this again.”
They were sitting on a bench at the Maine State Pier. Meg held a cup of black coffee in her hand and Justin sipped his mochachino or whatever it was called. The man liked girly drinks, one more reason why she couldn’t see this working long-term. But he’d begged her to take him back two months ago, so she had.
Despite the fantastic sex between them, Meg couldn’t see why she’d let Justin hang on when she’d pushed Nico and even Jason away.
Not that she really knew Jason. She didn’t. But he came across as someone who would have been a better mate than Justin seemed to be. And though she’d cared, deeply, for Nico, she hadn’t loved him. He deserved someone who did.
Unlike Justin, who made no real effort to see her unless he was in Portland. Granted, that was frequent, given that he didn’t live here. But he never asked her to come to Philly, they never met in between his trips. A sense of unease surrounded her relationship with him, and she wanted to cut ties for good this time.
Again, he resisted.
“Justin, why are you making this hard? It’s not working. I know it, you know it. Why pretend it is?”
“Are you telling me that you’re faking every time I make you come?” he asked, brushing the hair from her face, trying, desperately, to get her to relent.
Should she lie? No. He knew the truth.
“You know I’m not.”
“Exactly. So how isn’t it working?”
“I want more than great sex. How is that hard to comprehend?”
Nico had given that to her from the outset. Why couldn’t Justin?
“I don’t give you more than orgasms?”
Meg sighed. “Sometimes. But not often enough.”
“Can we just give it a little more time? I’m up for a promotion in a few weeks. I should have some more flexibility and I can telecommute more. I can be here more often.”
“Are you just telling me that so I won’t walk away?”
“No, baby. I’m not lying to you. I’ll make more effort, I swear.”
“You said that before…”
“And I did, right? I’m here more than I was at the beginning.”
Meg sighed once more and closed her eyes. She pressed her fingers to her temple, reluctant to give him what he wanted.
“This is the last time, Justin. There will be no next time.”
“You won’t be sorry,” he whispered in her ear as he nibbled it. “Let’s go back to the hotel. I want to show my appreciation.”
She couldn’t help but smile and shake her head. “Oh? And what did you have in mind?”
“It’s a surprise…”
“I better like it.”
“You will. Trust me.” They stood and walked, arm in arm, back toward Justin’s hotel.
And there lay the root of the problem. She didn’t trust him. Every time he left, she wondered about where he went, what he did when they were apart.
Each time, slightly ashamed, she thought, What would Neil say? Would he be disappointed in me? Would he tell me to give this guy the boot? The boy in the gym lobby had long been her secret conscience. For months, almost since she began dating Justin, that little angel on her shoulder had said to walk away.
For some reason, she had a hard time listening.
**********
Portland, Maine, Two months ago…
Though suspicious when Justin had called to say he wouldn’t be traveling until at least next week, Meg relished weekend fun time with her friends. She’d coerced Charlie to travel from Bangor to Portland, and the two of them waited at the sushi restaurant to eat dinner with Em and Nina.
“How’s Justin?” Charlie
asked.
“Sick, I guess.”
“You don’t sound like you believe him.”
“I don’t.”
“Call him. If he’s sick, he should be home, right? You’ll know by the background noise.”
“I suppose.”
“Just do it.”
Meg took a deep breath, a gnawing in the pit of her stomach saying that this could be a bad idea. She dialed Justin and when the phone picked up, relief flooded her brain.
Until a woman’s voice said, “Hello?”
“Uh, hi. Is Justin there?”
“Who is this?”
“His girlfriend.” Click.
“Who was that?” Charlie asked.
“I have no idea. Some woman. She hung up.”
“Oh. Not good. Not good at all.”
“No. I agree. Should I call back?”
“Maybe you should wait. See if he calls.”
“Or shut off my phone and tell him to fuck off.”
“Or that.”
They sipped their sake and chatted. A few minutes later, Meg’s phone played some cheesy 70’s song Justin liked.
“Who was that?” Meg asked, not even bothering with politeness.
“Meg, let me explain.”
“Who was she, Justin?”
“Meg…”
“WHO?”
A pause. “My wife.”
Not again. No fucking way. This could not be happening to her again. And he’d begged her not to leave him! She’d tried, twice now!
“Listen to me, you lying sack of shit, don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t ever fucking bother to show up at my house again. Do you hear me? We are through! You are the lowest of the low. You’re the scum on the shoe of the filth that covers dirty bar bathrooms. You’re not even good enough to be the filth. You’re lower than that. I don’t care what your excuse is. There will never be enough words for you to make up for what you’ve done to me.”
“Meg…”
“Don’t fucking bother, Justin! I don’t want to hear it! Do you understand me? I don’t want to know why you did it. I don’t want to hear that you love me or that you love us both. I don’t want to know if you have kids or if your marriage is on the rocks. You are nothing to me! Nothing! You will leave me alone this time. I mean it. If you don’t, I will cut off your balls and feed them to you! Do you hear me? I will castrate you! Better yet, I’ll castrate you and I’ll make you a eunuch! You will be useless in bed if you come near me. If I even think you’ve been contemplating it, I’ll hurt you. And I’ll humiliate you, to boot. Just like you’ve done to me.” She hung up, her breath labored.
“Let’s get out of here,” Charlie said. Yes. People were staring.
They left the sushi place and walked down to the pier. They sat on a bench before Meg started sobbing. Not at the loss of Justin, the pig.
No, at the loss of her dignity, once again.
Charlie hugged her and rubbed her back.
“Why can’t I ever meet a good guy?” Meg asked.
“You will, Meggie. One day, you will.”
“I did once, you know.”
“When, honey?”
“I’ve never talked to anyone about this,” she said, wiping her eyes and sniffling. “I met this boy once. He was the sweetest thing. He was a few years behind me in school. I don’t even know his last name. All I know is that he was so good to me, and he seemed to really see who I was inside. The real me, you know? The one that I knew was in there. And he made me want to be that girl, Charlie. It’s why I moved away for college, to start over. And I did. I’m not all you guys think I am.”
“No, honey. You’re more.”
“I mean, I’m not some crazy, adventurous sex-aholic.”
“You’ve been with more guys than I have. To me, that makes you adventurous. I think Em sees you that way, too. You never told Em about this guy?”
“No. I’ve never told anyone. He’s like an angel on my shoulder. If I feel down or I think I’ve made a mistake, I ask myself, What would Neil tell me to do?”
“Did you say Neil?”
Meg nodded. “Why?”
“Oh, no reason. I’m probably thinking of someone else. A guy I knew in college or something.”
“I should have talked to him then. I don’t know why I didn’t. I have no idea where he is now. He was this skinny little thing, but he had huge hands and feet and this deep voice. I bet he grew into a strapping guy.”
“Oh, I bet,” Charlie said absently. “You know, fate has a way of bringing the right person into your life at the right time. Maybe you’ll find him again.”
“Probably not.”
“Don’t rule it out. You never know.”
“No. You don’t. Hey, don’t say anything to Em and Nina, okay? Can we keep this between us?”
“Justin, too?”
“No, just the Neil stuff. I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Of course, Meggie. We all have our secrets.”
Meg laughed. “You’re an open book, Charlie Brown.”
“Maybe. But you’d never know if I wasn’t, would you?”
“I guess not. You’ve found your perfect guy. You’re lucky.”
“I am lucky. You might be, too, and just not know it yet.”
“I won’t hold my breath.”
Charlie rubbed her arm. “Hey, let’s call Nin and Em and have them meet us at Gritty’s. We’ll get greasy pub food and then go dancing. What do you say?”
“Yes, but don’t expect me to take a guy home. I’m done for now.”
“We’ll protect you. But don’t rule out love, Meggie. It might be just around the corner.”
Secretly, she hoped Charlie was right.
**********
Ft. Irwin, California, One month ago…
Pearl Jam’s Better Man blared from Neil’s phone. “What do you want, ass?” he answered.
“Do you always answer the phone like that when Dan calls?” Charlie asked.
Neil automatically blushed. “Uh, sorry, Charlie. I thought you were Danny. His last email was obnoxious. What’s up?”
“Are you definitely coming to the wedding?”
“Absolutely. I can’t get time off before, or I’d plan to be there ahead. The best I can do is fly in late Friday and arrive Saturday morning. But I’ll be there. Did you need something?”
“Can you bring a tin of cinnamon Altoids with you?”
Strange request, he thought, but he said, “Sure. Is that all?”
“Do you plan to bring a date?”
Taken aback, he replied, “No.”
“Are you dating anyone?”
Even for Charlie, the number of questions raised suspicions in Neil’s mind. “Why do you ask?”
“I wanted to seat you next to someone who’s single, and I don’t want to make assumptions. You know, in case you’re taken.”
Neil smirked. Charlie fancied herself a matchmaker. “Oh? And who is this girl?”
“A friend of mine. Do you mind? She’ll be coming alone, too. I thought it might be nice for her to sit next to someone she could talk to, maybe dance with…”
“Are you trying to set me up?”
“No. You don’t need it, Neil. You’re gorgeous. Women flock to you on their own. I’m providing an opportunity. For both of you.”
“Is she cute?”
“I have a feeling you’ll think she’s pretty.”
“You’re not trying to set me up with Nina, are you? We’re not at all attracted to each other. I’ve been telling you this for years.”
Charlie laughed. “Trust me, Neil, she tells me the same thing all the time. I gave up on that idea years ago. No pressure, okay? I’m asking because I wanted to make sure you’re not attached.”
“I haven’t been attached since I caught Beth. So, no. I’m single and plan to stay that way.” Meghan would be at this wedding, and on the off chance she was single, he’d refused to date seriously since things ended with Beth. A thought occ
urred to him. “It’s not…”
“Oh! I have to go. Meeting. See you in a month!”
Then she hung up. While Neil didn’t question the fact that it was Saturday until much later, he couldn’t help but hope that Charlie meant Meghan. Improbability didn’t dissuade him from dreaming.
Part 2
The Wedding:
Beautiful Day
Chapter 7
His palms sweat a little. He could stare down the barrel of a gun at a target hundreds of yards away for hours and never once shed a drop of sweat, but his hands were moist because he had another shot at actually speaking to the girl of his dreams.
How messed up was that?
Neil had made plans to check into his room early so he could get dressed at the hotel instead of needing to drive from Bucksport to Bar Harbor in his uniform. His parents planned to drive from the wedding straight to the airport for a trip to Ireland celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary, so he drove his rental car.
Danny had asked him to be best man, but Neil couldn’t guarantee he’d get leave. Neil had already missed the bachelor party, but he figured going early to the wedding so he could get ready with his best friend was better than nothing.
Everyone else involved with the wedding had checked in the night before because they had been there for the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. The wedding blocked a bank of rooms, but Danny and Charlie had the honeymoon suite for their wedding night. Charlie and her bridesmaids would use the suite for wedding prep, so Danny stayed with his brother, Peter. The guys were dressing in Peter’s room, and Danny had instructed Neil to check into his room and call when he’d arrived.
Neil checked in and then went back to the car to get his uniform and his bag. He’d worked hard pressing his uniform this morning, there was no way he was doing it all again just because he couldn’t walk back to the car after checking into the hotel. When he finally stood at his room door, he had his hands full. Duffel slung over his shoulder, his garment bag high in his left hand, he juggled the key card in his right hand trying to open the door. Atypically distracted, Neil missed the person in his peripheral vision until fingers lifted the garment bag from his hand. He looked quickly, and it was her.
He nearly swallowed his tongue as he unlocked the door.
