“Honestly?” he spits, swinging his head toward me. “I don’t fucking know, man. I’m ready to lose my shit right now, and I’m not sure I have the right to or not. I don’t wanna fuck up again.”
“How about you ask me what you wanna know then?”
“Are you fucking my sister? My engaged sister?”
“No.”
“But you want to. Or you would.”
“It’s a helluva lot more than what you’re trying to make it, Nate. But, if you wanna demean it down to that, sure. Yes, I would.”
“So, that ring on her fucking finger means nothin’ to you?”
I sit up to face him better. “We still talking about Kenra here?”
His eyes harden. “Who else would we be talking about?”
“Man”—I hop down, and he hops up. Then, we’re in each other’s faces—“don’t fucking start. This?” My brows jump. “This is you ‘fucking up,’ as you called it. You standing here, saying this type of shit … I know I’m not Austin, who you’d normally talk to about this shit, and you and I, while we’re friends, we aren’t that kind of close. But you can say what you need to, and I’ll listen. Just because Lolli and I are close like we are, it doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me if you need it.”
His eyes narrow even further, his jaw clenching, but then he steps back and runs his hands through his hair.
He’s quiet a minute, so I wait it out, and eventually, he drops back onto the swing seat.
“Kalani’s nineteen years old, man. How could she be so certain about the things she doesn’t want in life? I mean, she could change her mind, right?” He’s slow to bring his gaze to mine.
“Would it matter if she didn’t? Change her mind, I mean.”
He stares at me, his eyes pinched at the sides. “Not even a little bit.”
“Then, what are you worried about?”
“Her selflessness,” he answers instantly, and it clicks.
“Nate.” I shake my head.
He looks away. “She disappeared on me once. I know that shit was different, and we’re solid as fuck now, but what if she does it again because she wants me to have all the things she thinks I need or want? I don’t need a damn thing but her. Not a damn thing,” he mumbles.
“You tell her that?”
“’Bout every day since you brought me back to her.”
“Then, I say you’re all right.”
He nods, clearing his throat. “Yeah.” His eyes come back to mine. “I’ve been gone only a few weeks of the summer so far, and I hate it. I don’t think I can be at UCLA and her be here.”
“It’s only a few hours away. You could commute if you really wanted.”
“There’s no way. Not with practice and schoolwork. Games.”
“She said she’d be there to see you as much as possible.”
“I don’t want her to get tired of making the drive and start doing it because she feels she has to.”
“Get the hell outta here with that, Monroe. She wants to. You and football in the same place?” I tease. “That’s Lolli’s brand of heaven.”
He laughs lightly, but I hear the fear in his voice. “I wanna quit. Go to SDU with you. Be here with her every night. I can’t do this shit for a single season, let alone four full years.”
“She’ll kick your ass, Nate, and you know it. You quit that team for her? Not play your first year at college? She’d never forgive herself even though it’d be you making the choice.”
“Yeah, I know. Fuck, I don’t know.”
He grows quiet, and I realize it took a lot for him to talk to me about this.
Lolli and me? We’re tight. Me and Nate? We’re all right but no more than basic friends.
“I pretty much asked Kenra to leave Kellan for me today.”
Nate’s eyes flash to mine.
“I’m in love with your sister.”
“In love with my sister?”
“Like I told you, we’ve been close for years. We became accidental friends, secret friends, and eventually, it turned into more. She was with Kellan, so I stayed back, but she kept showing up, and I kept falling deeper until, eventually, I was gone on her. So far gone, I’ve never been able to come back. Every time I thought I was ready to let go, she’d show up again.” It was like, subconsciously, she knew I was slipping away. Like we were connected somewhere deeper, and we both felt it when it started to lessen.
“She know you love her?”
“I’ve never said it, if that’s what you mean, but she knows.”
“She love you back?”
“She tries real hard not to.”
His eyes close, and he drops back in the swing. “Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
After a few minutes, Nate asks, “Where’s Kellan fit into all this? She just … you both would just do him wrong?”
“You’ll have to ask her about that one.”
His jaw twitches, his frown deepening. “He’s a piece of shit, isn’t he?”
When I only stare, he curses to himself. “She’s different.”
“She is.”
“No”—he turns to me—“she’s been different the last few days, here, with us. With you.”
I lick my lips and look away.
“Maybe you should tell her how you feel.”
I laugh lightly. “I did.”
“And?”
“And I’m poutin’ over here now, aren’t I?” I grin at him, and we both laugh lightly.
Nate lifts his fist, and we bump knuckles before he turns to head back.
“Hey, Baylor?”
“Yeah, man?”
“I’m glad Kalani has you. She loves you.”
I nod, smiling to myself, and he heads toward the house.
I laid it out for Kenra today, told her what I wanted. I might end up worse off when this is over, but it’s a risk worth taking. Because I know who she wants, and it’s not Kellan.
But she has to be brave enough to make us happen.
I know her, and I know I pushed all the right buttons today. It may have hurt her to hear, but it was necessary.
She told me those things yesterday for a reason. Let me kiss her because she knows it wasn’t gonna be our first kiss and our last.
From now on, I’ll be right here, fighting. Every day until the day she—if she—marries him.
And maybe even after.
“You’re in love with him,” Ari whispers.
More tears fall from my eyes.
I don’t say anything, and she shifts to face me on her bed.
“You don’t have to say it. I always sort of thought.”
“Yeah,” Cameron adds as she climbs up next to us. “It’s like with Ari and Chase. We all see it, have been seeing it, but nobody talks about it.”
“Shut up, Cam.” Ari rolls her eyes, and Cameron wiggles her eyebrows. “Besides, we talk about my relationship with Chase all the time … and the fact that it doesn’t exist, so … not the same.”
At that, we all laugh.
“For real though, Kenra. What’s up with you two now that the boys aren’t in here, listening?” Cameron asks.
I sigh. “I want him,” I admit, plain and simple and for the first time out loud. “For keeps.”
The girls scurry to a sitting position, and I chuckle lightly, pulling myself up as well.
“So, reel him in, girl. He wants you just the same. His dick told me.” Cam grins.
My eyes widen and bounce to hers.
“Cam!” Ari squeals. “What the hell?”
Cameron laughs. “What? He had on his game-day face earlier. I couldn’t not glance south to check out if he was properly equipped. And I’ll bet a hundred bucks he used an extra-large cup on the field.”
My mouth drops open, and Ari’s head pulls back right as we glance at one another, and then we crack up laughing until our sides hurt, and we can’t laugh anymore.
“I know what we need.” Cam hops up. “Be right back!”
Ari rolls
her eyes through her smile and turns to me. “She’s totally getting alcohol.”
I grin and glance off.
“I know you lied,” Ari rushes out, and my eyes fly to hers. “You and Kellan. You’re not split up, are you?”
I stare at her, and she gives a small smile.
“It’s okay, Kenra. I know something’s off at home for you, and I have some suspicions of my own. I just want you to try to trust that everything will work out somehow, someway, if you do decide to walk away. He doesn’t deserve you. I know that. And you deserve to be happy.”
“Shots, motherfuckers.” Cameron skips back in the room with a bottle in her hand, and the boys are hot on her heels, each carrying shot glasses.
Brady hands one to me while Chase hands one to Ari.
I haven’t drunk hard liquor like this in a long time, but I’m ready to relax, and maybe this will help. So, when the liquor is poured and all their glasses rise, so does mine.
“To the last few weeks of summer.” Cameron grins, cutting her eyes to Mason. “And getting what we want out of it.”
Then, together, we toss our heads back and drink to possibilities.
Everyone’s getting ready to walk to the beach tonight, as Mason wanted. The sun set about two hours ago, and looking down the beach, I can see tons of the firepits have already been lit, friends and families dancing around, laughing and simply enjoying each other’s company.
Mason jogs past me, and down the steps of the patio. “I’m gonna head over there before that dick takes Pretty Little by himself.”
“That dick put a baby in her. He has the right to walk her if he wants.” Cameron smirks as she stops beside me.
“You guys got problems,” Chase mumbles as he walks past us, and Cameron slaps his ass.
“Not as many as you’re gonna have if you don’t get your shit together.”
Chase freezes halfway down the steps and spins to glare at Ari, who throws her hands up. He sighs with a shake of his head and takes off to follow Mason.
“Really, Cam?” Ari hisses in a whisper.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything.” She feigns innocence, and Ari rolls her eyes, following after Chase.
Right when I glance forward, the others come into view, and instantly, my eyes are drawn to Parker. He stands off to the side a bit, his hands in his jean pockets, a gray Tomahawks hoodie on.
He stares at the ocean a moment, and then his eyes close, and his chin drops to his chest. My gaze shifts, and I find Nate staring at me with a quizzical look, Lolli leaning against his front, chatting with Payton.
Nate’s brows furrow a bit, but he gives a small smile.
When I give one in return, he glances to Parker, reaching out to hit Parker’s arm.
Parker slowly looks to my brother and then follows his gaze to me.
He freezes for a moment before breaking from the group and meeting me halfway while the others continue forward.
He grins, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “Wow. Shorts and leggings in the same day, huh?”
I smile at him even though my body aches at the pain in his eyes. Pain I caused but could easily take away.
And I just might have to.
I step closer, and he pulls his hands from his pockets.
“My afternoon sucked,” I tell him.
He chuckles, his smile lifting a bit. “Yeah, mine, too.”
“Think we can have a better evening?”
He licks his lips, his eyes flitting between mine. “I think we could, yeah.”
“Are we ready?” Payton snaps, and our attention turns to the group.
When I look to Payton, she quickly looks away.
“Yeah, we’re ready. Me and my date wanna get going, whole lotta beach, not a lotta time.” Mason smirks as he goes to wrap his arm around Payton but is intercepted by Deaton.
Mason glares at him and then winks at Payton behind his back.
“We stoppin’ for ice cream?” Nate asks.
“Ooh, yeah … ice cream,” Lolli all but moans. “I want cookie dough,” she says, and both Parker and Nate laugh loudly.
“Oh, we know, Lolli Bear. We know,” Parker teases.
She glances back at him, playfully scrunching her nose, leaving me wondering what the fun is about.
Parker grins, and Nate laughs, wrapping his arm around her and forcing her attention forward again.
Parker glances my way and does a quick double take before leaning in to whisper, “Lolli almost kicked Nate outta bed for some chocolate chip cookie dough.” When I laugh quietly, he grins. “She’s a bit obsessed.”
I smile up at him, grateful he chose to let me in on their little inside joke, and he winks, lifting his thumb to touch my cheek for a moment before facing forward again.
I love this. All this fun and easy play. Just a night on the beach with friends and family, goofing off and enjoying time together. This is what my childhood was made of, laughter and good-natured fun. My cousins and their friends are one of a kind, as tight-knit as they come. And it seems, while I’ve been gone, they’ve welcomed Lolli and Parker in their crew and, now, Payton.
This is what I’ve been missing.
I don’t want to miss it anymore. I want to be a part of it.
“Hey,” Parker whispers softly beside me, “you okay?”
I give him a soft smile, nodding lightly.
“Ah shit.” Mason claps, gaining our attention, his face lit up in boyish excitement. He spins to face Payton as we grow closer to the beach bash of sorts going on ahead of us. He starts to take a step toward her and then licks his lips and turns to Deaton. “All right, big D—that’s for Deaton, so don’t be getting a big head.”
Payton blushes and looks down, but Deaton smirks.
“Lemme steal your girl for a minute. Promise I’ll give her back. I just want all the credit for this one.”
“Maybe you should back off a bit, Mason,” Chase tells him, and all eyes fly his way.
Mason’s eyes start to narrow, but Deaton grabs his attention.
“Nah, man. It’s cool.” He stands tall, lifting Payton’s hand to kiss it before looking back to Mason. “If she wants to, she can, obviously. But I appreciate you not being a dick for once.”
Payton smiles up at Deaton and lifts onto her toes to kiss his cheek, and I watch as his fingers skim her stomach as she moves to take Mason’s hand with a laugh.
“You with me?” He tips his head, and she sweeps a hand out in a lead the way motion.
They get a full four steps when Deaton calls out, “Hey, Mason!”
Mason nods over his shoulder.
“You got my family in your hands.”
Respect. That’s what Deaton just earned in one sentence.
Mason tips his chin and slowly turns back to Payton.
I smile at Deaton but frown when I catch my brother’s eyes following Payton and then shift to Lolli, who is already staring up at him. His hand lifts so he can tuck her hair behind her ear. Then, with his eyes closed, he moves to kiss her hair, and my brows pull in.
“Let’s go get in line, guys. The ice cream bar closes kinda early,” Cameron reminds everyone, and we keep moving.
Deaton knocks Parker with his elbow. “Where’s he taking her, and should I be worried about him?”
Parker and Ari laugh.
“He’s taking her over to the band that plays under the pier. Just a group of local guys who like to entertain,” Parker tells him.
“It’s karaoke at best, but it’s a lot of fun,” Lolli adds.
“Great. So, music and moonlight?” Deaton deadpans.
Brady grins, wrapping his big-ass arm around Deaton’s neck. “Now, now, sperm boy, he asked nicely,” Brady teases.
Ari pulls him off. “Deaton, you have nothing to worry about. Mason is like the drill sergeant father nobody wants, but he forces you to have. He’s completely harmless and not at all romantically interested.”
“He’s basically adopted a new little sister. So, good luck trying t
o get laid when he’s around,” Cameron tells him.
Parker frowns at her, making me laugh.
She gives him a what look.
“Man, you guys are a bit too candid for me,” Deaton teases.
“Candid?” Brady scoffs. “Boy, you’re lucky lil’ Lolli baby here’s got that sailor mouth of hers under wraps right now, or she’d lay you out with some real shit.”
Lolli grins at him, but it’s only half there, and Nate tightens his arms around her.
After we get our ice creams, we head over to meet Mason and Payton, finding them both dancing around to the music.
Everyone starts goofing off and just the same.
After a couple of minutes, Parker’s chest hits my back, and I gasp.
“Dance with me, Kens,” he breathes against my ear, and I don’t even attempt to cover the shiver that it causes.
I go to spin, but he locks my hips in place.
“Nah, like this.” His arm slides across my stomach, his fingers spacing out wide across my ribs so he pulls me closer, and then he buries his face in my hair. “Just like this,” he whispers.
We don’t move much, just light sways, but he’s shifted, so there’s nothing but miles of dark ocean and bright stars in front of us.
And then I realize what they’re singing—Brett Young’s “In Case You Didn’t Know.”
“Parker …”
“I know, baby,” he whispers, and my heart beats double time. He moves my hair from my shoulder and presses a slow, warm kiss to my neck. “In case you didn’t know, Kens. Always.”
My eyes squeeze shut, and his chest inflates with his deep breath.
“Come on, people. Let’s go get drunk at home by the fire. I’m cold,” Cameron whines.
Everyone agrees and starts for the house, but Parker grabs me by the hand, nodding to the small park at the edge of the sand. He walks backward, pulling me with him over to the swing set.
He drops down, staring up at me as he lifts my wrist to his lips, lightly kissing my skin. He gently turns me and pulls me onto his lap.
His deep breaths have my chest rising with his, and his arms slide against my leggings before wrapping around my middle. I lean my head against his, and together, we watch the moon dance along the water.
Defenseless Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel Book 2) Page 17
