by Lucy Gage
Major Lewis had called before she’d flown to Minneapolis. Neil was making steady progress on his physical therapy, regaining strength every day. He intended to return to his unit at the earliest possible date. The current plan had him rejoin his men in California two weeks from now, where he would continue his recovery under the supervision of the physicians at Ft. Irwin. He’d healed from surgery during his period of unconsciousness and he had begun PT at Walter Reed days after he woke.
Neil insisted that he push himself hard to get back to fighting shape. Major Lewis said that he suspected some of that resoluteness had to do with Neil’s inability to recall his last year. Even his training was fuzzy, and Neil expressed a desire to return to a place where faces and routine were familiar, in hopes that it would help him remember. The doctor said Neil hadn’t made any memory breakthroughs, but he saw a therapist daily and seemed in decent spirits most of the time.
As Meg knew from talking to Dan and to Neil’s parents, he also had many moments of despair. To be unaware of so many little and even big things, both inside and outside his own life, caused frustration and stress. She wished she could help him or at least be there for him.
Meg stepped into the church and took a deep breath to steady herself. A voice in her ear said, “How are you holding up?”
Dan.
She turned to look at him and gave a small smile. “As good as can be expected. Just trying to focus on that adorable little girl and push everything else out of my mind.”
“How’s that working for you?” Dan asked with a wry smile.
“Like shit,” she whispered.
He rubbed her back. “Just lean on me if you’re struggling, okay? I know today is a hard day.”
She kissed Dan’s cheek and wiped away the lipstick. “You’re one of the few people here who truly understands. Thanks.”
“Are you making out with my husband?” Charlie teased as she wound her arm around Dan’s waist. “And in a church, no less!”
“You know it,” Meg said.
“Aw, hon, today was the day, huh?”
Meg nodded and blinked back tears. “Yeah.”
“We’re here for you, Meggie,” Charlie said and threw her arms around Meg’s back.
Rob’s huge brother sidled up to Meg and said in his deep voice, “I think we’re ready to head up front.” Rick offered his arm. “You okay?”
Meg nodded. “It’s just a tough day is all.”
“Any special reason? Just wondering if I can help.”
“If you can find a way to make my boyfriend remember that he’s in love with me, then yes. Otherwise, not really.”
Rick’s eyebrows shot up. “Is he doing okay?”
“He’s doing great. They expect him to make a full recovery. But he has amnesia. It’s a short-term thing, but they don’t know when he’ll get his memories back. And today was the day I’d have been able to welcome him home if he’d come back like he should have. He should be here with me. If he knew, if he could come, he’d be here right now.”
“I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do…”
“I appreciate that. Thanks. Let’s just concentrate on that gorgeous baby. This is her day. Time to suck it up and be her spiritual adviser.” Meg laughed. “A year ago I’d never have been a good candidate for a little girl’s adviser on anything. Funny how a year changes things.”
“A year ago, I’d never have guessed that my little brother would be married, let alone a new dad. Or happier than I’d ever seen him in his life. He was pretty miserable last year.”
“I’m thrilled for them. Really. And I love that little girl. It’s just tough to show a happy face when my heart aches for other reasons.”
“I hear you. How about if I smile extra wide for both of us?” He gave her a big, goofy grin.
Meg laughed. “Okay, that’ll work.”
Rob and Em brought baby Maeve to the baptismal font, where the priest would christen her goddaughter with the ridiculously long name of Maeve Amelia Abigail Deacon. Em tried to explain all the reasoning behind the name choice, but it was pretty involved and included family names, ties to women writers and historical figures, name etymology and meanings. The one thing she did recall was that the baby’s first name was a sort of tribute to herself.
With a short, lovely ceremony, grinning widely at the sweet little girl proved easy. A gorgeous combination of her parents’ features, with Em’s crazy brown curls already trying to dominate her look and Rob’s stunning blue eyes, whether she’d get Em’s nose or not, Maeve looked a lot like her mother did in baby pictures. Without a doubt, she had Rob’s lips. The girl had hit the genetic jackpot in the looks department and probably did with brains as well. Meg suspected her goddaughter would one day teach her a few lessons of her own. At the very least, it would be a challenge to keep that much beauty contained when her father was a world-famous movie star.
“Are you sure I’m the best person for this job?”
“You never steered me wrong, did you?” Emily asked.
“Well, there was that one time…” Meg teased.
Em laughed. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Meggie. I can’t imagine asking anyone else. Besides, who better to tell her what not to do? You learned a lot of things the hard way. You have wisdom I’ll never be able to impart.”
“Ain’t that the truth. Glad that phase of my life is over.”
“You really okay sitting around waiting for Neil to remember?”
“Yes. And no. I’m not okay with it, but I’ll do it. And my reasons for being unhappy about it aren’t what you think. I don’t care about sex.” Em gave her a look of disbelief. “Really! I don’t miss sex in general, I miss Neil. I don’t want to be with anyone else again, Em. So, yeah, it sucks because I’ll be waiting until he does remember. But I’ll do it because I love him and he’s worth the wait. He always was.”
“You’ve grown up a lot this last year, Meggie,” Em said.
“That I have, Emma Bean.”
“See. I knew you were the perfect woman for the job.”
Em had given her a big hug and held on for a while. These days, she craved closeness and she reveled in the physical and emotional connection to her best friend, being restored bit by bit.
Meg had no problem recalling that moment, the realization that she finally felt like she was on equal footing with Em, while she stood in front of God and her friends and pledged to help care for the emotional and spiritual well-being of this precious little girl. One day in the future, it would be her turn to have a baby. And that baby would be Neil’s. She knew that with all of her heart. She just had no idea when it would happen. But like her new found faith in God, she didn’t need to see it to believe it.
Faith was enough.
**********
“One more set and we’ll be done for the day,” Specialist Jacobs said. He’d been working extra sets of PT exercises with Neil for the past four weeks. They were both ready to get back to their unit, get back to being a soldier instead of being a patient.
Of course, Henry Jacobs had been there a lot longer than Neil; he’d lost a foot during his tour and he had learned to walk again as well as how to use his new appendage. Henry’s enthusiasm had carried Neil through some tough days, and he was only slightly hesitant to leave Walter Reed to return to Ft. Irwin. As comfortable as the bubble of the hospital could be at times, Neil was ready to progress in his recovery.
They still hadn’t told him all the details about his injury. He knew there had been an IED detonation, that Hawk had also been injured, but they wouldn’t give him any other details. His therapist said that they were concerned about his extended coma, since it had been medically-induced. They worried that pushing Neil to remember anything about the last year, including and especially the actual bomb blast that had injured him, might be detrimental.
Every day, he hoped to remember something. Anything.
So far, nada.
“Five more reps,” Henry said.
“Two, and one more. Good!” Henry said as Neil lifted the 250-lb barbell onto the rack.
Neil sat up and recovered for a moment. The days of jumping up and letting the next guy go weren’t in his reach just yet. But they were in the distance. He was sure of it. As his lifting partner these days, Henry patiently waited for Neil to be ready to spot. Henry recalled the early days of his own PT and while he wasn’t the powerhouse that Neil had been before the bomb blast, he had been a fit soldier.
A talkative guy, Henry often asked Neil questions as they worked out. It had been a relief, because everyone else around him seemed to constantly censor their words, just in case. Henry had no preconceived notions about what would be okay to discuss, so he jumped in with both feet in every conversation. Sometimes, Neil liked to be the one to initiate the discussions, in part because he didn’t want Henry to think he was humoring the guy and passing time. He genuinely liked Henry, but Neil wasn’t usually as chatty as his workout partner was.
“So, Jacobs, you related to anyone in Maine? I knew a girl with that last name in high school.” Huh. That had been an odd thought. His surprise at his own question must have shown on Neil’s face, because Henry looked perplexed for a moment.
“Special girl? One you maybe had a thing for?”
“Uh, no. Actually, I had a thing for her cousin.” Neil had this strange pulling in his chest and he rubbed his sternum.
“You okay?” Henry asked.
“Yeah. Just a weird pain in my chest.”
“Want to see the doc?”
“Nah. It’ll pass. Just weird, is all. So, relatives in Maine?”
“I don’t know. It’s possible. You ever date this cousin?”
Neil laughed and shook his head. “I wish. She’s a supermodel.”
“Literally?”
“Well, no. But she could be. God, she’s perfect. Sexy, wavy brown hair. Chocolate brown eyes, gorgeous lashes. Tall and lean but not too skinny. Legs that go on for miles. Curvy in all the right places. My hands fit just right on her hips and she’s got the most amazing ass. Handful, you know? And her boobs are the exact amount of perky and full. B-cup. A nice mouthful.” Neil was in a bit of a haze and he felt himself smile, a grin that spread across his face involuntarily.
“You sure you never dated her? That’s a detailed description.”
“Huh?” Neil asked.
“I said that was a pretty detailed description of a girl you’ve never dated.”
“What did I say?” Neil wondered.
“You don’t know what you just said?”
“Not really, no. I wasn’t even thinking. It just came out.”
“Dude, we need to get you to see the doc. Between your chest pain and the funky brain shit, you need to see someone.”
“Yeah. Okay,” Neil agreed. The pain in his chest returned. He stood and Henry walked him down the hall to Major Lewis’ office, where Henry knocked.
“Come in,” Major Lewis said.
Henry said, “Sir, Captain Murphy is having a little trouble we thought you should probably be aware of.”
“What is it, Specialist Jacobs?” Major Lewis was looking at Neil strangely.
“Well, sir, he was rubbing his chest like it hurt. Then he said some things and didn’t really remember what it was he said.”
“I see. Captain, why don’t you have a seat. Thank you, Specialist Jacobs. You’re dismissed.”
Neil sat down across from the doctor and Henry left.
“Captain, I’m going to ask you some questions. Answer them to the best of your ability. Okay?”
“Yes, sir.”
Major Lewis asked as series of questions: what were they doing for exercises? Where did the pain originate? On and on. The whole time, he performed little tests, checking Neil’s eyes and ears, listening to his heart, his lungs. He tested nerve function.
Finally, he said, “What was the last thing you recall discussing right before the pain started?”
“Um, I asked Henry…Specialist Jacobs if he was related to anyone in Maine. I know a girl from home who has that same last name.”
“And what did he say?” Neil relayed the conversation as best he could. “Okay, then he asked you about the cousin and you said what?”
“I don’t know. But Henry…Specialist Jacobs said that it was a pretty detailed description of someone I’d never dated. I honestly don’t know what I said.”
“Let’s bring Specialist Jacobs back in here and see if he can recall. Maybe it will help.” The Major asked his nurse to find Henry and a few minutes later, he returned to the doctor’s office.
“You asked to see me, Sir?” Henry said.
“Yes. Could you relay, to the best of your ability, what Captain Murphy said to you earlier?”
Henry nodded and proceeded to give a very vivid picture of Meghan Miles that, apparently, Neil had himself conveyed before.
“Jesus,” Neil whispered and gulped.
“Is there something wrong, Captain?”
“I don’t know, Sir. I guess I’m not really sure how I’d actually know some of those things about her. That’s…that’s pretty graphic.”
“That’s what I said, Murph. You sure you didn’t date her?” Henry asked.
“That’s all, Specialist Jacobs. You can go now.”
“Yes sir,” Henry said.
“Are you okay, Captain?”
Neil swallowed. “Why would I know those things, Major?”
“Why do you think you know them, Captain?”
“I have no idea.”
“Do you think they are…accurate?”
“I don’t know. They seem like they could be. But I’ve never been close enough to Meghan to touch her like that. Why would I make up something just to tell Henry?”
“I think this is a good thing to discuss in therapy tomorrow, Captain. For tonight, why don’t you see the nurse about taking a sedative before bed. It will help you sleep.”
“Right. Okay. Yes. Yes, sir.”
Back at his room, the nurse gave him a pill to take and she watched him swallow it. But Neil didn’t want the meds, so he pretended and hid it in the back of his mouth. Then when she left, he spit it into the toilet and flushed it down.
He sat on the edge of his bed, head in hands, confused. He needed to talk to Danny. He dialed his best friend, hoping he’d answer, despite the late hour.
“Neil? Everything okay?” Danny asked.
“Hey, Danny. Yeah. I guess.”
“What’s wrong, buddy?”
“Um, just had something weird happen today.” Neil explained the conversation with Henry and the subsequent talk with the doctor. “Why the hell would I talk about her that way? I’ve fantasized about her for years, but you know I don’t talk about girls like that. And how would I know, anyway? Seriously? Like, maybe she has a B-cup, but who knows? It could be a C. And I’ve always thought my hands would fit just right over her ass, but maybe not. What do you think?”
“I think you know more of those things about her than I do,” Danny joked.
Neil’s heart sank. What am I forgetting?
“Is this about what you said the day I woke up?” Neil asked, deflated. He felt like an ass all of a sudden, for some reason.
“No! I was just teasing you, Neil. You know, because you’ve been staring at Meg for so long. I don’t look too carefully at her, you know? She’d kick my ass if I did.”
“She’s not really like that. She’s a sweet girl.” Fuck! Where did that come from? He’d said it with such certainty. He’d always believed it, but it felt like he knew.
Danny said, “Yeah. Yeah, she is. Look, d
on’t stress about it, okay? Just talk to your therapist and see what she says.”
“Danny, what are you not saying?”
His best friend sighed. “Look, Neil, I can’t really talk to you about it. I want to tell you. But I can’t. The doctor said before that you had to come to these things on your own.”
“Fuck that! I did come to something on my own and now no one wants to be straight with me about it!”
“Just give it time.”
“Whatever. Fine. Time. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
Danny sighed. “Okay. Later.”
Neil hung up and flopped back onto his bed. Damn it. Now he wished he hadn’t spit out that stupid sedative. Because it was highly unlikely that he’d be getting any sleep otherwise with his brain too scrambled to settle.
It would be a long night.
**********
“What’s wrong?” Meg asked. Dan had walked back inside from his phone call looking pretty upset. They were all still at Rob and Em’s house on the lake. Meg had tried all day to admire the eye candy, to enjoy the weather and the lake. But she’d had a hard time. Dan had come inside to check on her when his phone rang.
“That was Neil,” he said.
Her heart began to race. “What did he say?”
“He had some really vague memories, but he didn’t even recall saying them. His PT buddy told him what he said and he was kind of shocked.”
“What were they about?”
“You. Apparently, he spouted off some pretty graphic description of your, um, assets. Which, by the way, is not his usual style.”
“I know,” she said with a small smile. She loved that about him.
“I guess he didn’t remember what he said. The guy told the doctor about it in front of him and Neil was pretty freaked about it. Do you think he’s remembering?”
Meg swallowed hard and her breath accelerated. “I don’t know.”
“He’s supposed to see the therapist in the morning and I’m sure she’ll talk to Major Lewis. You still get updates from him, right?”
