Nick yanks at the taped gauze on the back of his hand. “I need to get the fuck out of here.”
“You need to be examined.” Irritation tinges Nathan’s voice. “You collapsed because of swelling on your brain. Don’t think you can just walk out of here. You’re not invincible.”
The nurse puts her hand on top of Nick’s. “You’re going to hurt yourself. Please let me help you.”
She reaches up and unhooks his IV bag and slides the sleeve of a hospital-issued T-shirt over the tubing and up to Nick’s head. “I hate those gowns too, so I thought you might find this more comfortable.”
His scowl softens at her kindness, and he allows her to help him pull it over his head and down his body. “Thank you.”
She’s the United Nations of nursing, bringing neutrality to the room and defusing the tension so they can focus on Nick’s health. Her yellow scrubs and gentle smile create the desired calming effect. “You’re welcome.” She turns to Shae and winks. “Now it’s time for you two to wait out in the hall for a bit. Give me a chance to get this guy settled, so he can be examined and get some rest.”
Nick sits down and reaches for her again. Shae squeezes his outstretched hand. “I’ll be right outside the door. As soon as they’re done, I’ll come back in.”
Max nods at him and guides her out of the room by her elbow. They sit in the chairs facing the windowed door. His shoulder knocks against hers. “Are you okay? You seemed a little shaken up earlier.”
Their bond over junk food now extends to the secret they keep from Nick. Neither of them wants to be the one to devastate him with the truth.
“I hated being scared of him. It wasn’t his fault.”
“I know, but it’s going to take a while for everyone to get over what happened. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
The nurse smiles at them, but keeps walking after she and Nathan leave Nick’s room. Nathan stops in front of them. “Nick’s doing better than I ever expected. There doesn’t seem to be any lasting side effects, except for weakness, which should resolve itself in about a week.”
“Thank God, he’s going to be all right.” Her voice shakes as much as her hands, but she has to know. “What about his mental state? He remembers us and won’t…?”
“Yes, he should be back to his normal self.” Nathan gestures to her. “I need to talk to you. Alone.”
Max’s mouth tightens before he walks inside Nick’s room, keeping the door propped open, continuing to protect them even in his irritation.
Nathan rolls his eyes at Max’s back. “You’ve got to get away from him, Shae. I know the attack was drug-induced, but it’s just another instance of you being hurt from the fucked-up world he lives in.”
Heat flames her cheeks. Nick doesn’t deserve their blame. “It’s not his fault.”
“What if he had really injured you? Or, worse yet, what if you had been drugged? It could have killed you.”
Her small circle of friends reduces to one. She’s lost Jason and now Nathan, who barely tolerated Nick to begin with. No amount of defending him can change Nathan’s mind. She shakes her head. “I can’t do this now. I have to get back to him.”
“What if it had been Carrie?”
She pauses at the door, the ache in her chest growing. She had been trying not to think about what could have happened. There’s no argument she can offer. Carrie could just as easily have been the victim of Nick’s fury. “I don’t—”
“It’s over. She’s moving out. I can’t take her living in his house anymore. It’s been one thing after another, and no one can seem to stop it.”
She refuses to come between her best friend and the man she loves. A good person like Nathan, who only wants what’s best for his fiancée. “Okay. I understand.”
“Come with her. She’s going to stay at her parents’ until the wedding, and Sheila said you’re welcome too.” He nods toward the men standing near the door before lowering his voice. “We’ll hire our own security until all of this dies down. Maybe Eugene can come until everything’s back to normal.”
“I can’t walk away from him. He needs me.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “And I love him.”
“Fine. You have to live with your own decisions, but leave Carrie out of it. I don’t want her over there or anywhere near him. You see her alone or not at all.”
Carrie would be furious to know he’s barking orders and issuing ultimatums on her behalf. But, she’ll never know, at least not from Shae. Telling her would only drive deeper wedges between all of them. “Where is she now?”
“She went to get her stuff. I couldn’t help her since I’m working, so Jason’s with her.” He glances at his buzzing phone. “I have to get back downstairs. Think about what I said. We can help you get away from him.”
“It’s not like that. I don’t need an escape plan. I’m with him because I want to be.”
He rolls his eyes again before walking away, his head still shaking as he turns the corner.
She takes a deep breath and walks into Nick’s room. He and Max talk in low voices, stopping as she enters.
Max pats her on the head. “Hand off. I’ve got to take care of something. It’s your turn to put up with, I mean take care of, the patient.”
“Thanks. I’ll do my best.”
Nick lies back against the elevated bed. “Come here.”
She sits in the chair next to him and tucks his hand between hers. Dark circles frame his closed eyes. The mental and physical strain of the last hour drives him to exhaustion again, although he would never admit it.
His fingertips tap the mattress. “No, here, with me.”
No questions linger regarding his personality. His request confirms his absolute return to his old self. Uncertain if she can say the same about herself, she hesitates. “I can’t. What would people think about me being in your hospital bed?”
“I don’t give a damn. I need you with me.”
Between him and Carrie, she needs comforting just as much. Disregarding her doubt, as well as all the rules of proper decorum and modesty, she climbs under the covers and curls into the crook of his arm. The kiss on her forehead welcomes her home. “I love you, Shae.” His breathing slows as she snuggles in and closes her eyes.
* * * *
Her flowery scent lingers on his shirt, but a chill settles in the bed without her pressed against him. “Shae?”
Her head peeks out of the bathroom, a mint-tinged foamy smile greeting him. “I’m here. Give me a second.”
Damn, she’s adorable. He crosses his arms behind his head, attempting to ignore the persistent anxiety circling all his thoughts of her. She seems in good spirits considering everything that's happened, yet something uncertain hovers under the surface. The gurgle of water dissipates, and after a few seconds, she walks into the room.
“Good morning.”
“It is now. You know I don’t like waking up and finding you gone from my bed.”
She giggles as she climbs in next to him. “I wanted to freshen up a bit. Not as good as a shower, but always better to have a clean dress and panties.”
Jesus Christ. The thought of her in those silky bikinis she wears makes his groin twitch. She cuddles against him, oblivious to the heat surging through him.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Better. Like myself again.”
“I’m glad to have you back.”
The strange sensation of losing time couples with the unsettling feeling something’s off between them. As if they’ve been apart for weeks, even though it’s only been a few days. “I’ll be glad to get out of this bed and back into ours. I’ve missed you.”
She puts her hands on his chest, worry frowning her forehead and lips. “Please don’t rush it. You need to take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot, and it takes time to get better.”
He leans down and kisses across her jaw line before grazing her ear lobe, tasting her sweet essence. “Will you be my nurse? Take care of my every need? G
ive me a sponge bath?”
Her head falls back, giving him access to her neck, a soft moan radiating under his lips. “Now I know you’re feeling better.”
An exaggerated throat-clearing from the doorway interrupts their discussion. “If you flip that lever under the bar, it elevates the bottom half of the bed, which is great for when you do it—”
“Carrie!” Shae hops up and smoothes down her dress. “I don’t even want to know how you know that.”
Yet again, Carrie has the worst possible timing. She smirks in the doorway, holding a vase of wildflowers adorned with a green smiley-face balloon.
Shae takes the bouquet from her and inhales deeply. “They’re beautiful.”
“Yeah, I stole them from some guy down the hall while he was in the bathroom. I thought they would cheer this place up.”
Maybe his instincts are off-target. Carrie’s still Carrie, and Shae seems more relaxed than yesterday. “Thanks. I always appreciate receiving used gifts.”
She sticks her tongue out at him. “I picked them up at the gift shop downstairs. You seem like a balloon kind of guy.” She gives Shae a long hug, whispering something in her ear he can’t make out. A slight frown crosses Shae’s face before she nods, and Carrie steps back. “Have you talked to Gail?”
Shae shakes her head. “No, I haven’t checked my phone since I’ve been back. Do I even want to know?”
“Yeah, it’s good news. Your movie opened at number one. In addition to a pop star, you’re officially a movie star now too.”
“I don’t think two supporting roles make me a movie star.”
“Well, you’re on your way.” Carrie winks at Nick. “I hope you appreciate how lucky we are she associates with us now that she’s conquered Hollywood too.”
“Believe me, I do.”
Carrie waves her fingers toward Shae. “I’m going to meet Nathan for a quick breakfast. I’ll be back, and we can talk.”
After she walks out, Shae puts the flowers on the windowsill and unties the string. “Carrie will get a kick out of seeing this on your bed when she gets back.”
“Congratulations, sweetness. I’m happy for you about the movie. You’ve worked hard, and you deserve it.”
Her shoulders shrug in modesty, but her bright smile makes his pulse race. God, he’s missed her. “I’m just lucky to have the opportunity.”
She leans over him and circles the ribbon around the side rail. The twitch in his groin increases to a tremor with her sweet body draped across his. “Now, I’ve never really been an ass man, but this I like.” He pats her bottom and strokes down her thigh, reaching under her dress.
She shivers, and the string glides through her fingers. “You’re in the hospital and need to keep your hands to yourself.” She giggles and swats at him before reaching up to grab the balloon.
Dark spots dance in front of his eyes, mirroring the black and blue welts dotting her exposed wrist. His jaw clenches so tight he can barely force the words out. “What happened to your arm?”
Yanking down her sleeve, she steps back from the bed. Her eyes are huge with fear as they stare at each other. The hum of the air conditioning is the only sound in the room while the balloon drifts upward, bouncing a few times against the ceiling before gliding toward the window.
“I’m fine. It was an accident.”
He anchors her trembling arm against his stomach and pushes back the other sleeve revealing the same sickening pattern. Bile burns his throat at the faint outline of a handprint marring her delicate, ivory skin. “Son of a bitch! Who did this to you?”
She slides the fabric down and stares at the floor. Every nerve in his body flames with fury, his head pounding behind his eyes from the rage roaring through him. “Who hurt you?”
She shakes her head.
Not again. Not this time. There’s no way in hell I’ll let her protect the bastard who put his hands on her. “Damn it! Tell me who did this to you!”
Tears roll down her pale cheeks as she whispers, “You.”
A single word validates the guilt nagging his subconscious since he woke up.
He’s the bastard.
On wobbly legs, he races to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before the retching begins.
One hand wraps around the safety bar while the other grips the sink edge as he leans over the toilet. With the contents of his stomach long gone, he continues to dry heave, unable to stop his body’s reaction to what he’s done. He jerks away from Shae’s gentle touch on his back, refusing to accept any comfort from her after the injuries she’s received from him.
Once the retching stops, he collapses against the metal sink. A high-pitched squeal echoes off the walls of the tiny bathroom under its strain of supporting his weight. He splashes cold water on his face and grabs the mouthwash, trying to rinse away the taste of repulsion. The harsh solution mixes with the bile burning his throat, shooting fire through his mouth. Yet, the irritation is much too meager a punishment for his offense.
Weakness finally overcomes his unsteady legs, and he drops to his knees. His bare skin stings from the cold tile, but he can’t force himself to move. He can’t do anything but try to comprehend what could have happened to make him put his hands on the woman he loves.
No snippets or flashes of memory come. The last three days remain blank. Regardless of what he can’t remember, the result is the same. He hurt her.
And he won’t let it happen again.
Pink fabric flutters by the doorway as Shae slides to the floor, her arms wrapped around herself, watching him. She tilts her head in sympathy, her frowning face full of concern. “Are you okay?”
No, and he never will be. He swallows hard and rasps, “It’s over.”
“Good. I hate seeing you like this.”
He closes his eyes, unable to face her expression when he breaks her heart. “No, I mean between you and me.”
“What?” Shock is evident in her voice, even as she whispers. “Please don’t do this.”
“I have to. We can’t be together after what I’ve done to you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You were drugged.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re covered in bruises…” He opens his eyes and points to his chest, where the explosion of his heart restricts the incoming air. “…from me.”
He puts his hand up as she crawls to him, but she pushes it down. “I don’t blame you.”
“Look at your arms.” He forces the words out through gritted teeth. “I did that to you.”
She kneels in front of him. “Look at my face.” A small smile crosses her lips as her beautiful blue eyes gaze into his. “I’m okay.”
His chest aches at her attempt to protect him from the truth, as well as the depth of her ability to forgive the unforgiveable. “How can you be, after what I’ve done to you?”
She drops her head, rubbing her hands across her eyes. Hiding her angelic face makes it easier. She doesn’t need him. She has her career, her friends. His selfish desire to be with her only brings her pain. Now, she can go back to her old life and be safe. “We have to end this.”
“I promised you I would never leave, and I meant it.”
“That was before you found out I’m a fucking monster.”
She looks up and squints at him, determination filling her eyes. “Have you ever wanted to hit me?”
Nausea rolls in his stomach, but only self-hatred remains. “Stop it.”
“When you were mad at me for not telling you about Spencer, did you want to hurt me then?”
He turns his head away, trying to shut out her words. “I can’t listen to this.”
“Did I make you angry enough you wanted to slap me or punch me? Make me feel pain?”
His eyes lock with hers. She has to know he’s not capable of what she’s asking. “The thought never even crossed my mind.”
“I know it didn’t.” A brighter smile returns, and she shakes her head, as if the answer is obvious. “All the time I’ve known
you—at the gym, with Juan, at the winery—all you have ever wanted to do is protect me.” She scoots closer and lies against his chest, her head tucked into his neck. “I know you would never hurt me. You have proven it over and over.”
Unable to put his hands on her, to push her away, he backs up as far as he can before hitting the wall. He wills his body not to respond. Not to weaken under her gentle touch and her words trying to re-build the connection between them.
“You can’t give up on us now, not after everything we’ve been through.”
Arguments against her comments spin in his mind. She never gave herself to him completely. Never trusted him enough to share her true feelings with him. The harsh reality he couldn’t accept—she wasn’t meant to be his. “If I hadn’t been so damn selfish, you wouldn’t have had to go through anything. I should have let you go a long time ago. You belong with someone who—”
Unable to fight it, heat races through him at her lips on his ear. “I can’t be with anyone else when I’m in love with you.”
The words hit him like a punch in the gut. The final barrier between them crumbles after he’s hurt her the most. When he deserves it the least. “No, don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I don’t deserve your love.”
She cups his face, her eyes shiny with tears as they bore into his. “Yes, you do. I know you don’t believe it, but you do.”
“Shae…”
“I love you, Nick.”
The three words he’s longed to hear since he met her. Never imagining they would be sitting on the cold floor of a hospital bathroom the first time she says them. Or the last time he hears them. He gathers the last of his strength and pushes himself up the wall. Too weak to step forward, he leans his head back. “It’s too late. Saying it now doesn’t change anything.”
“Just because I didn’t say it, doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it.” Her lip quivers as she looks up to him, her voice cracking as her sob bubbles out. “I want everything we talked about. I want to marry you, and have children, and grow old together.”
Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1) Page 27
