I lick my lips, glancing off with a nod. I step past him and onto the deck, and when I do, I freeze in my tracks.
This time, it’s Deaton who pats my shoulder as he walks by, but I don’t look to him. No, hell no. I don’t dare look away from the girl who has yet to spot me.
Thick, dark brown hair with golden streaks, a perfect mess on her head. No makeup, not a single fucking trace of it.
She’s wearing a long, loose sweater with a tiny red string wrapped around her neck—a bikini tie. And shorts. Tiny jean shorts that make her already long legs look even longer. Legs I haven’t seen in years. They might not have seen the sun in a long time, but her olive-toned skin gives them color, and she fills those babies out like never before, all wide hips and strong thighs.
My eyes travel lower to find her bare feet, fresh blue polish on her toes.
Her feet shift, one rising to rub at the ankle of the other, and my gaze slides along the inside curve of her calf to her thigh to the center of her body that’s hugged by those tight little shorts.
My eyes snap to hers, and sure as shit, she’s watching me, her stare burning into me while my body burns for her.
It’s worse. So much worse than it’s ever been now that I know what those lips of hers taste like.
Need. Pure fucking need courses through me, and I know I’m growing hard, but I can’t look away, can’t move my feet.
This girl in front of me—this is my Kenra. Every damn bit of her.
Every single inch is mine.
That glazed look in her eye, the slow blink of her lashes, and the deep rise of her chest tell me she damn well knows it.
Holy shit, I’m in trouble.
The bad kind, the good kind. I don’t even know.
But who the hell am I? ’Cause I want to find out.
I see it in Parker’s liquid blue eyes. He’s done waiting.
He said it before, and then things got sappy. He did his Parker thing and pulled back in respect, but this Parker in front of me, he’s a man starved. Ready.
He’s all in; no chance in hell will he hold back.
I have a feeling I’m set to see an entirely new side of Parker I’ve yet to learn. A grown one.
It’s exhilarating in the most frightening of ways.
“Kens,” he rasps, and it vibrates through my body from where I stand.
My lip twitches with a smile, but I’m too busy watching his eyes dilate to bother with responding.
I lied.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no fucking clue, but when I got here, I knew I wanted to feel like me. And then, all of a sudden, I told the girls Kellan and I had split up months ago but hadn’t announced it publicly yet. Naturally, as shit goes with my cousin and her twin and their friends, they’re nosy as hell, and before I knew it, they were all sitting there, listening. I told them a few true things he’d done to make them believe it. Then, Ari asked about Parker. I gave them a little bit but nowhere near enough.
So, yeah, they know Kellan is a bastard. They think we’re separated, and they know Parker and I have a background.
I stare at Parker, and the look he gives me …
I’ve seen hunger in a man’s gaze before. The people Kellan drags me around, they’re all perverted, privileged bastards with wandering eyes and occasionally even wandering hands.
But Parker’s stare makes the hairs at the base of my neck tingle.
I try to swallow, but my throat has gone dry, so I end up coughing lightly.
I see the grin he tries to hide behind his cup.
This is going to be insane. Already, no more than five minutes in each other’s presence in total today, and he’s done a full spin on me.
Gone is that sorrow and unsure gaze I’ve been met with over the last year.
This Parker, he’s ready to play.
“Walk with me, Kens,” he says.
Just like that.
And everyone starts laughing, making me blush harder, but Parker just keeps staring until Mason grips his shoulder and physically turns him. “Down, boy. Let’s eat some fucking food first, huh?”
Parker glances over his shoulder at me and smirks before stepping up to help Mason on the grill.
“Girl …” Cameron whispers to me, pulling me back by my belt loop. “That boy wants to eat you up. You should totally let him.”
At that, I bust up laughing. I laugh so hard, my eyes start to water.
When I wipe at the tears, I catch Parker looking at me again. But, this time, the look on his face has my stomach fluttering.
His blue eyes are soft, those lip tipped up just the slightest. His gratification delivered by my laughter.
This time, it’s me who winks.
I’m rewarded with a full-on devilish smirk that stirs heat in my abdomen.
The slider opens and Deaton and Payton walk back out, a fruit and chip bowl in their hands.
“Yo, where’s my Lolli baby at?” Brady jokes as he snatches a watermelon slice from Payton’s bowl, giving her a quick wink and kiss to her cheek as he does.
He grins wide when Deaton glares.
“Pretty sure they’re having a tiff of sort.” Payton shrugs, and everyone freezes mid-motion.
At the same time, they start firing off questions, and Payton’s brows jump.
Parker sighs and shakes his head. “They are not fighting. Quit, and let’s eat. But, yes, I doubt they’ll be around.”
He gives nothing else, and everyone respects the two enough not to ask for more.
“So, plan for tonight.” Mason claps, then gestures toward Payton. “Pretty Little here has never been on a walk on the beach at night. That’s a crime. So, I wanna take her.”
Payton smiles, and Deaton scowls.
“Guess you can come.” Mase meets Deaton’s scowl, cutting a glance at his arm around her shoulders. “If you can keep your hands to yourself.”
“Mason,” Parker warns.
Deaton speaks up, “My hands stay where they belong—on her. And I’ll take her on that walk, but you’re welcome to come if you feel like showing us around.”
Payton buries her head in his side with a smile while the boys stare each other down.
Finally, Mason nods. “All right, kid. You’ve got sport. We’ll play your way for a while.”
Ari taps Deaton’s shoulder on her way by. “Sorry, Deaton. But you’re screwed. When Mason decides he cares, he’s a thousand percent. No chill factor. Sorry to say … but he never lets up.”
“She’s my sister from another mister,” Mason adds, proud.
“How old are you, dude?”
Everyone cuts their eyes to Chase as he stares at Deaton with a blank expression.
“Seventeen.”
“She’s sixteen.”
“I’m aware. Been in love with her since she was thirteen.”
Chase nods, looking to Payton, who smiles up at Deaton. He licks his lips and glances away.
“Okay, they’re all overprotective fools, nothing new. Now, can we eat?” Cameron whines.
Everyone gets seated.
Parker squeezes beside me, pushing a scowling Mason over a bit.
Several conversations begin among the group, but I can’t focus on any of them because every time Parker moves, his body brushes mine. Be it his leg, his arm, his hip. Something.
As Parker finishes his food, he grows more lax beside me. He sits upright, laughing at something someone said, and shakes his knee under the table. The move has his skin touching mine, and my muscles lock.
His smile swings my way, and he does a quick double take, his grin slowly dropping as he reads me.
Yeah, he sees, knows what his touch—accidental and innocent—is doing to me.
“’Bout that walk, when’s it happening exactly?” Parker asks, his gaze slowly sliding to Mason, who is already staring at him with a brow raised.
“Later.”
Parker grins and shifts to stand. “Sounds good.” He turns around and reaches for my hand. �
��There’s a farmers market a couple of blocks over. We should check it out.”
“I want to go!” Payton hops up, followed by Cameron.
“Hell yeah, me, too.”
I grin when Parker fights to keep his grin. “All right, well, whenever everybody’s ready then.” He nods and turns to refill his cup.
I catch Ari’s eye across the table, and she winks.
But, when Payton catches my eye, hers narrow. With a shake of her head, she excuses herself and stomps down the patio steps.
“She okay?” Cameron asks.
Deaton sighs, cutting a quick glance my way. “She’s just got a lot on her mind.”
Don’t we all?
“So,” Parker starts, cutting me a side-glance before looking ahead again.
I smile to myself. “So.”
“Shorts, huh?” he rasps.
I can’t help but laugh. “Oh, you noticed, did you?” I tease.
He grins my way. “I like ’em.”
“I’ll be sure to let Ari know since they’re hers and all.” I nudge him with my shoulder, and before I can pull back, he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me in.
“Funny. Don’t think I’d like ’em much on her.”
I glance at him, and he winks.
“Looks like we’re stopping here.” Parker smiles as Payton runs for the water, laughing when Mason swoops her up from behind and carries her further in.
I look to Deaton, who scowls for a second before shaking his head with a grin.
I pull from Parker’s hold and walk closer, inhaling when my bare feet hit the first part of wet sand. A soft chuckle leaves me as I continue forward until I’m stepping into warmed ocean water, captivated as it sways back and forth, splashing a little higher each time it comes near.
I close my lids, and moisture builds behind them as the warmth of the summer sun washes over me.
Parker’s chest hits my back at that moment, and together, we inhale, our exhales reflecting each other’s, jagged and wishful.
His hands find my hips, and lightly, he nudges me forward, stepping as I step, keeping his chest aligned against me. Together, we move further into the water, stopping when it reaches my mid-thigh.
I drop my head back, resting it against him, and he turns his head to brush his lips over my temple.
“Open your eyes, Kens.”
“I don’t want to,” I whisper. “Everything is better this way.” With my eyes closed, all that exists is him and me and the feel of his body against me. With them open, I have to share the feeling with the world, and I don’t want to share any part of him.
“Kens—” he starts, but Ari yells out, grabbing our attention.
“Kenra!” she shouts.
Parker discreetly shifts a step away, his hands falling from me.
“Get in here!” She laughs as Chase grabs her from behind and drops them back into the water.
Instantly, I freeze and pull my sleeves over my hands. “It’s too cold.” I make an excuse.
Parker looks to me with an upstretched brow and playful eyes. But the longer he stares, the more he sees, and his shoulders drop an inch.
He turns and heads back for the shoreline but looks back when I don’t follow and reaches a hand out.
Slipping my palm into his, I allow him to pull me behind him until we’re dropping to sit on the edge of a rock firepit.
Together, my hand still in his, we watch the others goof around.
“They’re a bunch of kids.” I smile.
“Yeah,” Parker speaks low, “the beach’ll do that to ya.”
My brows pinch as I turn to look at him, finding his forehead creased as he stares at my hand. His eyes rise and hold mine for a moment before dropping again.
I dig the nails of my free hand into my palm as he slowly flips the other over.
He peeks toward the water to make sure no one’s looking, I’m sure, and then back to me.
I watch him watch himself as he slowly traces the markings of my palm. He cuts me another quick glace before sliding the sleeves of my sweater as close to my elbow as he can get.
He swallows thickly, and his hands start to shake as the pads of his fingers hesitantly run across my scars. He’s about to ask, and I really wish he wouldn’t.
“Why, Kens?” he forces out. “Why do you do this to yourself?”
Sorrow. His body and his voice are taken over by it as he formulates a thousand thoughts in his mind. My demons are stealing a piece of him, and I hate myself a little more for it. It’s the only reason I answer him.
“Are you sure you wanna know?” I whisper. “You won’t like the answer …”
“Why?”
I fight to keep the tears away as I stare at the man beside me. “You.”
“Me … what?” His face slowly contorts as his head draws back an inch.
“Every time I think of you, I feel like I’m on the verge of a heart attack,” I admit. “My chest grows tight, and my airway swells. I get dizzy, helpless. I literally can’t breathe when it happens. Breaking into my skin helps bring me back. It’s the only control I have. It makes everything easier.”
It’s as true as it is unfair for him to have to hear.
Everything reverts back to Parker. When I’m angry in my life, I think of him. When I’m sad, it’s because I’ve thought of him. When I’m happy, it’s because he’s on my mind. When I find myself relaxing in my new life, guilt comes because I know I should be with him.
He fights to keep his face neutral, but I know he’s getting angry and rightfully so. “It’s dangerous and unhealthy.”
A sad smile forms on my lips, and I shake head. “Don’t be so quick to judge, Parker. Sometimes, it’s more dangerous not to have an outlet at all.”
He drops my hand and hops to his feet, pacing in front of me. “This is bullshit, Kenra.” He stops in front of me. “You do that when you think of me? Seriously?” His brows shoot high, and he beats on his chest. “I’m right fucking here. I’ve been right fucking here. For years. You walked away. You refused to acknowledge what I’ve basically been begging to give you.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry,” I whisper, tears slipping down my cheeks. “I made choices I can’t take back—”
“Why?” He crouches in front of me. “Why can’t you take them back? Why can’t you let me love you?”
When I don’t respond, he nods, a frown on his face as he turns and starts to walk away.
“I’m sorry,” I rush out, quieter than I intended, but he hears me and stops.
He doesn’t turn to face me but waits for me to continue.
“I’m sorry I can’t be who you deserve. I’m sorry I keep coming back,” I admit. “But, mostly … I’m sorry I ever left in the first place.”
His shoulders lift with a deep breath. I know he’s trying to talk himself into walking off, but he can’t do it and turns to me. “Are you?” he asks, staring at me dead on. “Are you really?”
“Of course I am.”
“Then, fix it. Right now.”
His eyes flit between mine, and my pulse quickens.
“What are you asking me exactly?”
“I’m asking you to pick me.”
My heart drops as I stare at this man. The only man I’ve ever truly wanted.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Does it have to be?”
“I …” I pinch my lips together, unsure of what to say.
“I’m not looking for easy here, Kenra. Don’t need it. I can work harder, longer.” His arms shoot out. “Shit, I’ll work forever if it means I’ll have you in the end.”
“Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” He moves closer. “Push you? Fight for you? Fucking beg you? Because I will, and I am. For too long, I’ve sat back and waited for you to admit what I know you feel, and you refuse. Every time, you go back to him. I used to think it was me, that maybe I just wasn’t enough for you, but I know now that’s wrong. I know for a fact I can b
e everything you could ever need. I fucking feel it, Kenra. With everything inside me … I feel you.”
“Parker …” I trail off. I want to tell him how much I believe him. How I know, just as sure as he does, that he and I are meant to be, but the words won’t come out. All I can do is cry harder.
He licks his lips, his face pinched as he glances off. “I’m afraid to ask, Kens, but I have to.” He looks back to me, anguish in his eyes. “What was that last night? And today? What are you doing, Kenra? Do you even know?”
Again, I find myself unable to speak, and he nods. His shoulders drop.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, but damn … I don’t want this for you. I’ve stayed back because I thought you loved him despite everything, but now, I know that can’t be it.”
“I wish I could give you-”
“Nah,” he interrupts shaking his head. “Don’t wish anything for me. Don’t do anything for me. Do it for you. Be happy for you. What I want, shit, what I need? Is to know that you’re happy.”
“Parker—”
“I, uh,” he cuts me off, unable to meet my gaze now, “I’m gonna head back. Make sure you stay with the group, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
And he walks away.
The second he does, I crumble, a crippling feeling I’m all too familiar with taking over, and I slide down into the sand.
What the hell am I doing?
I’m ruining him all over again. He was happy here, starting a new life for himself, and now, here I am, painting his new life black with mine. Giving him hope then taking it away.
I wipe my face and look to the water, scanning each smiling face I see.
I want this. All of it.
And I want it with him.
“Did she tell you?”
I open my eyes, finding Nate scowling at the ocean in front of my hammock.
“Did who tell me what?”
Nate laughs bitterly. “Right, my girl and my sister seem to talk to you before me nowadays, don’t they?”
When I scowl at him, he groans and runs his hands down his face. “Sorry. Lot going on in my head.”
“I think we’re all a bit on edge right now.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
I stare at his profile as he moves to sit on his and Lolli’s swing. “Can I ask you something?”
Defenseless Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel Book 2) Page 16
