by Lucy Gage
“It felt like a miracle had been given to me. I’d always thought he was the best guy I’d ever met. I never imagined I’d see him again, let alone that we’d fall in love. I just hope that isn’t the only miracle I get.”
“I’m sure it won’t be. I’m glad we’re talking again. I missed you. Keep me posted on Neil’s progress, okay?”
“Will do. I missed you too. Love you, Emma Bean.”
“Love you, too, Meggie.”
Part 6
The Reunion:
All I Want Is You
Chapter 34
He stopped at the mailboxes outside their apartment complex on the way back from training. For the first time in months, his brain didn’t resemble a San Francisco cloud bank and he hummed to the tune in his head. One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful had lodged in his head, despite the fact that he hadn’t heard it on the radio recently.
After months of utter confusion, where he’d complete a training module and be expert the first time through, with no memory of learning the skills, Neil finally recalled much of his pre-deployment preparation from last year. And today, he’d stepped into his mixed martial arts class with full memories of his last session before he left for Danny’s wedding.
On this high, he opened the little metal door and pulled out the stack of mail. Among the bills and junk mail he found an envelope – a heavyweight cream paper, like fancy stationery – that looked vaguely familiar though the handwriting on the front did not. It’d been mailed from Gorham, Maine, and he had no clue who he knew there, but in his mind, he recalled printing the address numerous times.
Did Max move over the last year while I was away? But I know I visited him in Portland. Wait, that can’t be right; I’ve never been there.
Have I?
Neil shook it off and jumped back into his Acura. He’d read the letter after lunch. Could be a wedding invitation. Max hadn’t been engaged the last he knew, but that might have changed, and it would explain the feminine handwriting.
An hour later, Neil loaded dishes into the dishwasher as Sarge rifled through the mail.
“Did you know you have a letter here?” Owen asked.
“Oh. Right. Yeah, leave it on the table. I figured I’d read it after lunch. I’m wondering if Max is getting married. Seems to be going around these days,” Neil joked.
Owen furrowed his brow for a second, then said, “Yeah. Probably. Isn’t he a playboy?”
Neil laughed. “Yes. The biggest. We can’t all stay single forever, right? Eventually, you find the perfect girl and she rocks your world. Guess ol’ Max found his.”
“Hey, why don’t you grab a beer and watch TV with me.”
Neil shrugged, 5 o’clock somewhere. “Sounds like a plan.”
Sarge handed him a Sam Adams Summer. Neil had to blink a few times, then shake his head. Before his eyes came a flash of slender, manicured fingers handing him the same beer.
“You okay?” Sarge asked.
Neil nodded as he plunked down on the couch. He’d grabbed the letter and Owen handed him the letter opener, which he’d retrieved from the desk on the other side of the room.
“Thanks. I probably could have torn it open you know.”
“I’m thinking you might want to keep that envelope a little more pristine than tearing it with your big paws would allow.”
Neil laughed. “Yeah, I should have Max’s wedding invitation framed for his bachelor party, huh? Have them make it all frilly and shit. He’d get a kick out of that,” Neil said as he sliced through the envelope seam. The disturbed look crossed Owen’s face again before he smirked and nodded.
When Neil pulled the thick, cream stationery out of the envelope, it became obvious that he held a letter and not a wedding invitation. Save the Date, maybe? Girls pounced on that kind of thing. Unfolding the tri-fold, he immediately recognized the cobalt-blue flowering vines and had another flash, this one of his tan hands, weather beaten from months in the harsh mountain sun, opening stationery just like this.
Neil must have flinched, because Sarge said, “Murph, you okay?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. Though he had no idea why, his eyes wandered over the looping letters and without warning, prompted him to say, “Meghan.” He swallowed hard and began to read.
The longer he read, the more memories flashed before his eyes. Beautiful Meghan handing him a beer as they stood on the side of a dance floor. Kissing her passionately in an elevator. Her head in his lap with her mouth on him while he drove at highway speeds. Burying himself deep inside her against a wall, most of their clothes still on their bodies while she came apart in what he was sure was a second orgasm. Lying on a blanket while she fed him fruit and he told her about his tattoos. Making slow, gentle love to her as she echoed his adoration and they joined with nothing at all between them. Kissing her goodbye at the Portland Jetport, loath to walk away from her.
By the time he finished the letter, Neil was sobbing, the pain an acute stabbing near his heart, the same ache he’d felt since that day he told Henry about Meghan in great detail.
Sarge had moved closer, a hand squeezing Neil’s shoulder.
“Where are they?” Neil demanded, impatient.
“Where are what?”
“The boxes of my stuff from Afghanistan! Where are they?”
“Calm down, Neil. They’re in the back of your closet.”
Neil jumped up from the sofa and ran to his room. He yanked open his closet door and tore through the contents of the closet until he found the boxes labeled with his military information. He ripped off the lids and rifled through them. Finding the first stack of paper, he nearly choked on the sobs, his hands shaking, breathing rapid. Cobalt blue and chocolate brown ribbons. Sliding the ribbons off the letters, he opened the first one and began to read.
Two hours later, he’d read every single word she’d written to him. His emotions had bounced from exquisite pleasure and joy to heart-wrenching and bone-deep sorrow. The mania engulfed him.
“Jesus,” he whispered.
Owen had waited, quiet as a church mouse. Occasionally, he’d bring Neil a glass of water or he’d clap Neil on the back, squeeze his shoulder.
Neil looked at his best friend and roommate. “You knew? All this time, you knew I was in love with her and she was in love with me and you didn’t tell me?”
“The doctors wanted you to come to it on your own, Neil. Meghan agreed with them. She said you’d understand. That you’d know why it was important for you to remember how you fell for each other.”
He nodded his final understanding. “Yeah. Right. Like I did for her after the wedding. She was drunk. She didn’t remember most of it. Had no idea that we’d turned each other inside out that night. That she wanted to be with me. So instead of trying to convince her with words, I showed her. And by the end of the week, I was rewarded for my patience with her telling me she loved me.”
“I know. You told me the whole story when you came home.”
“I have to go to her,” Neil said, hopping up from the floor. “I have to go see Jason. I need to get him to approve leave so I can go to her. She needs to know. She needs to know I remember.”
“Okay. Okay. Go talk to Jason. But I’m coming with you. We’ll meet back here in half an hour.” Neil nodded.
**********
Half an hour later, Neil burst through the door.
“Sarge! You back?”
“In my room, packing. Come in here for a minute.”
“I need to pack too. We need to book a flight.”
Neil stepped into Owen’s room.
“Done. I knew Jason would approve your leave, so as soon as my CO gave me the green light, I booked us both tickets on the last direct flight to Maine out of LAX. We need to go in 20 minutes to make it there on time. But you need to pack this.”
He handed Neil a small white box.
Without even opening it, Neil’s mind flashed to standing in the jewelry store, picking out the perfect ring
for Meghan. Neil looked at Owen.
“I gave it to you to hold for safe-keeping while I was gone.”
“Still planning to ask her?”
“Yeah. If she’ll have me, there’s no doubt. God, I love her. So damn much.” Tears sprang to his eyes.
“Get your ass moving, soldier. Pack light so we don’t have to check bags. We can check in with the app I have on my phone.”
Neil ran to his room and packed as quickly as he could, tossing his few non-military-issue clothes in his duffel along with skivvies, socks, his sneakers and his toiletries. When he remembered that they weren’t checking bags, he tossed the toiletries on his dresser and a flash of cobalt blue caught his eye.
The guitar pick. She’d left it next to his bed at Walter Reed.
He’d had no idea what that was all about at the time, but Danny had insisted that he take it home with him and leave it out where he’d see it. Now, he knew that Meghan had to have left it there. He needed one more thing.
Scrolling through his phone, he found the number he needed.
“Max? It’s Neil. Yeah, doing well, actually. Listen, I need a favor. Do you still have your acoustic…”
Two minutes later, he threw his bag in the back of the Acura and tossed the keys to Owen, too damn jittery to drive. Clicking his seat belt, he looked at Sarge and said, “Time to head home.”
Owen nodded and they were off.
**********
His knee bounced up and down and he knew he had been sighing heavily for a while. Given what he did for a living, Neil found his fidgeting ironic. He’d spent years learning to be still as a stone, and he was as antsy as he’d been the day of Danny’s wedding.
Sitting next to him on the cross-country flight to Portland from L.A., Owen clenched and unclenched his fists.
Finally Owen huffed, “Jesus, Murph, if you plan to do this the whole way to Maine, I’ll need to take a sedative or get drunk. Or both.”
“Sorry, Sarge. Just really nervous, I guess.”
“Why don’t we talk about it and maybe that will help?”
Neil grinned at his best friend. “Going soft on me, Sarge?”
Owen laughed. “No, dipshit. We both know what it takes to win any battle, and you need to get your head in the game here. We’ve been tiptoeing around you for months because no one wanted to push you to remember too fast. Now you’re up to speed. Let’s talk about all the stuff you recall and you can wrap your head around it. You’ve been so consumed with getting your ass out there, we haven’t had a chance to talk about what you remember. We’ve got a long-ass trip. I’d rather be all girly and talk about our feelings than sit next to you acting like a nervous schoolboy when I know you’re more collected than that. You’re driving me batshit.”
Neil laughed. “She does this to me. I was a mess the day of Danny’s wedding just thinking about seeing her again. And then, I had nothing to lose, you know? She didn’t know me, she didn’t love me. She was some fantasy I’d had since I was fourteen. But now, there’s a lot more at stake, Owen. I love her so much it hurts. If she’s moved on, or changed her mind…I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“You don’t think she’ll reject you?”
Neil sighed. “Her ex was still in love with her, last I knew, and I’m guessing he didn’t have amnesia the last four months. He’s the brother of her best friend. I’m sure she sees him. What if he comforted her and she decided she’d rather take him back than wait for me?”
“I doubt that will be the case, but hence why I’m here, seeing as Danny’s gone this week. So, she doesn’t want or love you or has found someone else, you’re going to lose your shit. What if she does want you and love you and hasn’t found anyone else? What then?”
Neil grinned so wide he felt like his face might split. “I’ll ask her to marry me, like I told her I would a year ago.”
“How are you going to ask her? And when?”
“I’ll ask her as soon as I get a chance. As for how? I’ll wing it. I’m sure I’ll know what to say when the time comes. First thing’s first.”
Neil held up the cobalt blue guitar pick.
“What’s that about?” Owen asked, confused.
“A promise I made her that I need to fulfill.”
“Are you planning to sing to her? You hate to sing for other people unless you’re blasted. Is that the plan? ‘Cause being wasted when you reunite with the love of your life is a recipe for disaster.”
Neil shook his head. “Nope. I told her that I’d sing her favorite song when I saw her in person again. That’s why I called Max, so I can borrow his guitar. I’m just not sure if I should go see her first and then sing to her or sing to her outside her window. Her favorite movie is Say Anything.”
“Is that the 80’s movie where the guy stands outside the chick’s window with a boombox?” Neil nodded. “Is her favorite song In Your Eyes? Isn’t that the song the guy plays?”
Neil laughed at Owen. “I’d say I can’t believe you know that, but you’re such a chick sometimes, I shouldn’t be surprised. Right song, but that’s not her favorite. Her favorite is All I Want Is You.”
“U2? Really? That was the first song you learned to play.”
Neil smiled and choked up. “Yeah. She played it for me. That’s what woke me up.”
“Right. Danny said that. Holy shit. You ever played it for her before?”
Neil nodded. “I made her a video of me playing it for her. That was the last thing I added to the package I had you mail her the day we shipped out. When she told me it was her favorite song, she had no idea it was the first song I’d learned to play on the guitar. I don’t even think I’d told her that I played guitar, actually.”
“Damn.”
Neither of them acted girly about things like fate, but how could he not be blown away by something like this? The first song he’d ever learned to play on the guitar was the favorite song of the only woman he’d ever really loved, and the two were unrelated before a year ago. It boggled the mind if he thought too hard about it.
“I say if it’s not raining, you sing to her outside her window first. This kind of thing calls for an epic, romantic gesture.”
Neil nodded and chuckled. The three remaining musketeers – Owen, Jack and Neil – were all romantic fools under the brawn and military bravado.
Chapter 35
Too anxious about what would happen with Meghan, Neil had hardly slept. They’d finally checked into the hotel after 1 a.m. and had collapsed in exhaustion. Nonetheless, as they always had, the birds woke Neil as soon as they began their morning chatter.
“Get your ass dressed,” Sarge said from the other bed, his voice a grumble. “We’re going for a run.”
Right. Excellent idea. He needed to clear his head. Good plan.
Ten minutes later, they stretched in front of the hotel. Despite the fact that it was the asscrack of dawn, the pavement had absorbed some heat. Today would be a scorcher.
A mile into the run, Sarge said, “You ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“She loves you. She never stopped loving you.”
“How do you know that?” Neil asked.
Owen gave him a sidelong glance. “I’ve been talking to her. Keeping her updated.”
“Did you call her? Does she know I’m here? Does she know I remember?”
“No. There wasn’t time, not when you weren’t around.”
“Why were you hiding it from me?” Neil bounced between pissed and hurt.
“Because everyone agreed that it was for the best. You had to recall things on your own.”
“Then why did she mail me that letter?”
“I have no idea. Last I talked to her about it, she was adamant that she wouldn’t push her own agenda. I was just as shocked as you to see that envelope.”
“How did you know it was from her?”
“The return address made me think she’d sent it.”
“That’s why you were looking at me
funny.”
“Yeah. I didn’t figure it was from Max the Playboy, ready to tie the knot. I remember what he was like when he came to Kentucky.”
Neil smiled. Yes. Max had gotten himself into trouble when he picked up a woman at a bar who was not only married, but whose husband was the burly bar owner. He got them all tossed on their asses and still picked up another girl later.
He shook his head. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be interrupting Max this morning, but it was pretty likely.
“She’s been waiting a long time for you to come home.”
“I know,” Neil replied, his heart in his throat, which was damn inconvenient when you were running.
“It’ll be okay,” Owen reassured him.
Neil nodded. He couldn’t speak when breathing posed a challenge.
Jesus, he hoped like hell Owen was right.
**********
Meg was standing in her bedroom, adjusting her boobs in her swimsuit, when she heard the first few chords of a song she knew by heart. She threw her sundress over her head and called, “Nin? You here?”
Thinking that maybe her cousin had arrived early for their beach trip and had shown up while she was in the shower, she headed to her office. Why would Nina play the video of Neil singing to her? On today of all days? A year after the wedding that had brought them together, she didn’t want to be reminded of Neil and all she lost when that bomb exploded and took away his memories of her. Not that her brain wouldn’t go there involuntarily, but why force the issue?
She walked around the corner of her office door, expecting to see Nina at her desk, saying, “Nin, what are you…” She didn’t finish the sentence before she realized her laptop sat closed and no one occupied the room. Catching a glimpse of movement outside the window, she wandered over, slowly, afraid of what she might find. When she saw the Army fatigues on the body of the man she had been dreaming about for a year, her breath caught.
Am I hallucinating? Have I finally lost it?
Neil leaned against the maple tree outside her window, guitar in hand, singing to her the way he had nearly a year ago on that video. His fingers gripped the cobalt blue guitar pick she had left next to his bed the last time she saw him, when he had woke up from his coma and had no memory of his love for her.
