Dear Everly,

by London Casey

  “It’s sort of my job, Jake.”

  “Still means a lot. Things are just…”

  “I know,” Emily said. She touched my chest. “Big bad business owner.”

  I laughed.

  A month ago Mickey sat me down and gave it to me straight. The life of smoking cigers had caught up to him. He was sick but he promised he’d be okay. That meant he wasn’t able to deal with the shop like he used to. In other words, the shop was now mine. Mickey handed me the keys and everything that came with it. I kept him there, of course, and made sure he was well taken care of. Some days he was able to work and some days he just spent in the office, hacking into a greasy towel, begging for his life.

  It would be another tragedy in Sadie’s life when Mickey went, but that bridge I would cross when it came time.

  “You okay?” Emily asked.

  “I’m good,” I said. “Really good. Mind if I go outside?”

  “Have at it,” Emily said with a grin.

  She knew what I was doing.

  Things with Emily were perfect. Everyday, it was on the tip of my tongue I wanted to ask her to move in with me. I wanted all of her time. All of her forever. But things were just so good I didn’t want to fuck that up. Truthfully, she slept at my place at least four nights a week. Her new book of poetry was on the horizon and according to her it was going to be a big deal. And she told me I was the reason it came together. I couldn’t wait to read it and see what she had written about me.

  I hugged Emily again and kissed her one more time.

  I walked to the deck door and stepped outside.

  I fell in love with Emily on the deck but that wasn’t why I was there.

  Before I could even collect a single thought I heard the sound of a kid laughing. I walked to the edge of the deck and stood there, watching into what used to be my yard.

  The swing set was still there. There were two kids on the top of it, sitting in the fort. Two little girls. There was someone on the deck. A man drinking from a glass. In the far back of the yard I saw that the apple tree was gone. It made me laugh for a second. Only someone crazy would leave that damn tree up. Everly. I miss you.

  The yard looked bigger without the tree in it. Which told me I had always been right about the damn tree.

  The grass was cut. The little white fence was still little and white. The deck had a new set of furniture on it.

  Everything changed.

  Life moved on.

  It was good to hear the laughter of the kids. To see the house being used.

  The deck door opened and out came a woman. She carried a pitcher of iced tea and another glass. The man turned and smiled when he saw her. She walked to the table, put the pitcher and glass down, then went to him. They shared a quick kiss.

  I turned my head away.

  The house was finally able to live out its purpose and dream.

  Yeah, it hurt my heart more than a little, but that was how life went.

  I felt hands spread across my back. A sense of soothing washed over me.

  I saw Emily’s hands slide around my body.

  “You okay?” she whispered.

  I turned around so she was facing me.

  I hugged her. I kissed her. I stared down into her beautiful eyes. Her beautiful face. The woman who saved me, loved me, and taught me that there are two paths to forever.

  Sadie came out and ran to both of us. Her favorite thing to do was hug both of us. An arm around each leg. Squeezing. The innocence and love pouring from her little heart and pretty soul.

  I looked at Emily again and blinked. She was fuzzy for a second, but I chased away the tear.

  “Ev… I’m okay. I swear to you. I’m okay.”

  Dear Emily,

  I wish you were able to meet Everly, just once. Even though that would be a little weird, considering our situation. But you two would have gotten along. I would have been screwed. You two would have stolen each other from me. Some people in life just hit or miss. For some reason, I was able to hit twice. And I don’t get it. I sling a wrench around all day. I spend my time with my heart constantly aching. I worry endlessly about Sadie and what she’s doing and how she feels. I think too far into the future because of Sadie.

  It’s like there’s a storm in my head, you know? This fucking violent storm. I didn’t ask for the storm but it’s there. You make the storm calm. You make the fast winds that want to rip me apart turn into a gentle breeze. You make the drowning rains turn into tingling drizzles. You make the booming thunder a rolling thunder, the kind you just sit on the porch and enjoy on a summer afternoon.

  Sadie asked me about you being her mother. All the thoughts I have for Sadie. All the worries. The fears. The doubts. Everything bad I know is on the way. I never once thought about this situation. Because why would I? Love is love, Em. Love is endless when it’s real. But what I never realized was that Everly was able to take that endless love and share it. Because that’s what we have, Em. We’re endless in this mess together.

  And Sadie is our sidekick.

  So how do I answer that question? How do I answer if you’re her mother? Or will be her mother? The answer is about you. Because that’s a heavy thing for you to take on.

  You want to know what I told Sadie?

  You’ll have to ask her.

  Because that’s a conversation for you and her.

  Hate me for that if you want, but it’s the truth.

  To me, you’re already there, Em. You’re already standing in those shoes. You’ve done it. You’ve captured my daughter’s tragic filled heart and showed her that unicorns are real, that she can win a goldfish at a carnival, that she can paint beautifully, and that sometimes using glitter isn’t the worst thing in the world. Only if she does that at your house.

  You’ve managed to take the weight of the death of her mother off her shoulders and place it on your own. You’ve allowed her to stand once again on her own. She’s brighter now. She’s happier. She used to just sit in front of the TV and fade out. I was a shitty father for letting her do that for hours. But you know? It was the best I could do. I was in the kitchen, hanging over the sink, crying. I was setting up two coffee mugs at night, hoping to fill both the next morning. I lived in denial for a long time and that bled over to Sadie.

  You carefully took the cloak of denial and peeled it away. You rolled it up when we weren’t looking and you got rid of it.

  When you sleep, you’re like an angel. Always on your left side. Hands tucked under your face, clutching the pillow and the blanket. You don’t like your hair in your face when you sleep. You toss your head around and softly whimper. So I sit up and wait for you to sleep, Em. And then I make sure there’s no hair in your face. I kiss your cheek, I shut my eyes, and I wonder what the fuck did I do so right in this world to deserve you. But here you are.

  You’re going to be reading this letter while we’re in bed together. I’m hoping you’re naked. I won’t lie. Hate me for that too but we both know that you and I together naked is a wild thing.

  It goes beyond just the feeling though, Em. My hands traveling your body, feeling your soft skin, the smell of your skin, your hair, the look in your eyes, it’s everything I need to heal. It’s this sense of purpose that goes through my body when I look at you, touch you, and when I feel you.

  Em, you’ve given me everything in a world where I felt nothing.

  My hand and my heart, my soul and my life, everything I have is now yours. My daughter loves you. I love you.

  All my heart and everything I have,

  Jake

  Dear Sadie,

  Someday, your heart will get broken. I’ll be there with a shoulder for you to cry on. Someday, you’ll want to give up on life. I’ll be there to tell you the storm will pass because that’s what they always do. Someday, you’re going to look in the mirror and see yourself changing. I’ll be there to tell you how beautiful you are and how beautiful you will forever be. Someday, you’re going to give yourself to someone
you feel is worth the risk. I won’t be there but just know that I will trust your judgment and I will never judge you and I will forever be waiting for you if you need my help or need my advice. Someday, someone is going to ask me for your hand in marriage (and they damn well better do that!). I’ll be there to question that person, make them sweat a little, and I’ll know by their eyes, because you can’t hide behind the truth there. Someday, you might become a mother yourself. I’ll be there in whatever way you need me to be. You might decide you want Emily there with you and I’ll be okay with it. Speaking of Emily, someday your body is going to change in a way that’s going to make you feel weird around me. I’ll smile, nod, and back away because I love you and I love Emily and I trust her to guide you the way your mother would have.

  Someday, you’re going to ask me about your mother. I’ll be there to answer any questions, catch your tears, cry with you even, because your mother was the most special person to ever walk this earth… at least until I met you. Someday, you’re going to be angry that your mother is gone. I’ll be there - Emily by my side - to help you let all that anger out. We’ll never get angry with you for it either. You’re allowed to be angry. To be hurt. To question anything you want, Sadie. I’ll be there… because I know how it feels.

  Someday, someone is going to put you in a position to make a hard choice. I’ll trust your decision and if it ends up being the wrong one, I’ll still be there.

  Someday, you’re going to get sick. I’ll make you grilled cheese and tomato soup. If it’s the dreaded stomach bug, I’ll get you ginger ale and crackers.

  Someday, you’re going to need a dress for a dance. I’ll drive you anywhere you need to go to get the perfect dress. I’ll spend hours waiting for you to find the right one. And, yes, I’ll complain the entire time and no matter what I’ll pay whatever it costs.

  Someday, you’re going to hate me. You’re going to get really mad at me for things I say and do. You won’t understand my reasoning but you won’t hate me for long. Someday you’re going to understand why I did what I said and did and you’re going to apologize to me, hug me, and then cry because the same thing is happening to you. I’m going to laugh and tell you it’ll be okay.

  And every single day, Sadie, I’ll stand there and watch you, no matter what you’re doing, and I will forever be amazed that I get to be the guy who is your father. It was my job to take care of you after your mother passed away, but here’s the truth, Sadie: you took care of me. You saved me. You guided me to my next step in life, which was Emily. You created this family we have, Sadie. You are the heart and soul of this family.

  No matter what happens, never forget that, sweetheart.

  Dad

  PS - you will forever be, in my eyes, the little girl holding the dirty stuffed unicorn with messy hair, food stuck to the corners of your mouth, and a stain on your shirt.

  THE END.

  From the authors:

  What a book. That’s all we can say. What started as two separate ideas became this book. And for months this book just sat there, waiting for the right moment to come alive again. Through all our social media efforts, book trailers, personal interviews, you know what this book means to us. So now it’s your turn to tell us what it means to you. We look forward to reading your review and/or your email, if you choose to send one.

  Until next time… thank you for being there with us along the way…

  London (Karolyn) & Jaxson

  Please be sure to leave your review for DEAR EVERLY right now. Find the book on Amazon here: http://amzn.to/2jUsnmh

  Breaking News!

  You remember this announcement: “London Casey (Karolyn James) & Jaxson Kidman will have a collaboration release coming 2017!

  Set in the world of St. Skin, the first novel in the series is titled IN HER WORDS.”

  Well, guess what? IN HER WORDS became an instant international bestselling novel! Reaching the top 200 in the US, top 100 in the UK and Canada, and the top 10 in Australia, readers all agreed that St. Skin IS one of the BEST series not only for 2017 but perhaps EVER!

  If that’s not enough, the second novel was released in early March! That novel too blazed up the charts.

  These novels are complete stand-alone books that do NOT need to be read in order.

  So… are you ready to experience St. Skin?

  A new adult, real life, romance series that's focused on the small town of Hundred Falls Valley and a tattoo shop called St. Skin. Each book is packed with emotion, heat, and raw story.

  BOOKS IN ORDER OF PUBLICATION DATE:

  In Her Words

  A Boy I Used to Love

  Secret Exposure

  Lost, Found, Loved

  Stay up to date on all St. Skin here: www.facebook.com/StSkinSeries

  About the authors:

  Stay social with Jax:

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/JaxsonKidman

  Newsletter (part of the Outlaw Romance Obsession team): http://eepurl.com/b9BDKb

  Email Jax: JaxsonKidman@gmail.com

  Amazon Page: http://amzn.to/2lgfpLG

  Jaxson Kidman is the bestselling author of several novels, including:

  Hard Knox

  In Her Words

  5 Years Later

  Look for his upcoming novel, Anna’s Dress

  Stay social with London (Karolyn):

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/KarolylnJamesAuthor (the official Outlaw Romance Obsession fan page!)

  Newsletter (part of the Outlaw Romance Obsession team): http://eepurl.com/b9BDKb

  Email Jax: KarolynJamesWrites@gmail.com

  Amazon Page: http://amzn.to/2jUsnmh

  London Casey (Karolyn James) is the author of the bestselling series, Back Down Devil MC

  These books have no set reading order. They are all stand-alone novels set in the BDD MC world. She is also the author of several stand-alone novels, including:

  This Crazy, Forbidden Thing

  The Man. The Game. The Baby.

  Steal His Heart

  Look for her upcoming novel, A Dirty Wedding Proposal

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. (This also includes the cover image and/or cover model(s) appearing on the cover. The context of this book does not in any way depict the personal life of said cover model(s). Image is licensed and used purely for fictional purpose only.)

  First electronic edition November 2017

  Copyright © 2017 by London Casey (Karolyn James) & Jaxson Kidman

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part of any form.

  Copyright image Jonny James & Wander Book Club

  Copyright image iStock Photo

  Copyright cover Mayhem Covers